I'm Starting To Feel Like An ATM

[WaiGuoRen]

Hello All:

I'm an American male living and teaching in Hong Kong. I'm 48 years old, fit, and not bad looking I suppose. During a recent holiday in Cebu I met a 32-year-old filipina I'll call S. She is the mother of a young daughter. Where and how we met may be of some significance, but I'd rather focus on the person right now.

We went off for a week to a quiet island resort and had a great time together. Upon returning to Cebu, where she lives, I got to meet her family and her 7-year-old daughter. Their circumstances are not the best, as is often the case in the Philippines, but I felt that I fit right into her life while there. I was particularly affected by the little girl. On the occasions when we went out to eat or whatever, she would take my hand as we walked. It was around this time that S and I professed our love for each other. Understand that I'm not motivated by pity here. S has a real spark to her, a liveliness and sense of fun so different from the Chinese girls I've now. I really wanted this girl in my life.

The down side is that I'm suspicious and can't quite bring myself to trust S is because of her frequent requests for money for this or that necessary expense. Recently she asked for 3500 pesos and I wired her 8500. Her gratitude seemed sincere, but after not hearing from her for a few days, she told me last night that she had been robbed of both that money and her pay as she was making her way home in a jeepney late at night. Now today, it's money to pay the water bill and confirmation clothes for her daughter!

I understand that these girls have been conditioned by less-than-sincere foreigners, and I'm trying to make her understand that I'm a stand-up guy who might even be willing to marry her. Now that she is in my life, I'm willing to fight the good fight and work hard to understand her culture--and to make her understand that she has do the same for me so that we can meet halfway. She knows that I can give her a much better life, but she doesn't seem to understand that she is going to push me away if she keeps this up. How I've been putting it to her is this: I tell her with emphasis that love is trust, so I'll help her out.

Yes, there are types that you come across in some forums: the gold digger, the green card hunter. I refuse to believe that it's purely that she's after my money. We do have a good relationship otherwise.

So, I'd like to know from someone what cultural considerations there are, and where might the line be between being a fool and simply wanting to help. Finally, how to proceed with S? Is it tough love time?

Thanks!

[kimmi]

hi Waiguoren,

firstly welcome to the forum..I am sorry to hear about ur situation with Ms. S but I guess since u have met her already u urself can attest if she is trustworthy or sincere in everything she's saying..Though U cant really say the real attitude of a person unless u are living with them on one roof..

IMHO, it will be better if u get to know each other better before u send money again to her in the future..There's nothing wrong in helping the one u love if u knew they really needs it, but if u feel something is wrong then its up to u to decide whether u still wanted to continue giving her or not..:Erm:

[Pepe n Pilar]

Hi Waiguoren, welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear about this. Your story is somewhat common. Maybe this girl you have met and fancied hasn't thought of you as the Mr. Right. She might be thinking only of her present financial situation and never thought of you considering her as your future wife to be (i may say). This is one of the reasons why some foreigners think that filipinas are only after their money. Some filipinas are really down on debts and they are really hard up. You may also consider her financial standing (for awhile) and observe if this will go on. You're the only person who can conclude whatever this girl is up for. If there's no love for you, and she is only after your money then please open your eyes. There are filipinas who are not so rich but they are so ashamed or reluctant to tell about their financial status. If they can do something about it they will and not just ask from a stranger. Imagine she is asking from you money to pay her water bill? People living in classy subdivisions pay at least P2K so if she needs that then she is living in a classy place? Or if the amount reaches that much and can't afford to pay....:doh:doh

[WaiGuoRen]

A correction by WeiGuoRen:
S has a real spark to her, a liveliness and sense of fun so different from the Chinese girls I've now.

I meant " . . . Chinese girls I've known."

[joebloggs]

I got to meet her family and her 7-year-old daughter. Their circumstances are not the best, as is often the case in the Philippines, but I felt that I fit right into her life while there. I was particularly affected by the little girl. On the occasions when we went out to eat or whatever, she would take my hand as we walked.

well having a 7yr old daughter myself, you can be sure that her 7yr old daughter is sincere.:rolleyes:

as for frequent request for money,are your being used or scammed?, scammed i don't think so, she would not have let you meet her daughter and family.many see europeans and americans as well off, and in terms of pay many are.

does she work? does she live with her family ? you must be able to have a rough idea of what her money bills are, like most british guys on here, we sent our g/f money, and i'm sure not all of it was for the purpose we were told :D

you say you may want to marry her, if you can afford the money then don't let the money become a problem, keep it under control, i'm sure life is difficult for a single mother, unlike the uk and usa there is no state benefit system.

[winner]

if there no trust there walk away this down to you we can only give you advice but the end of the day this is down to you a true filipna will never ask for money when only just meeting you thay be to ashmed you say she full of life and fun all filipnas are but thay never tell you there problems untill thay know ou well and there is a future for the two of you

[PeterB]

Indeed, doubts are part and parcel of any ldr, particularly between a westerner and a filipina, where money will frequently be the issue.

About 3 days before my second visit, I was woken at 3am in the UK with an urgent request for P25k to (part)pay for a Caesarian op for sister-in-law. I found that a difficult time - particularly being disoriented by the early wakening. Yes, I did send the money, and little Jarrell is now 7 months old. Without the op he, his mother, or both, would almost certainly not have survived.

Life is tough for most filipinos, and money is always in short supply. Most filipinos live on utang. However, unlike westerners, who borrow money because they want a bigger, better, faster, car, or the latest plasma tv, a filipino borrows money for the absolute essentials of life.

If you believe in your relationship with this girl, and you can afford the money, then go ahead and send it.

As for my story ... I have now left the UK - sold up everything there - in order to live in Phils, and I marry my filipina this coming Saturday!

[KeithD]

Simple:
Give her bugger all for a few weeks, tell her money is tight at the moment your end. If she loves you in anyway, she'll hang around. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[aromulus]

The down side is that I'm suspicious and can't quite bring myself to trust S is because of her frequent requests for money for this or that necessary expense. Recently she asked for 3500 pesos and I wired her 8500. Her gratitude seemed sincere, but after not hearing from her for a few days, she told me last night that she had been robbed of both that money and her pay as she was making her way home in a jeepney late at night. Now today, it's money to pay the water bill and confirmation clothes for her daughter!
Thanks!

Not so long ago it was posted on this forum, by a member, that his wife had been robbed at gun point.

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=5655&highlight=jeepney

Let's face it, it happens in the Philippines like it happens in Paduka, Ohio.
So nothing strange there apart from the shock the panic, the scare, and the relief of being still alive and in one piece.

Give the lady the benefit of the doubt for now, and find out slowly what her precise intentions in regard to the LDR are.
Keep a tight rein on the money for a while, profess some hardship or the other, IRS or what have you... to check wether she is treating you like her personal banker or otherwise.
If she mentioned her "pay", it might not be all lost on your front, it could be a genuine claim, as Pinays are extremely good at budgeting the home finances and she is panicking because the Confirmation or First communion clothes for the child are of paramount importance to her.
And if it is true, the clothes will have been made to order,(and awaiting payment on collection) to show family pride in the child's most important day. And if so, they won't cost a cent less than a couple of thousand pesos.
To re-iterate....
Give her a chance or three, just enough rope .. so that she might hang herself with... or not, which ever is the case.

Most important tho....
Go back there and talk face to face with her..... Besides it will come useful as proof of relationship...
Nothing beats that....

Good luck.
Welcome aboard

[andypaul]

Not so long ago it was posted on this forum, by a member, that his wife had been robbed at gun point.

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=5655&highlight=jeepney

Let's face it, it happens in the Philippines like it happens in Paduka, Ohio.
So nothing strange there apart from the shock the panic, the scare, and the relief of being still alive and in one piece.

Give the lady the benefit of the doubt for now, and find out slowly what her precise intentions in regard to the LDR are.
Keep a tight rein on the money for a while, profess some hardship or the other, IRS or what have you... to check wether she is treating you like her personal banker or otherwise.
If she mentioned her "pay", it might not be all lost on your front, it could be a genuine claim, as Pinays are extremely good at budgeting the home finances and she is panicking because the Confirmation or First communion clothes for the child are of paramount importance to her.
And if it is true, the clothes will have been made to order,(and awaiting payment on collection) to show family pride in the child's most important day. And if so, they won't cost a cent less than a couple of thousand pesos.
To re-iterate....
Give her a chance or three, just enough rope .. so that she might hang herself with... or not, which ever is the case.

Most important tho....
Go back there and talk face to face with her..... Besides it will come useful as proof of relationship...
Nothing beats that....

Good luck.
Welcome aboard

Some puka advice there its better to send a little money to see what happens far cheaper than a P.I.

[baboyako]

...and I marry my filipina this coming Saturday!

good luck there Peter :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[andypaul]

Indeed, doubts are part and parcel of any ldr, particularly between a westerner and a filipina, where money will frequently be the issue.

About 3 days before my second visit, I was woken at 3am in the UK with an urgent request for P25k to (part)pay for a Caesarian op for sister-in-law. I found that a difficult time - particularly being disoriented by the early wakening. Yes, I did send the money, and little Jarrell is now 7 months old. Without the op he, his mother, or both, would almost certainly not have survived.

Life is tough for most filipinos, and money is always in short supply. Most filipinos live on utang. However, unlike westerners, who borrow money because they want a bigger, better, faster, car, or the latest plasma tv, a filipino borrows money for the absolute essentials of life.

If you believe in your relationship with this girl, and you can afford the money, then go ahead and send it.

As for my story ... I have now left the UK - sold up everything there - in order to live in Phils, and I marry my filipina this coming Saturday!

Congrats to you both and i must from what i have read say you don't hang about:D

[chino]

My GF has also been robbed :( it's not uncommon like everyone has said though it's only happened once and if it happened again i would be thinking something is not right....

[aromulus]

My GF has also been robbed :( it's not uncommon like everyone has said though it's only happened once and if it happened again i would be thinking something is not right....

The only things that are guaranteed not to strike twice at the same place are lightnings and death...:omg:

Everything else, in my view, can be classified as statistics....

In the immortal words of Forrest Gump.....

"Poo happens".....:bigcry:

[WaiGuoRen]

Thanks, everyone. The advice has been solid. I wouldn't have any place to turn otherwise. Friends would think I've gone bonkers if I told them this story.

About S, she lives with her daughter, mom and brother. There are numerous relatives about and she seems to know everybody. She isn't working right now. She left her job not long after we met, which I'm not unhappy about. (I won't elaborate.)

So, of course, she needs money. But what I find bothersome are the few instances in which motives were at best disingenous. For example, auntie needs 500 pesos; she'll pay you back tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, no mention of the 500 pesos. Then, the next day, I hear Auntie used the money to buy asthma medicine for brother, etc. If someone needs medicine, they could simply say so. Is this sort of mini-scam a way of saving face? Little instances like this have a cumulative effect of breeding mistrust.

I've taken on a lot with S. I'm going back down there at the end of this month to see her for four days. I have both to keep a little faith and my mouth shut for a while. I'm willing to work at this and give it some time. If it does work, I'd consider a move to Philippines.

And yes, good luck, PeterB and your soon-to-be wife!

[fred]

I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her with money after that story..But then that is easy for me to say considering that I am not emotionally involved.
We see situations like this on a regular basis (in our apartment building) with certain girls getting mugged at least twice a month to raise more cash from their boyfriends/husbands so that they can lavish their real lovers with little luxuries etc.
If you have her investigated,you are almost sure to find out that there was no robbery and you may well find out a whole lot more too..
At the very least have her story checked out at the Police station that dealt with this "complaint".
Im sorry to be so blunt but I do believe you are either dating a scammer or just someone that thinks that you have so much cash that it wont make any difference to you anyway.
Its nothing to do with culture..Just bad up bringing.
If I am wrong then that would be great..I truly hope that I am.

[chino]

aromulus - very true (saying that i am sure that many people have been hit by lightning) :)

Fred you cannot have this view on anyone who gets robbed do you?

[aromulus]

I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her with money after that story..But then that is easy for me to say considering that I am not emotionally involved.
We see situations like this on a regular basis (in our apartment building) with certain girls getting mugged at least twice a month to raise more cash from their boyfriends/husbands so that they can lavish their real lovers with little luxuries etc.
If you have her investigated,you are almost sure to find out that there was no robbery and you may well find out a whole lot more too..
At the very least have her story checked out at the Police station that dealt with this "complaint".
Im sorry to be so blunt but I do believe you are either dating a scammer or just someone that thinks that you have so much cash that it wont make any difference to you anyway.
Its nothing to do with culture..Just bad up bringing.
If I am wrong then that would be great..I truly hope that I am.

As you probably have realized, Fred, I am usually very suspicious about various claims of dubious hardship.
But in this case, for now, I would be willing to give a little more rope.
As long as no more money changes hands for a while, just to see where it leads.
For some strange reason I cannot sense the red flags waving in the wind at the moment. But as it has often been the case, I could well be wrong in the assumption.

[IanB]

My gf was robbed too - while walking along the street after collecting money at Western Union. Muggers are not random - they spot people with cash and target them. From that day onwards, if I send her money, her neighbour takes her to WU on a motorbike and they go straight home together.

Ian

[baboyako]

No robberies here.. but I've had the money for medicine, money for milk powder, money for field trip, money for prom clothes, even sat at the dinner table and someone told me they had only a few months to live & needed a new kidney :rolleyes:

You need to draw the line somewhere, and don't accept the 'but its my cousin' crap.

Next time try the cellphone test -'why dont you sell your cellphone & get a nokia 1100, then give them that money'...

You will find out :censored: with an earful of abuse that the medicine isn't so important..

[Mrs.JMajor]

Simple:
Give her bugger all for a few weeks, tell her money is tight at the moment your end. If she loves you in anyway, she'll hang around. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

i second the motion:xxgrinning--00xx3:.....and just to make my words as short coz most members says their opinions...i dont believe she loves you dont get hurt for what i said but we real filipina who loves our man ...for sure many filipina members will agree to me...we never or rather we didnt asked for money :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

:cwm24:

don't mention money to me :cwm24:


for a few years i must have kept the philippine economy going :doh

like others on here, i had requests for money for nearly everything, a few times i thought i was being scammed :yikes:, maybe used is the right word, most of what she told me, looking back now, was true, but i can't see how she spent all the money i sent her over the years, as she did'nt spend it on herself, i've got an idea where most of it went or should i say who to :NoNo:...

but it can be a bottomless pit :yikes:, best thing i did was marry her, and send her out to work, funny now she moans and limits what we send to the phils each month now :icon_lol:

:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[fred]

As you probably have realized, Fred, I am usually very suspicious about various claims of dubious hardship.
But in this case, for now, I would be willing to give a little more rope.
As long as no more money changes hands for a while, just to see where it leads.
For some strange reason I cannot sense the red flags waving in the wind at the moment. But as it has often been the case, I could well be wrong in the assumption.

Aromolus..

As I say..I hope you are right,its just that I have seen and heard so many bogus robbery reports just lately that it makes me very sceptical.
Today we had one of our tenants come back from overseas from a 6 month trip and kicked his GF out without notice. This girl has been held up 3 times in the last 2 months and he has had to repay all the rent money that she used to replace all the stolen phones plus the 4 months unpaid utility bills etc. This is not an isolated case example.


Fred you cannot have this view on anyone who gets robbed do you?I did believe one girl here once that was mugged whilst walking out alone at gone 10.00 pm..(not advisable)
She was visibly shaken and the holduppers hand prints were still on her arms .She also asked me to take her to the Police station to file a report..

[WaiGuoRen]

On the way home from work today I was feeling annoyed about her asking for money a second time--after the robbery. She was due to call at 7 to make arrangements for the following day at Western Union. I solicited the advice of a couple of friends beforehand, one more experienced in these matter than the other. Both said to leave her. I impulsively called and canceled my airline tickets for later this month.

When I spoke to her I told her that what was going on didn't feel right, that it wasn't working out between us. She immediately put on her tough girl demeanor, but this quickly fell away and she began to cry, but still saying she didn't need me. And right away I went to butter, soon assuring her how much I loved her (absolutely true). Then we had one of our heartfelt talks. I can only accept her feelings as genuine. I assured her that I would still be coming down to see her later this month.

Now I have to reinstate my canceled airline tickets to get down there. It still may not seem quite right, but I cannot doubt her feelings for me. And now I've asked to marry me and she has accepted. I want everything to be settled between so that we can be together.

As you can imagine, all of this is driving me nuts. If she could find a job, waiting tables or whatever, I'd gladly make up the difference so that she and her family could get by. It's all of these requests--and my not knowing what is going on--that get to me. I know some of you might say I shouldn't be so mistrustful of her. Though I feel like I'm constantly teetering between the two sides, I have to find some way to trust her for now. It seems that I don't have a choice.

[Deejay]

:cwm24:

don't mention money to me :cwm24:


for a few years i must have kept the philippine economy going :doh

like others on here, i had requests for money for nearly everything, a few times i thought i was being scammed :yikes:, maybe used is the right word, most of what she told me, looking back now, was true, but i can't see how she spent all the money i sent her over the years, as she did'nt spend it on herself, i've got an idea where most of it went or should i say who to :NoNo:...

but it can be a bottomless pit :yikes:, best thing i did was marry her, and send her out to work, funny now she moans and limits what we send to the phils each month now :icon_lol:

:xxgrinning--00xx3:

this has a certain ring of truth to it , that its amazing :P

[joebloggs]

ring of truth, its the whole truth and nothing but the truth :D

as for scams , those who didn't watch

"to catch a love rat", both parts are on the ITV website

part 1 was on ITV 1 on the 11/02/2008

and

part 2 was on ITV 1 on the 15/02/2008

http://www.itv.com/Watchnow/CatchUp/default.html

as mentioned in a different post :NoNo:

those little :censored::furious3::angry::cwm23:

[WaiGuoRen]

Yeah, I'm going to take a few pages from joebloggs book and go for it. I wouldn't know what I'd do if I hadn't found this place. Maybe it's wrong, maybe it won't work out, I don't know. It's a throw of the dice, but I have to pursue this.

[PeterB]

A few things here ....
First of all, the average filipino/filipina will 'reallocate' funds according to where the most urgent demand is coming from.

Secondly, it is not unusual in their the culture that a single filipina will give up her job (and move back home to parents, if she'd been living away) when a meaningful relationship starts.

Filipinas are tough - they will get by, somehow, with, or without, you - with, or without, your money. However, if the relationship is genuine, a filipina will be devoted to you for life.

I think that you are doing the right thing ... go back to see her again - a second visit can 'cement' a relationship. It won't necessarily remove all doubts, but it should bring you closer. I wish you both all the best.

[ginapeterb]

This is of course the all too familiar story as such is life in the Philippines

Utang Utang Utang, how would they ever cope with life without it, like so many have indicated, many young ladies would never survive without the availability of Utang, and then they owe so much money for the basic essentials in life, they have to have a nice ATM machine to put the balance sheet back to normal.

When a foreigner tells me he feels like an ATM Machine, I always say, Welcome on board

Urgent requests for cash injections are a common feature of most Kano - Filipina or Brit-Filipina relationships, the simple math tells you that one of the parties to that relationship is generally poor, the other is reasonable rich by Filipino standards.

It would be unfair to stereo type all Filipina's into the same pidgeon hole and say that they are all after an ATM Machine to put right their financial lifestyle, however, as Miss Gina often volunteers to me when we chat about this subject:

"If a girl is poor, naturally, she would seek a boyfriend, or future husband who can take care of her, and finance her, why would she struggle through life, if she has good looks, is sweet, and can make a man happy"

For girls with young children or young child as in this case, she has to think of not just herself but also her daughter's future, if she met a nice kano, and he is good to her, she may reason that her chances of a better life has increased and that she would pursue the situation vigorously, she naturally assumes that since he is rich, her requests for some financial help are not unreasonable, assuming of course that a sexual relationship is in place, after all, thats the sort of thing her boyfriend would be doing, if he was a Filipino.

The problem with the story about being robbed of the money at Western Union, is also quite a common story, it can of course happen, robbers do loiter about at Western Union offices, and know that girls coming out, are generally picking up money from remittances sent.

In this case, its very hard to know if this story is true or false, I have sent money via western union over a 2 year period and never once did Miss Gina tell me that she had been robbed of the money and I had to replace it.

So i am somewhat sceptical of this young ladies story, it can happen, but it seems to happening more and more.

I was only remarking this morning to Miss Gina when we discussed this story that if I dated a girl here in UK, I doubt whether she would be asking me for £70.00 to pay her water bill after a week of dating her, I suppose its unlikely also that she would be asking me for £100.00 for confirmation clothes for her daughter either.

This is the dilemma for most western guys, whilst they expect to pay out some amounts of money, often they are unable to cope with the frequent life threatening requests for financial assistance that seem to follow the minute after they become comfortable with a girl, this is the reality of life in the Philippines.

And I can tell this guy now, it doesn't stop here right now, it goes on and on and on forever, I once had a conversation with the wife of a very good friend of mine, she is also Filipino.

One day we were all in the car and I asked her "XXX when does the remittances and urgent requests stop ?"

She said to me "It never stops Pete, it goes on and on and on, and quite frankly, sometimes, it sucks !"

Well I was kind of shocked, that she would use that phrase, in other words, she understood that people in the Philippines were depending on her, but sometime she just thought, I need a break from this, but of course a break never comes.

So for this guy, once you start down this path, be prepared, because this never stops, there will always be something that needs attending to, and yes it will come out of your hard earned money, and anyway,

What are you for but if not to pay !

Best of Luck...Pete always tells it as it is....he doesnt complain, he simply accepts the reality of life.

[fred]

Pete..In actual fact it does stop.
It stops when you decide to say "Sorry,no more".


The Mrs stopped the drain on our expenses when she realised that sending her family money was not actually doing them any good.
We tried to think of ways to help by giving them opportunities to work and so we went over and helped them finance small businesses..
This proved useless and each business went under with very little explanation..Only excuses.
My wife felt a bit guilty for the first 6 months of not sending cash but after that period she began to say "stuff them".. That was 15 years ago .
We sent money to help some of the kids with education etc and sent a balikbayan box for Christmas but that was it..
If any of them need money these days they know they will have to work for it at local wages and we no longer get these requests.. Which is nice..
Sorry,I lie..My brother in law came to visit 3 weeks back and asked for 1,000 PHP. I gave him some paint brushes,a roller and 3 gallons of paint and asked him to redecorate one of our one bedroom units..
In all fairness he did a good job in only 2 days.
Most Filipinas living abroad expect that their families will grow to hate them if regular funds are withdrawn..
We have found that the opposite is the case. They show us more respect now than they ever did.

[kimmi]

I also used western union and luckily I havent robbed there..:Erm::Erm::doh

being a filipina,or as a woman because I dont like to say this things are common to a filipina I dont think asking money at an early days of a relationship is proper..:NoNo::NoNo:

And with regards to the so called familiar life story in the Philippines - I agree and understand that in one way or another, but of course we should learn to say NO and when to stop it..:furious3::furious3:

I remember a saying,"Teach a person how to fish so he can fish for himself rather than giving him the fish all his life..":rolleyes:

[Mrs.JMajor]

I also used western union and luckily I havent robbed there..:Erm::Erm::doh

being a filipina,or as a woman because I dont like to say this things are common to a filipina I dont think asking money at an early days of a relationship is proper..:NoNo::NoNo:

And with regards to the so called familiar life story in the Philippines - I agree and understand that in one way or another, but of course we should learn to say NO and when to stop it..:furious3::furious3:

I remember a saying,"Teach a person how to fish so he can fish for himself rather than giving him the fish all his life..":rolleyes:


:xxgrinning--00xx3: nice words kimmi

[joebloggs]

:xxgrinning--00xx3: bang on fred.

you really have to watch it doesn't get out of control, and for many years it did with me, i wouldn't like to say what i sent:cwm24: to her over the years, but like i said before most of it couldn't have been spent by my misses, shes never been into buying clothes or jewellry.. i know much of it must have gone to certain members of her family who put emotional pressure on her with sob stories to send them money.. but they don't ask any more after we explained to them the cost of living here and with 2 kids..

i don't mind if it's a matter of life and death, i will send money to them, but my wife thinks the same as yours now fred, that we where justed being taken advantage of. we send her aunt money for rent, food etc, becuase we owe her for the years she gave up her life to look after our daughter..

so keep it under control or say "NO" like fred says. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[fred]

I remember a saying,"Teach a person how to fish so he can fish for himself rather than giving him the fish all his life..The problem is that you teach them to fish and they borrow money from the Bombay to buy a fishing banka and some brand new fishing nets..
They then go fishing , sell the fish and have a blow out in SM to celebrate and spend the following week avoiding the nasty little Bombay collector.
Then someone gets sick so they mortgage the boat and sell the nets.
Then they go looking for a new fishing instructor as the last one was obviously inadequate.

[WaiGuoRen]

My girl actually didn't claim she'd been robbed outside the WU; she claimed that it was late at night on her way home from the bar where she no works. I tend to be skeptical about the story, but the odd thing is, even if this is a lie, I somehow think that she believes she loves me. I don't know what it is, old habits dying hard, or what. Maybe after the several failed relationships with foreigners, she has love affairs with the proviso that she will take whatever she can. If she is faking her feelings for me, then she ought to head to Hollywood where an Oscar could be in the offing. Has anyone had a similar experience?

[eljean]

if she was robbed she would tell you right away...:NoNo:maybe she was busy spending that money...most of the case in the phils the alibis are to obvious...just like what admin said if she care she would hang around with you even if you dont send money at all...:)

[Mrs.JMajor]

well i guess theres some members here on the forum feeling they are also atm like you i will mention daveuk story its been headlines and turn into 5 pages (i wonder how is he now) but your story sometime cant be like him(hope so) just carry on for while coz i did straight forward said to daveuk story its a scam and at the end ...yeah! im right...but in your story i can feel a little chance of true feeling from her..its just maybe the reason really is phil are really that poor the reason shes asking financial support from you..

anyway i wish u good luck,i know u love her that much ...so carry on and keep in touch also do visit to her (here in pi)to know her situation

[fred]

Waiguoren.

Bar you say? What kind of bar?
As you say,it may have some significance.

[WaiGuoRen]

Yes, what kind of bar it was has some significance. I'll leave it to your imagination, and only add that I didn't have to pay to go out with her. I have to give this girl a chance. The last payment sent to WU will be it for a while to see she if she stays with me and our relationship strengthens. If it works out, it is entirely possible that I will marry her and move to Cebu. I will see her a second time next week when I'll be in Cebu for 5 days. I hope that this helps to move our relationship to surer ground, that she can see that I'm as serious as I've said I am. Maybe I'm fooling myself in all of this, maybe it's onward to the rocks. I can't be sure of anything. I just have this unmistakable sense that there is something special going on between us.

[WaiGuoRen]

It seems that I have three options:

1. Cut off the money and see if she stays around.

2. Wait until she crosses herself up (the least attractive, of course, since it would mean a basic, long-running mistrust on my part.)

3. Simply sit down with her, look her in the eye, tell her that I've invested a lot of my feelings in her, and that she should tell me if she's not been honest with me at times, before there is more hurt. I'd even be willing to forgive her if she came clean in the right way, and showed me that her heart was in the right place. (I doubt this would work. At this stage she would just get defensive.)

[aromulus]

Yes, what kind of bar it was has some significance.

I have started to have serious misgivings about all this...:NoNo: The bar work bit is a worrying aspect.
Yup, cut the funds for a while... as in niente, nada, zilch.

Going for 5 days, huh...? Good, excellent, but it Doesn't sound enough time for much, as soon as you get over the jet lag, it will be time to leave and everything will have happened too fast...:NoNo:

The bar work is a sticky subject...
I don't know if Keith, Peter or Rob remember, but in the olden days of ASAWA the GRO (bar girls) posts attracted the most controversial arguments.
Suffice to say that most of them will start the job as a real necessity to help the family, and then cannot get out...
But I don't want to go there.... I hate abuse of any sort.:cwm23:

Well.... meet the lady again, discuss what's to be discussed, don't flash too much cash, plead poverty and see if she is still interested in you if you are nearly indigent...:rolleyes:
Let us know what the final decision is....

[ginapeterb]

Hi Fred, an interesting perspective on life in the Philippines, I think though I was asserting to generalize the reality of the situation for people who might be less able to literally switch off the tap through many reasons, such as emotional pressure, i.e. "We educated you, we helped you, when you needed us, and now we need you, kind of scenario.

I have a certain amount of sympathy with what you have said, but its not always easy to take that action, I agree with one thing though, if you give a man a fish he will feed himself for a day.

If you give him a fishing rod, he will feed himself for a week.

That kind of sums up what you have said.

[KeithD]

Simple. Don't switch the tap on, just surprise them with the odd financial gift.

[WaiGuoRen]

s

[tomm]

Over the course of time I've come across some really convincing stories, on one occasion, even an email from an employer vouching for the girls honesty. A few weeks later, the employer emailed me again saying she was sorry for misleading me but she had been duped by the girl.

Be careful with your wallet... and heart :rolleyes:

[kimmi]

Over the course of time I've come across some really convincing stories, on one occasion, even an email from an employer vouching for the girls honesty. A few weeks later, the employer emailed me again saying she was sorry for misleading me but she had been duped by the girl.



:omg::omg::Erm::NoNo:

[ginapeterb]

I just read a very interesting typical Thai-Falang story on one of the other forums, its Phuket Info, this guy is an Aussie and he met a bar girl in BKK and then stayed with him for 12 nights, she provided good service for 12 nights, and he was obviously all smiles.

Now she wants 20,000 baht a month to go back to Korat and not work bar, that is to keep her 2 kids, her Momma and Pappa, and she told him he can call every day to make sure she is there and not working bar.

Throw in the sick Caribao, and what do you have ?

A Story that has been told a million times, and will be told another million times.

Falangs and foreigners are ATM Machines, and that situation will never change.

[rabb5it]

Waiguren

Most Filipina you meet will be scammers born & bred, well rehearsed & trained to extort money at every available opportunity.

Most Filipinos won’t work if they can scam some money, would rather sit about eating, getting fat & playing with their expensive cell phones.

The Philippines should be top of the world novel writing. There must be more stories made up there than the rest of the world put together. In fact I’m sure they’d win the biggest liar in the world contest similar to the UK contest held in Wasdale each year.

You sound a nice guy in a dilemma. I visit HK frequently. Where did you meet her then? It may be significant. If you want to contact me directly please leave your email add by contacting my ebay site rabb5it & I’ll reply to you.

You are too closely emotionally involved. Take a step back, look at it objectively

[rabb5it]

Waiguren

Fred tells it as it is. Most Filipina you meet will be scammers born & bred, well rehearsed & trained to extort money at every available opportunity.

Most Filipinos won’t work if they can scam some money, would rather sit about eating, getting fat & playing with their expensive cell phones.

You sound a nice guy in a dilemma. I visit HK frequently. Where did you meet her then? It may be significant. If you want to contact me directly please leave your email add by contacting my ebay site rabb5it & I’ll reply to you.

The Philippines should be top of the world novel writing. There must be more stories made up there than the rest of the world put together. In fact I’m sure they’d win the biggest liar in the world contest similar to the UK contest held in Wasdale each year.

[WaiGuoRen]

I'll post next after I get back from Cebu, Monday, 3/3. I've learned one interesting bit of information recently: there is no divorce law in the Philippines. A couple can have a marriage annulled but only with the mutual consent of both parties, which I've heard is rare. Now though this is the law, according to Wikipedia, in a country as lose as the Philippines, I suppose anything is possible if the right palms are greased.

My girl claims she is divorced, and refers to her former partner as her ex-husband. If she is still married, then of course she cannot marry me as she has said she is willing to do. I'm calling Cebu City Hall tomorrow to see if I can find out what her status is.

Anyone have experience in this area, or heard something?

Thanks.

Wikipedia Article:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_and_divorce_around_the_world#Philippines

[KeithD]

No divorce at all in the Phil, it's not written into law, but annulments are common, just search on here.

[SpongeBob]

I hope you didn't meet this girl in Wanchai where almost every Filipina I met has a drama.

[fred]

Fred tells it as it is. Most Filipina you meet will be scammers born & bred, well rehearsed & trained to extort money at every available opportunity.

Fred said nothing of the kind!
Why did you decide to misquote me in such a manner?

[kimmi]

maybe there's other Fred here than the Fred we knew..?

[WaiGuoRen]

Hello All:

I've returned from the five-day visit I mentioned above. I might bore some with the details, but others of you might be interested in the outcome.

Last Thursday morning, and after not communicating with S the day before, I arrived at my pension in Cebu one hour later than expected after many delays in travel. She was there in the lobby, and when she saw me, latched onto me with ferocity and began sobbing, saying that she had thought I wouldn't come. This welcome from her melted any doubt I had. I was so happy to see her like this that I nearly cried myself.

The next few days were spent in Cebu, with a trip to the beach on Saturday with her family. I, of course, paid for everything but didn't mind; I didn't mind spending money on her or her family so long as I know that it's going for the good. I went downtown with her and her daughter where I bought shoes for the little girl and a new outfit for S. I'd also brought a cell phone with me from HK to give to S, since she had always been relying on using Mom's for calls.

There were no big demands for pesos, just a few hundred here and there. S. mom at one point, though, asked for a "loan" of a few thousand to get her food stand going again. I felt that S and I were on a new footing when she seemed to advise against this due to her mother's previous lack of thrift. In general, I seemed to be her confidant in personal and family matters.

On the last day she accompanied me to the airport where we spent a few hours together before my flight. As with my departure the previous month, we were both very sad and at times tearful. In the airport restaurant, I slipped her 4500 pesos. I felt the need to give it to her because she was no longer working in the bar, as far as I knew, and had no apparent source of income. I gave her a little extra too, since she wanted to stay another night at the pension instead of dealing with her family in her sad state (she'd claimed that she'd cried for hours after we parted the month before). And, after all, she'd been good about not asking for much on this visit. Now, I wonder if this was a ploy on her part after sensing my impatience last time. (I guess now you can see where this is going.)

When we parted, she appeared less distraught than I was. I told her I'd call her once back in Hong Kong. I did, at around 11:30 PM, and found that she was at her cousins' house for "just for one beer." I heard a shaking sound close by and knew that there was some sort of gambling going on (I'd seen this shaker used at the cousins' before). She didn't have much to say, asked briefly about my trip, and was anxious to get off the phone. Was she in the middle of a game?

The next day I called and asked if she'd made it to the pension all right that night. She said, yes, that she had a restful night there. She denied that she'd been gambling the night before, saying that she was just watching the game. I had doubts about this, as I've had doubts about the robbery (see above), various requests to wire money, etc.

I had the telephone number of the pension, which I called, and discovered that she hadn't spent the night. A trivial lie, yes, but still a lie. Why would she bother? If she'd told me she'd gone home instead, I wouldn't have cared; it would mean that she would have a little more money to take care of herself. This chink in the veneer caused all that labored trust to fall away instantly.

Last night we spoke again on the phone. She seemed a little domineering. Was this because she had gained confidence by getting money from me without even asking? Now, she was a real pro. This assessment accords with the few days after I'd wired the 8000 or so pesos and didn't hear from her, despite a few messages left on Mom's phone, for four days--until the supposed robbery and another request for money.

Somewhere, maybe in another forum, I conjectured that a bar girl--yes, I met her in a bar, as I said before--might see an opportunity come when it would be in her best interest to be honest and forthright, but now I can see these are relative terms here. I don't think S knows how to be honest and forthright with a foreigner. I said before that my attraction to her was not out of pity; she is a smart, lively, fun and beautiful girl. Now, I do pity her. I'm not angry with her; the money isn't important. I'm just :censored: [Admin: This is a 'family' & public forum, please do not bypass the swear filter in the future] heartbroken.:bigcry: I'm angry at myself for my need. I tried so hard to believe her, to believe that love would shine through and make everything right.

A few days into the visit, I went with S to her cousins' place. As I stood there leaning against a post, I took in the seven or eight dirty, scantily dressed kids ogling me and laughing, the adults gambling at a broken-down table, the trash and chickens in the yard of packed earth: I thought, how the hell can these people save themselves? Unconsciously, I didn't see S in the same way. She was here, in it, but not part of it somehow.

Today I changed my cell phone number. I know from the last time I tried to break it off that she wouldn't listen to what I had to say, take it as an affront and wall herself off in anger. I will try to write a letter in a few days.

Thanks, to everyone who's offered good advice, even those who, like myself had faith. After all this, now I know.

PS: About the "what kind of bar" question above, I met S in a bikini dancing bar. She wasn't dancing that night, and could leave early if she wanted. Later, after returning to Cebu from our stay at a resort, she told me she couldn't return to work because some sort of fee had to be paid by either her or me. It wasn't until I'd returned to HK that a friend told me that this was a "bar fine." S was a prostitute by any other name. But by this time I was already in love with her, and I assumed she was with me.

[WaiGuoRen]

I just thought of this: perhaps Mom and S where playing "good cop/bad cop?"

Boy, now I'm feeling very clever.

[Mrs.JMajor]

Gosh,i feel sorry bout it wai......:bigcry: but don't get hopeless .. i'm sure you will recover from that pain and u can find better than her,who will love you honestly ...good luck ! keep posting on the forum....you will be fine soon,i'm sure of it

[fred]

Sorry to hear that.
A lot of guys would continue to send money regardless..
I hope you dont.
Fred.

[ginapeterb]

Hello Wai

Your story is kind of typical to stories I hear most weeks of the year, so S is a bar girl ? what's new ?

Seasoned Foreigners who ply the route to the Philippines will always chuckle and lament on the fact they know it could happen to just about anyone, guys continue to go out to the Philippines and fall in love with a bar girl.

In the last 25 to 30 years that guys have been going out with bar girls, I cannot remember anyone ever mentioning on internet, that they found a girl with a sign on their head, saying

"Pick me I'm wife material"

The fact that you arrived in country and she almost had a heart attack cos you managed to show up, shows that she probably did not think you were so gullible as to show up.

I presume the sex was great with her, so you had a few days, saw her daughter, I bet the kid was cute, you were nice, in that you bought the little girl a few things, nothing wrong with that, a nice gesture.

Then the Mother starts asking for a few thousand to prop up her already crumbling sari sari store, probably wants the money to continue her Majong habit, thats the noise you heard when you called S, they were probably gambling on Majong a game played by lots of the D and E classes in the Philippines.

And to be honest, Cebu is famous for lots of people hanging around in shanty alley ways, with nothing to look forward to, they are hungry, scantily clothed and the poorest people on the earth, not much above the people of Darfur region.

Its amazing that you did not click that the money she has to pay to the bar owner for you to take her out of the bar was in fact a bar fine, you should read my very helpful website information on:

the bar girls of the Philippines at http:www.british-filipino.com/bargirl.html

This kind of re-enforces some of the matters you have discussed, and will kind of put everything into perspective for you.



I had the telephone number of the pension, which I called, and discovered that she hadn't spent the night. A trivial lie, yes, but still a lie.

Surprise surprise !! hahahahahahahaha


It may also help you to actually feel comfortable and not take what happened as personal, remember, these girls do this for a living, and having sex is a bodily act that they get paid for.

Bar Girl priorities.


Money
Gold Objects
Food for Her
Sleeping
Money to send for her Children
Money to send for her Filipino husband/boyfreind
Money to send for her Mother/Father Grandfather/Grandmother.
Siblings other relatives
Other Filipinos
The Caribou ( Like a water Buffalo)
Any dogs, cats or other pets.
Finally YOU !!!


Well its a great story, one my wife and I were reading and cannot stop smiling and chuckling, remember !±


Today I changed my cell phone number. I know from the last time I tried to break it off that she wouldn't listen to what I had to say, take it as an affront and wall herself off in anger. I will try to write a letter in a few days.


Good for you ! but why bother writing a letter ? change your number, forget about her, there are hundreds of thousands of beautiful Filipina's who come from good families, are educated to Batchelor's degree level, some to Masters Level, industrious, business minded, honest, straight and kind, why would you pick a bar girl who has been through hundreds of drunken foreigners ?

Essential Filipino-English for the Bars


Hello sexy man !................Hello Rich Kano !

Hello Sit down please !................Bring on the latest sucker !

You gwapo! ................You look like you have lot of money

Where you come from ?................What currency do I need to check the exchange rate for ? Pounds, Dollars or Euros ?

Is this your first time in Philippines................Just how much of a sucker will you be ?

I have no Filipino man with me ................I have a Filipino boyfriend/husband he needs your support

I am legally separated............................My husband at home with kids, playing majong, drinking Tanduay smoke Hope, scratch Itlog ! and chase women.

How long you stay in Philippines................How many days do I have to work on you.

Which hotel you stay at ?................Where will I be sleeping tonight

I have no other foriegn boyfreind................I have lots of other gullible foreigner boyfreinds, they all send me money

I love you !................I love money !

You very good man for me ................You can spend alot of money on me, you are good for my financial health

You have a good heart................You have a big wallet.

I no want money from you ................I want all your money - sucker !

I no sleep with lot of men................I only sleep with my Filipino boyfiend and any other foreigner who pay my bar fine !

I only work as hostess................I am lying.

I will be true unto you till you come back................I will wait for you until you safely on plane back home.

We go to xyz bar tonight ! ................I have Utang to re pay, you can pay it for me

I need 4000 pesos to give mama, she is sick so bad................My Filipino boyfiend needs new tires for his motorbike

You give me 10,000 pesos, I stay only with you for your stay................You give me 10,000 pesos, you never see me again

You cannot come to my house, it not nice ................you cannot come to my house, because my lazy ass filipino boyfriend is in bed

Ikaw ang Number ! ................ rich kano ! you have money.



Money Number 1

[tomm]

Sorry it turned out like that... good luck for the future :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

sorry to hear you've been used Wai,

but your not the first and your not going to be the last,

as for sending money, is there anyone here how hasn't sent money to their filipina g/f :Erm:, I would have thought most of us have, you just met the wrong gal Wai.

i pitty her daughter, shouldn't drag her in all this.

[fred]

Contrary to popular belief..These girls are human beings.
22 years ago I owned a beauty parlour in an area amongst these bars .
I knew a lot of these bar girls and some of them became really good friends (just that I hasten to add)..
Lots of them of as you might expect were hard and pretentious .Others were genuine and very nice generous characters. Genuine friends.
Some of our customers that I knew from our parlour married foreigners and settled down into long term relationships whilst others went totally off the rails. There were girls that would drink two bottles of cough mixture whilst having their manicures to quell their nerves before going to work and others that loved their work and were full of confidence.. They all had their own reasons and excuses for doing what they did but I never once heared any of them complain or bitch about their lives..
To say that none of them were/are marriage material is not correct ,however..Handle with care!
Some of them are pretty messed up.

[andypaul]

Contrary to popular belief..These girls are human beings.
22 years ago I owned a beauty parlour in an area amongst these bars .
I knew a lot of these bar girls and some of them became really good friends (just that I hasten to add)..
Lots of them of as you might expect were hard and pretentious .Others were genuine and very nice generous characters. Genuine friends.
Some of our customers that I knew from our parlour married foreigners and settled down into long term relationships whilst others went totally off the rails. There were girls that would drink two bottles of cough mixture whilst having their manicures to quell their nerves before going to work and others that loved their work and were full of confidence.. They all had their own reasons and excuses for doing what they did but I never once heared any of them complain or bitch about their lives..
To say that none of them were/are marriage material is not correct ,however..Handle with care!
Some of them are pretty messed up.

Wow good post.

Its funny how many mates who were off the rails when younger up to alsorts Drugs, bother with the old bill, the list goes on.

Are now respectable members of the public with loving families, members of the golf club. While others just went of the rails, not always the people you thought it would be as well.

I have also seen mates who were in very settled and stable lives have alsorts of problems and issues out of the blue due to their past.

Slighty different reasons why the "Issues" which may affect the person first start but it is something you would need to be aware of and like fred says be prepared for anything are you strong enough to deal with some one who could have such major problems?

From what i have seen its not so much the one who suffers the Issues who has the worst time, it is those around them particularly their partner who if not able to deal with the situation come off worse in the end.

[ginapeterb]

Fred has told us exactly what we said.

Some of them are pretty messed up handle with care.

Or :

Dont try !

"You can take a girl out of the bar, but not take the bar lifestyle out of the girl"

[joebloggs]

i've watched a few tv programs on bars girls, sex resorts, etc, for research purposes only, wondering why some girls sell themselves to anyone who pays the going rate, and why most girls would never consider doing it.

sure its for money, but like fred said, many have problems, women mainly become involved as a last resort and out of desperation, for many addiction to drugs forces them to earn money in any way they can.

i remember one prostitute saying each time she had sex with a punter, it would take part of her soul away, and when she had nothing left, she felt no longer like a human being, and had to get out and quit.

some people forget, it could be someone from your own family, your own daughter or sister, i've lived with a drug addict for many years, and it changes people, the destruction it causes not just for them, but the whole family, they are not the same person that they once was, many end up an empty shell, walking zombies.. :cwm24:

[fred]

Joe..Its different here with these asian bar girls..
I remember the girls getting angry and jealous in our parlour when they saw or heard of one of their previous bar fines with another Kano!!
It was almost as if they were their personal possessions and belonged to them.
The kanos that played around were labelled as "butterflies" (cheaters) and soon got a bad name.. Where ever these guys went there were wagging fingers!
Could you imagine that happening in Manchester!!

[joebloggs]

:yikes:

well i've watched a tv program, it showed thai bar girls, and they were fighting each other a lot over money and punters,

i think some people here might be a bit :yikes: at what goes on in their street totally unaware, not far from me, cops raided a sauna place, freeing some eastern european gals forced into prostitution. my friend tells me not far from that place is a swingers club :yikes:

:NoNo:

[KeithD]

....swingers club :yikes:



...Monkies? :Erm:

[joebloggs]

...Monkies? :Erm:

i never liked the monkees. they all looked :cwm3::Cuckoo::Rasp:

[fred]

Joe..dont try to compare Thai`s with Filipino`s..
The best way I could accurately describe the diffence would be by comparing someone like Keith with lets say...Charles Asnovoir

[joebloggs]

Joe..dont try to compare Thai`s with Filipino`s..
The best way I could accurately describe the diffence would be by comparing someone like Keith with lets say...Charles Asnovoir

who's the :censored: keith :Erm:

:xxparty-smiley-004:

Fred :Erm: you said "Joe..Its different here with these asian bar girls"

why can you not compare, asian or not, a bar gal is a bar gal :Erm: and :Erm: filipino and thai are both asian.

[KeithD]

....comparing someone like Keith with lets say...Charles Asnovoir
I've got more talent :Britain:

[Mrs.JMajor]

I've got more talent :Britain:

u really such smart :rolleyes: :xxgrinning--00xx3:--

[fred]

why can you not compare, asian or not, a bar gal is a bar gal :Erm: and :Erm: filipino and thai are both asian.English and French are both European..
I rest my case.

Charles Aznovoir (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7qyMBDDjvU)

Dont you remember this on top of the pops Joe? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-IEptPCHEQ&feature=related)

..From your era anyway.

[joebloggs]

from my era :icon_lol:

look grandpa fred, :D, your older than me, not saying how much thou :D


i see what you mean, you have a frog trying to speak english and a scouser trying to speak english :Erm:


not my type of song, if i ever hear it in the phils, i know its you and to :Bolt: and miss out on me drink of orange..

i like this better

http://www.zippyvideos.com/8104566455791956/browneyedgirl_vanmorrison/

if you hear that playing or mr weller , you know its me...

to me brown eyed misses and browned eyed little joe, ( only thing little joe got from the misses is light brown hair and brown eyes :icon_lol:)

[andypaul]

who's the :censored: keith :Erm:

:xxparty-smiley-004:

Fred :Erm: you said "Joe..Its different here with these asian bar girls"

why can you not compare, asian or not, a bar gal is a bar gal :Erm: and :Erm: filipino and thai are both asian.

From what i know Thais and Phills are very different Religion, culture, foods Thais have not be infulenced in the past so much by other nations due to colonisation as Phill has.

[jimeve]

You can still get a MacDonald's in both countries, served with rice of course. :D

[robeth]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GKzbyaEPGY

:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[kimmi]

I am sorry for what happened to u Wai..its her lost..Cheers mate..:)

[KeithD]

..Cheers mate..:)

You're turning into a scouser :omg:

[kimmi]

I will be Boss..:) is that a warm welcome for me??he he he he

[KewLan]

lots of fish in the sea to choose from. dont waste your time on someone youre not even sure about.

[alicat]

when my husband propose to me,i said to him from the begining its not just me,you need to marry the rest of my family as well...and he said yes.
so every mounth we send money to phil.

[fred]

when my husband propose to me,i said to him from the begining its not just me,you need to marry the rest of my family as well...and he said yes.

I said exactly the same thing to my wife.
I lied.

[joebloggs]

I said exactly the same thing to my wife.
I lied.

well i wasn't told that, but then i'm lucky :D, i've not seen her family for near 3 years now :xxgrinning--00xx3:


oh :xxparty-smiley-004:

[sam_althea]

simply, she doesn't have DELICADEZA

[scott&ligaya]

Hi there Wei goren,
like the others said sorry you were scammed. If you are not totally put off Filipinas and other Asain ladies and you would like to meet a domestic helper rather than a bar girl, might I suggest that you get yourself along on a Sunday afternoon to the Wanchai Hash House Harriers a running/socialising mixed group of ex pats and their partners/wifes/girlfriends. As the founders many years ago had Filipina partners they specifically set their run time on Sunday so they could encourage Filipinas to come along on their day off. This is still the case and you will meet some very pleasant ladies, bar girls cannot get up before 3pmand certainly do not want to koging over Hong Kongs hills. Not to say that some there are not looking for a boyfriend/ATM but at least you have a chance!!

their web site is wanchaih3.com

go to the hareline for details of their next run location

good luck

[sam_althea]

next time hang the sign..."OFFLINE"

[Juana]

as for sending money, is there anyone here how hasn't sent money to their filipina g/f :Erm:,

I haven't received a single penny from my husband when i was still in the Phils and I even had to shoulder my ticket to come to UK. :Brick: Kuripot!!!

When in UK, i realized he's got himself in a financial mess (Odd loans here and there + credit cards) and now im helping him to sort it all out. :Brick: :doh

:bigcry: waaah! Take me back to the Phils!!!

[ervenescence]

:bigcry: waaah! Take me back to the Phils!!!

Haha, theres no scape :D:Rasp:

[Troubadour]

Most of my fiance's family are fine. I send money regularly to help out with things, and all is generally OK....

But....

She has this one sister....

If I send 100 it is coz I have 200 to send.

If I buy a Jeep to transport pigs, it is coz I could afford a pig farm.

When she worked in Taiwan, her boyfriend sister has such a nice husband that he send 30,000 pesok a month to his wife's mother.

She cannot finish her Catering course at college coz she have to go back to Taiwan and earn money for her family, isn't that sad and tragic - If only her sister had a decent boyfriend that would pay for her father, you know, like my boyfriend's sister's husband pays 30,000 pesok a month to his wife's mother - But she not have a decent boyfriend, she only have me.

By the way - Ate, can I borrow for the latest Nokia and a pair of Guess Jeans, my boyfriend's siter's husband would lend to his wife's sister.

[WaiGuoRen]

I need advice! :Help1: That girl, S, in Cebu is now claiming that she is pregnant. This is certainly a possibility as we weren't very careful at times.

She used some sort of pregnancy test from a pharmacy. Her period ended last month around March 1 this month. Is it possible that she could know this this soon? Ladies?

It could be a scam, but what can I do? While in Cebu I had an HIV test (negative, of course). I got on well with the doctor, a woman. I thought of contacting this doctor, having S see her, and having S get a pregnancy test at that same hospital.

Any advice? Ideas?

[Pepe n Pilar]

The women's mentrual cycle is every 21 days. There are some who have the next about 5 days earlier, for some it is delayed for 5-7 days. Today is the 20th and it is too early to say she is pregnant. ARe you in doubt?

[ginapeterb]

I need advice! :Help1: That girl, S, in Cebu is now claiming that she is pregnant. This is certainly a possibility as we weren't very careful at times.

She used some sort of pregnancy test from a pharmacy. Her period ended last month around March 1 this month. Is it possible that she could know this this soon? Ladies?

It could be a scam, but what can I do? While in Cebu I had an HIV test (negative, of course). I got on well with the doctor, a woman. I thought of contacting this doctor, having S see her, and having S get a pregnancy test at that same hospital.

Any advice? Ideas?

Whats your problem Pal ? why are you getting worried about this girl you told us is a complete scammer, its not your problem, and even if my some stroke of miracle she is buntis, what can you do about it ?

As isme_iye has told you, its too early anyway, she is most probably using an emotional tool to get you to feel a sense of obligation to her, if I had dollar everytime I heard this scam geeeeeeeeze when you see a bump on her belly, (tell her to send a pic) and then have her paternity tested at a later date, you will then find out if and when she has a bump, whether its yours or not.

Until that time, forget about it, and by the way, there is no Child Support Agency in the Philippines, if thats what you are worried about.

Just make sure when she sends you a photo, that she has not stuffed a pillow up her blouse cos thats common as well.

Why do you feel the need to contact the Doctor, that will cost you money, let her go to the Doctor, its her body not yours, are you in a stable loving and subsisting relationship with this woman, if so, that I could understand, but if your'e not, and youre not staying with this woman, then she decided to have horizontal olympics with you, she takes the fall as well.

Anyway you have no idea whether she is monogamous or not, how do you know who she has been with, she could have a Filipino boyfriend as well, and don't think these girls don't have one, thats common as well.

Don't do anything impetuous at the moment, think before you do or say anything, take time to calm down and breathe, and let time take its majestic course.

Best of LUck

[joebloggs]

:yikes:

now why would she go for a preggie test so soon :Erm:

i thought it was 28 days for most ladies, also the most fertile time is day 12 to day 16 after her last period, so using that you could have a good guess if she could be preggy.

[walesrob]

I agree with Pete, this looks like a scam.

[kimmi]

Menstrual cycle of a woman takes 28 to 35 days and it also depends if she had a regular or irregular cycle..Its too early for her to tell that she might be pregnant Waiguren..

and I think Kuya Peter has said it all already..:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Juana]

HI wai..! Women have different cycles. Those who are considered "regular" could have 21-days and some has 28-day cycle or even a bit longer. "Irregular" are just not predictable.
As you said that she ended her last period on march 1, as what everybody said...it is really too soon to tell.
If still in doubt, ask her to go to a laboratory to have her urine or blood taken for pregnancy test. For urine testing, most labs in the phils. would just do a normal pregnancy kit as what u get from the pharmacy. Testing in blood for beta-hcg (hormone that is produced in pregnancy) may be more accurate.
B-hcg normally is detectable (when pregnant) 3 wks from last menstruation then the concentration goes higher as the pregnancy progresses.
It is by the way the same hormone as what u detect in urine. She could have done it wrong or the kit could have been faulty.
If she still doesn't have her periods within next 2 weeks, then i suggest to go for any of these tests then ask for a copy of results after.

You do seem a nice guy who is being taken advantage by a professional scammer! Don't be a fool! Tell her to :butthead: off!!!

[WaiGuoRen]

Thanks, JMR. Sounds as if you know what you're talking about. According to Wikipedia, a home urine test can possibly detect pregnancy 12 to 15 days after fertilization:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pregnancy

Then her claim could be sincere. But it's still too early to say. I'll call her later today, tell her to wait and see if her period arrives.

A valid question might be why she'd bothered to do a test before waiting a bit for menstruation. She claims she had an inkling about it, and that her complexion has gone bad with pimples--a sign she says. Yes, it could well be a scam, but the fact is I cannot know for sure.

To answer the question why I have even bothered when there are so many other more virtuous ones out there, I can only say, for bad or for worse, this person is in my life right now and I care about her. Call me a sap. And yeah, if she is pregnant, I certainly had an appendage in it. Call me responsible too.

As some might remember, I live in Hong Kong, which is a short flight away from Cebu. I have a three day weekend in early April. I'll try to get down there and see to this business first hand.

[andypaul]

No one is having a pop at you but if the ladies think its a bit fishy its always worth investigating and keeping an open mind.

What ever happens i wish you good fortune as you seem to want to do the right thing which shows you in a very good light:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[KeithD]

Did you know, that women are the only mammals who can bleed for days and not die? :rolleyes:

[Alan]

Did you know, that women are the only mammals who can bleed for days and not die? :rolleyes:

What about successive Governments Keith? They've been bleeding us for years!

Al.:):)

[ginapeterb]

this person is in my life right now

One day my good mate Scott who lives in Davao City and I were talking outside his place, and the conversation kind of went like this.

"Scott have you seen this British guy and this Filipina posing on the net in Davao Del Sur ?"

"Nope mate, I have not where was it ?

"Is was on Mindanao Bob's website"

Pete: Well who is he anyway ?

Scott: Probably the latest sucker !


Bring on the latest sucker !

[andypaul]

Whats your problem Pal ? why are you getting worried about this girl you told us is a complete scammer, its not your problem, and even if my some stroke of miracle she is buntis, what can you do about it ?

As isme_iye has told you, its too early anyway, she is most probably using an emotional tool to get you to feel a sense of obligation to her, if I had dollar everytime I heard this scam geeeeeeeeze when you see a bump on her belly, (tell her to send a pic) and then have her paternity tested at a later date, you will then find out if and when she has a bump, whether its yours or not.

Until that time, forget about it, and by the way, there is no Child Support Agency in the Philippines, if thats what you are worried about.

Just make sure when she sends you a photo, that she has not stuffed a pillow up her blouse cos thats common as well.

Why do you feel the need to contact the Doctor, that will cost you money, let her go to the Doctor, its her body not yours, are you in a stable loving and subsisting relationship with this woman, if so, that I could understand, but if your'e not, and youre not staying with this woman, then she decided to have horizontal olympics with you, she takes the fall as well.

Anyway you have no idea whether she is monogamous or not, how do you know who she has been with, she could have a Filipino boyfriend as well, and don't think these girls don't have one, thats common as well.

Don't do anything impetuous at the moment, think before you do or say anything, take time to calm down and breathe, and let time take its majestic course.

Best of LUck


Maybe worth offering to send a doctor/nurse friend of yours you know either from the UK or Phill to check she is ok.

If this had happened to my Wife or a friend of mine they would have been like thank you as it would save costs (well actually most likely not as they were all trainee nurses and half the family are in the medical profession:D) but i think you get my point.

Might be worth seeing how she reacts to that? If she is kidding around any trained medical person will pick up on it straight off.

Even just the suggestion may change the story slighty if a little bit of fiction is being used.

[KeithD]

Tell her you're pregnant, the marvel of Western science :rolleyes:

[andypaul]

Tell her you're pregnant, the marvel of Western science :rolleyes:

Yeah that the CSA are now chasing her:icon_lol:

[scott&ligaya]

Hi there,
boy she has got you reeled in, you need to be completely cold about this. As suggested insist that she sees a doctor of your choice with no affiliations, if she does turn out to be pregnant insist on paternity tests, have nothing to do with supporting her through the pregnancy, read the Dave Scott posting here, hell the brother/lover whatever could be her husband!!! so check that out as well. IF after birth she can PROVE the child is yours then you can THINK about your responsibilities and ONLY then decide to see her and the baby and DECIDE if you want to support your child. I would advise strongly NOT to go and see her as she you know she will wrap you round her little finger and you will believe anything she says as you probably want to hear that anyway. PLEASE have a serious think about what you intend to do.

[scott&ligaya]

Sorry for posting again, but this is really made me mad,

I have seen this happen to at least three aquaintances over the last five or six years in Hong Kong and only one girl was actually pregnant and when asked to prove paternity she bottled out after bleeding him through the pregnancy. You know you were being scammed so at least bear that in mind and take the advice of people here. Get over your "feelings" for her as they were built up on the back of deceit.

[WaiGuoRen]

I meant to report the outcome of this pregnancy business, but got busy with work and forgot about it.

A few days after my last posting I called and told her that she couldn't possibly know that she was pregnant so early, and let her know in a face-saving way, that I wasn't falling for anything. She simply let it drop and hasn't mentioned it since.

So I still speak to her regularly, but I'll write nothing else about this relationship for a time.

Thanks for everyone's advice.

[scott&ligaya]

Ok, it is your life but if she throws any more curve balls I suggest you take a walk, I hope she has seen the error of trying to fleece you, actually cares somewhat for you and the relationship can go somewhere. But in the meantime why don,t you get around World Wide House in Des Voeux Rd, have a coffee in delifrance there or just take a walk around Central/Chater or Victoria park and you will have a very good chance of meeting a genuine lady who would love the opportunity to be with a caring and genuine guy. Take it easy

[WaiGuoRen]

Yeah, I'll keep things open, or try to anyway. I'm convinced of one thing though: it has to be a Filipina! I guess that's why most of us are here.

[Ady]

I'm sorry about your story Wai. I think we have all gone through the feeling of - is she just with me because I am a rich Westerner?

I think in some cases it is true - you see young attractive girls with, dare I say, older Westerners. Some people will tell you that that is the Filipina culture - that girls prefer the older man. What? All of them? I think not. For example, the many Fil-Fil relationships I have seen are of a couple of a similar age. And, I read on one site that Filipinas don't mind that their husband to be is overweight - because that is a sign of wealth. Again a sweeping generalisation that the vast majority of a nation's women all think the same way!

My gf's sister was, a few years ago, introduced to an Australian guy of 60 years. She had no interest in going with an older man - she herself was 25. She wanted a similar aged guy to spend her life with. The Australian guy eventually found himself a girl - aged 27. The girl was attractive, sexy and literally had a choice of man at her disposal. She said that the Australian guy could give her a good home and comfortable lifestyle. She wasn't interested in his life story, didn't have anything in common with him, didn't even find him attractive. But, she went with him because he could give her a change in lifestyle. Of course, Western women do this sort of thing too. It isn't confined to just Filipinas. The Australian guy believed the woman loved him, and probably still does. So, how many relationships are like that in the world? And how many from contributors to this site? Heck, it could even be me!

What amuses me, though, is that people are attracted to Filipinas only. Don't get me wrong, there are many beautiful women there - but there are in Spain too, and the UK, and France. But I read stories here - of guys badly hurt by Filipinas. And, guess what, they start trawling the web in search of another Filipina. I just don't get it.

When I met my gf, I knew that the Philippines was in Asia, and the capital City was Manila. I didn't know that their main religion was Catholicism. I knew about the Marcos's. And I knew that Magellan met his end there. Now, if things were not to work out with me and my girlfriend, then the chances of me having another girlfriend from the Philippines are remote. I read advice here that "don't worry, there are plenty of good Filipinas around" - and I just don't get it. I also hear people here telling you to avoid Filipinas based in the UK. Why? If you like Filipinas, and some are in the UK, then why pick someone half a world away?

Believe me, being wealthy in comparison to Filipinos does sway Filipina women towards Western guys. But - that is the same in EVERY culture. If I win the lottery tonight, I will suddenly appear even more attractive to women from my town.

So why do people like Filipinas only? I read that it is because Filipinas make good wives, are loyal, loving. Again, does that mean EVERY Filipina? We rightly get annoyed when people generalise against Filipinas ("oh, she is only with him to get a visa"). So why do we generalise FOR Filipinas? It is a country of 83m people, half of which are women. It would be wrong and remiss of us to say that the majority of those 41m women are spammers/scammers in the same way that it would be wrong to say that the majority of them will be very good wives.

Judge each person by their traits, and don't pigeon hole them as a nation. And, if you're free and single, caste the net wider. Maybe the perfect woman from you comes from another location.

[fred]

Adi.
Good post.
Agree with every word.

[andypaul]

I'm sorry about your story Wai. I think we have all gone through the feeling of - is she just with me because I am a rich Westerner?

I think in some cases it is true - you see young attractive girls with, dare I say, older Westerners. Some people will tell you that that is the Filipina culture - that girls prefer the older man. What? All of them? I think not. For example, the many Fil-Fil relationships I have seen are of a couple of a similar age. And, I read on one site that Filipinas don't mind that their husband to be is overweight - because that is a sign of wealth. Again a sweeping generalisation that the vast majority of a nation's women all think the same way!

My gf's sister was, a few years ago, introduced to an Australian guy of 60 years. She had no interest in going with an older man - she herself was 25. She wanted a similar aged guy to spend her life with. The Australian guy eventually found himself a girl - aged 27. The girl was attractive, sexy and literally had a choice of man at her disposal. She said that the Australian guy could give her a good home and comfortable lifestyle. She wasn't interested in his life story, didn't have anything in common with him, didn't even find him attractive. But, she went with him because he could give her a change in lifestyle. Of course, Western women do this sort of thing too. It isn't confined to just Filipinas. The Australian guy believed the woman loved him, and probably still does. So, how many relationships are like that in the world? And how many from contributors to this site? Heck, it could even be me!

What amuses me, though, is that people are attracted to Filipinas only. Don't get me wrong, there are many beautiful women there - but there are in Spain too, and the UK, and France. But I read stories here - of guys badly hurt by Filipinas. And, guess what, they start trawling the web in search of another Filipina. I just don't get it.

When I met my gf, I knew that the Philippines was in Asia, and the capital City was Manila. I didn't know that their main religion was Catholicism. I knew about the Marcos's. And I knew that Magellan met his end there. Now, if things were not to work out with me and my girlfriend, then the chances of me having another girlfriend from the Philippines are remote. I read advice here that "don't worry, there are plenty of good Filipinas around" - and I just don't get it. I also hear people here telling you to avoid Filipinas based in the UK. Why? If you like Filipinas, and some are in the UK, then why pick someone half a world away?

Believe me, being wealthy in comparison to Filipinos does sway Filipina women towards Western guys. But - that is the same in EVERY culture. If I win the lottery tonight, I will suddenly appear even more attractive to women from my town.

So why do people like Filipinas only? I read that it is because Filipinas make good wives, are loyal, loving. Again, does that mean EVERY Filipina? We rightly get annoyed when people generalise against Filipinas ("oh, she is only with him to get a visa"). So why do we generalise FOR Filipinas? It is a country of 83m people, half of which are women. It would be wrong and remiss of us to say that the majority of those 41m women are spammers/scammers in the same way that it would be wrong to say that the majority of them will be very good wives.

Judge each person by their traits, and don't pigeon hole them as a nation. And, if you're free and single, caste the net wider. Maybe the perfect woman from you comes from another location.

A great post like you i didn't have a scooby about phill and knew the same things as you. Only out of respect of the missus did i learn about the culture. If for some reason my Wife and I had not met or got married i doubt i would have met any other fillipina apart from in there role as a person woking in a job in the uk etc.

But i have to say many people are attracted to a type of women or man blondes, brunettes so nothing wrong in that i guess.

[Ady]

I don't think there is anything wrong with being attracted to a certain look. I just think that people are in danger sometimes of generalising. I work with many Indian guys, people always say that Indians are polite, and humble.

Well - that is true in a majority of cases - but they are no more polite and humble than many Brits I work with. And, some of these Indian guys have been right nasty cases.

As much as it is bad to call Filipinas gold-diggers (and there are, undoubtedly, a few) it is equally bad to generalise that they "make great wives" - as I have read in other sites. God, how condescending. Volkswagen make good cars. People with the right qualities make great wives/husbands/mothers/fathers.

If people start out with an opinion of Filipinas as a race, they are likely to either end up disappointed, or end up realising that the opinions forged before the relationship even started are completely wrong in the first instance.

Example, my last girlfriend was great. She was blonde, from Somerset, and was a great cook. But we parted. Do I go back to Somerset to meet a great blonde cook?

The other thing that I didn't quite get here was - people advise you not to meet Filipinas already resident in the UK. Why is that?

[vinmer]

Good post Ady. I agree.

[Peanutz]

Very good post...
Fair enough...:)

[KeithD]

Very good post...
Fair enough...:)
Where have you been oh sweet pea? :D

[Peanutz]

You know the song?
Oh, silly question...of course you know :))

[kimmi]

I'm sorry about your story Wai. I think we have all gone through the feeling of - is she just with me because I am a rich Westerner?

I think in some cases it is true - you see young attractive girls with, dare I say, older Westerners. Some people will tell you that that is the Filipina culture - that girls prefer the older man. What? All of them? I think not. For example, the many Fil-Fil relationships I have seen are of a couple of a similar age. And, I read on one site that Filipinas don't mind that their husband to be is overweight - because that is a sign of wealth. Again a sweeping generalisation that the vast majority of a nation's women all think the same way!

My gf's sister was, a few years ago, introduced to an Australian guy of 60 years. She had no interest in going with an older man - she herself was 25. She wanted a similar aged guy to spend her life with. The Australian guy eventually found himself a girl - aged 27. The girl was attractive, sexy and literally had a choice of man at her disposal. She said that the Australian guy could give her a good home and comfortable lifestyle. She wasn't interested in his life story, didn't have anything in common with him, didn't even find him attractive. But, she went with him because he could give her a change in lifestyle. Of course, Western women do this sort of thing too. It isn't confined to just Filipinas. The Australian guy believed the woman loved him, and probably still does. So, how many relationships are like that in the world? And how many from contributors to this site? Heck, it could even be me!

What amuses me, though, is that people are attracted to Filipinas only. Don't get me wrong, there are many beautiful women there - but there are in Spain too, and the UK, and France. But I read stories here - of guys badly hurt by Filipinas. And, guess what, they start trawling the web in search of another Filipina. I just don't get it.

When I met my gf, I knew that the Philippines was in Asia, and the capital City was Manila. I didn't know that their main religion was Catholicism. I knew about the Marcos's. And I knew that Magellan met his end there. Now, if things were not to work out with me and my girlfriend, then the chances of me having another girlfriend from the Philippines are remote. I read advice here that "don't worry, there are plenty of good Filipinas around" - and I just don't get it. I also hear people here telling you to avoid Filipinas based in the UK. Why? If you like Filipinas, and some are in the UK, then why pick someone half a world away?

Believe me, being wealthy in comparison to Filipinos does sway Filipina women towards Western guys. But - that is the same in EVERY culture. If I win the lottery tonight, I will suddenly appear even more attractive to women from my town.

So why do people like Filipinas only? I read that it is because Filipinas make good wives, are loyal, loving. Again, does that mean EVERY Filipina? We rightly get annoyed when people generalise against Filipinas ("oh, she is only with him to get a visa"). So why do we generalise FOR Filipinas? It is a country of 83m people, half of which are women. It would be wrong and remiss of us to say that the majority of those 41m women are spammers/scammers in the same way that it would be wrong to say that the majority of them will be very good wives.

Judge each person by their traits, and don't pigeon hole them as a nation. And, if you're free and single, caste the net wider. Maybe the perfect woman from you comes from another location.


Very well said, Ady..but I dont understand why do some people told u not to meet Filipinas who are already a resident here in the UK? :Erm::Erm::NoNo::NoNo:

[Eljohno]

Based on what you have said i think in the future you will find yourself in many more situations where you will be asked for money for this and that. when i met my now wife she would never ask for anything and i had to drag it out of her about any money problems. Just take your time, keep your eyes wide open and do not be made a fool of....

[vinmer]

Hello Eljohno, just noticed you are from Lisburn. I am from Belfast and have a filippina girlfriend. I haven't made many posts but we have had some invaluable advice from the forum. Just nice to know someone closeby is here if you know what i mean.

[Eljohno]

Hey good to hear from you, it is a small world!!

Send me a pm and tell me your story of how you met the asawa....

John

[vinmer]

I am not too sure how to go about doing that. From what I can gather I dont think I can pm here because I haven't made enought post's , but I could be wrong

[LittleFingers]

Hello Eljohno, just noticed you are from Lisburn. I am from Belfast and have a filippina girlfriend. I haven't made many posts but we have had some invaluable advice from the forum. Just nice to know someone closeby is here if you know what i mean.

I'm from South Belfast mate - (Finaghy).
I posted some advice on another thread. hope u got it

[vinmer]

Good to hear fro you, thanks, I didn't but i will check it out.Small world!!

[Eljohno]

I'm from South Belfast mate - (Finaghy).
I posted some advice on another thread. hope u got it

Hello,

i am actually working in Finaghy now on a Temp contract with NIHE so getting to know the area a bit!!

Sorry to get of track with the thread - continue!!

[LittleFingers]

Hello,

i am actually working in Finaghy now on a Temp contract with NIHE so getting to know the area a bit!!

Sorry to get of track with the thread - continue!!

Hi !!
- maybe you can fix my rubbish chute door on the 13th floor in Moylena House!
small world indeed.
sorry peeps - back to ATM .

[WaiGuoRen]

Why a Filipina? I'll talk first about S in particular. Yes, she is very pretty, petite, but she makes herself large with her liveliness, her energy. I love to watch her talk a mile a minute in Basiya. Yes, there are people like her everywhere, but it would sure be hard to find one among the Chinese, for example. In HK I can pick out Filipinas not by their look--many do look Chinese, and in fact have Chinese ancestry--but by their temperament. I liked that S would cut up my food for me, and I'm sure if I were to marry her, she would gladly fetch my slippers, but this isn't what I find attractive. And what's wrong with identifying what are cultural determined characteristics? What's wrong with finding them attractive? They are not the last word, but they are there.

When I lived in the States I found Latinas to be attractive in the same way, but Mexico or Puerto Rico aren't as convenient for me to visit as is the Philippines. From HK, Cebu is just a little over two hours away by plane; Manila, an hour.

I've been to the Philippines three times now. I like the place, I like the people--all of them. To marry a Filipina and have a strong connection to the place for the remainder of my days would be fine with me.

S is 31 years old, and I am a fit 51--I'd challenge any Filipino half my age to a 10-km race. That isn't a vast difference in age.

[Ady]

Nothing wrong in liking a person for their qualities and looks. But, you are in danger of generalising all Filipinas a certain way. With respect to you, and your situation, that has left you liable to get stung.

51 and 31 is a huge age difference. I am 31 now - and to see myself with a 51 year old woman is just unthinkable. What would we have in common? We would have even less in common if we were from different countries. You had already voted/got married and had your first drink when her mother was carrying her in her womb. When you were 31, she was still a schoolgirl. I am not opposed to relationships of a big age difference (many work), but you are kidding yourself if you think that age difference is not big. Just think - at that age would you have started a relationship with a 51 year old?

My Filipina gf is older than me by 4 years. And she is sometimes worried about the age difference. I said to her - but what about some fil-west relationships? Where there is an age gap of 20 years or more. She just smiled and said - that is not a relationship - it is a convenience. For the older guy he has a young wife once more. For the girl, she has a sugar-daddy (she used a Tagalog term for this - I forgot it). My gf has 8 siblings - all are married, and all are married to people of a similar age. Her friends are in relationships/marriages - and they are all of a similar age. It is, in my humble opinion, a large misconception that Filipinas prefer the older guy. Undoubtedly, some will. But, just look at the majority of all Fil relationships. Age differences rarely exist. Age differences only become apparent when a Filipina has a relationship with a Westerner.

My gf is scared that, when I hit 40 I will have a mid-life crisis and go running for an 18-year-old for the convenience - just like the many Westerners that visit her shores. Because she sees it a lot there.

As I said in my earlier reply - people fall into the trap of generalising a whole nation based on some Hollywood like notion that they are all submissive wives that will cater to your every need. When you meet a Filipina, you already have a preconceived idea about how the relationship will be. Some Filipinas know this - and will use it to their advantage. As in your situation. The realities are very different. And you will find that, by and large, Filipinas are no different to British women - some cultural differences of course, but personality wise you will meet hot tempered, passive, romantic, cold, loving, manipulative, loyal and disloyal. But, whilst you carry around the idea that Filipinas are all one of a kind, you will always give the bad ones amongst them a chance to use you. Do not judge a book by it's cover.

[andypaul]

I just gotta add when hanging round with the Wifes friends and older female cousins quite a few have mentioned when we are out why is that girl with that man. When there is a huge age gap. Not in any particularly nasty way just more out of curisoty it appears.

I think many of the Filipinas i have met, would not full into the stay at home and be submissive wife. Most are far better qualified than their male siblings and peers they also have generally very good jobs by Phill standards.

[Ady]

Another thing to add - my sister is 2 years younger than me. I, obviously, have no say in who she dates. But I would be far more suspicious if a guy 20 years her senior started taking an interest.

Of course, these relationships happen and they work. But why are these girls interested in men so much older? Some of these girls are drop dead gorgeous and intelligent, and they end up with a guy a great deal older and with nothing in common.

I really don't believe that it is a cultural thing - and I don't believe that it is common practice, other than when they hook up with Westerners. As you say Andy, none of the Filipinas I know via my gf would fall into the category of submissive housewives. If my gf fell into that category - I would be completely turned off.

[Eljohno]

Hi !!
- maybe you can fix my rubbish chute door on the 13th floor in Moylena House!
small world indeed.
sorry peeps - back to ATM .


Sorry for highjacking thread again as i am unable to send you a personal message but can you email me john_dropinnatmsndotcom (john_dropinn@msn.com)

[PeterB]

Don't worry about 'large' age differences - I'm 54, and Ruby is now 24. I have a sister-in-law who is 47 years younger than I am!

However, we had to laugh when the 5 y/o who lives next door (but spends much time in our house), described me as 'your father' when speaking to Ruby!

[scott&ligaya]

We have 13 years different but never an issue except if she wants to be mischievious by saying something like I five then when I tell her that that particular Police or U2 song or such like that we just heard was a favourite of mine when I was in Uni!!!!

[kimmi]

its also the same in our case..my hubby is older with me and also to my parents..he he he

but everything is ok and we love each other..:)

[alicat]

yah,i agree age is not the issue,the important is u have trust,respect,
ur both happy,and offcourse love...

[aposhark]

A few things here ....
Secondly, it is not unusual in their the culture that a single filipina will give up her job (and move back home to parents, if she'd been living away) when a meaningful relationship starts.

Hi PeterB,
Can you tell me why Filipinas go back home when this happens?
Thanks :)

[Eljohno]

Well i have seen many times where the foreign boyfriend suggests because the Filipino has been on such a low wage that they stop work as the boyfriend will give them the same amount. There are different reasons for this with two being that if they are not working all the time then they can organise the wedding and have free time when the boyfriend travels over!!

[andypaul]

Well i have seen many times where the foreign boyfriend suggests because the Filipino has been on such a low wage that they stop work as the boyfriend will give them the same amount. There are different reasons for this with two being that if they are not working all the time then they can organise the wedding and have free time when the boyfriend travels over!!

You can also chat more my poor wife was waking up before the chickens to chat to me.

Also go home as if they the lady is to move abroad might as well see the family and her friends as much as possible also.

[WaiGuoRen]

After four months--and two visits after our first meeting--I've decided to call it quits with S. As I mentioned above she no longer is working so I've been sending her money here and there, for rent, food, etc. After seeing how she lives, pretty much hand-to-mouth, I believe the money was going for what she said it was--most of the time. Between the trips down there from HK and this, I nearly broke the bank. There is also a new computer, a laptop that I should have waited to buy.

I'd planned to go down there next weekend to give my old desktop to her. I would pick up a used monitor, keyboard, etc. and get her hooked up to the Internet so that we could chat more regularly and more cheaply. She was very excited about this. She might be able to make a little money.

Then, late last week she asked me to wire her a little money for some medicine. She claimed she had a fever. I told her that there wasn't any money to send, that I was having to get an advance on my pay to bring her the computer. She quickly lapsed into melodrama, saying that she might be dead the next time I called. Though I'd been slow to send money in the past, this was the first time I didn't budge.

I called yesterday, Sunday, evening to advise her to look into where to pick up a monitor. She said she was still not feeling well and was rather short with me, ending our conversation first--the first time I can remember. I've been calling every other day from the start so what followed was surprising: before a quick good-bye, she told me not to call until I arrive next Saturday.

I'm going to cancel my ticket, give the computer to a local charity and write nothing until I hear from her. I know that there will be more melodrama, so I'll have to refuse verbal conversation. I am well beyond heartbreak. I am a man of my word, yes, and I'd told her I would come, but enough is enough.

[aromulus]

I'm going to cancel my ticket, give the computer to a local charity and write nothing until I hear from her. I know that there will be more melodrama, so I'll have to refuse verbal conversation. I am well beyond heartbreak. I am a man of my word, yes, and I'd told her I would come, but enough is enough.

Amen to that........:NoNo:

[CaptB]

Its sorry things end up like this. But generally you get the real truth when you stop the money even for a few weeks. Its a big problem with most people they start sending money and then it becomes a constant allowance. Which for a girlfriend i think is wrong, you wouldnt do it in the West but ive been in that trap myself and its when i stemmed the flow of cash the real person comes out. A genuine filipina although life maybe hard is unlikely to ask for money. Definitly until you know each other better at least. Also anything financial the problems were there before you came along so i strongly advise anyone getting into similar situations keeping cash involvement to a minimal because it just complicates things.

[Pepe n Pilar]

Amen to that........:NoNo:


I second the motion!!!!

[Mrs.JMajor]

I second the motion!!!!

same here , keep up your words WAI

[kimmi]

well we will know if he can stick to his word..:)

[aposhark]

.......I'd told her I would come, but enough is enough.

Hi WaiGuoRen, Did you make contact with S again? What happened?

[ginapeterb]

Geeeeze I cannot beleive this thread is still going, I thought the original guy was thinking he was an ATM Machine, quite frankly, there are many of us here athe forum who could post a similar thread, isnt it time to curtail this one.

[aposhark]

Geeeeze I cannot beleive this thread is still going, I thought the original guy was thinking he was an ATM Machine, quite frankly, there are many of us here athe forum who could post a similar thread, isnt it time to curtail this one.

What's up Pete, get out of bed the wrong side :rolleyes: Maybe some more retail therapy would help you. :icon_lol::icon_lol::icon_lol:

[joebloggs]

:xxgrinning--00xx3: pete.

i could write many threads, but it would only make me :bigcry:

[KeithD]

It'd had over 3,700 views :cwm24:

[kimmi]

:xxgrinning--00xx3: pete.

i could write many threads, but it would only make me :bigcry:


:omg::omg::omg:

the longest thread ever..:Erm::Rasp:

[WaiGuoRen]

Over 3,700 views: At least I've had success in one arena!

I was due to arrive in Cebu this evening. I'm sure she suspects that I may not show. I didn't answer a cell phone call from her two days ago and my home phone has been ringing off the hook for short periods.

So I've decided to have no contact with her for now. She would only get emotional in one way or another. What I will do is return the rosary beads and pictures she gave me, along with a letter, through the post.

What is there to say? Only that I don't blame her, that I wish her well, that I tried to be patient with her, but in the end I could no longer afford it financially nor could I continue to compromise my dignity.

Thanks for all the interest. It's time for some beer.

Cheers.:)

[Mrs.JMajor]

nice one you made it :rolleyes: but on the other hand you're sad cause u want

to drink beer :bigcry: to forgot the pain..i would say no :NoNo: face it...there

are lot of S :icon_lol:GOOD LUCK TO YOU WAI:Hellooo:

[kimmi]

Can we close this thread now??:Erm::Erm::NoNo::doh:icon_lol:

[Mrs.JMajor]

Well it depend to the boss :cwm34:

At least we made Wai success in one arena :icon_lol: