Can anyone please help the new lovestruck guy? [Archive]

tim34

18th May 2006, 16:20

Hi all,

Please let me thank you all in advance for reading this. I will be totally honest in this post so i hope i do not get to much criticism or mocking.

I am a 34 year old guy who is currently un happily married and my marriage has been this way for some time. I visit Hong Kong alot for my business. On the last visit to Hong Kong myself and a friend visited the Wan Chai area (Yes some of you will say red light area) but this was not our intention.

On sitting in one of the bars surrounded by Russian, Cantonese and Chinese girls all wanting $1000 hk dollars for 2 hours of "fun" and touching me etc i noticed a filipino girl looking at me in a different way.

Without sounding all Mills&Boone! i just new she was different. I got talking to her and we got on very well. I was a little under the influence of alcohol but we did manage a sensible conversation. Throughout our meet sex or money etc was never mentioned and in our conversation it was soon learnt that she was new to this horrible trade and further more hated it.

I asked her if she would like to leave with me and spend some time at my hotel, (NOT FOR WHAT MANY OF YOU MAY THINK!) She told me that i would have to pay $1500 dollars or she would be punished by her manager and could only stay for 2 hours.
After thought i left and came to the conclusion that if i paid for this i would be just as bad as everyone else. On leaving she gave me her mobile number and said she would like to talk on the phone.

Anyone bored yet?

The next day i thought about nothing else and at 3pm i decided to phone her we spoke for about 20 minutes and on putting the phone down i realised the chemistry was racing around my head!
After many hours of thinking etc i jumped in a taxi and arrived at the same bar as the night before, there she was waiting for me at the same spot. I paid her manager $1500 hk dollars and put her in a taxi and returned to my hotel.

We went to my room and we talked for about 5 hours and i soon realised i had met my soulmate. We then ended up in bed together but i can honestly say with my hand on my heart nothing happened apart from cuddling and kissing. She stayed with me untill 6pm the following afternoon, when i had to leave for the airport.

We spoke 2 times while i was at the airport and since returning home we have spoken everyday to each other on the phone.

I am currently planning a trip to go and see her in 2 weeks time as she is going back to the philipines untill July. She lives in Binan, Laguna. I miss her terribly and even though i am 6' 4" tall and built like an out house i have cried 3 or 4 times like a baby since returning home because i miss her so much.

Is there anything i need to do before my visit in 2 weeks or anything i can do while i am there?

I am obviuosly going to meet her parents and ask permission to marry there daughter.

Now for the obvious, i am married and by reading previous posts i need to divorce before i can do anything!

How long do i need to have a relationship with Judith before applying for a visa for her and her baby Jenny to live with me in the UK?
I really want to take her away from that bar in Hong Kong as i fear she may get used and abused by not so caring westerners. Will this take years?

Or do i run away to the Philipines to be with her?!

Please can anyone help this big softy whos heart is aching.

Many thanks,

Tim

ivor&mel

18th May 2006, 18:14

Tim,

I doubt whether many people on the Forum have been in your exact position, so maybe you will only be given general advice - but who knows? :)

You shouldn't really think about applying for a visa until you have known her for at least a year: the Embassy are not impressed by speed! And you need to be gathering proof of relationship: photos, communications etc. Your divorce is going to take some time, even if it is supposedly strightforward, so use that time to build up the relationship and to understand the application procedure and requirements, which have been covered by many posts on this forum and also on Pete's site. (http://www.british-filipino.com/) And, money and time permitting, use it to visit her as much as possible.

Have you had a look at the visa application form? You may need to think how you will fill in details about her residence and work in HK.... How long have you actually known her? If it is not long, perhaps you should not think about a formal proposal of marriage on your next trip: the Embassy are likely to ask about how long you knew each other before you decided to get married, and if it's only a few weeks, I think they would seize on that as being unconvincing as regards yours being a genuine relationship.

So, take your time over this, read all you can on this Forum, Pete's site, and the official immigration sites, including the British Embassy in Manila, and UKVACS. There are a lot of success stories from people on this Forum, so keep asking questions!

Ivor and Mel

deepete

18th May 2006, 18:31

I would like to offer some advice Tim, sit down and think about this seriously. Judith may be your true partner for the rest of your life, or she may be a scammer, why if you had her mobile number did you have to go back to the bar to see her?

If you do marry how are you going to explain how you met to your friends/ business colleages, because they normally ask, will you be able to cope with the her past during rows etc, without throwing it up in her face. You will have to be very strong and for gods sake dont mention it to your wife unless you want to see it bought up in the divorce court.

Saying all that, my mate married a bar girl from Thailand and they are very happy and just had a baby boy.

Peter style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

tim34

18th May 2006, 18:43

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ivor&mel @ May 18 2006, 06:14 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Tim,

I doubt whether many people on the Forum have been in your exact position, so maybe you will only be given general advice - but who knows? style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif

You shouldn't really think about applying for a visa until you have known her for at least a year: the Embassy are not impressed by speed! And you need to be gathering proof of relationship: photos, communications etc. Your divorce is going to take some time, even if it is supposedly strightforward, so use that time to build up the relationship and to understand the application procedure and requirements, which have been covered by many posts on this forum and also on Pete's site. (http://www.british-filipino.com/) And, money and time permitting, use it to visit her as much as possible.

Have you had a look at the visa application form? You may need to think how you will fill in details about her residence and work in HK.... How long have you actually known her? If it is not long, perhaps you should not think about a formal proposal of marriage on your next trip: the Embassy are likely to ask about how long you knew each other before you decided to get married, and if it's only a few weeks, I think they would seize on that as being unconvincing as regards yours being a genuine relationship.

So, take your time over this, read all you can on this Forum, Pete's site, and the official immigration sites, including the British Embassy in Manila, and UKVACS. There are a lot of success stories from people on this Forum, so keep asking questions!

Ivor and Mel
[/b][/quote]

Hi Ivor and Mel,

Many thanks for replying and giving me this advice it is very much appreciated i will spend many hours researching this site and using its info to guide me.
I will also take your advice on the proposal for the next trip, i did wonder if it was a little quick!

I will keep everyone updated on my progress and post pics from my next visit. Its nice to know there are people here who can help and hopefully a shoulder to hide on when feeling a bit down.

One quick question : If she has a visa to live and work in Hong Kong does that entitle her to be able to visit the uk?

Once again many thanks,

Tim

walesrob

18th May 2006, 18:52

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(tim @ May 18 2006, 06:43 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>

If she has a visa to live and work in Hong Kong does that entitle her to be able to visit the uk?

Tim
[/b][/quote]

No, she will need to apply for a visa at the British Embassy in Hong Kong or Philippines.

tim34

18th May 2006, 19:40

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(deepete @ May 18 2006, 06:31 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
I would like to offer some advice Tim, sit down and think about this seriously. Judith may be your true partner for the rest of your life, or she may be a scammer, why if you had her mobile number did you have to go back to the bar to see her?

If you do marry how are you going to explain how you met to your friends/ business colleages, because they normally ask, will you be able to cope with the her past during rows etc, without throwing it up in her face. You will have to be very strong and for gods sake dont mention it to your wife unless you want to see it bought up in the divorce court.

Saying all that, my mate married a bar girl from Thailand and they are very happy and just had a baby boy.

Peter style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif
[/b][/quote]

Hi Deepete,

Many thanks for your reply. In response to your question regarding if i think she is a scammer the answer would have to be no.
The reason i had to go back to the bar to see her again was becuase this was my own choice. When i spoke to her on the phone earlier in the day i didnt let her know i wanted to see her, it was only because i sat and thought about it that i realised i did want to see her again so i went to the bar of my own accord.

The reason i paid the money was because this was the only way her "manager" was going to let her out of the bar with me.

I have thought about the other points and if anyone asks me how i met her i will say in a bar in Hong Kong, probably as a waitress etc, i would not embarass her with telling everyone she had got herself into something she didnt like.
When we were together she told me she had only seen 2 previous blokes and hated it. I have no reason to dis believe her as she has never requested money to be sent to her since or asked me to bring her to the UK.

She obviuosly knows of my visit in 2 weeks time and when i asked her if she wanted me to bring anything with me her reply was to me "myself, my love and a huge hug at the airport".

I know i could still be being sucked in but i think not. The fact she cries sometimes on the phone to me and expresses how much she misses me indicates genuine feelings.

Rows i hope there wont be many i have had 10 years of constant rowing with my current wife, are filipino women as argumentitive as western women? Lol.

Many thanks,

Tim

mupsuit

18th May 2006, 19:42

Love finds a way - all the best as you pursue your interest with this new friend

Hope it works out just as you would wish - most of us here have found real joy with our Filipina wife

You have been advised the Embassy does not like speed - proceed slowly, in any case your divorce will take some time so you can develop all the right circumstances to get married in due course and bring your wife (plus baby) to the UK - see Pete's web page for lots of excellent information on what you will need to do

Feel free to ask as many question as needed

tim34

18th May 2006, 19:49

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(mupsuit @ May 18 2006, 07:42 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Love finds a way - all the best as you pursue your interest with this new friend

Hope it works out just as you would wish - most of us here have found real joy with our Filipina wife

You have been advised the Embassy does not like speed - proceed slowly, in any case your divorce will take some time so you can develop all the right circumstances to get married in due course and bring your wife (plus baby) to the UK - see Pete's web page for lots of excellent information on what you will need to do

Feel free to ask as many question as needed
[/b][/quote]

Hi mupsuit,

Again like the others thanks for your positive comments and support. I feel alot better today after joining this great group.

Quick update have recieved text earlier from Judith saying hi to everyone, and before i posted her pic on my profile i checked it was ok with her which it is so will pop it on now.

Thanks,

Tim

ivor&mel

18th May 2006, 20:09

{quote=tim @ May 18 2006, 07:40 PM]Rows i hope there wont be many i have had 10 years of constant rowing with my current wife, are filipino women as argumentitive as western women? Lol.

Many thanks,

Tim
[/quote]
Filipinas tend to be vastly different from western women, not least that they hate confrontation and arguments. Now... have you been introduced to tampo yet? :D

Ivor (without Mel's permission :))

baboyako

18th May 2006, 20:45

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(tim @ May 18 2006, 07:40 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
She obviuosly knows of my visit in 2 weeks time and when i asked her if she wanted me to bring anything with me her reply was to me "myself, my love and a huge hug at the airport".
[/b][/quote]

Sorry to crash this party, but you need waking up a little.

The girls in Wan Chai are gogo girls. You may think you are paying her 'manager' (thats her mamasan BTW) but the girls obviously get kickbacks. The deal is, they work there on a 6 month stint (their passports are updated with working visas each month - not strictly legal). They will get a salary of 1000quid for the 6 months, plus bonuses for their barfines (i.e. customers like you) and ladies drinks. The mamasan provides her with accomodation & flights to/from the phil.

If this girl has only had 2 customers prior to yourself, chances are the mamasan is seriously thinking about sending her home since she is not making the mamasan profits OR she is lying & is in fact is after the '2hrs of fun' she will be back in dear old Wan Chai looking for her next punter/mug.

Of course she is happy to talk to you on the phone everyday until you return - In the hope you will barfine her every night (she does have kid(s) to feed after all). From that 1500HKD barfine, she'll get 500HKD which she'll send to her boyfriend/pimp back home. If you don't sleep with her she's laughing even more.

Don't get me wrong. She may well be a fantastic girl. All I'm saying is keep you eyes open, there are plently of other filipinas who you can meet in HK (domestic servants on their night off) that are not just doing thier job.

I apologise if that was a little strong, someone had to say it.

kristleh

18th May 2006, 20:47

Hi Tim. I would agree with Peter that it's better to get to know her better. Isn't the idea of getting married at this moment a bit too fast? Anyway, don't mind me. I'm just a 20 (twenTEEN hehe) year old kiddo who knows nothing about relationship and marriage. Just thought of giving my opinion. Anyway, to answer your last question. Filipinos are diverse people who can not be categorized easily. Some Filipinas are naggers and argumentative. Some prefer to be the pacifier. Some are... i don't know. hehehe. It depends.

There must be something in her you see that you are able to go beyond the fact the she works in a bar. You did not judge her because of the nature of her work because some people will readily do. What a person does is not enough to define the totality of her being (sorry if this sounds idiotic hehe). Don't be affected by what many people would probably say. If you end up getting married, I hope everything will work out for you and your love and have the kind of life many of the people in this forum have. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif Update us.

Pauldo

18th May 2006, 22:29

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(baboyako @ May 18 2006, 08:45 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Sorry to crash this party, but you need waking up a little.

The girls in Wan Chai are gogo girls. You may think you are paying her 'manager' (thats her mamasan BTW) but the girls obviously get kickbacks. The deal is, they work there on a 6 month stint (their passports are updated with working visas each month - not strictly legal). They will get a salary of 1000quid for the 6 months, plus bonuses for their barfines (i.e. customers like you) and ladies drinks. The mamasan provides her with accomodation & flights to/from the phil.

If this girl has only had 2 customers prior to yourself, chances are the mamasan is seriously thinking about sending her home since she is not making the mamasan profits OR she is lying & is in fact is after the '2hrs of fun' she will be back in dear old Wan Chai looking for her next punter/mug.

Of course she is happy to talk to you on the phone everyday until you return - In the hope you will barfine her every night (she does have kid(s) to feed after all). From that 1500HKD barfine, she'll get 500HKD which she'll send to her boyfriend/pimp back home. If you don't sleep with her she's laughing even more.

Don't get me wrong. She may well be a fantastic girl. All I'm saying is keep you eyes open, there are plently of other filipinas who you can meet in HK (domestic servants on their night off) that are not just doing thier job.

I apologise if that was a little strong, someone had to say it.
[/b][/quote]

Brutal, to the point and CORRECT.

You've been about a bit I can see, same as me, and I won't even pretend that I'm a nice clean boy who married my first love.

Here's a few pages from a story of Phuket, though it could be The Philippines or Hong Kong, with little difference but the place name. Gives a little insight into the bar girl scene:

In Phuket, love and sex are far too intertwined to be considered separately. Bar girls, simply called prostitutes in the west, abound in most every drinking hole. So cheap that they are almost free, they are particularly endearing to the foreigner, who has typically spent years dreaming and fantasizing of lithe, dark skinned, nubile young ladies, who will do his every wish. They will do whatever you want to do, tell you whatever you want to hear.

Either singly, in pairs, or whatever the pocket can afford, these girls will give the attention and loving affection that most guys have never experienced and now find irresistible. Some girls are young, barely in their teens, with a Miss World beauty, lusciousness and innocence that can break your heart when you face the reality that they are just, basically, a hooker.

With no education, and the prospect of working on a building site for two dollars a day, many poor Thai women find the bars the only way to look after their family, or for some, to buy an education.

It doesn’t take long for new girls to learn the ways of their trade, as many older girls are anxious to perpetuate the secret techniques of parting a ‘customer’ with as much of his money as possible, and are anxious to see a sweeter, younger version of themselves fall into the same traps they did. Jealousy is rife. Some girls luck out and find a nice guy to take them away to another country, before they are corrupted by the squalor and viciousness of prostitution.

Some girls never make it out and live a whole lifetime in a few short years, hardened beyond belief, having fallen in love with a hundred different guys, waited for a hundred different promises, and now unable to trust a customer further than they can see him. Many have had the chance to better themselves, had the trust of a guy willing to support them, a guy who may have been away for months at a time and then returned to find the girl back in a bar, business as usual. Her chance thrown away with the typical shortsightedness of the poor and uneducated.

Other girls can’t see further than the next joint, tablet or fix.

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif

baboyako

18th May 2006, 23:11

hey Pauldo I thought I was being brutal style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/xxmixed-smiley-017.gif

tim, I suggest you keep things ticking over with judith. Meet up with her next time sure, but try and open up the dialog a little - not very romantic I know - but the best relationships are built on honesty.

they do have internet cafes in HK. So maybe move away from the SMS messages, and into some longer email exchanges (mamasan gives the girls an hour off each day, so don't accept excuses).

(yea & don't ask me how I know all this stuff style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Erm.gif )

Eljohno

19th May 2006, 00:12

Hi Tim,

welcome to the forum. I really only want to ask one question at this point and that is that you say that you are unhappily married but are you still with your wife now or have you separated and applying for a divorce?

Admin

19th May 2006, 06:53

To be honest, with 10,000's of beautiful single filipino's with no bagage, then I think you should just stop contacting her, and get on the Filipino chat rooms for a month, you'll soon realise how silly this looks.

She wouldn't care if you were a convicted axe murderer with a face like Quaismodo, as long as you got her out of her present situation. Once she's taken that step, she can then look at getting a UK passport and moving up the ladder again with someone else.

Your best with a nice homely girl, innocent and sweet from the homeland.

If you didn't contact her for a month, how many times would she contact you?

Move on, much better out there. Sounds more like pity, and trying to be a saviour than love to me.

tim34

19th May 2006, 16:19

Wow!

I took a beating on those last few messages and to be honest i expected it!

Everyone is entitled to there opinion etc, and at the end of the day its only me who can learn by his mistakes and follow his heart.

Yes i know all about the Gogo bar scene and how it works i travel to Hong Kong alot. Normally i wouldnt give the girls 2 minutes of my time, but as i said before she was different her cousins had taken her there and she hated it and yes your probably right she will be sent back home if she does not "perform"

She is back home now, she arrived back today, we have spoke on the phone for over 2 hours, (my poor bloody phone bill).

No she doesnt want to go back to Hong Kong and would much rather stay at home with her baby, but what does she do? I could play the nice guy and send her money to stay at home so she doesnt get corrupted.

Like i say earlier i will be going back to see her in 2 weeks time and i will be spending 5 days with Judith her baby and her parents. Of course we will talk in depth and i know we are not going to get married in 3 months.

I am giving her the benefit of the doubt at the moment that she got herself into something she shouldnt of, but who are we to judge? We have all done things wrong in the past and she has been honest with me so far, she has never mentioned money or living off of me.

Please give us both a chance. I will update you all soon.

Thanks,

Tim

Admin

19th May 2006, 16:59

We weren't bitching at you, just making sure you can see the big picture, love gives us tunnel vision, and before we know it we discover we've had two fantastic years of marriage......the other 5 were hell style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Grin.gif

tim34

19th May 2006, 18:39

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(admin @ May 19 2006, 04:59 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
We weren't bitching at you, just making sure you can see the big picture, love gives us tunnel vision, and before we know it we discover we've had two fantastic years of marriage......the other 5 were hell style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Grin.gif
[/b][/quote]

I know you were not bitching just merely wiping my rose coloured specs! and i do appreciate all the feedback even if some of it does style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/xxmixed-smiley-017.gif knock me a bit.

Your right love does give us tunnell vision, it also can make you feel like the happiest man on this earth.

I wont go into my previous marriage, but lets say for me i feel on top of the world and even though i have only known Judith for 5 minutes the affection and love she has shown me up to now is more than i have had in 10 years of marriage.

I know there will be ups and downs but i can honestly say i,m looking forward to getting to know Judith more and hopefully building a long lasting happy relationship.

Many thanks,

Tim

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Eljohno @ May 19 2006, 12:12 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Hi Tim,
welcome to the forum. I really only want to ask one question at this point and that is that you say that you are unhappily married but are you still with your wife now or have you separated and applying for a divorce?
[/b][/quote]

Hi Eljohno,

Sorry for not replying earlier and thanks for the welcome. In answer to your question yes i do live in the same house as my wife but we do not sleep together etc, and the reason we are still living together is for the business that we (I) own.

I am looking into getting a divorce and i am even thinking of either moving or setting a new business over there. Although this is obviuosly not at the front of my mind yet.

Many thanks,

Tim

Pauldo

19th May 2006, 23:17

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(tim @ May 19 2006, 06:39 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
I know you were not bitching just merely wiping my rose coloured specs! and i do appreciate all the feedback even if some of it does style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/xxmixed-smiley-017.gif knock me a bit.

[/b][/quote]

Just to run salt into your already festering wounds, don't for one second believe the story about only having been with two other customers. In all the years I hung around in asian bars the oldest and most common story was: 'I only work here one month already' or 'I only go with one man before I meet you'

That was especially funny when I knew for a fact they'd been working there months or even years.

I once fell in lust with a gorgeous Filipino singer in a club in Singapore. (Millies, in Changi village, for our Singaporean frequenters) This was in 1990-91ish, before I had ever been to the Philippines. I was lonely, lusty, had very few friends, and I doted on this girl. She was 26, single, no kids, and wanted me to visit her every night at the club so we could chat. I wasn't allowed to take her out on her own, unless several of the other girls in their band came along to chaperone. Guess who paid for everything........

I spent 1000's of dollars going to Millies every night to visit, and snatch a few minutes talk between shows. This went on for months, and I continually asked her to take it one more step, to actually be a couple instead of just 'buddies'.

Long story short, I eventually discovered she was married, had three kids, was 33, not 26, and was peddling her ass to rich Chinese guys after the show finished every night.

Every bar girl has a 'cover story', good, bad, true, false, or indifferent, they all have one, no matter how sweet they are on the surface.

baboyako

20th May 2006, 01:03

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(tim @ May 19 2006, 04:19 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
I could play the nice guy and send her money to stay at home so she doesnt get corrupted.
[/b][/quote]

Well you've had the lecture & it looks like your gonna go ahead anyway style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Doh.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Hammer.gif

You still need to keep your eyes open. If you're thinking of sending her money it shouldn't cost you a lot - a store assistant in SM is likely to earn 8,000P/mo so if she starts asking you for 10,000 to fix the roof, 5,000 for the baby's medicine, 2,000 for a new rice cooker etc etc then start asking yourself questions.

Enjoy your time with Judith. I'm sure you don't need advice on how to do that style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Wine.gif

truelove26

20th May 2006, 07:50

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(baboyako @ May 20 2006, 01:03 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
Well you've had the lecture & it looks like your gonna go ahead anyway style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Doh.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Hammer.gif

You still need to keep your eyes open. If you're thinking of sending her money it shouldn't cost you a lot - a store assistant in SM is likely to earn 8,000P/mo so if she starts asking you for 10,000 to fix the roof, 5,000 for the baby's medicine, 2,000 for a new rice cooker etc etc then start asking yourself questions.

Enjoy your time with Judith. I'm sure you don't need advice on how to do that style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wub.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/Wine.gif
[/b][/quote]
Tim,
welcome to d forum...as what they said,keep your eyes open...but i just want to say that follow your heart...if she makes you happy and could see yourself spending the rest of ur life with her then go for it!!
better to be sorry in the end than losing without even trying it...
but of course try to know her when you visit her in PI.

goodluck
truelove26

remee_milano

8th August 2006, 18:17

Have u read the novel of Pauolo Coehlo's eleven minutes? just so similar...

robeth

30th October 2006, 04:21

where are u tim34? just curious what happened to ur story...not so busy today so have time to dig old post...:)

Chrisirene

30th October 2006, 06:24

Hi Tim34...
how are you now?hows ur love life?

timandjudith

21st January 2007, 03:27

Hope you are all well.

Sorry i have not replied for so long, but i have been busy.

The question you are all dying to know is am i still with Judith? The answer is yes.
I am currently living in Binan Laguna with Judith and Jenny and i have been here since late July.

We are very much in love and i,m glad to say i was right with my instincts.

Although there is a but! We have probably gone through more in the last 5 months than most couples go through in a lifetime.

I will continue to tell our story but before i do, i dont want some members replying with the "shes with you cos your foreign" rubbish.

I moved here as i said in late July. My ex wife ran up huge debts in my name in England whilst i was on visits in June to the Phillipines, by the time i left the UK in July my ex ran up debts of nearly 15000 pounds, this is because she didnt want me to have it easy as she called it!

I left the UK with 2500 pounds which as you know in Phillipine money is about a quarter of a million pesos, enough to start a small business here such asa water station, or video game rental.

All of my family didnt want me to leave and said if i did i would be on my own.

When i arrived in Binan i needed to put the money somewhere but because i,m not a citizen i could not open an account so we stayed with Judiths parents and they held the money untill we found a suitable business.

We then found a business we wanted which would give us a good enough income to live reasonably well but this is where the fun starts, when me and Judith went to get the money, yes you guessed it! its gone!

After may discussions and getting mad we never found out exactly where the money went, i know in my heart it went to help extended family as Filipinos hearts are bigger than there brains, (NOT ALL FILIPINOS I MAY ADD).

So the outcome was Judith left her family with me and we moved into an appartment. In true brirish style i was not going to be defeated, but unfortunately there are alot of greedy People in the Phillipines who appear to be friendly but just want your money.

Here there is a saying here that if your foreign you are a walking Ninoy, this is the guy whos head is on the 1000 peso bank note!

Now everyone is saying why dont you come back to England? My answer is yes i would but i want to come back with Judith and Jenny.

We have lived through 2 large Typhoons, one of which flooded our appartment to knee height and we had no power for 2 weeks, i have been in hospital for 8 days with an "unknown illness" which at one stage they thought i would dye, we have had times where i have not eaten for 4 days so that Jenny is fed. Through all of this my family has not called me once here, only i get the odd sms saying hope things get better for you soon.

Am i bitter with my family? Not bitter no i,m more dissapointed, the things i used to do for my family when i lived in England. But if they dont want to help thats there decision its a free country.

Can anyone help with how i can get Judith and Jenny back to England with me? I can pay to get the visa, because i,m sure you all know that the Phillipines is the most corrupt country in Asia and "anything" can be obtained with money.

The last i heard here 300,000 pesos will get you a british residency visa and thats from within the british embassy.

Any help will be greatly appreciated as i now dont have any contact in the UK to help us.

Anyone want to know anything about here now? I,m sure i can give the answers.

I look forward to speaking to you all soon.

Tim, Judith and Jenny.

KeithD

21st January 2007, 10:45

"shes with you cos your foreign" rubbish.

They're all with us cos they we are foreign!! :Erm:

but unfortunately there are alot of greedy People in the Phillipines who appear to be friendly but just want your money.

If you read the forum, you'd know not to trust anyone but yourself when you visit. If I met some English girl, I wouldn't hand money over to her parents to keep hold of. You could have put it in Western Union and transferred it to yourself, that keeps it in a safe secure cycle for days. I'm sure other folk know other ways, but bit late now :)

Can anyone help with how i can get Judith and Jenny back to England with me? I can pay to get the visa, because i,m sure you all know that the Phillipines is the most corrupt country in Asia and "anything" can be obtained with money.

All countries are as corrupt as one another. The European Union is more corrupt than the Philippines, the difference is our's isn't so much in the open. Cash in hand in the UK is corruption, so is buying imported beer/cigs, claiming benefit while working, etc for example.

Anyway, the British Embassy are the only folk who can issue a Visa and they are not open to bribes no matter what you've heard, and as you have no income, you will not be granted one as you need proof you can support her, it is as simple as that.

Ping

21st January 2007, 11:05

Well its too late now, but before you did that why you did'nt asked some advice here in the forum about money matters.If you did brought the money in cash (£) pounds with you, you can just put it in your wallet, in your socks, in your secret jacket pocket or bought a money pouch and kept it in your body where ever you went. You can change that to the money changer any amount you need not all of it. Two thousand pounds is not too bulky. Well charge to experienced.If you remember the saying that says trust no one especially in a foreign land.

walesrob

21st January 2007, 11:18

Hi Tim,

Sorry to hear about the trouble you've had, I hope things will be more in your favour soon.

Like Keith, I would advise against trying to "buy" a visa, its risky to say the least, and I'm sure you don't want to get conned again.

To me, it looks as if you are fast running out of options, and this is what I would do if I was in the same boat - you may not like it, but here goes:

You say you have no-one that can help you here in the UK and your family have more or less said "You are on your own". Well, this will be difficult, but try to talk to them, and make them understand that you and Judith are madly in love and there is nothing they can do to change that, and they will have to accept it. I experienced something like that when I married Elsa in the Philippines, but once they found out what a loving warm person she was, everything was fine.

As Keith states, you are unlikely to get a visa if you have no job in the UK, so I can see in this situation there will have to be a period of seperation whilst you return to the UK, get a job and some money, then apply for a visa a few months down the line. I know this is not what you want, but I can see no other easy way out.

I hope everything turns out fine, let us know what happens.

All the best.

fontain

24th January 2007, 17:23

Hi Mate,

Just read the whole post, wow thats a story and a half
Puts most most peoples gripes in to perspective.

Cant offer you much advice thats already been said, but I would say that you should listen to the guys on here and defo not bother trying to get a moody visa out there, you would most likely get knocked and the fact we all have been made to jump through hoops should tell you that you have no chance of getting through the back door.

As hard as it will be to leave her for a while, I think you should come back here and earn some decent money and then either try to get them a visa or go back and use it to set yourself up as you first planned, but this time please please be more careful.

Good luck, I wish you well

eljean

24th January 2007, 17:51

i wonder were all the money gone? and why is your partner not even bother to look after it????:Erm:

baboyako

24th January 2007, 19:52

I wouldn't trust my own parents with two grand. let alone anyone else's... I think you've only got yourself to blame there.

Filipinos are famous for indefinite IOUs in my experience. I don't have too great an issue with a 2000 or 4000 peso iou that I'll never see again :NoNo: simply because they become too afraid to ask for another one :icon_lol:

fred

25th January 2007, 15:35

OH TIM !! What have you done?

Her parents are not big hearted loving anything!! They are THIEVES ,and they have stolen from YOU!!.
Did they fetch the Barangay captain and report a theft?
No..I didn't think so. That is a huge amount of cash to lose and a really painful lesson to learn..
Its no consolation but it would have gone eventually anyway in the kind of businesses that you had in mind to start.
How long is your visa valid for? How much cash have you left?
Do you have a return ticket?
Whose paying for your apartment?
Whose paying for daily expenses?
If this happened to me I would visit a local policeman and offer him 30%/40% what the hell 50% finders fee..That might help the cash turn up..

Where are you exactly?

Let us know how you are doing. Keep us updated.

fred

25th January 2007, 15:47

Let me know if you need emergency accomodation..No promises but I might be able to help.. Not that far from Binan.

timandjudith

25th January 2007, 16:25

Hi Fred,

Many thanks for reading our story and for your kind offer of help.

To answer some of your questions:

My visa is no problem i have 2 year visa here, i wont say how i got it lets just say i now have a friend in the Phillipine Embassy! :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Return ticket - no.

We are lucky in the fact we have met a family here where the husband is British, the appartment we are living in is free at the moment as this family owns the block and i did manage to keep some money so we have 2 video games that we rent out which just keeps us living here.

Yes i could of gone to the Police and Judith said too, but i know the legal system here and nothing would happen, i would just be the stupid "Joe" who let his money go.
I do have a friend here who works for the NBI and he said i,m wasting my time trying to get the money back.

Looks like i am going to have to return to England on my own and go from there.

Where abouts are you in Laguna?

Once again thanks for your offer.

fred

25th January 2007, 16:54

OK Tim as long as you are reasonably safe..
Im not convinced about your stamp as there is no such thing as a 2 year visa..
Sounds very suspect to me..
I overstayed for aprox 3 years once and money did fix my problem but not in the way you describe..
Friend in Phillipine Embassy?? In the U.K you mean?Or do you mean Immigration? What has he done for you?
Give me the details of what is actually stamped in your passport please.
You are right,police are a waste of time UNLESS there is something in it for them and thats why I suggested a finders fee.
I guarantee this will get them moving.anyway you have nothing to lose!!
We have a place in Cavite which is in the next province to yours.

timandjudith

27th January 2007, 02:22

Hi Fred,

Yeah your right i,m getting mixed up with Embassy and Immigration, i have Embassies on the brain right now!

I went to Philippine Immigration department in Manila, initially they gave me a 3 month extension on my original 3 week stay then when i went back to see the same guy and took Judith and explained my situation he gave me an extension for a further 18 months.

Was quite cheap actually and i got my visa in about 10 minutes!

With regards to the money i know it was my fault giving it to Judiths parents to hold but hindsight is a wonderfull but useless thing!
At the time we didnt think that her parents would be holding it for more than a few days and you dont expect your asawas parents to mess up there daughters future!

Yes they are theives, but mostly un educated and because of the english culture they think money grows on trees!

All most filipinos see here is English and American guys coming here and spending money like water, so when you say to your asawas parents that this money is all we have for our future, they dont believe it.

I,m not saying all Filipinos have this attitude, but a proportion do.

I have learnt my lesson and Judith too, and no she didnt have any idea where the money went and yes she did ask her parents what happened but of course no real answer.

I know where it went, all of a sudden white guy turns up and lives in the neighbourhood, all of the neighbours become even more friendly they all ahve there problems and Filipinos like to help so i become Mother Teresa without me knowing.

The part that annoyed me most was i tried to tell them that if they had of waited until we were succesfull helping her family in the future was part of my plan but greed took over.

Brits are just the same in England though right? Except we do it different there we have friends called "plastic" and "loan" and use money we havent got. Which is why Britain is now living on credit.

Anyway its another gorgeous day here and i,m always grateful for what i do have and i have learnt not to think to much about what i dont have.

fred

27th January 2007, 11:55

I went to Philippine Immigration department in Manila, initially they gave me a 3 month extension on my original 3 week stay then when i went back to see the same guy and took Judith and explained my situation he gave me an extension for a further 18 months.Tim. :Erm:
Please take note of the visa prosses below..
You will see that there is no such stamp for 18 months.
You must leave the country after one year when the proccess below is complete..This trip can even be a day trip to HK and on return the process will start again.
Be careful because if you are blacklisted for an overstay this means that you will not be able to return..
Up to you what you do with this information.

1. Visa Waiver for 38 days after initial stay of 21 days without visa
Visa Waiver 1,000.00
Application Fee 500.00
Legal Research Fee 20.00
Express Lane Fee 500.00
Total 2,020.00

2. Visa Extension after 59 days good for two months
Visa Extension 1,000.00
Application Fee 300.00
Alien Certificate of Registration 1,000.00
Head Tax 250.00

Emigration Clearance Certificate 700.00
This was explained to me as being the equivalent of the airport exit fee, which I now don't need to pay
Legal Research Fee 40.00
Express Lane Fee 500.00
Total 3,790.00

3. Visa Extension good for 2 months going from 5 to 6 months stay
Visa Extension 1,000.00
Application Fee 300.00
Legal Research Fee 20.00
Express Lane Fee 500.00
Total 1,820.00

4. Visa Extension after 6 months stay
Visa Extension 1,000.00
Application Fee 300.00
Cert. Of Residence Temprary Visitor (CRTV) 1,400.00
Legal Research Fee 30.00
Express Lane Fee 500.00
Total 3,230.00

eljean

27th January 2007, 12:32

LOVE CONQUERS ALL:xxgrinning--00xx3: GOOD LUCK TIM YOUR A ONE TOUGH BIG HEART!!!!!!

timandjudith

27th January 2007, 12:54

Thanks Eljean i am trying my best :xxgrinning--00xx3: Although sometimes i feel like jumping from a jeepney! :omg:

Fred you mentioned in one of your earlier posts you overstayed for 3 years what happened?

walesrob

27th January 2007, 13:00

" Express Lane Fee 500.00"

Nice one - they charge you to use the faster queue :icon_lol:

Don't let Gordon Brown see your post Fred about Visa fees - he might get some ideas :rolleyes:

fred

27th January 2007, 13:15

Fred you mentioned in one of your earlier posts you overstayed for 3 years what happened?He he..I used to drink with an air force colonel in my local..
After I knew him for 6 months I got brave enough to show him my passport..
I told him that he could either help me or arrest me!!
He got his seargent to take my passport to MIA as it was called then (Manila airport) departures and had my passport stamped leaving the country 2 years 8 months previous to that day.
They then took it to arrivals and stamped me arriving back up almost to date..Then another guy stamped in some extensions and Bobs your uncle,fannies your aunt I was legal again.
I was stone broke in the R.P for almost two years and I was really very lucky to know this guy as he had no intentions of charging me..
However I did manage to buy him a couple of SMB`s and he was more than happy with that..
Again Tim..I was very lucky because if I hadn`t met this guy I would have been black listed for life.
I know exactly what you are going through..Just keep your wits about you and trust no one.
Best to find out the facts in regards your visa and confront the problem now before you get in to0 deep.. Its not hard to sort if you act quickly..

Keep on truckin,and dont let the *******s get you down ha ha..
Just think.. 6 months from now you will be laughing about this!!

KeithD

27th January 2007, 22:44

How long before your blacklisted? Friend of ours overstayed 2/3 days, and paid for the visa fine on the way out.

fred

28th January 2007, 07:34

How long is a piece of string?
Its the R.P we are talking about here Keith !!
2/3 days is nothing. A simple visa waiver at the airport and a slapped wrist.
Under 6 months is usualy nothing a nice bung wouldn`t fix through a travel agency fixer.
1 year and you are supposed to leave anyway.(visa trip)
I guess the bottom line is the longer you stay the more expensive it gets and the more you are unable to pay the more they will blacklist your white **** !!
Money is always a good equaliser though..You just need to know who to pay.
Forged stamps and immigration officer signitures can be spotted at a 100 yards at the airport so it needs to be done by real immigration officers.

timandjudith

29th January 2007, 07:22

We will get there eventually i hope. Me and Judith have had a long talk and i also have done alot of thinking.

I have the chance to borrow some money for a business here or return to the UK.
If i return to the UK i have nothing, no work no house, no furniture, no car etc, ex wife did really well uh?:cwm23:

I could go for the messy 50% thing but i dont want anything from her now.

So if i return i,m worse off than here, and as we all know England is not a nice place either with no money or no job and most important for me if i return i have not got Judith to be my rock like she is here.

If i stay here and use the money for a business at least we can make a start to rebuild things.

I asked Judith why she wanted to stay in England and i can tell she has this rose coloured spectacle view of it.
I told her that its just as hard there when you have no money and England is going down hill in many ways.

I,m not going to give up, i love Judith and Jenny with all my heart and you get put on this earth once so i have to get on with it.

Fred i will sort my visa thing out. On one of my visits here i overstayed 3 weeks when i got to the airport they charged me 2000 pesos fine, but the immigration officer said if i had brought my Fiance to the desk with me they would of waivered it?:Erm: Not sure how i could do that as Filipinos are not allowed through the airport that far without a ticket are they?

Our friends here are very well respected in Binan and have a very good lawyer when we know we have enough money for food etc, i will pay the money and get legal.

Are you in the Phils now Fred? Would be good to meet up sometime and chat.