Angry Wife :(

[deckard97f]

Hi there,

I think we have all experienced Tampo of some sort of other.

My wife currently has a serious mood on her.

She and my daughter arrived last Tuesday and we have a great time since their arrival.

However within the last couple of days she has been sleeping really excessively, now i know, i'm probably being unreasonable here as she is still trying to adjust, although i would have thought jet lag would have subsided by now.

I am not a sexist barsteward, infact i enjoy cooking etc and as i am on leave i have been helping out, we are a partnership afterall.

This morning my wife asked me to cook breakkie no worries, the dishes sat all day and she never made an attempt to do them.

Afternoon came we had lunch ( we made our own as where eating different things) the dishes piled up.

Are you gonna cook dinner my love she said, yes i said but would like to clear those dishes before i begin.
Well she flipped i'm not your slave etc etc, i have been cleaning since i got here, cant i have a lazy day.
I repleid in kind with all you have done is sleep since you hot here.
She now doesnt want to look at me and is cleaning every nook and crannie to prove a point to me i think

Sorry 2 air my laundry, but dont really know how to play this as when i go near me she has a fit

Help

Deck

[Tish]

Wrong time of the month probably

[deckard97f]

I wish it was. but nope

[KeithD]

You'll get that for the first few months while you both adjust....just wave a dried fish infront of her....she'll melt in your hands

[deckard97f]

I was thinking of doing a chicken balti

When i asked her if she was hungry she told me to go away

[KeithD]

When i asked her if she was hungry she told me to go away

That means she's hungry Cook it

[deckard97f]

Well its on and within 2mins she came to have a look

She didn't say anything though........to be continued

Deck

[aposhark]

Help
Deck

Try to do something to make her laugh.
If she doesn't laugh, lay low for a while and ride it out

[aromulus]

Well its on and within 2mins she came to have a look

She didn't say anything though........to be continued

Deck

Quickest way to a Pinay's heart is a steaming bowl of rice and fish or a Gucci/Benetton/Vuitton handbag.....

[deckard97f]

Well she has benn encamped in the living room all night away from me.

I am in the computer room and what she doesn't realise is that i could stay here for days coz i am a saddo

Anyway i plated up and brought it into her, dont know how she knew i was coming but we passed in the corridor i said "here's some dinner if you want it, if not dont eat it"
She casually glanced at it and went to bed...................oh bugger.

Its still in the living room waiting for her

[benb]

Hi there,

I think we have all experienced Tampo of some sort of other.

My wife currently has a serious mood on her.

She and my daughter arrived last Tuesday and we have a great time since their arrival.

However within the last couple of days she has been sleeping really excessively, now i know, i'm probably being unreasonable here as she is still trying to adjust, although i would have thought jet lag would have subsided by now.

Deck

Hi Deck, she is probably in deep thought and missing her family. It may take 2 weeks for some to get over jet lag.

How old is your daughter and wife?

If she does not want to talk, write down your thoughts and give it to her to read. This works for some people.

Cheers

[deckard97f]

My Daughter is 3 and my wife is 34

[Ana_may365]

hmmm,i think shes expecting again????? :don

[deckard97f]

Why do you say that ?

[deckard97f]

Ah well i'm still getting the same treatment, guess i'll just have to ride it out

Deck

[LadyJ]

Lazy? moody? she might be pregnant?

[benb]

My Daughter is 3 and my wife is 34

Perhaps, early mid life crisis? "Mid life crises last about 3-10 years in men and 2-5 years in women", according to wikipedia.


Cheers

[Geraldine]

Oh dear..I wonder whats wrong with her for treating you like that? Was she like that before? ...now you are living together you will discover lots of things, good and bad unfortunately.

Give her time to adjust 1-2 months maybe, she might be just homesick, bored and of course no friends to talk or take her out somewhere. She might be doing that 'tampo' but it doesnt really work with some men, like my husband i used to make 'tampo' and it will last for days that i dont talk to him. Then i realized that he hasn't got a clue that im in a 'tampo mode' the lesson...communication! If something bothers both of you, talk about it before it gets really serious.

With house chores, I suggest you both do your share. Talk to her that you can not do everything, specially if you are working. Its hard at first and I hope you both will sort it out.

[keithAngel]

Sounds like you need a hobby or two and you could get out with your Daughter for a bit and treat it as posative space

[Ana_may365]

deckard97f,im just telling u my opinion,coz there's some woman act like that if she's expecting,if its true im just want to congratulate u in advance,

[alicat]

Lazy? moody? she might be pregnant?

oh!well,im always like that but im not pregnant..
im confused as well,i hate myself sometimes...
my husband got used to it now...

[joebloggs]

more like depression, that's what a week in the uk does to you

my stepson lasted a couple of weeks b4 he begged us to send him back to the phils , we kept him here for 18 months


many reasons, like some have said preggy, boredom, missing family, etc

your lucky i don't have a computer room

[Piamed]

Hi there,

I think we have all experienced Tampo of some sort of other.

My wife currently has a serious mood on her.

She and my daughter arrived last Tuesday and we have a great time since their arrival.

However within the last couple of days she has been sleeping really excessively, now i know, i'm probably being unreasonable here as she is still trying to adjust, although i would have thought jet lag would have subsided by now.

I am not a sexist barsteward, infact i enjoy cooking etc and as i am on leave i have been helping out, we are a partnership afterall.

This morning my wife asked me to cook breakkie no worries, the dishes sat all day and she never made an attempt to do them.

Well she flipped i'm not your slave etc etc, i have been cleaning since i got here, cant i have a lazy day.
I repleid in kind with all you have done is sleep since you hot here.
She now doesnt want to look at me and is cleaning every nook and crannie to prove a point to me i think

Sorry 2 air my laundry, but dont really know how to play this as when i go near me she has a fit

Help

Deck

Hey Deck, it does seem unusual that she is displaying no interest in tidying. he could be tired but i think most would have made an effort, even if you insist that she rests instead. Could be pregnant but i think fatigue is more likely rather than laziness.

Well she has benn encamped in the living room all night away from me.

I am in the computer room and what she doesn't realise is that i could stay here for days coz i am a saddo

Anyway i plated up and brought it into her, dont know how she knew i was coming but we passed in the corridor i said "here's some dinner if you want it, if not dont eat it"
She casually glanced at it and went to bed...................oh bugger.

Its still in the living room waiting for her

Seems that you might have been a bit kurt with her. Not necessarily unreasonably but she could be seeking your attention, and a show of care perhaps.

She might be doing that 'tampo' but it doesnt really work with some men, like my husband i used to make 'tampo' and it will last for days that i dont talk to him. Then i realized that he hasn't got a clue that im in a 'tampo mode'

That's funny!

[deckard97f]

Well we are talking again

She has told me she is really bored and has nobody to talk to.

I ahve told her to read a book go on the net whatch Tv watch a movie i have loads of DVD's play a computer game.

She doesn't want to do any of these things she wants a friend to talk to.

What do filipinos wives do to pass the time?

Deck

[scott&ligaya]

They need to have "tong tong" as often as possible ie talking/gossiping to other filipinas just to be happy. I will try to explain it like this. When we go home to my honeys farm we have to walk the last 1/2 mile. It should take 10/15 mins but usually takes over an hour as she has to stop and catch up with several months goings on with every house we pass, if only they could just pass each other a memory stick for uploads/downloads. How bad does it get? another example we meet up with her sister in Hong Kong where we used to live after a short trip away and they talk for 2 hours. We take the ferry home to our place (total time gap less than 1 hour) and she then spends a further 1 hour on the phone..... I mean what new could happen in one hour. My wife is at home with our baby and most of the filipinas we have met are working nurses either on days or night shift so are not available for chatting during the day so even with a new baby to look after she gets bored. She is now going to a mother and baby group one afternoon and to mums/baby swim session on another to break up the week.

This boredom is not easy to solve and I suggest if she is church goer try to find a locsl church for her as she may well meet other filipinas there.


Good luck to both of you and I hope she settles. My ligaya still misses her friends a lot

[KeithD]

You could start by putting her on the forum

Many on here talk on the phone, chat rooms, etc

[IainBusby]

Well we are talking again

She has told me she is really bored and has nobody to talk to.

I ahve told her to read a book go on the net whatch Tv watch a movie i have loads of DVD's play a computer game.

She doesn't want to do any of these things she wants a friend to talk to.

What do filipinos wives do to pass the time?

Deck

I don't think that Filipina's can get by and be happy in the UK for long if they don't have contact with other Filipina's. I think you should try to help her to make contact with other Filipina's she can chat to, either on Yahoo or on the phone and I don't think you'll find a better place to do that than on this forum. Is she a member of this forum btw? If not I think you'de be wise to get her registered.

I've got to say I can hardly remember the last time a day went by in our house when I didn't hear my wife jabbering away in Bisaya to one Filipina or other, or chatting online with Filipina freinds and I don't think she could get by without this daily catch up.

Iain.

[ginapeterb]

Your wife's current attitude is only to be expected, every Filipina who comes to UK tends to handle it differently, sometimes they are fine and busy busy busy tidying the house, cleaning up, some take alot of pride in it.

Sometimes when they come to UK, its a big adjustment, the main complaint of most Filipinas who come here, is the stark contrast of social networking between the Philippines and the UK.

That is quite hard on them, lack of some other Pinays to talk to is quite a shock to their system, and before they come, they paint themselves a picture of what like will be like, when they get here, there perception changes.

Because then they start to see how UK life is ? and where you are, is probably a good representation of life, we will all tell you, as my wife is nodding in approval here, that this phase will in time pass away, it has been known to take up to 2 years, and don't laugh about this, I have personal anecdotes given to me, stating just as much, that some pinays take months to settle into the life in the UK.

One lady told me, she was fed up continuously for up to 2 years, and after that, she managed to settle, but the first months were the worst, there are some pinay's who come here and settle within weeks, and in some cases more extreme, only a few days, like they have been here all their lives.

Sometimes being loving, helping with providing them with things to think of home, and also if funds allow, arranging a return trip within 3-6 months can also help, this gives your wife or partner an out, if they feel they need to go home for a holiday, all of these measures such as providing them with the Filipino channel, encouraging them to have Filipino friends if you can find them, will help in some way.

But none of the above are substitutes for them to face the challenge themselves of living life married to a foreigner in their own country, this challenge can only truly be mastered by facing up to the decision they have made.

So many British guys bring girls to the UK and expect that from day 1 after installing her (that is the Filipina wife) in their house, showing them the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom, and the lounge, where tesco's is, the library, the town hall, the shopping mall, and uncle tom cobley and all, they then proceed to think that life is going to be paradise every day from then on. - not so !

The fact is, the courship phase that the both went through between UK and Philippines is a small blip on the road to a successful marriage, the other problem of course, is that actually although you might have stayed together in a Filipino hotel for a few days once or twice during the courtship, the simple truth dawns on you, that actually, you really don't know this person, the chances are, (but not always) you have never seen her moody, the chances are, everything was peach fuss, and she was the ultimate babae , and never complained, said Tsup to you, everytime you asked her a question, and cleaned around you everytime you put your clothes down on the bed - this is not the real life.

Like the phrase " A dog is for life not just for christmas" so it also goes without saying, that a marriage to a foreigner is for life, and not just for the good times, like shopping at weekends and receiving a new designer bag, or a piece of nice jewelry.

The one thing that is missing when pinay's come to the UK, is there Barkada of friends, this is a big loss, almost like the death of a relative, they do feel it pretty bad, and can become very moody, the pattern of behaviour such as appearing to be lazy, sleeping all the time, is really a cover up for how they feel.

They feel dis-enfranchised, and they often blame you for this, although not intentionally, they feel the foreigner is the cause of their separation from friends and family, lets face it, how many hundreds of bright smiling faces do you see every night when you get home from work hanging out on the street corner, chances are, everyone is in their house, no one is outside chatting, there is no busy tricylces, jeepneys and gas guzzling buses heading down the street at a frantic pace.

There are no people hanging around the fish market, no one is buying snacks and drinks from the sari sari over the road, and there are no vendors on the street outside selling Manok or Lechon, there is no one coming around selling anything, the weather is often freezing cold, and the sky outside looks mirky and grey.

All of this and a sense of isolation, coupled with jetlag, and having to suddenly wash teh dishes in a strange house, and clean while the one person with whom they have barely known or lived with in a close proximity, is out to work for most of the day, its little wonder then, that there she is, climbing up the curtain pelmet, staring through the window, looking outside at no one, watching the clock, and breathing a sigh of relief when you suddenly bounce down the garden path like everything went on like this for the last 10 years.

Bringing a Filipina wife to the UK might start off with what we call the ~Honeymoon period~ but remember, there is still alot of cricket to be played

Time is the key, and you need lots of it, patience and love for the Filipina wife, will shine through eventually, and when she looks back, it will be a blip in your lifetime.

Spare a little thought for your new girl, after all, she has given up everything to come and be your wife.....just be understanding...best wishes.

[5olidsnake]

What do filipinos wives do to pass the time?

karaoke with friends, buy a magic sing

[joebloggs]

send her out to work, like i did with the misses

my misses is tooo tired to have a Tampo , kids wear her down when she's home, she has to goto bed early, and i can do what i want