Beginning to ask myself...

[joebloggs]

I have to say again that requests for money only came in this last month when her situation became more difficult. And I believe that to be true.

But, true or not, there's no problem for me to accept whatever comes my way on this or any other decision I make. Still, the more I read and respond, the more I feel that the right lady is not so far away or out of reach... and might well be a tonic when I'm ready. Thanks again.

Ken

Ken, you 'believe' it to be truth, or you want it to be true, the thing is you don't know, not easy to deal with, i've been there myself, and when my misses got into difficulty, she didn't ask me for money, i offered, it was refused by her and by her mom, i pratically begged her to take the money for weeks and for me then, there was no way out

maybe you are being scammed or used and abused, maybe she really does need your help, but becareful what you accuse her of without evidence, anyway the balls in your court, i wish you well.

and i forgot to say, we married in end, and we've been happily married for 6 or 7 years, i can't remember

[kencornish]

Ken, you 'believe' it to be truth, or you want it to be true, the thing is you don't know, not easy to deal with, i've been there myself, and when my misses got into difficulty, she didn't ask me for money, i offered, it was refused by her and by her mom, i pratically begged her to take the money for weeks and for me then, there was no way out

maybe you are being scammed or used and abused, maybe she really does need your help, but becareful what you accuse her of without evidence, anyway the balls in your court, i wish you well.

and i forgot to say, we married in end, and we've been happily married for 6 or 7 years, i can't remember

Point taken, joebloggs. Maybe *wanting* is overriding the believing, just like the same wanting overrode any doubts. There is no evidence so I cannot accuse, nor shall I, and as I wrote earlier, I have defended M against such accusations from the start, even against the prejudice and accusations of most members of my own family. So no worries there.

Between reading and posting to this board though, a great deal of thinking during today, and revisiting our relationship since returning from Phils, it doesn't really matter what the answer is anyway. I think we've reached a point where there have been far too many little things for this relationship to continue from my point of view; little things not related to money in any way, and things that suggested her actions didn't live up to her words. I've even put that down to genuine forgetfulness caused by stress from running around after her attorney about the annulment, hassle from her ex, and pressure of work.

Ken

PS. Hey Joe... isn't that a big PLUS... to be so happily ensconced in each other's company that you can't remember how long it's been? Ok as long as you don't foget the anniversary I guess

[jackmac452]

Thank you my friend...Yes you are right Aposhark..my mistake..plenty of Filipino ladies that I met were young in China..but they still were too young and so full of life for me hahaha (and Beautiful to boot) Maybe the truth was..I could not handle too much excitement...and Kencornish...it's clan...not tribe..where my parents originate from..(not many Filipino's called MacDonald..but hopefully Junior will address that problem.. sometime in the distant future)....and I'm 59..but only look 25.......or is that my IQ?..

[kencornish]

I'm like you, Mac, regarding age and looks. Somehow I have to think my IQ has also dropped to same level. Possibly hormonal :eek:

[joebloggs]

.. isn't that a big PLUS... to be so happily ensconced in each other's company that you can't remember how long it's been? Ok as long as you don't foget the anniversary I guess

just like a lifer, after a number of years inside you don't remember how long its been



and is it over ken , can you really walk away

[jbt]

I just want to say something about people commenting on those who need monetary help and having pride etc.

Just because someone asks for money does not mean they are necessarily a scammer or a hooker or that there isn't genuine love etc, everyones situations are different!

I supported Tonet from when we first met online till she was able to come here and get her own job. I was very happy to do so and here we are still together 4 years later and with our first wedding anniversary under our belts.

Those who have managed to get by without the support of your bf/husband are lucky to be able to do so, that's good for you! Those that aren't so lucky can still have pride in themselves and also be genuine with their feelings for their loved partner.

I agree

[Mrs.JMajor]

I have story,u might concerned to read it ken,a filipina is chatting online w/ so called bf from UK,she told me she been chatting w/ this man for more than a year and funny the man sending her monthly allowance,she told me,then i asked her did your husband know all about it,and she said yes,and i asked how he feel about it that your chatting and pretending single,the husband said its OK as long as he never touch my wife,he also said that's only trick to get money(gosh)husband sometimes was also on the other corner watching TV while the wife is chatting to the bf,

Its sad but be smart enough to know everything and just don't easy sending money like that
Also i was confused w/ your story ,u said she abandoned already ,then how come she still received text from strange husband as what u mention on your first post w/ this thread

[vbkelly]

hi jedc143 i think this is a common cases not only in the philippines but around the world,i have a couple of friends told me about how they meet their husband on the dating sites so bcoz i was curious about it i did try to sign up on the dating sites they said not for looking a man just being nosy what it is. i had a couple of filipinas friends online mostly they are married and i said to them why are you here on the dating site if you are married,most of them said bcoz their husband no job and their husband agreed with them to go online dating to earn money and i said to them what you mean to earn a money and they're laughing.just imagine one woman said to me she earned php50k a month for doing scammed,i was shocked what i heard to them and they said mostly their victims are oldie men,it is really sad and hopefully no one of the member of this forum is a victim of scammed.

[IainBusby]

Thank you my friend...Yes you are right Aposhark..my mistake..plenty of Filipino ladies that I met were young in China..but they still were too young and so full of life for me hahaha (and Beautiful to boot) Maybe the truth was..I could not handle too much excitement...and Kencornish...it's clan...not tribe..where my parents originate from..(not many Filipino's called MacDonald..but hopefully Junior will address that problem.. sometime in the distant future)....and I'm 59..but only look 25.......or is that my IQ?..

My missus is and my step-daughter Mary Grace will be soon!
Iain.

[jackmac452]

IainBusby....You a MacDonald ? ohh wow...we can populate the Philipines..build an army and go and kick those Campbell butts.....Myself and Nisa went to Glen Coe 18 months ago to see my auntie..and she loved the place..(hated the cold though and chickened out climbing Ben Nevis..the coward).............whoops..going off topic again..silly me..

[PeterB]

Ooops ... with the surname 'Bell', it seems possible that my ancestry goes back to the Campbells!

[jackmac452]

PeterB...We MacDonald's would never hurt a pretty lady like yourself (strange name for a lady. PeterB) but your husband or B/F...well thats different...We hold grudges for ever..us Mac's do..(well thats what my Grandad told me to do)..hahaha...No...this time we will make an exception.....anyway, with a name like Bell..I'll bet he was called..Ding Dong at school...the poor lad......

[PeterB]

Hehe .. that's a photo of my wife!

... and there are worse things that you can be called at school!

Still, I thank you for your compassion!

[cornwoman]

Hi Ken,
are u indeed cornish?as my hubby is.seems shes using you as a piggy bank based on ur story. my hubby and i met also online thru a dating site everything is fantastic.there was no request for money for personal needs but only for the payment of marriage expenses and visa thing.my advise to you is to stop sending money and get back to a dating site and hope you can find a genuine filipina woman as most are genuine.cut your losses shes using you.best of luck.

[IainBusby]

IainBusby....You a MacDonald ? ohh wow...we can populate the Philipines..build an army and go and kick those Campbell butts .....Myself and Nisa went to Glen Coe 18 months ago to see my auntie..and she loved the place..(hated the cold though and chickened out climbing Ben Nevis..the coward).............whoops..going off topic again..silly me..

We have just had a holiday in Scotland and one of the things I had pencilled in to do while we were there was to drive from Crieff, which is very near to where we were staying, to Fort William so that my wife and step-daughter could see Glencoe and the rest of the amazing scenery on that journey.

I have travelled that road many times as I have an aunt who lives on the Isle of Skye and I still think the scenery is awesome. Sadly, things got a bit too hectic, too many relatives to see etc, so we never managed to make that trip this time.
Iain.

[jackmac452]

Ohh my goodness..I've just noticed your age...same as mine..maybe we are long lost brothers...hmm my missus looks like yours also...(but mine maybe a bit fatter hehehe). If you get a chance ever. Take her up Glen Durra by Ballachulish...maybe you'll see the young Ghost lady who seems to flit about there....

[gazlou]

I agreee with you! I never asked money to my bf either. Its not about money its about the love you feel with each other... I do believe that ppl who ask more money esp n a long distance relationshp is not a geniune love ////... Some of them might jus use you...

Same here.

[kencornish]

Quick update. We have contact at last. Acknowledgement of my gift was received on Friday am, RP time, along with reasonable explanation for absence. Contact by SMS via Skype is getting through and being acknowledged, whereas SMS via Yahoo seems not to work from my end. But, me being a non-techy type, it's probably a question of config or wrong version of Yahoo. Anyway... resolved, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper than mobile texting. Also have phoned M via Skype but she says reception is garbled and can hardly hear me in Samar, whereas I can hear her wall to wall. So it looks like SMS will have to suffice.

I posted elsewhere that the jury are deliberating and you will have noticed my edits in this thread. Edits were made in respect M and her privacy, lack of real evidence, and a certain degree of self preservation in case of libel, slander, or someday getting hacked with a bolo

Thanks to everybody for your remarks, and especially to KeithAngel for his help. Onwards and upwards, with eyes and ears open, my head down, and my to the wind.

Ken

[kencornish]

Hi Ken,
are u indeed cornish?as my hubby is.seems shes using you as a piggy bank based on ur story. my hubby and i met also online thru a dating site everything is fantastic.there was no request for money for personal needs but only for the payment of marriage expenses and visa thing.my advise to you is to stop sending money and get back to a dating site and hope you can find a genuine filipina woman as most are genuine.cut your losses shes using you.best of luck.

Thanks for your remarks, cornwoman, and yes... I am indeed Cornish, as your husband is.
Some situations are simple, others not as simple, and some are not so simple. My lady's situation is of the latter type.
I've put a lot of effort into this relationship, and I believe that she has too. Whatever money I've put in was my own choice and is gone from me. End of story. I accept that and have no regrets about the money. If ever I feel that my efforts have been wasted, I shall post and say so for the benefit of those who come after me on these boards. What they choose to do about money is also their choice, but I say this much... if I had the foresight to join this board when our relationship started, my actions might well have been different. Still... water under the bridge, we can't go back, and time moves on.

Ken

[aposhark]

Thanks for your remarks, cornwoman, and yes... I am indeed Cornish, as your husband is.
Some situations are simple, others not as simple, and some are not so simple. My lady's situation is of the latter type.
I've put a lot of effort into this relationship, and I believe that she has too. Whatever money I've put in was my own choice and is gone from me. End of story. I accept that and have no regrets about the money. If ever I feel that my efforts have been wasted, I shall post and say so for the benefit of those who come after me on these boards. What they choose to do about money is also their choice, but I say this much... if I had the foresight to join this board when our relationship started, my actions might well have been different. Still... water under the bridge, we can't go back, and time moves on.

Ken

Hi Ken,
Just be careful.
People on here only want good times to come to their Filipino-Brit family.
Things that we seem to understand on here can often have greater significance later on.
I had a strange situation which was well documented in a massive post, and one thing I learned was that it is good to keep on thinking of all the angles that posters shed light on.
This forum is invaluable for all of us

Of course the most valuable thing is the love of a Filipina (or Filipino for the ladies on here) which is something that I had no idea about, and something that has been the most powerful emotion to have come my way in life.
Everything is worthwhile in life with love like that.

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it...It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more." anon

It is worth striving for, but this forum is a great "heads up" especially for people who sadly get scammed.
All the best in your relationship.
Hope to hear good things as time goes on.

[Jay&Zobel]

.

We are now in month 14 of our relationship and at no time has M actually asked me for money until this last month. Within 3 weeks of our first contact her brother died and I had no hesitation in sending the relatively small amount necessary to assist in his "laying to rest". M said I had no obligation but I'd fallen for her "big time" and, despite those who think they know about all Pinas being the same, I defended her and sent the money. All Pinas are NOT the same, just like ALL of ANY race are not all the same... and I have defended my girl through thick and thin.

Some might play "the oldest trick in the book" but I never doubted her about her brother's demise. Last month I asked M about it and she, quite rightly, hit the roof to think I accuse her of being a con artist, thief, and liar. I explained that I wanted proof to try and convince my family members who all think I'm crazy to want her and her kids. But I also wanted to write a letter of support for her Fiancee visa application and hoped that such statements might be considered favourably as evidence by ECOs as to the nature of our relationship. She obtained a copy of the death certificate and I have the image as expected.

Aside from attorney fees I've sent a number of money gifts when I've been aware there's a need, and some when there's been no need apparent. I am by no means wealthy but one occasion she had borrowed a sum of money to make a birthday party for her daughter. She didn't ask for anything but little did she know that I had already decided it was time to send some support. So I said nothing and sent the larger sum I already intended. That very day she received a demand for arrears of rent on her plot, and the sum I sent covered both rent (of which I was not aware) and the money borrowed for the birthday. Such things have happened so many times that it's as if we communicate telepathically.

Under other circumstances I would do what I can to send cash as support, but I feel caught between moral obligation (as I see it) and common sense.

That's about it, folks, and I know there's only one person can decide what to do. I've devoted the last 14 months to a woman I've wanted more than anything, and living, breathing, working to try and make this happen for us on the basis that we are somehow destined to be together.

This is only half a story and we both say we Love each other and will make it work. Our individual 20yr histories, and the pain of another loss not being an experience either of us wants, could well make that true. But it raises the question of Love. Some say that where there is Real Love there will be trust and no doubt. Makes me wonder if that remains valid when parties are separated by 7,000 miles of ocean with the erratic power supply of Western Samar providing, or not, communication, to often raise questions in even the most determined minds.

Thanks for reading and, in advance, for any comments that might be forthcoming.

Ken

PS - Since preparing this screed in Notepad, I have sent a small sum to get her out of a hole if she is, in fact, desperate right now.

Stories like this, just breaks my heart. SOmetimes, I feel ashamed I'm a Filipino because some are just doing whatever they can to scam, to abuse other people for the sake of money without thinking that they are hurting a genuine person, who is willing to give up everything, willing to send support, because he thought he is "in love" with her.

watch out for there are lots of scammers online... there's lots of nice filipina out there but there's also loads of hookers...
I fall in love with my husband even no money involved in our relationship, I am not a rich kid but I have my pride not to accept money from anyone especially for my boyfriend. I apply for my visa and travel to the UK without asking any financial help from him. So I guess, it's a shame for a woman to keep on asking help to her bf especially if it's money involve.

When money is involve in the early stage of the relationship can be very misleading. I still strongly believe giving or taking money is wrong if you want to have a lasting relationship. The foundation of a great friendship is love not money.

hi ken, relationships like this is hard, but being a filipina myself i would never ever dream of asking any kind of monetary support from a bf. she has in the past managed without you so why start relying on you now. i can tell you are a very decent guy, i think you deserve better. goodluck to you ken hope things work out for you. godbless!

PRECISELY!!!!

[aposhark]

Stories like this, just breaks my heart. SOmetimes, I feel ashamed I'm a Filipino because some are just doing whatever they can to scam, to abuse other people for the sake of money without thinking that they are hurting a genuine person, who is willing to give up everything, willing to send support, because he thought he is "in love" with her.

When money is involve in the early stage of the relationship can be very misleading. I still strongly believe giving or taking money is wrong if you want to have a lasting relationship. The foundation of a great friendship is love not money.

PRECISELY!!!!

I think that a lot of us British men who meet Filipinas in person (I see there are some women here also with their Filipino man) soon realise that we have to help support our Mahals, especially if she has to do many things to get married, and then the long process of applying for the Visa.

It would be nigh-on impossible for many Filipinas in the province to pay for everything.
Even buying clothes and make-up is expensive for many Filipinas.

I think asking for / receiving money on dating sites can end in tears, but there are also lots of happy couples who have met that way too

[Jay&Zobel]

It would be nigh-on impossible for many Filipinas in the province to pay for everything.
Even buying clothes and make-up is expensive for many Filipinas.

I think asking for / receiving money on dating sites can end in tears, but there are also lots of happy couples who have met that way too

I respect your opinion. It is the matter a matter playing it by the ear. As long as you are sensible enough. Just be cautious and keep an eye on your spending that does not affect your life here. There is nothing wrong of being careful.

[aposhark]

Jay&Zobel

I hope you don't mind me asking but who is kissing who in your avatar?

[Jay&Zobel]

Jay&Zobel

I hope you don't mind me asking but who is kissing who in your avatar?

Hehe, I dont mind at all lol. That's our candid pic.

Well, that was the younger brother of my husband, he can be silly and acts like a kid at times. hehe.