I s'pose it's a fair chance that, after introducing oneself, a first post is likely to be a story. I just hope that mine doesn't turn out like the tale by "nomorericepleas", as my lady is also from Calbayog City. Anyway, here goes... so please bear with me for a brief history and, more importantly, my current concern.
I joined a Filipina dating site for free on 08 July 2007. On 28 July I got a short but well written note from Mxxxxxx. My upgrade was paid within a week or so of joining so I could read and write messages. I read Mxxxxx's note, checked her profile and BAM... magnetic attraction, so I wrote back. We each have been married over 20yrs, with me divorced for as long, and M had been abandoned over 4yrs at that time, after suffering abuse. She used her real name as ID and for eMail, which she gave me in her first message, so I felt she was being open about herself and we started to exchange eMails, then chat in YahooIM.
Within a few weeks we each felt there was a real chance for us to "make a go" of a new life for us both. Arrangements were made for her to take time from work so we could meet, which we did when I flew to Mactan last October. A situation had arisen at her place of work in which she was indirectly involved as a go-between, and both sides of the dispute took no heed of her absence. Her mobile was alive with texts from both parties, also calls from her estranged hubby, so you can imagine our first time together was not all roses. But we made the best of it.
M met me alone at the airport and we took a hotel in Cebu where we behaved as you might expect a magnetically attracted couple to behave. After 3 days we went to Leyte and stayed in a Tacloban lodge for 3 days before going to Manila, Baguio, then back to Manila for 3 days in another hotel. In Baguio I became ill with "Gloria's revenge" and, due to the incessant mobile and her crazy estranged husband, I made the mistake of arranging an early flight home. I say "mistake" cos my guts settled and our last 3 days in Manila were much better.
Things didn't seem quite the same after our visit and through to early New Year. Then, right through to April, the ride was often bumpy. At the end of April I'd had enough uncertainty and told her I was out of it. For 2 months M left offline messages for me in Yahoo at intervals of up to 12 days. Trivial stuff which I ignored when I found them. No eMails, just YahooIM which I was not using each day as I had done before. And this was the woman who'd decided I was to be her new husband, yet chose to write and chat with another UK guy in preference to me cos he was more "understanding".
I later wrote to the guy who said that M and I should sort things out and that he had visited Phils in November cos he had many friends there. That seemed to fit with things changing after my own visit but, even so, at the end of June I chose to respond to M's latest YahooIM and we got back on track. So much so that we both said we had taken time to think and decided that it was time to kick the annulment process in action for her. Needless to say who paid the 60,000php attorney fees but I was more than happy to do so. She says that the other UK guy has stopped writing and he's not ready for a relationship; also, if he were, she says that he would not choose her.
We are now in month 14 of our relationship and at no time has M actually asked me for money until this last month. Within 3 weeks of our first contact her brother died and I had no hesitation in sending the relatively small amount necessary to assist in his "laying to rest". M said I had no obligation but I'd fallen for her "big time" and, despite those who think they know about all Pinas being the same, I defended her and sent the money. All Pinas are NOT the same, just like ALL of ANY race are not all the same... and I have defended my girl through thick and thin.
Some might play "the oldest trick in the book" but I never doubted her about her brother's demise. Last month I asked M about it and she, quite rightly, hit the roof to think I accuse her of being a con artist, thief, and liar. I explained that I wanted proof to try and convince my family members who all think I'm crazy to want her and her kids. But I also wanted to write a letter of support for her Fiancee visa application and hoped that such statements might be considered favourably as evidence by ECOs as to the nature of our relationship. She obtained a copy of the death certificate and I have the image as expected.
Aside from attorney fees I've sent a number of money gifts when I've been aware there's a need, and some when there's been no need apparent. I am by no means wealthy but one occasion she had borrowed a sum of money to make a birthday party for her daughter. She didn't ask for anything but little did she know that I had already decided it was time to send some support. So I said nothing and sent the larger sum I already intended. That very day she received a demand for arrears of rent on her plot, and the sum I sent covered both rent (of which I was not aware) and the money borrowed for the birthday. Such things have happened so many times that it's as if we communicate telepathically.
That was as short as I could make it... sorry. Now for my current quandry, and I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Maybe my crystal ball has become cloudy.
Initially, her ex had agreed to co-operate with the annulment and was happy to soon be free... so he should be, at no personal cost... to go start afresh with his new girl and their new child. Now he becomes awkward, disinterested, and unco-operative, as well as witholding financial support which he is supposed to do by "law". Need I say more?
Saturday night I sent a loving cell text for Good Luck in things she must do on Monday, and hoped for a similar loving text in return. The loving reply woke me up (maybe in more ways than one) and told how her salary had been used up on a number of things and how she needs help. I have no doubt of that, and she didn't ask a specific amount. She knows my financial state, so I replied that I do not have her salary to send. She came back with "a small amount will help".
Under other circumstances I would do what I can to send cash as support, but I feel caught between moral obligation (as I see it) and common sense.
Recent letters I've sent in eMail have not been responded where response to questions would be appropriate, in spite of reminders that these are necessary as evidence for visa application.
And lately she started using SMS after Yahoo chat cos she has no home Internet. I understand that's a good move for less cost for her, but she said I could leave text messages in YahooIM to save me money also. This I have done and she says she doesn't see my messages. Now... maybe I'm thick, but the Yahoo text box allows me to send one message, telling me she will receive the message on a mobile device, but no more can be sent until she responds. I have her current SIM in Yahoo but have never received a response and I feel the SMS was initiated for more reason that just economic.
Also, on Friday there was a long gap before she responded my first chat text in response to her earlier message, even after I buzzed her PC.. I had come on late and saw that she was still there. Later in the day, instinct and intuition caused me to check the dating site and it showed her profile was accessed that day. Same thing in the dating site when things didn't feel right on Aug 19th, but she said it was her daughter in there cos her daughter setup the dating account for M in order for M to find happiness.
On a recent occasion I sent her proceeds of goods I had sold to get funds for myself. I received a Thank You text in my mobile, and a request for more money. When I asked about that she said it was her daughter who sent the text. Despite my requests that her kids don't use her ID for eMail, YahooIM, dating site, and even her cellphone, it seems she's either not bothered, not interested, or has no regard for privacy. I've also received eMail invites to other dating sites, sent as if in her name, of which she denies all knowledge or says it was her daughter. When I raise the question of why she shares her ID with her kids she says I make a fuss over nothng.
That's about it, folks, and I know there's only one person can decide what to do. I've devoted the last 14 months to a woman I've wanted more than anything, and living, breathing, working to try and make this happen for us on the basis that we are somehow destined to be together.
This is only half a story and we both say we Love each other and will make it work. Our individual 20yr histories, and the pain of another loss not being an experience either of us wants, could well make that true. But it raises the question of Love. Some say that where there is Real Love there will be trust and no doubt. Makes me wonder if that remains valid when parties are separated by 7,000 miles of ocean with the erratic power supply of Western Samar providing, or not, communication, to often raise questions in even the most determined minds.
Thanks for reading and, in advance, for any comments that might be forthcoming.
Ken
PS - Since preparing this screed in Notepad, I have sent a small sum to get her out of a hole if she is, in fact, desperate right now.
"Chains do not hold a marriage together.It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.That is what makes a marriage last - more than passion or even sex..." 
all things are possible!
Originally Posted by Geraldine
Nuff said. Maybe we are now underground porn stars and I don't know it? 
More lead to yer pencil, Matey... well done... to you and your lady.
