meeting the parents [Archive] - Filipino UK Forum

andypaul

25th April 2006, 00:27

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(berniedalton @ Apr 24 2006, 09:01 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
hi to all, im off to the philippines in september and getting married in october, after an 18mth courtship, i will be meeting my in-laws for the first time, my question is should i bring gifts with me? my future asawa is the eldest of seven, I need help as I want to ensure that my bride and the family are happy, help-what do i do?
bernie dalton
[/b][/quote]

Do bring gifts but don't go over the top. Bringing small gifts over from the UK will go down well with most.

Perfumes, cosmetics, choclate, t shirts all go down well in my family.

For example biscuits from Harrods in a posh tin, a bit naff say in the uk. But will have pride of place on the table.

Talking to your Asawa should give you lots of ideas.

I also cheat by taking the Wife and some of her tita's and their kids to the Duty free superstore near Manila airport. Where you can buy huge packs of Choclate and any thing else you can think off. Went down a storm with the kids and saved me carting so many gifts over.

Also with the choclate we kept getting free gifts like a water dispenser or a couple of rusacks for college for the kids. In the UK you would not give house room to the gifts but in phill they were greatly recieved by various realtives.

Pauldo

25th April 2006, 04:33

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(berniedalton @ Apr 24 2006, 09:01 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
hi to all, im off to the philippines in september and getting married in october, after an 18mth courtship, i will be meeting my in-laws for the first time, my question is should i bring gifts with me? my future asawa is the eldest of seven, I need help as I want to ensure that my bride and the family are happy, help-what do i do?
bernie dalton
[/b][/quote]
If you don't take anything, and nobody speaks to you, and you hear the words " Aii, walang pasalubong" you will know you have committed the mortal sin.

In some .......isation of convention Filipinos seem to have decided that every returning relative or friend must bring them a gift back from their travels, and not doing so can condemn you to a very quiet and tense time until they get over it.

It always seems to me to be a very selfish attitude towards what should be an act of voluntary and spontaneous generosity. They can be very much like that though, much the same way an entire extended family can happily live of the income of one relative who works their a$$ off overseas, whilst the rest make no attempt to support themselves, because 'insert name' is earning the big bucks.

mupsuit

25th April 2006, 07:59

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(berniedalton @ Apr 24 2006, 09:01 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
my question is should i bring gifts with me? my future asawa is the eldest of seven, I need help as I want to ensure that my bride and the family are happy, help-what do i do?
bernie dalton
[/b][/quote]

The Essential Passalubong

Yes - and talk to your girl about her family so you have an idea who you are buying for -

on my next trip I will buy Swiss Army knives for brothers and nephews - consumables are only good for as long as they last - hopefully the knives, or some other similar gift, will create lasting prestige for months

Admin

25th April 2006, 09:00

...and don't take them 9ct gold style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yikes.gif

berniedalton

25th April 2006, 12:54

thanx for info....i thought my family was big but my fiance's family dwarfs mine, hers is HUGE - its scary, her grandfather, mother & father think the world of me as i did (for the first time in my life) ask for their permission for their grand/daughter's hand in marriage, obviously i do want to impress them but im also concerned that being too showy may offend them as they work hard for so little ( that was a shock as i earn more in an 2 hours than they earn in a week!) and it could feel like rubbing salt into a wound, besides her father is p/t barangay police officer and owns a gun haha, seriously i do want to get it right though

ervenescence

25th April 2006, 13:10

Give them loads of chocolates... thorntons will do, and if you dont mind of sending me a box as well? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Grin.gif
(Haha I just love thorntons, I really do! ) style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Wave.gif

berniedalton

25th April 2006, 13:35

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ervenescence @ Apr 25 2006, 01:10 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Give them loads of chocolates... thorntons will do, and if you dont mind of sending me a box as well? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Grin.gif
(Haha I just love thorntons, I really do! ) style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Wave.gif
[/b][/quote]

hi thanx for advice... thorntons eh? haha when i talk to her youngest sister on the phone she's always saying 'bernie,bernie chocolate, chocolate (she 5yrs old),i will ask my 'asawa' for advice. as she has lots of family haha, nice to hear from u... u may get a box of thorntons thru da post haha style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/BouncyHappy.gif

ivor&mel

25th April 2006, 14:37

I'd recommend Thorntons too - their Continental have always done the trick for me.

berniedalton

25th April 2006, 15:44

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ivor&mel @ Apr 25 2006, 02:37 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
I'd recommend Thorntons too - their Continental have always done the trick for me.
[/b][/quote]

Pauldo

25th April 2006, 19:14

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ervenescence @ Apr 25 2006, 01:10 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Give them loads of chocolates... thorntons will do, and if you dont mind of sending me a box as well? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Grin.gif
(Haha I just love thorntons, I really do! ) style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Wave.gif

[/b][/quote]
Chocolate always hits the spot. My wife was always asking me to bring choccies back, even when I pointed out they were cheaper to buy at the duty free in Clark Air Base than in the airports of the world.
style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Erm.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Erm.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blink.gif

She'd rather have melted and deformed Cadburys carried from the middle east than solid and cool choccy from Clark. Must be a Filipino thing style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Grin.gif

Admin

25th April 2006, 19:39

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(berniedalton @ Apr 25 2006, 12:54 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
that was a shock as i earn more in an 2 hours than they earn in a week!
[/b][/quote]
...and I gamble in a week what they will never earn in there lives style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yikes.gif

Eljohno

26th April 2006, 07:33

I agree with the chocolates and that will at least keep the female side of the family happy.

Maybe even some souviners from where you live in the UK will always go down well.

With the kids usually sweets from the UK or just buy some for them when you arrive in the Philippines.

truelove26

26th April 2006, 11:03

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Eljohno @ Apr 26 2006, 07:33 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
I agree with the chocolates and that will at least keep the female side of the family happy.

Maybe even some souviners from where you live in the UK will always go down well.

With the kids usually sweets from the UK or just buy some for them when you arrive in the Philippines.
[/b][/quote]
the best thing is to ask your girlfriend first what her family really likes...for my own opinion,id rather want you to buy what is really essential like for example foods and clothes..chocolates are nice but it just melt in ur mouth and all u get is sweet tooth hahahahah!!!seriously though ask ur gf about it and a good conversation with the family is good...its a aform of bonding and you will know more about them.....
good luck and welcome aboard!!!

truelove26

love8888

27th April 2006, 00:26

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Pauldo @ Apr 25 2006, 04:33 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
If you don't take anything, and nobody speaks to you, and you hear the words " Aii, walang pasalubong" you will know you have committed the mortal sin.

In some .......isation of convention Filipinos seem to have decided that every returning relative or friend must bring them a gift back from their travels, and not doing so can condemn you to a very quiet and tense time until they get over it.

It always seems to me to be a very selfish attitude towards what should be an act of voluntary and spontaneous generosity. They can be very much like that though, much the same way an entire extended family can happily live of the income of one relative who works their a$$ off overseas, whilst the rest make no attempt to support themselves, because 'insert name' is earning the big bucks.
[/b][/quote]

But not my family as I am not tolerating them in pasalubong,I am the very lazy bringing pasalubong from any other's places I had been then I ve always saying them that I am really lazy but the good things you can't hear them any other words.I was in Hong Kong and Middle East and every time I got home I just brought my shoulder bag. So they won't expect , For me it's quite good as nobody well expect me to brought for them something.The only thing I heard asking me pasalubung is our neighboors, I remember when Rob asked me what things he can brought to my family I replied nothing as I really don't like it to become it as a habit . and if we gonna have a holiday again I don't like to bring luggage’s it's cheap to bought clothes in the Philippines . And I remember I did send by packages all my luggages from HK. and Middle East All I want is to get out of the crowded air port and not to wait for the bagages at the bagage area for ages it chaos And I’ve always coming home surprised I just phone them when I am already on the way to our house by the bus I t’s very exciting for me, yes I did that always . the last time we had our vacation nobody knew that we arrived they’re just all can’t believed and little bit of shock but yet happy to see us .Well I can’t blame other’s that they bringing pasalubong as they are happy to doing it and I am happy too of what I am doing , So be it ……

Eljohno

27th April 2006, 04:26

I guess another option is even you do not want to carry lots of gifts over with you is if you can afford it just take her close family out and either buy them gifts in the Philippines or take them out for meals.

love8888

27th April 2006, 09:24

Yeah that's another good Idea or they will treat you like mother did she killed her pig for me when I arrived from Middle East and she always want to do it everytime we visit them but I said it doesn't matter, or we just bought some nice food and we eat together in the house.When I was working in other country I've always explain to my family how hard to be far away from them and earn money it's really a sacrificed,then I told them that I'ts stilll the same our lives here in abroad that if you not work and earn money nobody will feed you and triple we spent here, Honestly I am the kind of person that I am demanding their eagerness to see me and Rob rather than expecting the pasalubong I can feel how they missed me so much when they saw me by surpriced visit and the thing is they are all worried what food they will prepare for us and my mother had a tears on her eyes while embraced me and rob. It's important to my family that they saw me and Rob in good health. My mother explain to our neighboor that I am like that always surprised when coming home and don't expect a pasalubong coz she's very lazy.Even my friends I just treat them to eat out and tell them frankly that I don't have any pasalubong as I am so lazy bringing bagage and they understand it.The more you brought pasalubong the more they will expect it from you everytime you visit them and not missing you.

ervenescence

27th April 2006, 10:21

Well I love to give a lil, and I will be please when I make someone smiles. Another thing which is work.

Give them a thing with a name England on it.

Example: shirt with a print of England.
baseball cap
mugs
keyring
socks,..etc.

I tell you they will appreciate it, and don't be surprise if they used those quite often. They are just proud that someone from this country has given those things to them. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/BouncyHappy.gif
Please, no need to get an expensive things just to please them ( wish they knew how everything here are murder to our accounts - from foods to houses. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/cwm3.gif )

love8888

27th April 2006, 11:42

The more you happy if you see them smile at first and appreciate you without giving anything else at least that's for real and not they smile because you brought something. for them. Try to be in their mind that your presence is the most important than anything else. That’s really important in our family and your both happy.

Well I know it's nice to see them smile when you gave something but try not to bring anything and see if they can still smile and what they will say to you " Ay wala man lang akong pasalubong "I don't like to hear this word even in a joke and infront of my husband I want them respect my husband the way they respect me.I and Rob are the most important to my family than pasalubong.Rob brought something to my family small souvenirs from wales but my mother told him it doesn't matter even he don't gave anything as long he treat me nice and we are in good health and a wealthy relationship that's all she wish for both of us.

And another idea is try to say them you don't have a pasalubong and see how they will react but gave your pasalubong when you leaving instead of when you arrived it's just another surprise to them so they will not say where is my pasalubong upon your arriving at the house Coz I ve heard some other from othere's that they uttering saying" hey where's is my pasalubong!" I don't have a colonialism attitude even though I've been work in many places and even though I got married a foreigner so I don't like my family got that attitude too All I want them from the very start accept my husband what and who ever he is, same as I am

ervenescence

27th April 2006, 12:26

Well our presence is enough gift for them but considering that I can afford a lil thing for my family, then why not? Im sure a box of chocolates which is good for everybody will not rip off my purse! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif I think its not being boast, its just being me. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

ervenescence

27th April 2006, 12:54

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(berniedalton @ Apr 25 2006, 01:35 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
hi thanx for advice... thorntons eh? haha when i talk to her youngest sister on the phone she's always saying 'bernie,bernie chocolate, chocolate (she 5yrs old),i will ask my 'asawa' for advice. as she has lots of family haha, nice to hear from u... u may get a box of thorntons thru da post haha style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/BouncyHappy.gif
[/b][/quote]

Yes, since she has lots of family member, a box of chocolates will be fine, you don't have to think of getting things individually for all of them.

btw..im looking forward to the post..hehe style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

berniedalton

27th April 2006, 13:54

[ate bernie, ate bernie chocolate chocolate - ooops sorry erve style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif

love8888

28th April 2006, 09:36

Yeah we all can afford to buy something for our family but what I am trying to say they must wait and apprciate whatever you or your guest can gave to them as honeslty it's quite embarrasing to the person that they first time to meet , for us it's all fine we know and understand it,as they are not the same to our culture. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/BouncyHappy.gif I know we want them to be happy once they saw us but with a little bit of discipline style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Erm.gif

ervenescence

28th April 2006, 10:19

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(berniedalton @ Apr 27 2006, 01:54 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
[ate bernie, ate bernie chocolate chocolate - ooops sorry erve style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif
[/b][/quote]

Just curious, who is bernie? is that your wife's name or yours? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Doh.gif

berniedalton

28th April 2006, 21:47

hahaha... im bernie, roselyn is my asawa's name.... thats minus one choco cream from your box ms erve style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Grin.gif

Admin

29th April 2006, 07:46

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(berniedalton @ Apr 28 2006, 09:47 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
thats minus one choco cream from your box ms erve style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Grin.gif
[/b][/quote]
That's fightin' talk in Liverpool.....can we watch? Can it be in mud? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Grin.gif

ervenescence

29th April 2006, 11:25

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(love8888 @ Apr 28 2006, 09:36 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Yeah we all can afford to buy something for our family but what I am trying to say they must wait and apprciate whatever you or your guest can gave to them as honeslty it's quite embarrasing to the person that they first time to meet , for us it's all fine we know and understand it,as they are not the same to our culture. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/BouncyHappy.gif [/b][/quote]

Haha, jumping to conclusion! I think this should be in another thread because I couldn't figure that Bernie's wife family was asking for gift from their visitors. I believe not all filipino are lack of etiquette as same as what you've mention above, maybe yours but pardon me, not my family. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Hellooo.gif
From what I understand here, the poster was only asking for opinions of whats the best thing that he can give for his wife's family..he should give or not? We'll its all Bernie's decision, surely his wife's family will appreciate it wether he bring something or not.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>I know we want them to be happy once they saw us but with a little bit of discipline style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Erm.gif
[/b][/quote]

Yeah, yeah..just kick their ass off! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yikes.gif That's discipline.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(berniedalton @ Apr 28 2006, 09:47 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
hahaha... im bernie, roselyn is my asawa's name.... thats minus one choco cream from your box ms erve style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Grin.gif
[/b][/quote]

oops! sorry, I thought its your wife's name. Just wonder of how come those lil kid was calling you Ate Bernie..hehe, because ATE in filipino is an older sister, and don't be surprise if her lil sister will say KUYA Bernie to you, for thats how we call our older brother. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/happy.gif

I dont mind if you take the choco cream in my box, just leave the dark ones.

ervenescence

29th April 2006, 11:37

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(admin @ Apr 29 2006, 07:46 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
That's fightin' talk in Liverpool.....can we watch? Can it be in mud? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Grin.gif
[/b][/quote]

Politics now are going crazy, they are showing their true colors, dig more and their stinks will pop out. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/butthead.gif

Admin

29th April 2006, 14:53

Starting to make the Phil goverment look whiter than white style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yikes.gif

ervenescence

29th April 2006, 17:10

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(admin @ Apr 29 2006, 02:53 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Starting to make the Phil goverment look whiter than white style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yikes.gif
[/b][/quote]

Tell me about it, Phil gov't has loads of rubbish its a perfect comparison with a piece of syit. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/furious3.gif

Admin

29th April 2006, 19:27

Language for a LADY!! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

love8888

29th April 2006, 23:34

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ervenescence @ Apr 29 2006, 11:25 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>

maybe yours but pardon me, not my family. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Hellooo.gif I believe not all filipino are lack of etiquette as same as what you've mention
[/b][/quote]

I did not personalized you so please don't personalize me style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Erm.gif if that's what etiquette means

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>
From what I understand here, the poster was only asking for opinions of whats the best thing that he can give for his wife's family..he should give or not? We'll its all Bernie's decision, surely his wife's family will appreciate it wether he bring something or not.
[/b][/quote]
That's why were giving him lots of option, points of view and advice;And here is my good advice that he should bring to his wife's family a heartily accept ,love and understand his wife's family that's the most important and not the loads of chocolate or what ever as we have lots of chocolate and other things as well in our country that we should patronize our own product style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blink.gif I really felt upset if some foreigners brought their goods into our country but I am proud if they brought our product into their home, I am sorry Erve to say this that's only my opinion

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>
Yeah, yeah..just kick their ass off! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yikes.gif That's discipline.
[/b][/quote]
I am not blaming if one small child asking that as I really do believe discpline comes from parents first

berniedalton

12th May 2006, 15:28

hi everyone....well thanx for all ur responses........ i didnt realise it would provoke some of the responses that were posted,,, naughty children!!!!! haHA... me personally way i look at things is my asawa's family is my family, they took me in, gave me their most precious gift, their daughter, if i can give i give no big deal, a child is a child, no matter what culture they're from, i took it as it was meant.. from a 5 year child, as the father of 5 i know that children get excited, may Godbless them for it because they bring such joy into our lives, doesn't mean they don't have any discipline just means they are excited and happy, which i want for any child, i now have the list from asawa but as she says 'it doesn't matter if you can't, just come because the whole family wants to see you' i think that says it all, to be loved is the greatest gift of all, amen to that

if you don't hear from me from one week to the next its because i am a chef manager and at the moment i am working 12hr shifts at nite 7-days aweek.... well gotta to look after loved ones haven't we? haha
hope that you all have peace in ur hearts and by the way i made a mistake i got confused (as is often the case) when i said ate,ate, the child was speaking to her big sister at the time, it was my mistake, cu all later

bernie

ervenescence

13th May 2006, 09:27

Don't worry Bernie, you don't have to explain as long as everybody's happy with you and your family. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

btw, you're job is a grave shift a 12 hours shift night 7 days a week style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yikes.gif . I don't think I'll do it, I imagine its like zombie in the mornings while vampire at nights, but I should think that you get used to it now.

aromulus

14th May 2006, 16:31

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium][b][i][size=5]

I am just back from Cebu. Still jet-lagged but very happy.

the presents that i took with me, were extremely well received by all, and it didn't cost the earth.

For her dad and brother I chose one of those all in one tools ( pliers-screwdrivers and more gadgets thingy).

For Mum, remembering how religious she was on my first trip in february, I chose a block of crystal with an etching in the middle of Jesus on the Cross, sitting on a small lighted plinth. The effect on her face was absolute delight to watch. Besides all the neighbours were real envious of her having it (even the local Priest asked me if I can bring him one next time). Asawa ko got a new mobile and a couple of summer Tesco pijamas and other bits and bobs, Jirah her daughter also got her first mobile. For the rest.... cheap Poundland manicure sets and buckets of Aldis and Lidls Chocolates. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif

It all went down extremely well, and didn't cost a lot.

But the best Present I could ever give them, was to take the lot for a day out to the beach in Mactan Island,
It was exilirating to see so many smiling and grateful faces. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

berniedalton

15th May 2006, 04:10

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ervenescence @ May 13 2006, 09:27 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Don't worry Bernie, you don't have to explain as long as everybody's happy with you and your family. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

btw, you're job is a grave shift a 12 hours shift night 7 days a week style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yikes.gif . I don't think I'll do it, I imagine its like zombie in the mornings while vampire at nights, but I should think that you get used to it now.
[/b][/quote]

[hi again erve - need help,got to get some trainers etc for family,whats the comparison from shoe sizes in the philippines to those here in the uk? my asawa says just get but i wouldnt want to see her kid brother with a disappointed look on his face and bring shame upon my asawa at the same time...so can u help? (reason i ask you is ur female,ur pinoy, and ur in da uk) style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Erm.gif
thanx erve
bernie

ervenescence

15th May 2006, 09:03

hello Bernie,
I doubt it if your going to buy shoes from here for those kiddies, you will find it hard to choose the right one for we have different sizes there. I tell you what, the size of my feet back in the Philippines was 5 sometimes 6 but when I got here in England I was surprised when those sizes 5 and 6 was too big to my feet, so I used 3 or 4 but there were times that they doesn't fit exactly to my feet, a bit bigger..aarrgh. Don't buy things that they couldn't use, you will be disappointed after spending your time to shop round. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif Another suggestion, why not get them shirts instead which is easy to choose and besides its not heavy in your luggage.