Do i have the right to be jealous?

[monkeyface]

Hi guys, I'm new here. Before I share my problem I just want to say that this is such a wonderful site and I'm enjoying very much.

Here goes...

I met my bf on a dating website. He emailed me and we became chatmates as I used to work on a midshift, 1-10pm. It had been very convenient for us despite the time difference. We've been seeing each other for almost 10 months now.

Now that I'm back to morning shift (9am-6pm) I only see him on Friday nights (Saturday mornings 1.30am onwards for me) and on weekends when he's available. He mostly is, but whenever his ex (now his friend) stays with him on weekends (about every third week or so), he doesn't come online. He said that it would be rude as he has guests.

He knows that I'm jealous of his ex. We have fought about this a long time ago. He told me not to get jealous as his most recent ex-gf was jealous of this ex/friend, that's why she's an ex. (I hope I did not confuse you with the exes).

I don't want us fighting so I told myself that I should stop getting jealous. I don't want not to get jealous anymore but I just cant help it. I should be talking to him now but he's on a trip with his ex/friend.

I don't want him to think that I don't trust him because I do, it's just that in the almost 10 months that we've been together, he never introduced this ex/friend to me. I once asked him about it and he just said that she's shy. Maybe she really is.. I don't know... I am also bothered that whenever she is staying for the weekend he wont come online. I just want to be a part of his day whether she is around or not.

I know that she came to his life first but now that I'm his gf, is it selfish to ask that I should be in his priority list too?

I love him with all my heart and I don't want to lose him with my issues. I don't know if there is something to worry about. What do you guys think?

I would appreciate your feedback on my dilemma.

Thanks.

[aromulus]

I don't know if there is something to worry about. What do you guys think?

I would appreciate your feedback on my dilemma.

Thanks.

Think....???:Erm:

Not much........

My advice would be to dump him....:NoNo:

He is not respecting you at all, but abusing your feelings.

Sorry to be blunt dear, but the guy seems to want you only to fill his "down" time.

[monkeyface]

Now I'm crying.:(
Should I give him credit for the e-mails he sends on a daily basis?

[andypaul]

Alarm bells ring if she already posked her nose in before it may well happen again.
Has he or is he planing to come and see you?

Very easy to say he is your BF if he can swtich you on and off (as in meet you online)

If they were just friends why has he not shared his new GF with this great friend of his?

[monkeyface]

Yes, he was planning to see me late last year until he had problems with CSA. He said that they are asking for a higher child support that's why he can't afford the trip anymore. Although last night, he mentioned he would know about his bonus soon and he wish that it's enough to get him here. I am happy to hear about that but I just don't want to expect too much so I did not say anything.

The real question that bothers me is that ex. You're right, Mr. Andypaul. He should have introduced as way back.

How should I let him know of my feelings? "Hey hon, just want you to know that I lied when I said I wont be jealous of your ex/friend anymore." That doesn't sound good right?

[KeithD]

First of all, sort your jealousy out, you either trust him or you don't, if the latter dump him. Start again.

Jealousy is probably responsible for more break-ups than any other reason.

[IanB]

Child support? Does he have a child with this ex, or another ex? If he has a child with her, is it her and the child who visit?

It sounds odd to me - but then a lot of us lead unusual lives, so I wouldn't hold that against him! Why not insist on meeting this ex on web cam. If he refuses I would say either there is something going on, or he is not proud of you.

Good luck.

Ian

[andypaul]

Child support? Does he have a child with this ex, or another ex? If he has a child with her, is it her and the child who visit?

It sounds odd to me - but then a lot of us lead unusual lives, so I wouldn't hold that against him! Why not insist on meeting this ex on web cam. If he refuses I would say either there is something going on, or he is not proud of you.

Good luck.

Ian

I was thinking that about the child support and good friend exs sounds complicated and something that needs clearing up if your going to invest all your time effort and emotion.

[ervenescence]

He mostly is, but whenever his ex (now his friend) stays with him on weekends (about every third week or so), he doesn't come online. He said that it would be rude as he has guests.

.


Wot? an ex stays with him on weekends? Strange.. i wouldn't trust them.

I understand of how you felt. Jelousy, but then you are not in the right position to feel that way for a reason that you haven't been meet in real and you are not committed to him yet. Accept the fact that this is only an online dating, and you don't know the real score. Perhaps he lied to you or he lied to his so called ex. She might not his ex...they might still together and she has no idea that her man is playing while shes away.

Well anyway, its just my point of view.

You don't know whats going on there. If shes an ex and they still see each other physically..well theres more possibility that they can patch things up and back on track, and you are the history.

I think moving on is a key.

[tomm]

He mostly is, but whenever his ex (now his friend) stays with him on weekends (about every third week or so), he doesn't come online. He said that it would be rude as he has guests.

He knows that I'm jealous of his ex. We have fought about this a long time ago. He told me not to get jealous as his most recent ex-gf was jealous of this ex/friend, that's why she's an ex. (I hope I did not confuse you with the exes).

Huh... he really sounds like the caring, considerate type. :NoNo: Tell him you're not willing to put up with it. If he really loves you and values this relationship... he'll do the decent thing. Sorry to be so blunt.

[Mrs.JMajor]

well for my opinion,you also had the right to be jealous,if you're important to him ,even the ex was there he will get online ,he think of being rude when the ex is there but he didn't think of being rude to you for not getting online/not treasure you're feeling,and its not normal the ex will stay weekend on him:NoNo:

wake up you had so many things too complicated on your relationship i wonder if its genuine ,yeah genuine for you bout what about him ? :Brick:

[tomm]

Yes, he was planning to see me late last year until he had problems with CSA. He said that they are asking for a higher child support that's why he can't afford the trip anymore.

On a practical note, feelings aside, if he can't afford the first trip... how is he going to manage to to fund the rest of this exercise. :rolleyes:

[monkeyface]

Child support? Does he have a child with this ex, or another ex? If he has a child with her, is it her and the child who visit?

It sounds odd to me - but then a lot of us lead unusual lives, so I wouldn't hold that against him! Why not insist on meeting this ex on web cam. If he refuses I would say either there is something going on, or he is not proud of you.

Good luck.

Ian

Hi IanB,

This is a child from a different ex.

There was this one time when he came online and the ex was there. I didnt ask for us to meet then coz I thought that it was too soon. After being together long enough, just a week or so ago, I asked how come he doesnt introduce us, he just said that she is shy.

[monkeyface]

Wot? an ex stays with him on weekends? Strange.. i wouldn't trust them.

Hi Ervenescence,

All the while I thought it was all right there. I mean, we have a very different culture. I've always told myself that things like that are "normal" there in the UK and I have to accept that.

[KeithD]

That IS NOT NORMAL....going on the basis of one of my mates.....he'd be :Sex: ....till the cows come home to roost.....:Erm: ....with all the ex's :rolleyes:

[Mrs.JMajor]

That IS NOT NORMAL....going on the basis of one of my mates.....he'd be :Sex: ....till the cows come home to roost.....:Erm: ....with all the ex's :rolleyes:

hahaha bossssssss :icon_lol: not again :Erm:

[aromulus]

That IS NOT NORMAL....going on the basis of one of my mates.....he'd be :Sex: ....till the cows come home to roost.....:Erm: ....with all the ex's :rolleyes:


Roosting cows..........????:Erm::Erm::Erm:

roost http://cache.lexico.com/g/d/premium.gif http://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/luna/thinsp.pnghttp://cache.lexico.com/g/d/speaker.gif (https://secure.reference.com/premium/login.html?rd=2&u=http%3A%2F%2Fdictionary.reference.com%2Fbrowse%2Froost)/rust/Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[roost]Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation,
–noun 1.a perch upon which birds or fowls rest at night. 2.a large cage, house, or place for fowls or birds to roost in. 3.a place for sitting, resting, or lodging

Ah....... It comes Under # 3 ......:rolleyes:

It's ok then.........:D

[monkeyface]

That IS NOT NORMAL....going on the basis of one of my mates.....he'd be :Sex: ....till the cows come home to roost.....:Erm: ....with all the ex's :rolleyes:

Any ideas on how will I know the truth?

What questions should I be asking him? Or maybe there's no way of finding out at all.:(

[Mrs.JMajor]

Any ideas on how will I know the truth?

What questions should I be asking him? Or maybe there's no way of finding out at all.:(

:Erm: he need to be honest to you,if he respect your feeling...geeesh your dying to death thinking of him while hes having fun :Sex: out there

:yikes: ouch boss see what u done,,:Cuckoo:

[monkeyface]

Thanks guys.

[aromulus]

Any ideas on how will I know the truth?

What questions should I be asking him? Or maybe there's no way of finding out at all.:(


From the little that you told us about your boyfriend I gather that the best way would be to ask him outright for a proper explanation.

If he dithers or makes excuses, the decision will be yours to dump him, like I suggested before, and start afresh. He doesn't sound too reliable, seems to be liking his freedom and he won't change.

He has a child with an ex "partner".... Not an ex wife.... :NoNo:
And other exes come around to spend the week-end with him...:NoNo:

What makes you think that he will settle down...???:Erm:

Dump him at the first chance you get.
There is plenty of other fish in the sea....

[Philip]

You are clearly not top of his priority list and as for him having his ex come stay with him, I bet it's in the same bed!

Say goodbye and find someone else! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[monkeyface]

You are clearly not top of his priority list and as for him having his ex come stay with him, I bet it's in the same bed!

Say goodbye and find someone else! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

He has a spare bedroom in his flat. I've seen it from the video of his place he sent me. He told me that she sleeps there.. I asked if they get tempted to do it since they've done it before. He said No. He loves her as she is a special friend but he's not inlove with her anymore.

Maybe I'm too gullible...

[KeithD]

There is plenty of other fish in the sea....

Not in the North Sea :rolleyes:

[Piamed]

Serious alarm bells. So many ex's and still maintaining a strange relationship with one of them that certainly prevents any healthy relationship with someone new.

Certainly you should ask him direct questions and evaluate his responses. Beware. I am aware of a couple of really nice Filipinas who ignored the obvious signs and are now in terrible situations. Experience tends to suggest that situations like this reveal increasingly worrying issues as time progresses.

Good luck.

[monkeyface]

Thanks guys.. I really appreciate your advices.

[KeithD]

Start talking to other gys & compare :)

[andypaul]

He has a spare bedroom in his flat. I've seen it from the video of his place he sent me. He told me that she sleeps there.. I asked if they get tempted to do it since they've done it before. He said No. He loves her as she is a special friend but he's not inlove with her anymore.

Maybe I'm too gullible...

if she sleeps in the other room when she rests couldn't he email, message you then? Even for a little while if he is tired?

[frednbyang]

Ask him if she will still come to stay if you come to live with him in the UK. It just doesn't sound right.

[tomm]

Ask him if she will still come to stay if you come to live with him in the UK. It just doesn't sound right.

Hi frednbyang. What part of Norfolk are you from?

[KeithD]

Hi frednbyang. What part of Norfolk are you from?
Turkey :Erm:

[joebloggs]

I asked how come he doesnt introduce us, he just said that she is shy.

this would worry me, he might not want her to chat with you in case she says something, he and you will not like :NoNo:, maybe she doesn't even know about you :Erm:

i've never meet a british woman who was too shy to chat online :NoNo:

[Mrs.JMajor]

this would worry me, he might not want her to chat with you in case she says something, he and you will not like :NoNo:, maybe she doesn't even know about you :Erm:

i've never meet a british woman who was too shy to chat online :NoNo:

i think of that too joe :Erm:

[monkeyface]

Hi guys,

I appreciate all your comments. I have to admit that you guys have strong points. It almost made me give up on loving him. I feel like I'm stabbing him in the back and I dont like feeling that way.

I have come to realize that love without trust is not love at all. I love him with all my heart and I should accept the fact that she will always be a part of him.

If we are meant to be together, the distance between us not matter as we will find a way to be together. I wish that in time, I will have the same realationships you have with your wives and girlfriends.

Thank you guys.

[tomm]

Turkey :Erm:

What a bootiful reply :doh

[melmart]

u know what u should forget him and find someone who is true and sincere.i dont think he's not someone that u could trust.even though its been awhile that you've known each other he should have been serious and sincere by now.i think he's not committed to u yet.it would be hard for you but it would be much harder if you suffer from being jealous and he doesnt even care about it.well its not the end of the world.im sure there's someone who deserves you not someone who will make you jealous and just play with you! good luck and be positive!

[johnny11]

hi , i just read this thread n my thoughts here r that jealousy without foundation is unreasonable n childish, however jealousy with total foundation is absolutely natural n its not jealousy really but well-founded suspicion!!! who wouldnt b suspicious with all this ex here n ex there crap??!! n as for staying in the spare room? very much doubt it! unless hes had a pay rise at work his csa payment would stay the same! unless of course hes been found to have another child with another ex?? i just think if u 2 have been 2getha 10mnths n he hasnt made the effort to visit u yet then he isnt worthy of ur sweet love n the undoubted loyalty u have shown him! he needs to realise that long distance relationships need special care in terms of consideration n emotional support. how wil he treat u if u get married? if he doesnt appreciate the gem he has then sorry but move on n find a man that does, not a boy in mans clothing! better the bitter truth than the sweet lie! sori hon!

[Blueberry]

Hi Monkeyface,
It saddens me to read your post's,this guy is clearly messing you around and playing with your emotions and clearly does,nt have a heart,it is not acceptable to have an ex girfriend stay at his house on a weekend basis,think about this maybe he is pretending with his ex as he is with you,what i mean is she is an ex gf right,i'm guessing that she loves him and wants him back so he has suggested that they take thing's slow and this means her staying at weekends this way he still gets his nookie (sex),which obviously takes up all his time that he cant talk to you.After the weekend he then spend time talking to you telling you lies (playing with your emotions).All the tell tale signs are there monkeyface he is a joke.The longer you stay in this relationship the more heartache you will have,i'd say move on and find a real gent,that will want to spend every spare moment with you.The guy is a PRICK,LOSE HIM.
You want our opinion's well thats mine,Listen to the advice we peeps are giving you does that not tell you anything,you are wasting precious time with this guy.

@ TOMM
I'm just up the road from you,i'm near North Walsham,so u a Yarco are ya.

P.S Monkeyface sorrry if my post upset you,but i just hate guys like this.I rest my case.

[Mrs.JMajor]

blueberry ? i remember my hubby asked frednbyang so is you that one? cause i told him that frednbyang is near to your place NORFOLK :D

[rabb5it]

Monkeyface
An online relationship isn't real. If you've never met the person you must just treat it casually as an interest, or entertainment. Personally I wouldn't so called "text chat" to someone, I could waste too much time. I would be prepared to send and receive emails.

Even then, you must ask direct questions & demand direct answers as there is too much room for miss-interpretation. Even the English used had different meanings in different countries.

There's no formula to assess a person's sincerity but a slow, consistent direct approach to communication is a start. Look at other approaches to talking to someone other than "chatting" to blokes.

Good Luck

[monkeyface]

Hi guys,

I think it's time to close this thread as I have made my decision.
Thank you for your opinions and advices.

Monkeyface loves his bear.