serious question...

[Mrs Daddy]

we havent got a problem about this issue with my husband because I really dont wanna ask anything from him to send to my family back home.In fact my Husband dont want me to work but I insist coz as what everybody said in case of emergency we need to send money back home.But the thing there is I have been working hard for them like two years ago in abroad because as the eldest you have the responsibility for your siblings but now that two of my siblings graduated from college and now that I am married its different now my life than what it used to be.before it was alright coz i was single but now I have my family of my own but in my own little ways I dont mind helping them once in a while not often coz as majority said they`ll just think that money in u.k is just somewhere round the road that we`re just picking it and as well the problem with filipino culture is you have as well the so called extended family like your aunties,auncles,dozens of cousins and nieces and nephews and distant relatives never to forget.and you try to explain to them that you are not rich here and that you cant afford helping everybody but they never understand and telling everybody you know that you have change and you become greedy which is not the case.my husband told me that I couldnt become a superwoman to help everybody back home.he knows I have work so hard and yet I am not benefiting the fruit of my labor.i really dont know,sometimes I think it would be better if I go back home so that all of us would be fair and that they couldnt rely on me.I dont mind helping but not often coz life in uk is not a bed of roses

[maria_and_matt]

we havent got a problem about this issue with my husband because I really dont wanna ask anything from him to send to my family back home.In fact my Husband dont want me to work but I insist coz as what everybody said in case of emergency we need to send money back home.But the thing there is I have been working hard for them like two years ago in abroad because as the eldest you have the responsibility for your siblings but now that two of my siblings graduated from college and now that I am married its different now my life than what it used to be.before it was alright coz i was single but now I have my family of my own but in my own little ways I dont mind helping them once in a while not often coz as majority said they`ll just think that money in u.k is just somewhere round the road that we`re just picking it and as well the problem with filipino culture is you have as well the so called extended family like your aunties,auncles,dozens of cousins and nieces and nephews and distant relatives never to forget.and you try to explain to them that you are not rich here and that you cant afford helping everybody but they never understand and telling everybody you know that you have change and you become greedy which is not the case.my husband told me that I couldnt become a superwoman to help everybody back home.he knows I have work so hard and yet I am not benefiting the fruit of my labor.i really dont know,sometimes I think it would be better if I go back home so that all of us would be fair and that they couldnt rely on me.I dont mind helping but not often coz life in uk is not a bed of roses

your husband is now your family... i do understand that you feel obliged to help your family, but you also deserve to save a bit of what you earn for yourself. you are too good to your family but they have to also understand that you have a different life now. helping your parents is understandable but not aunts and uncles too.

[andypaul]

your husband is now your family... i do understand that you feel obliged to help your family, but you also deserve to save a bit of what you earn for yourself. you are too good to your family but they have to also understand that you have a different life now. helping your parents is understandable but not aunts and uncles too.

Word

How are you helping them by making them reliant on hand outs?

Its tough at first but if they really love and respect you they will not need or want your money just your love and respect back.

[maria_and_matt]

Word

How are you helping them by making them reliant on hand outs?

Its tough at first but if they really love and respect you they will not need or want your money just your love and respect back.

theres a thin line between helping and making them rely on us for their needs. helping is just giving when they really really need it, supporting is kinda like a monthly thing. you must also understand that its not a matter of wanting money, they really NEED it, life in the PI can be hard for our folks. what i am saying is helping our parents is ok but not the extended family, filipinas will always help the parents, thats just the way we are. but we should also realize when to stop, we filipinas married to brits should not put our family here in a position where we don't have money for our own needs.

[IainBusby]

theres a thin line between helping and making them rely on us for their needs. helping is just giving when they really really need it, supporting is kinda like a monthly thing. you must also understand that its not a matter of wanting money, they really NEED it, life in the PI can be hard for our folks. what I am saying is helping our parents is ok but not the extended family, filipinas will always help the parents, thats just the way we are. but we should also realize when to stop, we filipinas married to brits should not put our family here in a position where we don't have money for our own needs.

We send support now on a monthly basis because my father in law is retired and gets only a very small pension of P2000 per month. We send P5000 a month which is more than my wife was able to contribute to the family when she was still in Phils and working full time and yes, they do really need it.

We have sent this money consistently since my wife arrival in the UK whether my wife was working or not. I think it's important not to set the bar too high so that the money you send is always affordable through both good times and bad. If you set the bar too high and then can't afford to send that much at any given time, it could leave them in trouble if they tend to live according to their means completely, as many in Phils tend to do when they are being supported from overseas.

Take in to account that neither she or her daughter have to be fed and clothed etc from the amount we send as they did when they were still in Phils, it means they are certainly better off than they were before, but I'm sure they're no where near as well off as they expected to be with a daughter married and living in the UK. That totally unrealistic perception of western wealth again!

Besides this my wife's sister who works in Bahrain sends a minimum of P2000 per month and my father in law gets a few odd jobs here and there. We also send extra money, maybe P10 or P15K at Christmas etc and although I don't normally see it, I'm sure there are quite a few twenty pound notes slipped into the various bithday and greetings cards etc.

We used to send the money, P30,000 every six months, but I got annoyed recently when we were told her mother didn't have enough money to see the doctor (P500). The reason I was annoyed is because this was in July and we weren't due to send more money until October and we had already sent an extra P15,000 earlier in July so she could have an operation.

This money we send is to support only my mother in law, my father in law and my sister in law who is unemployed and I know that they live a very simple life there which I'm sure the money we send and their other income can adequately support.

I suspect that the reason the money ran out well before we were due to send more is because the extended family always come to them first for every family emergency because they know that their daughter is married to a Brit and is living in the UK. We have decided therefore from now on, although it will cost us more money to do it this way, that we will send on a monthly basis, so that they will only have the money they need to last the month and no large amounts to spare for extended family emergencies.

Iain.

[andypaul]

theres a thin line between helping and making them rely on us for their needs. helping is just giving when they really really need it, supporting is kinda like a monthly thing. you must also understand that its not a matter of wanting money, they really NEED it, life in the PI can be hard for our folks. what i am saying is helping our parents is ok but not the extended family, filipinas will always help the parents, thats just the way we are. but we should also realize when to stop, we filipinas married to brits should not put our family here in a position where we don't have money for our own needs.

I was agreeing but adding that hand outs for those who could and should work is unfair on them and your actually disadvantaging them. As what happens if god forbid you cant support them any more?

Any family member in real need of assitance and parents/grandparents in their later years in either phill or the Uk i think most brit/phill people would want to help and support in helping them as they helped you.

Many brits have also to support elderly family in the Uk which should also be taken in to account. Many were banking on their houses bank rolling their extra care which looks very unlikely in the near future.

[maria_and_matt]

I was agreeing but adding that hand outs for those who could and should work is unfair on them and your actually disadvantaging them. As what happens if god forbid you cant support them any more?

Any family member in real need of assitance and parents/grandparents in their later years in either phill or the Uk i think most brit/phill people would want to help and support in helping them as they helped you.

Many brits have also to support elderly family in the Uk which should also be taken in to account. Many were banking on their houses bank rolling their extra care which looks very unlikely in the near future.

i really think that the problem is our relatives back home, once we get here or anywhere abroad they tend to be wanting more.

and to answer your question, if we can no longer afford to help it has to stop. and they just have to live life like they use to, they have managed before i am certain they will also mnage without help from us. since i stopped sending money to my mother they seem to be doing ok, i felt actually exploited by her, demanding money and more money, so i decided to just stop helping, and to be honest i feel relieved, now my son gets everything he wants and my husband has more money in his pocket

[Ann07]

hi mrs daddy how r u na?
just read ur post now been busy preparing for my baby's christening

u have ur life now, its ok to help but u have to consider and prioritize ur family now. sometimes we just have to make tough decisions and sacrifices that will benefits all. Be happy always