Advice on leaving the Phils

[Welsh_Italian]

I'm British and in the Phils living with my wife. Our daughter was born 4 weeks ago and is the apple of my eye. I really do love my wife so much.

The problem is money. The savings we had were burned through faster than we had anticipated (moving expenses, the childbirth etc) and it's getting short now. I had planned on starting a business (not based here; producing software worldwide but the investment hasn't come through) and I cannot get a local job either for various reasons (enough qualifications, but I'm just not a Pinoy). I've managed to get some work over the net, but it's poorly paid and very short term.

This means that to earn money, I will have to leave my wife and child to go back to the UK and work. I don't need to say that this will bring her a lot of heartache and it feels too early to be leaving my child. She won't be coping on her own as we are living at her parents' house - they obviously love the child and the whole family help out with the baby, so I won't be leaving her in the lurch so to speak.

The main problem is that my wife wants me to stay and forget about running out of cash. The other problem is that I have to decide soon. If I go, I will have to pay for the travel to the UK and leave her and her family enough money to get by for a while until I am working again (which will be quickly - I'm good at finding work in the UK even if it's grunt work). If I stay much longer, there won't be enough money to cover these things and I will have to find a way to get money in the Phils which is not easy for a white guy.

I'm torn. On one hand, I need to be a good husband and father and stay with my family. On the other hand, I won't be much of a husband and father if we run out of money.

What would everyone advise? What ever I choose, there is a terrible consequence. Being apart will be tremendously hard, and not just for my wife. But I also have to provide for them - they are entirely my responsibility and making sure they are fed and clothed and the bills are paid is my life's duty. On the other hand, it will be easier to get investment while I'm in the UK.

[keithAngel]

Well it seems you already know what you need to do before the float runs out .

When you wife tells you to stay and dont worry about the money does she say what she thinks will happen sometimes when we step out of our own comfort zones we can allow possabilities we couldnt previously imagine.

I may be facing this dillema in about 6 months so I am pleased to have this opportunity to discuss it bit like the song

"Should I go or should I stay now...if I go there will be trouble...If I stay it will be double":bluegrab:

[maria_and_matt]

i think you should go back here in the uk to work, it is a very sad thing to do, but what if your baby gets sick or your wife or even yourself. it will be a short sacrifice to make. earn and go back and not spend the cash fast ... goodluck to you and your family hope things work out for ya.

[aromulus]

A man has gotta do, what a man has gotta do......

However unpleasant and heartbreaking the task ahead might be for everyone concerned, your first priority is the future of your young family....

I know only too well what kind of mental turmoil and anguish you must be experiencing, as I have been there, but the only logical solution to a lot of problems would be to return to the UK and find a job.

While, here, earning and supporting your family, you can organize a couple of internet jobs which could be able to feed you all in the future, lay the foundations so to speak, were you to return and settle in Phil again.

I am afraid that you will have to be cruel to be kind...

Your wife's family will help with the baby, as it is customary with most families overthere, there should be nothing to worry about.
I would suggest just to appease your own worries, that you give or promise a local doctor a small retainer, to pop around every so often to check that everything is alright....

[Geraldine]

Hi Welsh_Italian,

Your wife is lucky to have a husband like you, responsible and loving

Why not move here in the UK for awhile with the whole family? So you won't have to be apart, Im sure your wife will understand that.

just a thought.

[keithAngel]

but what if your baby gets sick or your wife or even yourself.

Then He will know what its really like to be a Filipino and can learn to borrow the money from his new family plus what if he go back to England and get run over by a Bus and never see them again

Seize the Day ....its the only one youve got

[maria_and_matt]

Then He will know what its really like to be a Filipino and can learn to borrow the money from his new family plus what if he go back to England and get run over by a Bus and never see them again

Seize the Day ....its the only one youve got

yeah maybe keith is right go seize the day see how far that gets you

[katie37pinayuk]

What would everyone advise? What ever I choose, there is a terrible consequence. Being apart will be tremendously hard, and not just for my wife. But I also have to provide for them - they are entirely my responsibility and making sure they are fed and clothed and the bills are paid is my life's duty. On the other hand, it will be easier to get investment while I'm in the UK.

i understand how you feel. im a filipina who came to UK cos of work. it broke my heart to leave my 2 children behind. i cried on sleepless nights thinking of them. how could a mother leave her young children behind? but i had to, so i fought the guilt, the loneliness. so i planned and prepared so i can get them to come over here. after three years of sacrifice, on their part specially, although i went home on 2006, leaving them again was an ordeal. 3 weeks more and im going to the Philippines, coming back with a smile and with my 2 children...no more tears

a british like you can make things happen faster. hope things will be better for you and you family.

[Welsh_Italian]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I know what I have to do which is return to the UK. I guess it makes me feel guilty to do this. As maria_and_matt said, if something bad happens (which is quite possible) then we have problems. At least in the UK I can negotiate for a bank loan to pay medical bills if I have an income. Without one, I can't get anything. Geraldine - thanks for the compliment. My wife spent 3-4 months from November last year in the UK but really didn't like it much so we settled for now in the Philippines while I tried to start the business. Part of the problem is that a) for one part of my business, there are very few clients in the Phils, and b) getting investment for the other part is next to impossible. It's hard enough in the UK as it's tech, but over here there is nothing. Investors like to be close to their money.

I just have to work out how to break the news to her now. :-(

Thanks again everybody.

[Piamed]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I know what I have to do which is return to the UK. I guess it makes me feel guilty to do this. As maria_and_matt said, if something bad happens (which is quite possible) then we have problems. At least in the UK I can negotiate for a bank loan to pay medical bills if I have an income. Without one, I can't get anything. Geraldine - thanks for the compliment. My wife spent 3-4 months from November last year in the UK but really didn't like it much so we settled for now in the Philippines while I tried to start the business. Part of the problem is that a) for one part of my business, there are very few clients in the Phils, and b) getting investment for the other part is next to impossible. It's hard enough in the UK as it's tech, but over here there is nothing. Investors like to be close to their money.

I just have to work out how to break the news to her now. :-(

Thanks again everybody.

Its a tough choice but you will be doing the right and responsible thing for you and your family. Your conscience should be ok with that although your hearts will definitely ache for each other.All the best mate!

[cheesewiz]

many filipinos sacrificing to be away from their love ones (OFW'S) for simple reason to give their family much better life. I know its hard as I myself away from my family (I experienced loads of things here, like Im ill but I have to do things on my own) Sometimes sacrifices for the good of everyone as the famous saying "when poverty knocks on the door, love flies out of the window"

I guess your wife should sacrifice as well (if she wants you to be together all the time) she should decide as well that living together here in UK might be the best option for both of you for now and go back to Phils again when things are better and settled.

Good luck

[Pepe n Pilar]

Sorry to know that you will be away from your family. That is the best way to go back to the U.K. and make yourself be stable again. Time flies, you may not notice it, you will be together with your wife and daughter again. It's a tough decision to make. It's better to be away for awhile and you can give them what they need rather than stay in the Phils and see them sacrificing esp when someone is sick. Many filipinos work abroad just to be able to supply the family's needs. Love is measured by trust, and understanding.
Best of luck....

[ginapeterb]

Your the man, you have to do what you have to do to support your wife.

AROMULUS has hit the nail on the head, I am in UK now alone because I could not afford to extend my holiday, I was in Philippines for 3 weeks, I wanted to stay for 6 weeks, I could probably afford it, however our bank balance will deplete quickly, I had to come back to UK

Let me tell you this:

Coming back to UK when you have everything you ever wanted in Phils is a KILLER !

I did it last Sunday, it was no joke I can tell you, arriving back at LGW to find that a bottle of coke was 1.99 made me cringe, your in the same position that many of us are in, love the life in Philippines, but cant make any money, back to UK my friend is the only thing for you, you have to make money to support your wife and baby, that is the most loving thing you can do for her right now.

Ask any OFW they will tell you what you need to do, millions of Pinoys are in the same position as you, you know what you have to do, best of luck mate.

[keithAngel]

I can feel a new thread coming on

[gaius]

This thread is really one of the heart filling odds... in this thread, good people regardless of race are bind with each natural loving advices. Filipino are very family oriented kind, and this one problem story is as almost as common to most OFW's. It's nice to see some English folks are taking the good understanding of how and why most filipino are nature-loving kind. When the WHO org. did surveyed Philippines on what is the most important thing in life that makes them happy, and the no.1 spot is FAMILY!.. next is Money!...

And folks, going to UK is the reason for you to make your family the no.1 most important... you have to work back in UK to feed your family back in Phils.

Follow the threads of majority advices. thats the best option.

[jackmac452]

When I read your story my friend, my heart went out to you...I am in the same boat..so to speak..ran out of money and just had to face facts and come home...Nisa has the bairn in October and I will not be there....it really brings tears to my eyes...but even she said "Go, as it's the right thing to do".. the problem for me is..at 58, finding work in my home city is nigh on imposible now...it was all going so good for us both in China, but things change in the twinkling of an eye...but I know everything will be OK (she has a big family who are all so good in Manilla)....Always had a guardian Angel watching over me.....hope your problem works out OK for you..Keep your spirits up...and keep us informed of how its all working out....

[Mrs.JMajor]

When i just read your first post,i said i'm gonna reply and advice u to go back to UK,but reading members reply and they didn't make u second thought of going back,and u decide to go back,i would say you are such a responsible loving father/husband Welsh..such a very good decision

Good luck to you,may u have the best for you and to your family

[Welsh_Italian]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm booked to leave tomorrow to fly back to the UK. I'll be working hopefully Monday next week, even if it's just temp work it will do while I find something better paid. I'll also be looking into investment for my business idea which is quite solid, and getting that would see us safe for quite a while with a good chance of being comfortably rich ;-)

It was hard to tell my wife but deep down, she knows that I have to go. Neither of us wanted me to leave but we both realise that for the baby, we have to do this sacrifice. She'll be fine though as she is with her family and they will stand by her all the way; and the baby (one month old today!) is too young to miss me.

Thanks again everyone. I'll be back in the UK on Thursday. I wonder if I will feel cold? ;-)

[maria_and_matt]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm booked to leave tomorrow to fly back to the UK. I'll be working hopefully Monday next week, even if it's just temp work it will do while I find something better paid. I'll also be looking into investment for my business idea which is quite solid, and getting that would see us safe for quite a while with a good chance of being comfortably rich ;-)

It was hard to tell my wife but deep down, she knows that I have to go. Neither of us wanted me to leave but we both realise that for the baby, we have to do this sacrifice. She'll be fine though as she is with her family and they will stand by her all the way; and the baby (one month old today!) is too young to miss me.

Thanks again everyone. I'll be back in the UK on Thursday. I wonder if I will feel cold? ;-)

i hope all goes well for you when you get back here, it will be so hard for you to be away from your wife and child. but it won't be long till you go back home to them ...

you won't feel cold but it is a bit wet at the moment, it seems to be raining everyday and forecast says it will be raining all of this week but we all know how wrong they are sometimes..

anyway goodluck to you! stay safe

[Welsh_Italian]

I'm in the UK now and managed to get a last minute flight via Cebu-Pacific to HK and then Qantas to Heathrow. Saying goodbye wasn't so hard as I had thought because my wife and I both felt that we would be reunited sooner than we thought. As it is, I have already managed to land some initial investment for my business idea and I can use that to find some more over the next few weeks.

I've been chatting to her every day and get to see our baby on webcam - isn't YM a lifeline?!

The only bad thing was that as I have a Phils residence visa, I had to pay PHP2170 to leave (in addition to the PHP750).

I hope to go back home in September or early October depending upon how business and work goes which is sooner than I had feared. Good news really. I've been missing my family so much but at least I can see them and talk to them every day. With the investment (it's for building this software which has a very large world-wide market) we should be clear for a good time at least until it's finished and I can begin to sell it.

Thanks everyone for all your kind replies. The situation has worked out much better than I first thought so for my story at least, all is good.

All the best everyone.