Eljohno
24th May 2008, 17:32
I came across this story which might help us understand what my filipinos can face when they marry a Foreigner.
Foreigner = Money = Problems
I know all families are not like the ones I am telling you about, but my observation is that the arrival of a foreigner into the family nest brings out the worst in many families. It is a Filipino cultural value that all must benefit from the good fortune of one; that there is limited good in the universe, so those who have more must share with those who have less or be considered stingy and a bad person.]
I have two friends who have foreign suitors. These are girls I have known since they were in high school. I know their families. Let me tell you some of the problems they have, on this end, when they have a foreign boyfriend. I will change the names to protect all parties.
The first is Suzy, my former neighbor. Suzy’s parents are poor. Her father is basically a lazy, arrogant fellow who has depended on his wife to support him all their married life. She is now out of work, but they rent out rooms in their small house and the mother raises pigs (Daddy won’t get his hands dirty). Her rich aunt has an internet café, so her parents told her, “Go to the internet café and find a foreign husband!” After a while, she found a nice fellow named Tommy in England. They met online and chatted and sent letters for several years. A friendship developed. Tommy is not rich. At last report, he had a job in a grocery store and some other side job. Last year Tommy came for a visit. He took Suzy and her family for one night in a very expensive hotel (probably because it was the only one in town to advertise online). When they got to her home, he gave her some money to help with food. Susy’s parents and family were very friendly and welcoming to Tommy, and were able to speak some English with him. But what Tommy did not know was that all the time, while the family was talking to Suzy in Cebuano, they were asking her to ask Tommy for money. Suzy replied with a smile on her face so that Tommy would not know what they were saying or how embarassed and frustrated she was. They were badgering her and shaming her and giving her a really hard time. Tommy left, none the wiser, and Suzy and her parents didn’t speak to each other for at least a month after he left.
This year Tommy came back for a longer stay. By this time, Suzy had moved out because she was sick of the pressure from her parents, especially her father, to get money from her boyfriend. When it came to light that her father was carrying on with a girl younger than Suzy, she brought her mother here to CDO to live with her in the apartment Tommy paid for. Her mother had gone back to her dad before Tommy came the second time. This time, she spent a lot less time with her family when Tommy was here. But still, they were constantly asking. Her father wanted a new cell phone with a camera, and was furious when Tommy gave Suzy one, and he only got her old one. Tommy is gone now, but there are constant calls from Suzy’s mother asking for money to buy rice and pay for the cable, etc. Suzy’s wedding in June will be pretty traumatic, I am sure, with her dad demanding an expensive wedding to show off to his friends, and the rest of the family hoping to get something before Suzy takes off for England as soon as possible to get away from the whole mess! Question: How do you think Suzy will feel if Tommy brings up the idea of moving to the Philippineshttp://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=themindanaobl-20&l=ur2&o=1, where it is cheaper to live, so she can be near her family?
The second is Tiza. She is a cousin of Suzy, but she has a lot nicer immediate family. She is from way up in the mountains and ‘met’ Don, an American from the South, by signing up for a pen-pal when she was still in high school. They have never used the computer to communicate, and it has only been in the last few years that they have been more than just letter-friends. In recent years they have talked on the phone along with the written letters. He sent her money to buy a camera, but other than that he has not sent money after she told him not to. Her family was pretty put out that she would ask him not to send money, because they wanted her to ask for money for them, especially when they had needs. Two years ago Don came to meet Tiza, but was scared to death to come to Mindanao, so he flew Tiza, her mom and sister and brother-in-law up to Manila. He was only here for a week, and Tiza was so shy she hardly talked. This year Don came back, this time for a month, and determined to come down to Mindanao and meet her family and see where she lived, and to decide whether to ask her to marry him. Since he does not speak the language, he does not know that just about as soon as they got into town, relatives were asking Tiza to ask him for money. She just kept smiling. Since he planned to go up to the mountains, to her very remote home place, we suggested that he take a pig and a sack of rice for the village. But in the end, it was decided they couldn’t do this, since they had other relatives who lived near town who would be jealous and demand the same. Believe me, things like this get complicated! :doh
Foreigner = Money = Problems
I know all families are not like the ones I am telling you about, but my observation is that the arrival of a foreigner into the family nest brings out the worst in many families. It is a Filipino cultural value that all must benefit from the good fortune of one; that there is limited good in the universe, so those who have more must share with those who have less or be considered stingy and a bad person.]
I have two friends who have foreign suitors. These are girls I have known since they were in high school. I know their families. Let me tell you some of the problems they have, on this end, when they have a foreign boyfriend. I will change the names to protect all parties.
The first is Suzy, my former neighbor. Suzy’s parents are poor. Her father is basically a lazy, arrogant fellow who has depended on his wife to support him all their married life. She is now out of work, but they rent out rooms in their small house and the mother raises pigs (Daddy won’t get his hands dirty). Her rich aunt has an internet café, so her parents told her, “Go to the internet café and find a foreign husband!” After a while, she found a nice fellow named Tommy in England. They met online and chatted and sent letters for several years. A friendship developed. Tommy is not rich. At last report, he had a job in a grocery store and some other side job. Last year Tommy came for a visit. He took Suzy and her family for one night in a very expensive hotel (probably because it was the only one in town to advertise online). When they got to her home, he gave her some money to help with food. Susy’s parents and family were very friendly and welcoming to Tommy, and were able to speak some English with him. But what Tommy did not know was that all the time, while the family was talking to Suzy in Cebuano, they were asking her to ask Tommy for money. Suzy replied with a smile on her face so that Tommy would not know what they were saying or how embarassed and frustrated she was. They were badgering her and shaming her and giving her a really hard time. Tommy left, none the wiser, and Suzy and her parents didn’t speak to each other for at least a month after he left.
This year Tommy came back for a longer stay. By this time, Suzy had moved out because she was sick of the pressure from her parents, especially her father, to get money from her boyfriend. When it came to light that her father was carrying on with a girl younger than Suzy, she brought her mother here to CDO to live with her in the apartment Tommy paid for. Her mother had gone back to her dad before Tommy came the second time. This time, she spent a lot less time with her family when Tommy was here. But still, they were constantly asking. Her father wanted a new cell phone with a camera, and was furious when Tommy gave Suzy one, and he only got her old one. Tommy is gone now, but there are constant calls from Suzy’s mother asking for money to buy rice and pay for the cable, etc. Suzy’s wedding in June will be pretty traumatic, I am sure, with her dad demanding an expensive wedding to show off to his friends, and the rest of the family hoping to get something before Suzy takes off for England as soon as possible to get away from the whole mess! Question: How do you think Suzy will feel if Tommy brings up the idea of moving to the Philippineshttp://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=themindanaobl-20&l=ur2&o=1, where it is cheaper to live, so she can be near her family?
The second is Tiza. She is a cousin of Suzy, but she has a lot nicer immediate family. She is from way up in the mountains and ‘met’ Don, an American from the South, by signing up for a pen-pal when she was still in high school. They have never used the computer to communicate, and it has only been in the last few years that they have been more than just letter-friends. In recent years they have talked on the phone along with the written letters. He sent her money to buy a camera, but other than that he has not sent money after she told him not to. Her family was pretty put out that she would ask him not to send money, because they wanted her to ask for money for them, especially when they had needs. Two years ago Don came to meet Tiza, but was scared to death to come to Mindanao, so he flew Tiza, her mom and sister and brother-in-law up to Manila. He was only here for a week, and Tiza was so shy she hardly talked. This year Don came back, this time for a month, and determined to come down to Mindanao and meet her family and see where she lived, and to decide whether to ask her to marry him. Since he does not speak the language, he does not know that just about as soon as they got into town, relatives were asking Tiza to ask him for money. She just kept smiling. Since he planned to go up to the mountains, to her very remote home place, we suggested that he take a pig and a sack of rice for the village. But in the end, it was decided they couldn’t do this, since they had other relatives who lived near town who would be jealous and demand the same. Believe me, things like this get complicated! :doh