Do guys like dummy girls?

[aposhark]

[B]hey guys!!!

ok, so I'm really confused with this... i have a boyfriend, he's chinese and grew up and was educated mostly in singapore; we have been together for over 6 months now and everything is "almost" perfect...
there is this one thing that bothers me, although i try not to show it. I do not intend to be "big-headed", but I had a quite good education (boarding schools in US and portugal) and so has my boyfriend (2 degrees in Singapore: Economics and Business Management). And when I met him I really loved that we could talk about things like politics and economy and football... (ok, yeah i was educated to be a boy haha) but as times goes by he has demonstrated to want me to talk about more superficial matters such as louis vuitton bags... and haircuts... and shopping!!! I question myself if im not girly enough for him.... well, I never wear trainers, wear make-up everyday, all my notebooks from Uni are pink and own more dresses than jeans... so how can i be any more girly!! We have tried talking about it (we praise communication above all things in our relationship) and he has admitted that although he likes to talk to me about politics, his stereotype of perfect wife and mother of his children would be someone who doesnt read the newspaper and does not know too much so will be fully dedicated to the home and kids.... (!!!) He also said that it scares him that Im so ambitious... (Im on my first year of international Politics with Criminology, and as you can imagine I have subjects like Economy, Law and Politics itself) I have to admit that i cant wait to graduate and start my career and although I know for a fact that will be most certainly a work-aholic, I would also LOVE to be a mother in a few years time and wouldnt mind giving up a career for a family! but then, he is also a work-aholic!! He thinks about work 24hs a day and that doesnt bother me!
It is natural that studying Economics and Law, I cant wait to debate with him about current issues, specially because he knows so much and can teach me a lot! i never presume i know everything, actually, the more I learn, the more i realize i know so little...
Well, Im 20 years old, and is 36 (i know...) and as he being more mature, i love the fact i learn so much from him every single day.... but it hurts me that I can no longer express so freely... I have to confess that in the last 2 weeks i pretended to be... well, who he wants me to be... have pretended to not know about a lot of stuff...

There are no more little arguments about this, but its driving me crazy! I spend most of my free time with him, and I really want to be myself with him.... Is it worth it?


Please help!


A. xxx

Hi half.k

I think he wants you to be like his Mum - a traditional stay-at-home woman.
(I worked in Singapore and had a Singaporean Chinese girlfriend many years ago). I saw this in some men there, but the old days have gone and Singaporean women like yourself are very modern and ambitious too.
You sound very mature and ambitious for your age.
Maybe sometimes he finds your intelligence threatening and not a turn-on for him.
I think if communication is as prized in your relationship as you say, it would be a good idea to air your views.
Don't change yourself or your spirit for anyone

[aromulus]

Hi half.k

I think he wants you to be like his Mum - a traditional stay-at-home woman.

Yes, I do agree with that, but also he may like the idea of the trophy wife to show off.....

You sound very mature and ambitious for your age.
Maybe sometimes he finds your intelligence threatening and not a turn-on for him.
I

This the biggest turn off for a self opinionated bloke, a woman on the same of higher intellectual level.

"Stepford wives" come to mind.....

[half.k]

[SIZE=4]
This the biggest turn off for a self opinionated bloke, a woman on the same of higher intellectual level.

"Stepford wives" come to mind.....

are you serious??? please elaborate... what is stepford wives?

[aromulus]

are you serious??? please elaborate... what is stepford wives?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Stepford_Wives

[half.k]

Hi half.k

I think he wants you to be like his Mum - a traditional stay-at-home woman.
(I worked in Singapore and had a Singaporean Chinese girlfriend many years ago). I saw this in some men there, but the old days have gone and Singaporean women like yourself are very modern and ambitious too.
You sound very mature and ambitious for your age.
Maybe sometimes he finds your intelligence threatening and not a turn-on for him.
I think if communication is as prized in your relationship as you say, it would be a good idea to air your views.
Don't change yourself or your spirit for anyone

(Good Morning...!)

You are so right about the mum part! i noticed that over the months hes said things like "japanese women are so perfect, they dont care about work or study, just stay home and dedicate 100% to home" and "if u want to go to uni its ok, if it makes you happy it makes me happy, but i rather you stayed at home and i would take care of you...", he's been integrating these phrases more often now, normally using opportunities like movies when the suitable occasion comes up (eg we are watching the last samurai and he comments profoundly on japanese women as wives).

In the beginning of our relationship i thought of it as unbearable... but as time goes by, his persuasive psychology has worked so well on me, that Im seriously worried i will soon be his stereotype and not myself anymore.

thanks for the replies everyone!!

Tata

A xxx

[aposhark]

In the beginning of our relationship i thought of it as unbearable... but as time goes by, his persuasive psychology has worked so well on me, that Im seriously worried i will soon be his stereotype and not myself anymore.

I think he needs a little "heads up" as to your intelligence and independence.
A strong woman can always juggle careers and family. Millions do every day.
Anyway, he should, IMO, be empowering you and looking forward to a life with a great woman, not thinking of chaining you to the kitchen sink
Besides, he will need your financial support. He seems a little too idealogical.