My wife's affair

[Ritter68]

I met my wife in online 5 years ago in the Phils. For five years of marriage everything's okay we have a beautiful 3 year old daugther.

My nightmare starts 6 months ago when I found out that my wife had an affair whom she met thru texting. I found out this relationship when my wife left her cellphone unattended and I open her inbox out of curiosity and I read a few messages though its in tagalog but the word " mahal, i miss you, i love you and kiss n hugg " you don't send it to a friend isn't it? I am so devastated that time I can't believed in my eyes that my wife will do such a thing. My daughter even mention to me that her mum has a male visitor sometimes so my conclusion is justified that she has an affair. I didn't confront my wife bec I am so scared to know that truth there's a famous saying " what you don't know won't hurt you " so I just ignore it but deep inside i am deeply hurt asking my self where did I go wrong.

One day I went home early and unexpectedly the guy is in our house. He is a filipino working here as a caregiver. I keep my self calm down and its like there's nothing going on and we talk etc.

To make the long story short, finally I confronted my wife of what I know and what I found out. My wife facial expression is so imaginable. And she admitted that she and the guy has an affair but its just a fling and nothing more. How can I believe her? She's asking a second chance.

I love my wife so much and I don't want a broken family but I don't trust her anymore. Right now our relationship is in limbo and full of tension and I am trying my best that my daughter is okay despite the situation we have right now.

Sorry for the long story. I just want an outlet I can't even tell to my friends/family our situation bec Im still protecting her.

Good day to all!

Ritter

[joebloggs]

:NoNo: sorry for you and your daughter..

it's not common for a filipina to do this, how did she meet the guy ? does your wife work with him ? and is he married, i would have thought if he has come here as a caregiver, he could well be married :NoNo:

so you and your daughter might not be the only innocent victims here.

if you love your wife so much, then how can you leave her.?

[telford]

I met my wife in online 5 years ago in the Phils. For five years of marriage everything's okay we have a beautiful 3 year old daugther.

My nightmare starts 6 months ago when I found out that my wife had an affair whom she met thru texting. I found out this relationship when my wife left her cellphone unattended and I open her inbox out of curiosity and I read a few messages though its in tagalog but the word " mahal, i miss you, i love you and kiss n hugg " you don't send it to a friend isn't it? I am so devastated that time I can't believed in my eyes that my wife will do such a thing. My daughter even mention to me that her mum has a male visitor sometimes so my conclusion is justified that she has an affair. I didn't confront my wife bec I am so scared to know that truth there's a famous saying " what you don't know won't hurt you " so I just ignore it but deep inside i am deeply hurt asking my self where did I go wrong.

One day I went home early and unexpectedly the guy is in our house. He is a filipino working here as a caregiver. I keep my self calm down and its like there's nothing going on and we talk etc.

To make the long story short, finally I confronted my wife of what I know and what I found out. My wife facial expression is so imaginable. And she admitted that she and the guy has an affair but its just a fling and nothing more. How can I believe her? She's asking a second chance.

I love my wife so much and I don't want a broken family but I don't trust her anymore. Right now our relationship is in limbo and full of tension and I am trying my best that my daughter is okay despite the situation we have right now.

Sorry for the long story. I just want an outlet I can't even tell to my friends/family our situation bec Im still protecting her.

Good day to all!

Ritter
honestly speaking, its already common here for a filipina to have fling with a filipino guys...im not surprise with your post anymore... maybe some filipina will be mad at me,but im just saying what i notice.i know lots of filipina that are doing that.fellow filipinas,tell me liar but its the truth,we already have lots of fellow filipinas that betrayed thier husbands and family...i fell shame for them...:angry:

[joebloggs]

if it was common, i don't think i remember reading about a filipina cheating on her brit husband b4 with a filipino guy on this forum b4, scouser keith will have a better idea, maybe the british husband has never found out, or it has never happened, or the brit guy doesn't want to tell a public forum :Erm:

[telford]

if it was common, i don't think i remember reading about a filipina cheating on her brit husband b4 with a filipino guy on this forum b4, scouser keith will have a better idea, maybe the british husband has never found out, or it has never happened, or the brit guy doesn't want to tell a public forum :Erm:

not only with a brit husbands joebloggs but also to other nationality...coz as u notice, lots of filipinas are already married to foriegners... theres even a filipina here in my place who's married to a foriegner and was been pregnant to the friend of her husband which is also a foriegner.coz here our place, the foriegners here have a group which they have a weekly meeting and gatherings in VJ's resto and bar.mostly who attend there are those foriegner who have a filipina wife.they just went there for a drinks and chats...but my husband dont like to attend in that gathering coz mostly americans went there to boast and act like they own the world.

[LEAHnew]

...........I love my wife so much and I don't want a broken family but I don't trust her anymore. Right now our relationship is in limbo and full of tension and I am trying my best that my daughter is okay despite the situation we have right now.

Sorry for the long story. I just want an outlet I can't even tell to my friends/family our situation bec Im still protecting her.

Good day to all!

Ritter

Set a holiday with your wife as well as with your daughter maybe you need a relaxing and sweet day:rolleyes:
As you've said you love your wife so much but how can you love her if you don't trust anymore:NoNo:Give her the second chance, if she will do it again then move on:cwm3:
Good Luck and my prayers to both of you....:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Piamed]

And she admitted that she and the guy has an affair but its just a fling and nothing more.......I love my wife so much and I don't want a broken family but I don't trust her anymore. Right now our relationship is in limbo and full of tension and I am trying my best that my daughter is okay despite the situation we have right now.
I'm really very sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through. I'm at a lost for words.


not only with a brit husbands joebloggs but also to other nationality...I've certainly come across a number of atypical filipinas recently in Germany, Scandinavia and Holland. Not in UK yet.


my husband dont like to attend in that gathering coz mostly americans went there to boast and act like they own the world.
I've seen many of these clowns and I feel ashamed that I am included in that homogenous group Foreigner with them. They stand for so much that I abhor.

[KeithD]

They do it once, statistically they do it again. Kick her out, start again, your pain will be justified in a few weeks. No use living in misery for something not your fault, you could drop dead next week. Relationships are built on trust, you no longer have that, and although some women can forgive, men usually can't, as it is a pride thing.

As Joe says, 7 years here, first one.

I would imagine that the stats on adultery are the same for most countries.

[IainBusby]

They do it once, statistically they do it again. Kick her out, start again, your pain will be justified in a few weeks. No use living in misery for something not your fault, you could drop dead next week. Relationships are built on trust, you no longer have that, and although some women can forgive, men usually can't, as it is a pride thing.
As Joe says, 7 years here, first one.

I would imagine that the stats on adultery are the same for most countries.

I agree, in the long term this is usually the case. :NoNo::NoNo:

[ginapeterb]

Ritter,


One day I went home early and unexpectedly the guy is in our house.

What did you do when you found him in your house ?

How did you keep calm mate ? cos quite frankly, I think you were amazing to keep your cool, personally, thats an invasion of your castle....boy oh boy...you were calm compared to what others would have done.

[Sangoma]

Ritter,



What did you do when you found him in your house ?

How did you keep calm mate ? cos quite frankly, I think you were amazing to keep your cool, personally, thats an invasion of your castle....boy oh boy...you were calm compared to what others would have done.

Yes, I agree. I think I would have been locked up for adjusting his attitude.

Perhaps he needs talking to gently with a pick axe handle:D

When I first read this, I wondered how much of it was due to her background, and how much was due to just being an unfaithful woman.

Come to the conclusion it is probably a bit of both. If we believe the avearge age differences usually involved, I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often. It certainly would if they were English girls!

Many people ask me why do I think that someone much younger would be interested in my, and say they are just after the passport, the chance to earn to send home, and any inheritance, as it is likely they will live longer.

Personally, I don't believe this, as I'm not stuck with a blinkered view of the world.

But, when you hear stories like this, it does make you think if it was true in tis case.


I would make sure I have his full name and address, so that he can be named in court papers if it comes to that, and tell your wife that she has to earn your trust again. If she is not prepared to tell you who he is, or prepared to prove herself to you again, I would think very seriously about whether to continue the relationship or not. It would be better for your daughter if it failed now than when she was older.

It is possible it was just a friendship that went to far, but if it was a deliberate affair, I don't see much hope. People, male or female, don't usually seem to mend their ways.


But if it was an error, it is worth every ounce of effort to rebuild again.

[islander]

that is such a drastic story! hope it will be settled soon in the most peaceful way!

hoping also that our british hubbies won't generalize the situation with all filipina wives. it may be true that some filpinas are doing it, but there are also some who are loyal to their husbands as well.

[jimcarie]

sorry to hear your story, but for me the trust and honesty is broken there would be no second chances, if this woman truely loves you the affair wouldnt have happened, no good fooling yourself, stay strong for the sake of your daughter ,good luck

[aposhark]

Sorry to hear about this affair :NoNo:

Some people will try to fix their marriage, and some will finish with her.

Me. I would be down the road like a shot after sorting out the most favourable situation regarding your daughter.

I would always be thinking of what my wife is up to and it would be a tremendous amount of stress for me.

Trust is everything to me (both ways).

[Mrs.JMajor]

Talk to her Ritters,give her ultimatum, cause if you just leave like that...she will get on...but the more you give her hard time the more she scared to meet the guy...btw you're still young..don't afraid to lose her,also not a good reason that u don't like to have broken family ? nahh,even she step in your pride,:NoNo:
Here in Philippines we have saying married man can flirt many times nothing will lost they still man,but if the married woman get flirt shes totally prosti (cheapppppppp)

"ang asawang lalaki pag pumatol sa iba,lalaki pa din!!
pag ang asawang babae pumatol sa iba..puta na yon"

[Sangoma]

Ritter68, where are you?
I just have an idea that you may not be in the UK, or maybe you are not from the UK.
Decisions on children and mariage may be affected differently by laws in different countries.

[kimmi]

hi Ritter, am sorry to hear about ur situation..As a filipina, I feel ashame for what she is doing but I hope u dont generalize all of us she's only one of those rotten tomatoes..

I know the situation for u and ur daughter is hard right now, but I think it will be better that u talk to ur wife about it..

it is not right that she is flirting or having a relationship with other men at ur expense and the worse is ur daughter even knew it and she's also bringing that guy in ur very own house..

I understand u have to protected ur daughter, and its hard to have a broken home but at this point in time u need to weigh things..

will it is still be good to ur daughter to see her mom flirting with other man and having no respect with u at all?

well all we can give u is an advice, opinion or our point of view and still ure the one who will going to decide but I hope and pray that GOD will give u enough strength and enlightenment so u can overcome this situation.. I wish u and ur daughter all the very best..

Just keep posting here and Godbless..:)

Kimmi

[flomike]

hi ritter. sorry to hear that very sad story specially if a filipina involved: well i hope there's a good solution to your marital problem:ARsurrender:

all the best!

[Ritter68]

hi again. thanks for the advice and words of wisdom and I take that on board. First of all, my wife is a fulltime housewife after our daugther born. The filipino guy is a collage friend according to her and I asked her how they met in UK she said he got a friendster account that's how they had a communication she send her a message to say hello etc so they start texting and calls all just thru cellphone. The guy works in Surrey and we live in Yorkshire.

I change my job a year ago, now I am a lorry driver, so most of the time Im away from my family I need to provide a good money for my family as a lorry driver the only way to do that which she is not happy bec she wants to work like weekends and I think that's the cause of our problem:NoNo:

Like most of your questions how I managed to calm down....at first I know that there's something going on already my emotional level been in control and the time i found out the affair i could physically hit her but never i would do that specially with a woman. Im 6ft'2" my wife is just 5ft'3" can you imagine if i hit her? When the guy is in our house my daughter is in the table with them morethan anything else i am protecting both of them my daughter is only 3 yrs old and haven't had a clue what's going on.

I agree that how can you love a person if there's no trust? I know in my heart that she is really sorry and she wants our relationship in the right place again I am in a situation that I can give her a second chance but Im not sure if I can forget....5 years of happy memories and :bigcry::bigcry::bigcry:

[Ritter68]

They do it once, statistically they do it again. Kick her out, start again, your pain will be justified in a few weeks. No use living in misery for something not your fault, you could drop dead next week. Relationships are built on trust, you no longer have that, and although some women can forgive, men usually can't, as it is a pride thing.

As Joe says, 7 years here, first one.

I would imagine that the stats on adultery are the same for most countries.

I wish I can just kick her out and start again and the pain will just gone in a few weeks....may be im too soft to handle our issue never in my wildest dream my wife will ever do that to me...never:bigcry::bigcry:

[Shamrockdave2003]

Jesss dude i feel for you, trust is broken i don't feel that you have a choice.

If my wife went down that road it would be goodnight Vienna!

But people change.

Its easy for me to say, but i would not give her a second chance.

Sorry Dude

SD

[Mrs.JMajor]

Come on Ritter,life must go on ...we only have one life to live...don't let the sadness or problem occurs in our life for long...if she really feel sorry and YOU LOVE HER THAT MUCH ...so well and good ,no one can decide to yourself just you ..FORGIVE HER AND ENJOY LIFE FORGET ABOUT THE PASS...THAT IS IF SHE REALLY MEAN TO SAY SORRY TO YOU
god bless you and wish u happiness above all this matter comes on your way..

[LEAHnew]

Come on Ritter,life must go on ...we only have one life to live...don't let the sadness or problem occurs in our life for long...if she really feel sorry and YOU LOVE HER THAT MUCH ...so well and good ,no one can decide to yourself just you ..FORGIVE HER AND ENJOY LIFE FORGET ABOUT THE PASS...THAT IS IF SHE REALLY MEAN TO SAY SORRY TO YOUgod bless you and wish u happiness above all this matter comes on your way..

:iagree::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[joebloggs]

hi again. thanks for the advice and words of wisdom and I take that on board. First of all, my wife is a fulltime housewife after our daugther born. The filipino guy is a collage friend according to her and I asked her how they met in UK she said he got a friendster account that's how they had a communication she send her a message to say hello etc so they start texting and calls all just thru cellphone. The guy works in Surrey and we live in Yorkshire.

it's easy for someone to say walk away, but your talking about your wife and daughter,

what reason did she give for this affair?, no excuses for it, but there is temptation from 'friendster' and 'facebook' sites where some people start flirting after a while, old b/fs anf g/fs can be found, people get carried away and stupid mistakes can be made, i think my own manger at work meet someone thru facebook, which in a way has lead to the breakup of his marriage,maybe for him the marriage was already over, i don't know.

no excuse again but boredom, for someone stuck at home each day, your not there, no one to talk to?, 6000 miles from family and friends, and she ends up chatting to someone from her own country, no doubt they started chatting about life back in the phils, family and friends

how many filipina's realise b4 they marry a brit, for some life in the uk will not be what they thought it would be like, if they ever thought about it at all, for most filipina's family and friends are everything to them, and they end up in the uk alone, living in isolation if they dont work, if their lucky seeing they familiy and friends once or twice a year, i know my misses is feeling a bit home sick now, not seen her family for 3 years :NoNo:, but unlike most she was living away from her family most of her life and she is use to it, she works here and we've got 2 kids, but i know she starting to feel home sick..

as you said you being away alot of the time would not have helped your marriage, just as time and distance is a problem for many long distance relationships

he travelled all that way :NoNo:

as for trusting someone, you being a lorry driver, you have to trust people all day you don't know, who are driving on the other side of the road will not smash in to you..
your trust in your wife has gone, but you still love her, well you either walk away or rebuild your marriage, and to rebuild some trust in your wife, get some key logging software on your pc :D, so you know what she gets up to, but then if she found out, her trust in you will be gone :doh

good luck what ever you do, i do feel sorry for you and your daughter.. :cwm24:

[ginapeterb]

Hey Ritter,

Joe is right, there are many reasons for her behaviour, but what I am quite proud of mate is your attitude, you have a nice daughter, you love the wife, and as Joe says, walking away, or kicking her out are easy peices of advice to give.

I am sure you don't want that, there is no embarassment on your part mate, that your wife has a fling with a Filipino, I know it may feel somewhat embarassing, but the fact that you wer able to talk about it, tells me that you can deal with it.

It hurts that is true, but as others have said, its easy to give advice to walk away, get rid of her, dump her, but you love her, I think in time you will get over it, and in the short term you will be talking to her, to try and resolve it, and again, you have a small child to consider, and consider this, if you do break up over this, she will no doubt have the child, you have to consider that, do you want to break up the family, I think you sound a nice guy who will take a calm view, you have done well mate, quite proud of you really.

Don't Hit her mate, whats the point ? anyway, hitting her won't sort this one out, be firm and tell her, that if you find any more instances of her contacting this Filipino, or it happens again, you will give HIM !!!!!! SOME HOSPITAL TREATMENT FREE WITHOUT NEED FOR NHS.

Just tell her plainly, that intensive care in the NHS is not what its cracked up to be these days, what with MRSA and other things.

She is your wife, the women you love, look after her, its a mistake, time is a great healer mate, and in time, it will heal, best of luck with it.

[Mrs.JMajor]

yeheeyyy its sounds like mine....as i always count on ginapeterb advice :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[kimmi]

Hey Ritter,

Joe is right, there are many reasons for her behaviour, but what I am quite proud of mate is your attitude, you have a nice daughter, you love the wife, and as Joe says, walking away, or kicking her out are easy peices of advice to give.

I am sure you don't want that, there is no embarassment on your part mate, that your wife has a fling with a Filipino, I know it may feel somewhat embarassing, but the fact that you wer able to talk about it, tells me that you can deal with it.

It hurts that is true, but as others have said, its easy to give advice to walk away, get rid of her, dump her, but you love her, I think in time you will get over it, and in the short term you will be talking to her, to try and resolve it, and again, you have a small child to consider, and consider this, if you do break up over this, she will no doubt have the child, you have to consider that, do you want to break up the family, I think you sound a nice guy who will take a calm view, you have done well mate, quite proud of you really.

Don't Hit her mate, whats the point ? anyway, hitting her won't sort this one out, be firm and tell her, that if you find any more instances of her contacting this Filipino, or it happens again, you will give HIM !!!!!! SOME HOSPITAL TREATMENT FREE WITHOUT NEED FOR NHS.

Just tell her plainly, that intensive care in the NHS is not what its cracked up to be these days, what with MRSA and other things.

She is your wife, the women you love, look after her, its a mistake, time is a great healer mate, and in time, it will heal, best of luck with it.

Couldn't agree for more..:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[gemini63]

talk to ur wife seriously.if she is willing to kiss and made up and promised u ,that it will not happen again.if ever try to rebuild again ur trust to her coz without the presence of it,relationship still in dark side and doubts still there that makes trouble again and again.if ever u wil forgive her of what she done..try to forgive and forget.. to make relationship smooth again.just give one more chance if u still love her...and for ur daughter too.if ever uve kissed and made up,dont talk it over and over again.PAST IS ENOUGH.rebuild and hv trust again with so much love. if ever she will do it again...i think its time to have it period.SO GOOD LUCK..

[KeithD]

Do you see a pattern emerging here?

Most women are saying make-up as they know they can forgive, it's a woman thing, but the majority of guys are saying dump her, which fits in with what I said earlier. It will always be in your mind, especially when you are apart, is that really 'happily married'?

[Mrs.JMajor]

You also have reason boss but please don't so much stone heart:bigcry: (pusong bato) remember the daughter :bigcry:------:D:D:Cuckoo:

[Piamed]

I twice previously started to post again to this thread but deleted my comments before submitting them as I was not sure my thoughts at the time would have been constructive in any way.

What I will say now is that it would take a very special man, in particular, to get over this. Only you know how you feel, whether your wife is capabale of remorse & undertaking a commitment never to do the same again and also whether your staying togther would be better in your situation for your child or not.

One thing that occurs to me is that without removing the cause, as stated by you, i.e. your long absences and her wanting to work weekends, surely there is a risk of this happening again. I further suspect that you saw the signs before the present outcome manifested. If so, was there no way to head this off? It's not in anyway meant as any form of criticism but rather a genuine question.

Good luck to you!

[KeithD]

You also have reason boss but please don't so much stone heart:bigcry: (pusong bato) remember the daughter :bigcry:------:D:D:Cuckoo:

You don't stay in a relationship just because of a kid!! :Erm: That's a lame excuse. Besides, cut the kid in half then everything is fine :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Welsh_Italian]

Not a nice situation Ritter, and I guess you're feeling poor even if it's not your fault. Things can get better after time though.

Your wife should have considered your daughter. Children are naive, but not stupid. I knew of my mother's affair when I was young and it gave me problems in trusting in later relationships. Even though I was a child (but older than yours), I could tell something was going on, that it was a secret that I wasn't supposed to know, and that it would hurt if it came out.

My advice would be to have a couple of beers, and belt the guy a couple of times - nothing serious, just something to let him know that he's well out of order. It won't solve anything, but it will make you feel an awful lot better - and it lets him know exactly where he stands. Having said that, I'm no expert in these things and the creep might cause trouble because of it, so maybe it's best to chalk it to experience.

I can't advise about the trust situation for only you know if you will both be able to build your trust back again (or even if you want to). If so, then there is a chance of the relationship surviving. If not, then it's over even if you don't realise it yet, no matter how much you want it to work.

Either way, take it steady and remember to look after yourself and your little one. You're the best man in the world to her.

[Peanutz]

There is no excuse when someone commit this kind of mistake. The lost respect and trust is very, very hard to give again to a person who you onced trusted 100%.
I am very skeptical to give your wife another chance. Firstly because trust is something that is very difficult to give. We give our total trust to our husband/wife because they are the person whom we are going to spend our life with. This is not the same trust we give to our family and friends. This degree of trust is much deeper.
I can not give trust again to a person who didn't gave considerations of what his/her actions might bring to our relationship. That he/she didn't manage to deal with her/his boredom while I am miles away earning money for my family...I can not give trust to a person who doesn't think of consequences of their actions.
A relationship should be built in trust, it is the base of a successful relationship.
You might forgive your wife, will you be able to forget?
I hope you can, because with all honesty if this happened to me I will not be able to put the pieces of those happy moments together again.

Like Joe says earlier, it is not easy to just walk away and dump her. But in the back of my mind a voice says, I will be much better alone rather seeing her face everyday reminding me of those happy days...

At the end of the day...when you close your eyes can you face your own ghosts?
I hope you can.
I admire how you dealt with your emotions, very few can remain calm like you did.

Goodluck.

[kimmi]

You don't stay in a relationship just because of a kid!! :Erm: That's a lame excuse. Besides, cut the kid in half then everything is fine :xxgrinning--00xx3:

I do believe in this..:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3: Maybe before during our grandparents time wherein they used to say that they do this and that because they love their kids and they dont want them to grow up in a broken home..

I've read in a research that almost 65% of old couples now are divorcing/ separating eventhough they married for long years its just because their children are all grown ups now and they dont need to pretend and be a martyr..:Erm::doh

[Sangoma]

I twice previously started to post again to this thread but deleted my comments before submitting them as I was not sure my thoughts at the time would have been constructive in any way.

What I will say now is that it would take a very special man, in particular, to get over this. Only you know how you feel, whether your wife is capabale of remorse & undertaking a commitment never to do the same again and also whether your staying togther would be better in your situation for your child or not.

One thing that occurs to me is that without removing the cause, as stated by you, i.e. your long absences and her wanting to work weekends, surely there is a risk of this happening again. I further suspect that you saw the signs before the present outcome manifested. If so, was there no way to head this off? It's not in anyway meant as any form of criticism but rather a genuine question.

Good luck to you!


Wise words, a point I haven't noticed being brought up before.
If you can survive driving home deliveries in your area instead of long distance for example, it will make a huge difference to your chances of sorting things out.

[flomike]

for me there's no excuse that a woman or a man will have a fling bec of whatever reason....just get over it or make a decision asap

good luck again!!!

[skysky]

that is such a drastic story! hope it will be settled soon in the most peaceful way!

hoping also that our british hubbies won't generalize the situation with all filipina wives. it may be true that some filpinas are doing it, but there are also some who are loyal to their husbands as well.

There only after one thing, there only after for ***

[pennybarry]

There are three most important ingredients in a relationship. LOVE, TRUST AND RESPECT . You lost one:cwm34: Better to forget her, Most of us hurt in the past, but all wounds heals.
Cheer up!
Goodluck! Be brave:)

[KeithD]

There are three most important ingredients in a relationship. LOVE, TRUST AND RESPECT . You lost one:cwm34: Better to forget her, Most of us hurt in the past, but all wounds heals.
Cheer up!
Goodluck! Be brave:)

:yikes: A woman with brains.....whatever next? :D

[friend]

I know in my heart that she is really sorry and she wants our relationship in the right place again I am in a situation that I can give her a second chance but Im not sure if I can forget....5 years of happy memories and :bigcry::bigcry::bigcry:

I'd say this marriage is worth another chance. You love your wife and she is sorry. Your daughter deserves two loving parents. If the two of your can rebuild your relationship your little girl will have the very best example of lessons learned, love and forgiveness.

We're all entitled to make a mistake and be forgiven. If we do it again though, that's bad and sad :bigcry:

Have a long look, together, at all the factors that brought this about and then throw yourselves into rebuilding. You don't have to forget, Ritter, it's not possible to forget but it won't always be at the forefront of your mind

At the end of the day, only you can decide, of course. Wishing you the very best, whatever you decide.

Friend

[pennybarry]

:yikes: A woman with brains.....whatever next? :D

I cannot lie to myself, hard to live with lies:D better to live hurt, than live with full of lies. It really hurts if you learned your partner screwing around, but how long you will get on with lies? :Brick:

[sam_althea]

it breaks my heart to read this kind of entry...filipina wife cheating?? never, but it did happen to you folk..truth can be painful sometimes...

[Mrs Daddy]

I completely agree with joe.I mean life is too short for drama and bitterness.As what others said give her a second chance and take it from there.I know someone who was working as a lorry driver he had same situation as you are ritter but he was not married to a filipina they were a british couple but same to your story the woman had an affair and they end their relationship,the worst thing there is the woman had an affair thru internet chatting and she eloped with this internet friend who happened to be a lesbian so its like a slapped on his face that his wife went to this lesbian and leaving him.

[robeth]

so I just ignore it but deep inside i am deeply hurt asking my self where did I go wrong.

I love my wife so much and I don't want a broken family but I don't trust her anymore. Right now our relationship is in limbo and full of tension and I am trying my best that my daughter is okay despite the situation we have right now.

Sorry for the long story. I just want an outlet I can't even tell to my friends/family our situation bec Im still protecting her.

Good day to all!

Ritter

remembered the cause and effect...

affairs happen or the effect of an already broken down marriage which both or one of you have ignored the symptoms...

and its a very difficult situation...the dilemna of whether to stay or to leave but theres no right or wrong decision ...follow your heart and in time everything will fall on its right places....

discern of what will give you peace and happiness...its all that matters...

good luck!

[keithAngel]

As he is a filipino perhaps you should ask him for £7000 to repair your honour and threaten to inform the Philippine Embassy and have him arrested when he returns home next.

[aromulus]

As he is a filipino perhaps you should ask him for £7000 to repair your honour and threaten to inform the Philippine Embassy and have him arrested when he returns home next.

In Sicily, they are usually used as aggregate in road building.........:omg:

[keithAngel]

In Sicily, they are usually used as aggregate in road building.........:omg:

I was being pleasant Dom and ironic

I never make threats personally actions speak louder

[David House]

Ritter's pain is clearly very real. It is easy to take the moral high ground in such matters but no-one, other than Ritter himself, will know the full circumstances. Many of us guys will have been through a divorce and will know just how painful it was. It is all too easy to take entrenched positions and do and say things that you later deeply regret. Making mistakes is all part of living life and sometimes you hurt the one you love the most, without realising it at until many years later. No-one is perfect and sometimes people get carried away by flattery and opportunity, it's part of being human. I would say to Ritter that his situation is far from hopeless. It might even be the making of his marriage but that he and his wife need to both work hard. Counselling may help because an outside, independant mind might enable both to see the other's viewpoint. It is important not to dismiss his wife's viewpoint and try to associate all the "blame" with her. It might be neccessary for a lifestyle change, so Ritter is at home more, even a change of location and a completely new start. Certainly a good holiday in which they can have some fun as a family, come together and appreciate what is really important, makes sense. Sometimes we behave as kids when we are well into adulthood but when this sort of thing happens it is time to really grow up, not take rush decisions and work everything out calmly together. Try to avoid rows, plan carefully when you will discuss matters and walk away if the heat rises because this deserves as much care and attention as anything in your life.

[KeithD]

Many of us guys will have been through a divorce and will know just how painful it was...

:Erm: Mine was a celebration!! Psst for a month :BouncyHappy:

[aromulus]

I was being pleasant Dom and ironic

I never make threats personally actions speak louder

I was just being facetious really.:D

[Cheryl Tyndall]

Ritter, in my opinion, your wife doesn't deserve a second chance. She shouldn't even imagine having an affair with another man while being married, but she even did it! And that filipino carer, who has no respect whatsoever, even got a nerve to step inside your house and did a mortal sin with your wife! What was he doing there? Taking a shower?

[Piamed]

She shouldn't even imagine having an affair with another man while being married, but she even did it! And that filipino carer, who has no respect whatsoever, even got a nerve to step inside your house and did a mortal sin with your wife! What was he doing there? :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Taking a shower? :D

[joebloggs]

for a bunch of Christians your not very forgiving:NoNo:

those without sin cast the next post :rolleyes:

[misscarie]

What was he doing there?Taking a shower?
Drinking water :D

[Peanutz]

I can forgive if the guy/gal sits next to me fart.
I can forgive if someone made me cross because of silly things he/she did .
I can forgive if someone stinks because he/she forgot to take a bath for a month.
I can forgive if someone stole my lunch box.
I can forgive if neighbour watch television in high volume because she is going deaf.
I can forgive if someone took my pen out of my desk without my permission.

I can go on, and on with other examples of forgiveness.
We can give forgiveness on based on what has been done wrong to us.
Is it something that we just let it be and move on?
Is it something that will affect us?
Is it something with great importance?
Is it something that has to do with my moral credo?

Now, some would say, forgive her, take her back because for the sake of the family and the daughter?
That means, forget your happiness and peace of mind (what I mean here is real happiness; joy feeling that we feel when we are with someone we love and trust totally!) If he is capable of this kind of forgiveness then, He should follow the advices to take her wife back and be a happy family together again.

I wonder how many of us here have experienced the same thing and has been able to rebuild the trust again to their partner?
How many are capable to give again the 100% trust?
This is my honest answer:
If this has happened to me, I know that I can forgive, but I cannot forget. For the sake of my peace of mind and dignity left for myself, I will move on and rebuild somewhere again my lost happiness.

[Piamed]

for a bunch of Christians your not very forgiving:NoNo:

those without sin cast the next post :rolleyes:

:icon_lol::icon_lol: Notice I did not quote the bit about not giving a second chance. BUT, giving a second chance is not necessarily tantamount to forgiving anyway. :D I ,for example, could forgive but giving a second chance would not be an option as I'm not made that way, to get over something like that. What would be left of the relationship would not be tolerable for anyone. :NoNo:

I do agree with the fact that the lady in question shouldn't have even imagined having an affair with another man while being married. :NoNo:

I also agree with the comment that the man with whom she had the affair demonstrated no respect whatsoever. :NoNo:

I'm casting posts! :D LOL!!!

[aposhark]

I can forgive if the guy/gal sits next to me fart.
I can forgive if someone made me cross because of silly things he/she did .
I can forgive if someone stinks because he/she forgot to take a bath for a month.
I can forgive if someone stole my lunch box.
I can forgive if neighbour watch television in high volume because she is going deaf.
I can forgive if someone took my pen out of my desk without my permission.

I can go on, and on with other examples of forgiveness.
We can give forgiveness on based on what has been done wrong to us.
Is it something that we just let it be and move on?
Is it something that will affect us?
Is it something with great importance?
Is it something that has to do with my moral credo?

Now, some would say, forgive her, take her back because for the sake of the family and the daughter?
That means, forget your happiness and peace of mind (what I mean here is real happiness; joy feeling that we feel when we are with someone we love and trust totally!) If he is capable of this kind of forgiveness then, He should follow the advices to take her wife back and be a happy family together again.

I wonder how many of us here have experienced the same thing and has been able to rebuild the trust again to their partner?
How many are capable to give again the 100% trust?
This is my honest answer:
If this has happened to me, I know that I can forgive, but I cannot forget. For the sake of my peace of mind and dignity left for myself, I will move on and rebuild somewhere again my lost happiness.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Well said Peanutz :appl:

I knew this thread would put us on either side of the fence.
I think trust is the essence of love, for both sexes.

Yes, it seems more women would forgive than men, but the purity of unsoiled love fuels the desire of our lives :)

To wait for someone and enjoy the moments of being together is the reward for all of us.

[joebloggs]

are there 2 sides to every story, you don't know her or him, or who is to blame, or who is not..

i would never tell anyone to stay together for the sake of their kids, but the point is, he still loves her.

“He who is devoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love.”
Martin Luther King

and as for advice, listen to kat stevens 'father to son'..

I know that it's not easy
To become when you've found
Something going on
But take your time--think a lot
Think of everthing you've got
For you will still be here tomorrow
But your dreams may not...:rolleyes:

[Peanutz]

That quote from MLK is for brotherly love and forgiveness.

No one is blaming him/her Joe. We all know that there is always the two side of the story.
My opinion is based on love and betrayal.

Would you betray your wife/husband if he/she couldn't satisfy your needs?
Why the need to betray? Is it the option to chose when something is not working within the relationship?
If he loves his wife and is capable to forgive, then goodluck for him.:D

I would advice to read a book of Hemingway instead.

The old man and the sea. :D

[David House]

The guy says he loves her very much and she says she wants another chance and yet lots of the advice is to wind things up without making any effort! Now there may be a few perfect people around but I don't know any. It seems to me to be perfectly possible for this couple to re-build their relationship and even for it to become stronger as a consequence. It is certainly worth trying. It has nothing at all to do with one being British and another Filipino. They are both humans, with all our weaknesses. My first marriage survived for 31 years. During it my wife also had a "fling", which was painful but we talked it through and after a while it was consigned to distant memory by happier times. These things happen and I would encourage everyone to be more positive in trying to save a marriage rather than consign it to the scrapheap without effort.

[joebloggs]

That quote from MLK is for brotherly love and forgiveness.



well Peanutz, maybe the quote is one he used on his wife, as even the great man himself is alleged to have engaged in numerous extramarital affairs.

not everyone is perfect then...

but i agree with you, i would never do that to my wife, or go against my beliefs

but were all different :doh

[patti1227]

Isn’t it good to know that Ritter68 knows in his heart that his wife is really sorry? Isn’t it good to know that the wife is really feeling remorseful by saying she wants their relationship in the right place again and wants another chance? Isn’t it good to know that Ritter68 says he loves his wife so much and that he is in a situation that he can give his wife a second chance?

How we deal with life is really a matter of personal choice. When times are difficult, remind yourself that no pain comes to you without a purpose. Listen to what your heart says Mr. Ritter68. It will surely lead you to where your home is…

[patti1227]

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to
install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What
do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and
Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem. Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called
High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge
and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to
get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components" What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set
up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your
Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself
before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the
following files: Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge
your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching
faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-
Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make
sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but
eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is
installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is
Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone
you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some
cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you.
Tech Support: You're Welcome, Anytime.

[angel1231]

I Wouldnt Give Her Or Him Another Chance If Made That Kind Of An Awful Mistake ..i Will Never Never Forgive Him Or Her For Doing It.thats Life U Get The Advantage Of Having And A Affair Then U Suffer And Get The Disadvantange From It...

[Peanutz]

Mr David House, I am afraid you misinterpret what is being said here. Every member here are free to
give opinions and that opinions might not reflect your own principles in life. We are not persuading or convincing the guy to whatever he want to do with his life, 'we are giving our point of view on base on what is the issue'. This doesn't mean that we want or we encourage his ruin or whatever.
I think he is old enough to pick/decide/chose which solution is more suitable for his problem.

What do you mean when you say 'fling'? Is it flirting (like kissing, having intimate
conversation with someone?) or to/have been copulate/d with someone?
If you tell me that having a 'fling' with someone is just like a teenage flirting,then it
is not a big cause to ruin a family. But if you tell me that by saying 'fling' you mean
that there has been a sexual intercourse, then that in my opinion is unacceptable.

You have forgiven your wife for having a 'fling' with someone during the course of your 31 years of marriage,
because?
You love her and you can't live without her?
Your children?
What would the relatives would say?
Assets?
money and everyday commodity?
because you did the same, so it's just fair?
because we are human and that kind of weakness (in a couple) is acceptable?

What makes us human? What makes us different from animals?

Whatever the reason is, I am sure you have no regrets for forgiving your wife.

No one is perfect, but in our imperfections we have to try to not cause pain or sufferings to people we love.
Again, every situation and experience is different to one another, and no one can give any judgement to someone's
experiences and situations. (we don't even have a perfect judicial system in our modern society, come to think of it)

Leaving a person you love, doesn't mean that you do not love that person anymore. What will remain in one's baggage is the
fact that he/she has not been strong enough to stand to any adversities for the integrity of their love.



What is the essence of 'marriage'?
To vow for an eternity bond with someone you love.
Since I have only one life that person have to make the most of it for me and me for him.
Marriage is taking responsibility of each others happiness and peace of mind.
If one breaks one of the important rules where you base the integrity of your love and relationshp, then he/she doesn't deserve it.

:)

[Peanutz]

[quote=joebloggs;70488]well Peanutz, maybe the quote is one he used on his wife,


:Erm:Am not really sure....:Erm:

:DYou can convince me if you read the old man and the sea:D

What are you waiting?, I am not going to lend you mine!!!:rolleyes:

[flomike]

I asked my husband point of view on this matter: he said that if that happen to him there's no second chance bec if the husband didn't found out the relationship you think she'll stop it or ask a second chance???

[keithAngel]

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to
install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What
do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and
Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem. Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called
High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge
and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to
get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components" What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set
up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your
Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself
before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the
following files: Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge
your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching
faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-
Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make
sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but
eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is
installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is
Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone
you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some
cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you.
Tech Support: You're Welcome, Anytime.

Loved that Pat thanks:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[David House]

I don't wish to pick an argument with anyone but my feeling is that many who are giving their opinions here have never actually experienced what our friend is going through. It is easy to pontificate on a subject but much, much harder when you actually have to deal with it. Ritter will, I am sure, reach his own decision and, of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Me included. I just feel that some people over emphasise the negative impact of what the wife has done whilst not giving enough weight to the love which exists between them and the good chance that this love can repair the damage. I am not going to discuss any further exactly what happened in my own case as it is obviously very personal to me. Sufficient to say that we worked together to understand what had happened and why. However much people wish to condemn there is always two sides to every situation. Understand that, and have love and compassion in your heart, and things are capable of being repaired. Whether they will depends on the individual circumstances.

[joebloggs]

I don't wish to pick an argument with anyone but my feeling is that many who are giving their opinions here have never actually experienced what our friend is going through. It is easy to pontificate on a subject but much, much harder when you actually have to deal with it. Ritter will, I am sure, reach his own decision and, of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Me included. I just feel that some people over emphasise the negative impact of what the wife has done whilst not giving enough weight to the love which exists between them and the good chance that this love can repair the damage. I am not going to discuss any further exactly what happened in my own case as it is obviously very personal to me. Sufficient to say that we worked together to understand what had happened and why. However much people wish to condemn there is always two sides to every situation. Understand that, and have love and compassion in your heart, and things are capable of being repaired. Whether they will depends on the individual circumstances.

:xxgrinning--00xx3: in many cases the easy way out is just to quit and walk away..

[keithAngel]

I don't wish to pick an argument with anyone but my feeling is that many who are giving their opinions here have never actually experienced what our friend is going through. It is easy to pontificate on a subject but much, much harder when you actually have to deal with it. Ritter will, I am sure, reach his own decision and, of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Me included. I just feel that some people over emphasise the negative impact of what the wife has done whilst not giving enough weight to the love which exists between them and the good chance that this love can repair the damage. I am not going to discuss any further exactly what happened in my own case as it is obviously very personal to me. Sufficient to say that we worked together to understand what had happened and why. However much people wish to condemn there is always two sides to every situation. Understand that, and have love and compassion in your heart, and things are capable of being repaired. Whether they will depends on the individual circumstances.

I do get your point David the problem is the jealous child within that if you haven't had an understanding and supported encounter can be as you probabably know horrible and feels life threatening, parts want to kill/run scream and cry and get even even that you love this one you still have to be able to hold these bits of oneself and this is always going to bring up strong reactions especially on a public relationship forum

[gWaPito]

Along with other on this forum I know what it's like to be cheated on, sold down the river by your soul mate.It happened to me 5yrs into a 25yr marriage, you cant tell me I walked out on my kids!
I was weak, didnt have the strength to walk, I found that strength 20yrs down the line. That is the sad fact
I was lucky to get away in the end, many others never find that strength and use excuses to stay. Your wife/husband can do nothing worse to you.
That ' kick in the gut' feeling will remain even after 20yrs as it did with me.
knowing what I know now (age and wisdom) I'd walk for sure

[aposhark]

......Understand that, and have love and compassion in your heart, and things are capable of being repaired. Whether they will depends on the individual circumstances.

love and compassion She should have had this in her heart before she took her clothes off in their house, JEEZ :cwm23: I likewise don't want to fall out with anyone on here but actually think what she did with ANOTHER MAN IN RITTER's OWN HOUSE.

[aposhark]

:xxgrinning--00xx3: in many cases the easy way out is just to quit and walk away..

Hi joebloggs :)
I would say "in many cases the easy way out is just to stay and take her crap, sorry........"

If two people want an "open" marriage, then IMO, they should at least have the respect for each other to open dialogue about their feelings and get things in the open before something like adultery happens.

[gemini63]

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to
install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What
do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and
Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem. Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called
High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge
and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to
get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components" What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set
up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your
Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself
before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the
following files: Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge
your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching
faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-
Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make
sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but
eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is
installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is
Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone
you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some
cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you.
Tech Support: You're Welcome, Anytime.

Hello pat, i love reading your post hr.Its so nice....loads of people with closed heart wl learn and feel good if they read this and follow...LOVE and OPEN HEART is the key with SELF ACCEPTANCE is important.tnx so much...

[gemini63]

I don't wish to pick an argument with anyone but my feeling is that many who are giving their opinions here have never actually experienced what our friend is going through. It is easy to pontificate on a subject but much, much harder when you actually have to deal with it. Ritter will, I am sure, reach his own decision and, of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Me included. I just feel that some people over emphasise the negative impact of what the wife has done whilst not giving enough weight to the love which exists between them and the good chance that this love can repair the damage. I am not going to discuss any further exactly what happened in my own case as it is obviously very personal to me. Sufficient to say that we worked together to understand what had happened and why. However much people wish to condemn there is always two sides to every situation. Understand that, and have love and compassion in your heart, and things are capable of being repaired. Whether they will depends on the individual circumstances.

" I agree with you"....

[Piamed]

My view is that in an ideal situation the wife would not have broken her wedding vows, betrayed her husband in such a cruel & selfish manner and soiled her own body & moral fibre.

BUT, it's not an ideal world and this did occur. As has been said many times, what Ritter or any other person does in response is surely dependent upon many things, including his ability to understand why the partner did what they did, his recognition of any contributions he made to encourage it, his love for her, his thoughts about the benefits of remaining together, his perception about her remorse and commitment to him and the marriage going forward, the perceived impact of the consequences resulting from any action he may take, his ability to to forgive and move on, etc.

Someone mentioned her love for him as being something to consider. We all define love differently but I struggle to identify a single definition that includes performing sex acts with another person in the marital bed while the spouse is away, as love.

Anyway, all of those things above differ from couple to couple. If some believe there is something worth salvaging and can do it, so be it. If others feel that they can't then that's unfortunate but fair enough.

Everyone has their own opinion and that is good. This mix of expressed opinion could help an individual know what matters most to them.

[KeithD]

I don't wish to pick an argument with anyone but my feeling is that many who are giving their opinions here have never actually experienced what our friend is going through. .

More times than you have digits. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Welsh_Italian]

I don't wish to pick an argument with anyone but my feeling is that many who are giving their opinions here have never actually experienced what our friend is going through. It is easy to pontificate on a subject but much, much harder when you actually have to deal with it. Ritter will, I am sure, reach his own decision and, of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Me included. I just feel that some people over emphasise the negative impact of what the wife has done whilst not giving enough weight to the love which exists between them and the good chance that this love can repair the damage. I am not going to discuss any further exactly what happened in my own case as it is obviously very personal to me. Sufficient to say that we worked together to understand what had happened and why. However much people wish to condemn there is always two sides to every situation. Understand that, and have love and compassion in your heart, and things are capable of being repaired. Whether they will depends on the individual circumstances.

And sometimes the love isn't there to mend things. I guess it depends a lot upon the type of affair - a drunken grope is easier to forgive than repeating indiscriminations over a period of time.

Sorry m8, but my advice is born of experience and that's all I can talk about. All the love in the world cannot change anyone if they don't truly love you back and I've learned the (idiot's) hard way that some people don't really commit their hearts to relationships sometimes.

As to whether he should try again, I guess it depends if he feels that there is something still alive in the relationship that can make it work. If he does, then why not? (but lay some ground rules out like not again, and if it is again - DO NOT involve the daughter AT ALL). If he doesn't, then it won't work anyway.

[LEAHnew]

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=8571

I guess it will take time for him (Ritter) to update his thread, he's having time for his family to sort out things. Let's wish him all the best:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Pepe n Pilar]

To Pat1227 very nice post...:icon_win:

To Ritter68, so sorry to know about your wife having an affair.:NoNo: You have various opinions from some members here and it's up to you to take it or leave it. YOu still has the last say. Listen to your heart and use your mind as well.

I can’t say it any better than the Word says it in I Corinthians 13:4-8

VS. 4-Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. VS. 5-It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. VS. 6-Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. VS. 7-It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. VS. 8-Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away......

Marriage is a precious union & woman should thank God for the man that HE has joined with her. She should always love, respect, encourage & edify him & never let anyone or anything keep her from loving him as Christ loved us. This is a gift we have prayed diligently for & shall never take for granted. God did not design us to be on our own, so don’t jeopardize losing the one gift that you know is precious to you & that you both need.

Treasure your man with all of your heart from now to eternity. Let love lead the way & the rest will take care of itself.

I pray that this will bless you & yours for the many years to come. It isn’t always easy, but you can do it as long as you stay in the word! Both of you need to be in the word & lead your children to do the same.

[Sangoma]

I asked my husband point of view on this matter: he said that if that happen to him there's no second chance bec if the husband didn't found out the relationship you think she'll stop it or ask a second chance???


Very true.

[kentish]

Hi Ritter, feel so sorry wifey was sooooo naughty. I wish she had just pleasure herself while you were away.

And if I was in Ritters' shoes I will defenitely secure savings for myself and for the child and if I owned any kind of property then I get it in safety. Women can be very bithchy especially when they are caught and can sense that the partner dont trust them.

Good luck.

[patti1227]

Loved that Pat thanks:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Pleasure my friend...:cwm12: :)

[patti1227]

Hello pat, i love reading your post hr.Its so nice....loads of people with closed heart wl learn and feel good if they read this and follow...LOVE and OPEN HEART is the key with SELF ACCEPTANCE is important.tnx so much...

Hi! My pleasure... :) Thank you for taking time reading that particular post. See you around. :)

[Piamed]

...you can do it as long as you stay in the word! Both of you need to be in the word & lead your children to do the same.
:xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3::xxgrinning--00xx3:

[patti1227]

Heartfelt thanks itsme_iye... :) Thank you too for the virtual trophy. :)

In HIS time, things will be better Mr. Ritter68...

[aposhark]

To Pat1227 very nice post...:icon_win:

To Ritter68, so sorry to know about your wife having an affair.:NoNo: You have various opinions from some members here and it's up to you to take it or leave it. YOu still has the last say. Listen to your heart and use your mind as well.

I can’t say it any better than the Word says it in I Corinthians 13:4-8

VS. 4-Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. VS. 5-It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. VS. 6-Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. VS. 7-It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. VS. 8-Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away......

Marriage is a precious union & woman should thank God for the man that HE has joined with her. She should always love, respect, encourage & edify him & never let anyone or anything keep her from loving him as Christ loved us. This is a gift we have prayed diligently for & shall never take for granted. God did not design us to be on our own, so don’t jeopardize losing the one gift that you know is precious to you & that you both need.

Treasure your man with all of your heart from now to eternity. Let love lead the way & the rest will take care of itself.

I pray that this will bless you & yours for the many years to come. It isn’t always easy, but you can do it as long as you stay in the word! Both of you need to be in the word & lead your children to do the same.

Hi itsme_iye :)
Well as an atheist, and you will realise that most people in the UK don't go to church anymore, I believe that you should honour your husband/wife and keep your clothes on, except in their company!
If you don't want to love, cherish and respect them, tell them so and get divorced. Don't cause them terrible pain and suffering.
Too many people hurt their spouse with the one thing that will eat away at them for ever.
Maybe I'm old fashioned but I have seen so many people devastated by affairs. :NoNo::NoNo::NoNo:

[Peanutz]

I Corinthians 13:4-8

VS. 4-Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
VS. 5-It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
VS. 6-Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
VS. 7-It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
VS. 8-Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away......


Do we love everyone in the same way that we love our husband,wife,parents,brothers,sisters,friends, neighbours, enemy and etc?
You cannot apply only love in certain circumstances and situations.




Marriage is a precious union & woman should thank God for the man that HE has joined with her. She should always love, respect, encourage & edify him & never let anyone or anything keep her from loving him as Christ loved us. This is a gift we have prayed diligently for & shall never take for granted. God did not design us to be on our own, so don’t jeopardize losing the one gift that you know is precious to you & that you both need.

Treasure your man with all of your heart from now to eternity. Let love lead the way & the rest will take care of itself.




This is how I interpret it.
I have been given a gift which I prayed for and should be grateful?
What if someone is married to a wretched man, who always gets drunk, never goes to work, violent and beats her? Should she love him forever because they were bond of marriage?

What if the man always betrays the woman? Where I am going to put love in this case?

As a woman I have to forgive his betrayals?

If I follow these words, it tells me that I have to treasure my man in all eternity whatever kind of man he is?

As I have been warned not to jeopardize to lose my gift? I will go to hell?
If you have a much better interpretation than me...


I just don't understand why the woman should thank God for giving her a MAN.:ARsurrender:


Doesn't sounds right to me...Maybe someone can enlighten me...:Brick:

[andypaul]

This is how I interpret it.
I have been given a gift which I prayed for and should be grateful?
What if someone is married to a wretched man, who always gets drunk, never goes to work, violent and beats her? Should she love him forever because they were bond of marriage?

What if the man always betrays the woman? Where I am going to put love in this case?

As a woman I have to forgive his betrayals?

If I follow these words, it tells me that I have to treasure my man in all eternity whatever kind of man he is?

As I have been warned not to jeopardize to lose my gift? I will go to hell?
If you have a much better interpretation than me...


I just don't understand why the woman should thank God for giving her a MAN.:ARsurrender:


Doesn't sounds right to me...Maybe someone can enlighten me...:Brick:







Same the other way round also

I see many Men and Women married or in relationships they truely dont deserve to be in either due to they are to good for their partner or the partner doesn't deserve to be with such a lowlife human being.

Like i would say to one of our new members who asking why she doesn't have a Boyfriend.

Dont have a partner just because you feel you should, do the right thing for yourself.

[Peanutz]

Same the other way round also

I see many Men and Women married or in relationships they truely dont deserve to be in either due to they are to good for their partner or the partner doesn't deserve to be with such a lowlife human being.

Like i would say to one of our new members who asking why she doesn't have a Boyfriend.

Dont have a partner just because you feel you should, do the right thing for yourself.


I agree AndyPaul, it took me years to find the right soul for me.:rolleyes:



As for experience of being betrayed. Yes, I have experienced it, I know how it devastate a person, I know how it feels when your heart is tearing apart, pieces by pieces...flesh after flesh. Until you look at yourself with horror in the mirror, and feel nothing; numbness and total lost...I've been through it all alone with two daughters to look at, no money and nowhere to go; when I look back I feel so good to myself for what I have done and what I achieved. No regrets, I would have done the same thing if I go back with time.

:)