Do guys like dummy girls?

[half.k]

[B]hey guys!!!

ok, so I'm really confused with this... i have a boyfriend, he's chinese and grew up and was educated mostly in singapore; we have been together for over 6 months now and everything is "almost" perfect...
there is this one thing that bothers me, although i try not to show it. I do not intend to be "big-headed", but I had a quite good education (boarding schools in US and portugal) and so has my boyfriend (2 degrees in Singapore: Economics and Business Management). And when I met him I really loved that we could talk about things like politics and economy and football... (ok, yeah i was educated to be a boy haha) but as times goes by he has demonstrated to want me to talk about more superficial matters such as louis vuitton bags... and haircuts... and shopping!!! I question myself if im not girly enough for him.... well, I never wear trainers, wear make-up everyday, all my notebooks from Uni are pink and own more dresses than jeans... so how can i be any more girly!! We have tried talking about it (we praise communication above all things in our relationship) and he has admitted that although he likes to talk to me about politics, his stereotype of perfect wife and mother of his children would be someone who doesnt read the newspaper and does not know too much so will be fully dedicated to the home and kids.... (!!!) He also said that it scares him that Im so ambitious... (Im on my first year of international Politics with Criminology, and as you can imagine I have subjects like Economy, Law and Politics itself) I have to admit that i cant wait to graduate and start my career and although I know for a fact that will be most certainly a work-aholic, I would also LOVE to be a mother in a few years time and wouldnt mind giving up a career for a family! but then, he is also a work-aholic!! He thinks about work 24hs a day and that doesnt bother me!
It is natural that studying Economics and Law, I cant wait to debate with him about current issues, specially because he knows so much and can teach me a lot! i never presume i know everything, actually, the more I learn, the more i realize i know so little...
Well, Im 20 years old, and is 36 (i know...) and as he being more mature, i love the fact i learn so much from him every single day.... but it hurts me that I can no longer express so freely... I have to confess that in the last 2 weeks i pretended to be... well, who he wants me to be... have pretended to not know about a lot of stuff...

There are no more little arguments about this, but its driving me crazy! I spend most of my free time with him, and I really want to be myself with him.... Is it worth it?


Please help!


A. xxx

[maria_and_matt]

it always pays to be yourself. from what i have read you are a girl with a vision and i do not see anything wrong with who you are. please do not ever feel the need to hide your true self just so you can please him, he has to love you for who you truly are and not try to change you. goodluck sis!

[half.k]

aww thanks maria!!
well, you know, I have to admitted that he has changed me a lot, intended or not, he has. to better I suppose (in some ways), I am now more mature and responsible (which I think would comes natural as he is 16 years older than me!), however, he has also influenced me into being a bit more stingy, assertive and judgemental.

What is it with us girls, that makes us want to please our boyfriends/husbands so much?
Is it still that conservative feeling in philippine/asian women that makes us feel submissive to them? Is it the feeling of being socially inferior? or that we do anything for love/relationship? Do we sometimes feel inferior if we are single? Are end of relationships harder for us than for men?

A. xxx

[aposhark]

.......do not ever feel the need to hide your true self just so you can please him, he has to love you for who you truly are and not try to change you.......

Perfect

[aposhark]

.....What is it with us girls, that makes us want to please our boyfriends/husbands so much?........................Are end of relationships harder for us than for men?

A. xxx

I think dummy men like dummy girls......

I've never been a girl OR Asian , but I think that both people in a relationship should want to please each other equally.

Now this is quite contentious, but IMO as a man, it seems that women cope much better than men when a relationship ends. I have always put this down to a faster body clock and the fact that babies and children are very important to most women and that if a man goes off the scene, the children are always there and need looking after. I hope you understand this sweeping generalisation.

[aposhark]

[B]hey guys!!!

ok, so I'm really confused with this... i have a boyfriend, he's chinese and grew up and was educated mostly in singapore; we have been together for over 6 months now and everything is "almost" perfect...
there is this one thing that bothers me, although i try not to show it. I do not intend to be "big-headed", but I had a quite good education (boarding schools in US and portugal) and so has my boyfriend (2 degrees in Singapore: Economics and Business Management). And when I met him I really loved that we could talk about things like politics and economy and football... (ok, yeah i was educated to be a boy haha) but as times goes by he has demonstrated to want me to talk about more superficial matters such as louis vuitton bags... and haircuts... and shopping!!! I question myself if im not girly enough for him.... well, I never wear trainers, wear make-up everyday, all my notebooks from Uni are pink and own more dresses than jeans... so how can i be any more girly!! We have tried talking about it (we praise communication above all things in our relationship) and he has admitted that although he likes to talk to me about politics, his stereotype of perfect wife and mother of his children would be someone who doesnt read the newspaper and does not know too much so will be fully dedicated to the home and kids.... (!!!) He also said that it scares him that Im so ambitious... (Im on my first year of international Politics with Criminology, and as you can imagine I have subjects like Economy, Law and Politics itself) I have to admit that i cant wait to graduate and start my career and although I know for a fact that will be most certainly a work-aholic, I would also LOVE to be a mother in a few years time and wouldnt mind giving up a career for a family! but then, he is also a work-aholic!! He thinks about work 24hs a day and that doesnt bother me!
It is natural that studying Economics and Law, I cant wait to debate with him about current issues, specially because he knows so much and can teach me a lot! i never presume i know everything, actually, the more I learn, the more i realize i know so little...
Well, Im 20 years old, and is 36 (i know...) and as he being more mature, i love the fact i learn so much from him every single day.... but it hurts me that I can no longer express so freely... I have to confess that in the last 2 weeks i pretended to be... well, who he wants me to be... have pretended to not know about a lot of stuff...

There are no more little arguments about this, but its driving me crazy! I spend most of my free time with him, and I really want to be myself with him.... Is it worth it?


Please help!


A. xxx

Hi half.k

I think he wants you to be like his Mum - a traditional stay-at-home woman.
(I worked in Singapore and had a Singaporean Chinese girlfriend many years ago). I saw this in some men there, but the old days have gone and Singaporean women like yourself are very modern and ambitious too.
You sound very mature and ambitious for your age.
Maybe sometimes he finds your intelligence threatening and not a turn-on for him.
I think if communication is as prized in your relationship as you say, it would be a good idea to air your views.
Don't change yourself or your spirit for anyone

[aromulus]

Hi half.k

I think he wants you to be like his Mum - a traditional stay-at-home woman.

Yes, I do agree with that, but also he may like the idea of the trophy wife to show off.....

You sound very mature and ambitious for your age.
Maybe sometimes he finds your intelligence threatening and not a turn-on for him.
I

This the biggest turn off for a self opinionated bloke, a woman on the same of higher intellectual level.

"Stepford wives" come to mind.....

[half.k]

Hi half.k

I think he wants you to be like his Mum - a traditional stay-at-home woman.
(I worked in Singapore and had a Singaporean Chinese girlfriend many years ago). I saw this in some men there, but the old days have gone and Singaporean women like yourself are very modern and ambitious too.
You sound very mature and ambitious for your age.
Maybe sometimes he finds your intelligence threatening and not a turn-on for him.
I think if communication is as prized in your relationship as you say, it would be a good idea to air your views.
Don't change yourself or your spirit for anyone

(Good Morning...!)

You are so right about the mum part! i noticed that over the months hes said things like "japanese women are so perfect, they dont care about work or study, just stay home and dedicate 100% to home" and "if u want to go to uni its ok, if it makes you happy it makes me happy, but i rather you stayed at home and i would take care of you...", he's been integrating these phrases more often now, normally using opportunities like movies when the suitable occasion comes up (eg we are watching the last samurai and he comments profoundly on japanese women as wives).

In the beginning of our relationship i thought of it as unbearable... but as time goes by, his persuasive psychology has worked so well on me, that Im seriously worried i will soon be his stereotype and not myself anymore.

thanks for the replies everyone!!

Tata

A xxx

[half.k]

[SIZE=4]
This the biggest turn off for a self opinionated bloke, a woman on the same of higher intellectual level.

"Stepford wives" come to mind.....

are you serious??? please elaborate... what is stepford wives?

[aromulus]

are you serious??? please elaborate... what is stepford wives?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Stepford_Wives

[maria_and_matt]

aww thanks maria!!
well, you know, I have to admitted that he has changed me a lot, intended or not, he has. to better I suppose (in some ways), I am now more mature and responsible (which I think would comes natural as he is 16 years older than me!), however, he has also influenced me into being a bit more stingy, assertive and judgemental.

What is it with us girls, that makes us want to please our boyfriends/husbands so much?
Is it still that conservative feeling in philippine/asian women that makes us feel submissive to them? Is it the feeling of being socially inferior? or that we do anything for love/relationship? Do we sometimes feel inferior if we are single? Are end of relationships harder for us than for men?

A. xxx

i guess my husband has changed me in a lot of ways too, before i use to be an impulsive buyer i'd go in a shop see what i think i like and bam i'd buy it just like that, a few days down the line i then realize that it was not the right thing for me anyway. my husband has taught me how to not do that anymore, now i do a lot of reading up before making my mind up ( i bought 2 new cars in the past kept it for 6 months and changed). the money i wasted on that . but the changes i made for him made me a better person i think.
about pleasing our men? you can please your partner in a lot of ways, rather than being submissive. i do try to please hubby by making him his favourite food when he comes home from work, or perhaps sitting in a beer festival with him and driving him back. it is the little things i do that pleases him, but i never lost my personality, i am in general a very strong willed person very opinionated so we do tend to argue a little bit. but not once did he try to change me, he just told me he loves me for who i am faults and all .
i have never felt inferior to anybody when i was single, i divorced my 1st hubby and was single for over 2 yrs before i met this lovely husband of mine. i had a blast!

[aposhark]

In the beginning of our relationship i thought of it as unbearable... but as time goes by, his persuasive psychology has worked so well on me, that Im seriously worried i will soon be his stereotype and not myself anymore.

I think he needs a little "heads up" as to your intelligence and independence.
A strong woman can always juggle careers and family. Millions do every day.
Anyway, he should, IMO, be empowering you and looking forward to a life with a great woman, not thinking of chaining you to the kitchen sink
Besides, he will need your financial support. He seems a little too idealogical.

[KeithD]

...we could talk about things like politics and economy....

Exciting

[Geraldine]

I thought the topic was about blow-up dolls!

Hi Half K, are you happy pretending to be 'stupid' to your bf??? if not then just be yourself and see how he accepts you. Maria is right, do not sacrifice your happiness for your man's 'fantasies'. You are both beauty and brains and young as well...alot of men out there will kill for that! unless they are insecure

I remembered my ex-bf admires traditional Japanese women as well, he saw this Japanese couple, woman kneeling and putting her husband's shoes on. They are submissive and just does whatever their husbands tell them. I see it more of a master-slave thing, well if they are happy why not.

[PeterB]

This may sound brutal, but I feel that this guy may be in love with an image which he has created up for himself, but not in love with the real person. I fear that this will not improve.

Be prepared to end the relationship!

[half.k]

... my husband has taught me how to not do that anymore...

did he study economy or finance?? hahahaha

Besides, he will need your financial support. He seems a little too idealogical.

;( oh believe me, he will never need my financial support...

I thought the topic was about blow-up dolls!

Hi Half K, are you happy pretending to be 'stupid' to your bf??? if not then just be yourself and see how he accepts you. Maria is right, do not sacrifice your happiness for your man's 'fantasies'. You are both beauty and brains and young as well...alot of men out there will kill for that! unless they are insecure

I remembered my ex-bf admires traditional Japanese women as well, he saw this Japanese couple, woman kneeling and putting her husband's shoes on. They are submissive and just does whatever their husbands tell them. I see it more of a master-slave thing, well if they are happy why not.

This may sound brutal, but I feel that this guy may be in love with an image which he has created up for himself, but not in love with the real person. I fear that this will not improve.

Be prepared to end the relationship!

oh men..... you guys are both right, but in theory.. I love him and how am I suppose to end the relationship!

[baboyako]

" first year of international Politics with Criminology"

there is nothing more annoying than 1st year university students.. who think they know everything trust me.. I'm 36

[joebloggs]

" first year of international Politics with Criminology"

there is nothing more annoying than 1st year university students.. who think they know everything trust me.. I'm 36

after students, there's nothing more annoying than younger 30 somethings, thinking they know it all

the misses has 2 degrees (biology and medicine) but little common sense , out smarted all the time by the degree less manc

[Piamed]

I think most men like a thinking woman. What I have heard from some guys i know is that after a hard day competing in the corporate jungle they desire something less challenging and stressful at home. Could he find you too challenging in any way?

It's unfortunate that you feel you have to pretend to be something that you dont believe you are!