Originally Posted by deckard97f
Well we are talking again
She has told me she is really bored and has nobody to talk to.
I ahve told her to read a book go on the net whatch Tv watch a movie i have loads of DVD's play a computer game.
She doesn't want to do any of these things she wants a friend to talk to.
What do filipinos wives do to pass the time?
Deck
GOOD thing that you talked again hehehe... I hope i will not get bored if I'm there too soon hehehehe... It's OK FORUM is here...
I think we all made suggestions already but to summarise
church if she is church goer the catholic churh willalmost certainly have filipinas as do other churches
mothers/toddlers groups
register her at you doctors, they will suggest other mother/child groups
Your local general hospital will have filipino nurses(some male ones who have wives/families here) as the female ones work so hard your wife will not have much chance to met with them.
I will contact a work colleague here who is the boss of the filipino association here in Bham, he may have contacts of groups in other towns
Find your nearest large asian food store and visit on a Saturday(threads here on that subject)
Post here again in the introduce yourself forum and explain that you are in Croydon and looking for female company for your wife
Go to your nearest large mall, visit the foodcourt and nearly always there will be at least one fiipina either on one of the service counters or just taking a break from her shopping!!!!
Your wife really needs to take a little bit of initiative and just wander down to your local shop, if she has a smile anything like my asawa's then she will easily get talking and making friends
keep supporting her, as many have said it is a huge change for her but as Dom has also advised occasionally you may need to just stand up for yourself and remind her that she CHOSE you and CHOSE to come to the UK
GOOD LUCK
Live your life for a reason and don't worry be happy
if you don't know where you are going then any road will do!!
It is more shocked for us to discover whats the real UK is compare to what you can hear from stories in tv's.
Philippines is overpopulated,busy streets crowded and sunny and very hot weather most people does is tsismis...even at work. I like it in here in UK except for the weather...
but its not just me moaning about it...britons says the same they were born and grown in england but they were never get use to there own weather...thats why they always go on for holiday somewhere sunnier:
Your wife is having a culture,weather shocked at the moment or maybe it was not exactly what she is expecting whatever she expect for in here...but sooner or later she will be able to cope up around but it will be a lot easier for her if you help her embrace it by talking anything that has something to do with UK...
Filipina a born survivor!
Well as i am currently at work i can't speak to her.
I have had no response from my texts.
I have also tried to call her, she wont pick up.
She has either left me or i'm in for more of the cold shoulder tonight
Deck
Well looks like she has really something going on her chest it means that there must be something big going on her mind and makes her like that...or maybe that you have done or said something that you don't know at all you know us guys we always think you guys are mind readersyou have to talk to her...seriously or dont wait for her to talk to you coz you could wait forever
Filipina a born survivor!
Saving you having to go out later, why don't you stop at the chippy on the way home...???
Just in case she ain't there....
I could remember me and my hubby saying that if ever we have mis understanding we better sort it out before going to bed so that we have to wake up next morning fresh and happy wappy and I have to tell you same thing.I think you have to set down with your wife and ask her whats wrong and whats the problem so that you could sort it out.so that it will not gonna be sorry for both of you at the end.
to loved and beloved is the greatest joy on earth...
I have enrolled myself on an english course so that it will keep me occupy by winter comes as its depresses meThanks Guys.
We are based in Croydon.
What course did you enroll in.
Can't have a dog as we live in a flat above a pub, cant; ahve a cat as i hate them
Deck
to loved and beloved is the greatest joy on earth...
All 'round to Joe's place, what's it called when hundreds gatecrash a party?send her out to work, like i did with the misses
my misses is tooo tired to have a Tampo
I fancy the drums .
NO,you are fine Mod,We call it reverse psychologyOk.
Two can play that game....
Just mention that You are sick and tired of the attitude, remind her of the wedding wows and if she suffers from selective memory you can call her bluff, tell her that, although you love her and will miss her terribly, you don't mind for her to go back to the Philippines, where she will feel happier, but your daughter stays with you in the UK.
I think I might have made some enemies with this post....
but if shes too mad enough,she will bite it
This situation is far becoming worse than is necessary !
It seems to me, that your situation at home with your newly arrived wife is getting worse by the day, if we are to believe that she threw the wedding ring at you, this seems to have a cause and effect scenario, are you having rows with her verbally, if so, don't !
Most Filipina's in my experience do not like to be confrontational, so avoid that if you can, your the man, take the lead, be supportive, it could be that sadly your choice of wife may be one of the very few I would say around 2-3 per cent of those who come to UK, who have extreme difficulties in settling in this country, although in time it will pass.
The Problem for you at present is that your wife appears to have a huge resentment for the situation she finds herself in.
I think her expectations of life in the UK have been greatly dashed by her immediate surroundings, I alluded to this in a previous post, sometimes we forget just how different it really is for the newly arrived ones.
That is not to say that some Filipina's who come to the UK, seem to settle in within days like a duck takes to a lake, but others I have previously talked about before, hate everything they see, and everything they find, and that includes unfortunately you the husband, the cause of their predicament.
Her shouting and current attitudes towards you, are a defense mechanism for an outlet that needs to find a blame for her situation.
By blaming you, and directing her anger towards you, she needs an outlet to vent her frustrations at where she finds herself.
I can appreciate some advice given here at this forum, such as encouraging her to go to Filipino food shops, using public transport, and by the way, Croydon has a better public transport system than some rural area's especially your great tram system.
She can be encouraged to do a variety of things, to relieve her stress and frustrations, but I am get the feeling that this is a case of extreme home sickness, which will not be cured easily, again, if she is to make a success of her life here, time is the only healer, and no amount of cajoling and encouragement is going to solve that one instantly.
Instantaneous solutions are not going to work, forgive me for saying this, but you might also have to face up to the fact that she may never be happy in this country, I have met guys on route back from Philippines who have given in to letting their wife go back to live, even after 9 months to a year, because they simply will not settle.
But I am hoping for your sake that it won't come to that, again, advice given so far is constructive on the forum, in time your wife may face up to the job she has, which is what she wanted when she signed up for it, again, threats such as, I will drive you to the airport and go home if you don't like it, won't be the answer.
I wish you well with this, it might go on for a while longer yet, maybe even getting worse, before it might get better, the quicker you find your wife a barkada of Filipina female friends to see her, and perhaps have coffee with and go out together, the quicker some of this may subside, my advice then is to encourage her to find other Filipina's to have social time with asap.
That just may start to let her current attitudes subside !
Pete_Forum Moderator
Philippines marriage, Courtships, UK Entry Clearance
Well the text message backfired, she was all ready to head off to the airport and leave me.
However last night i am pleased to report we have had a big heart to heart and i think we have sorted things out.
I got a big breakfast this morning before heading out to work
Their is one important point that i have left out, no only is she lonely and bored but she has left her two own kids in the phillippines with her aunt to come and live with me.
SHe has given up a lot to come here, she must miss them deeply
The big problem is that i cannot read her, we are still finding our feet.
I have to be more understanding and patient.
I guess i thought that she would just fit into the role of wife, life is not simple
DECK
Don't you think this is a pretty important piece of information you failed to disclose in your story.their is one important point that i have left out, no only is she lonely and bored but she has left her two own kids in the phillippines
And you wonder why she is like she is ? geeeeeeeze your new heart to heart last night is only the lull before the storm, this problem will not go away, not until probably you have managed to secure her 2 children to come into the UK, and why did you not do this in one go so that your wife has her children with her ?
You have behaved irresponsibly, you have a duty to ensure your wife has her children with her, how do you expect her to be happy when she is separated from them, no wonder
she is at her wits end, now her attitude to you is reasonable I would say, in fact quite normal in the circumstances, if you want to keep your wife, get her kids here asap, delays will only
result in your marriage most likely failing in due course.
Pete_Forum Moderator
Philippines marriage, Courtships, UK Entry Clearance
Order an orchid online and send it today.....make her realise you're thinking of her while at work.
Every time I left my kids in another country the littlestill managed to find a way home
PS. We sent you an email t'other day....ignoring me eh?
Keith - Administrator
Pete is right...no wonder she behaves like that.
I can not bear being away from my sons even for a day. When I come home from work - and its just a 5hr shift - I cuddle my sons crazy bec I miss them. What more if they are miles away?!? I feel for her
Better make plans for her kids to be in UK.
Best of luck to you getting everything sorted out
Having known that piece of info before, I would not have posted what I did.
Irresponsible is the right word for it, I see Peter hits the nail on the head once again.
My wife has a daughter in Phil, living with the grandparents, and she came here willingly for me, knowing in advance that by summer 2010 the child will be here with us.
After she finishes high school and has a better grasp of the english language.
Its not that easy.
My wife accepted along time time ago that when she comes to live with me it would be herself and my daughter.
SHe has two children from a previous relationship, i could not afford to look after two more kids, she knows are financial situation.
I have promised to look after her kids (financially) remittance and such, but if they where to come here we would be buggered.
Sorry it it seems harsh but not everyone earns the big bucks
Deck
Totally agree. I really find it hard to believe you actually thought this relationship could work in this situation.
Dont be so judgemental, coz it is working
Has she untied you then?
Keith - Administrator
i am sure it will if you are both committed to the relationship, i guess that your wife is finding it extremely hard to be away from her children so she would need a lot of love and support from you. goodluck and i hope things get better for her here in the uk.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people i had to kill because they pissed me off.
Has she untied you then?
Deck, how old are the other two children? You may be able to claim benefits if they are your step children and under financial pressure.
Cheers,
that was interesting to know ben,can u elaborate it,how can my hubby claim benefits for my 2 kids ? As that was his step children already...
Have a look here:that was interesting to know ben,can u elaborate it
http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/childbenefit/
12 years old and seven, do you think we can?
Maybe, have a look at income support and other benefits here:
http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/childbenefit/might-qualify.htm
It really depends on your total household income. You get plenty of benefits if your income is equal to or less than £15,575.
Best Wishes,
Mmm. I would say the women and her kids come as one package. To seperate them is probably unreasonable. I have a step daughter and my baby,and I have to get lots of money to get all of them.I will not have them seperated, just because I want the mom! We r family!So you are not made of money. I understand. I am not. Having the kids over in UK, you would be entitled to more help.Look into that at the Job Centre, or Citizens Advice Bureau. Ask them, since the laws are a quite complex.
I know my lazy ass relatives never worked in their life, suddenly worked 16 hrs a week because the were entitled to extra money.So someone knows something with the system.But you are genuine guy who needs help. So ask.
Totally agree.
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