He said he lost faith in me

[maganda]

I am so down at the moment i feel so terrible when my fiancee said to me he lost faith in me now...we always have argument about time,, sometimes im late,,sometimes i have to go out last minute and i havent told him days before. i explain to him that it was unexpected,, he is very strict with time,,,he gets mad very easy if im late,,,he gets very mad when i go out and not told him days before. i go to college so sometimes my time schedule are unpredictable if we have projects to make.

Are all brits like this?? i think im being paranoid now,,because the more we argue about it the more i make mistakes,,,and he is very mad now, he told me last night everytime this happens he lost faith in me!! until now he didnt rang me or Text me on yahoo,, we chat everyday,, but i waited for him to come online but he didnt. WAS IT A VERY SERIOUS CRIME WAT I DONE??? WHEN HE SAID HE LOST FAITH IN ME DOES THAT MEAN HE WONT MARRY ME AND HES BREAKING UP WITH ME??? HELP!!

[Geraldine]

Hi Maganda,

Few questions first, how long have you known each other? have you met in person? How old is he? u?

My husband hates it when I make him wait but it doesnt affect our relationship. Men generally are impatient. If he doubts you he just doesnt know you that well...maybe you need more time to get to know each other and build that trust.

Good luck.

[PeterB]

In the western world, time-keeping, appointments and forward planning are much more a part of life than they are in Philippines.

In a long-distance relationship, anything which seems in the least suspicious can become a big issue.

Alterations to your plans/schedules will seem suspicious to him.

You have done nothing wrong - it's just one of the cultural differences.

The one thing which may help is if you encourage him to obtain a Philippines roaming SIM, so that you can easily/cheaply send him an SMS to let him know about any changes.

Phils SIMs can be purchased online in the UK.

[PAT]

In the western world, time-keeping, appointments and forward planning are much more a part of life than they are in Philippines.

In a long-distance relationship, anything which seems in the least suspicious can become a big issue.

Alterations to your plans/schedules will seem suspicious to him.

You have done nothing wrong - it's just one of the cultural differences.

The one thing which may help is if you encourage him to obtain a Philippines roaming SIM, so that you can easily/cheaply send him an SMS to let him know about any changes.

Phils SIMs can be purchased online in the UK.

:....try to explain not to argue as much as possible. He behaves that way simply because he doesn't understand.Don't limit your patience and understanding about the situation.Everything will be alright.You did nothing wrong.

[jackmac452]

I...in a way can understand how he is feeling my dear..When I first met my missus..she was never on time..never when we did anything, was she punctual..it drove me barmy just the frustrations of it all...You see..we men in the west(well some of us) are very insecure..and if we say something, we like to think that we are in..kind of charge...and therefore..we dont like to be kept waiting...(it is a western thing) but I must admit..that after a while I got to understand the way of the eastern culture about their concept of time....and I'm afraid to say this..but the asian way is the correct one....why rush around (like we do in the west) life goes fast enough..why help it to go faster along...if your B/F is not willing to embrace that way of thinking..well my dear..maybe it's time to move along and find someone who does....you may think thats being brutaly frank, and you don't want to accept it..but it's a thing I had to come to terms with...and I accept it as part of my life now...if he loves you..and I'm sure he does..he will learn it and accept it..as I did...and now I'm glad I did....life is so much quieter and smoother now...

[marylen]

i don't know how to put my words exactly, but am just trying to let you know based on my own ...well...i don't know if am gonna say am lucky enough to have him(husband) which i consider him as very well understanding and considerate with all the things happened or if ever there were some circumstances that needs to be understood. I often do late to come online as we have a set of time to meet online each day, my longer late was about 30 minutes without even telling him before then, i just came online as if I wasn't late and that he never complain anything coz he knows that i always have the reason either valid or not on him but what do important is i do still come online and have to put an explanation to widen up his understanding...and that without any farther explaination he will just say..."its okay for as long as you are fine and that it worries him if something bad happen." anyway for almost 3yrs of relationship he knows me well enough and I proven him right already that he is my top priority it was just there were some circumstances arise that we didn't expect to and that we have no choice than to go with the flow .....well then what matter is you builded up your relationship with too much TRUST and no reason for two both parties to doubt in any way.


As of your own, i have the feelings that you both still need to widen up your relationship and have all the knowledge to strengthen it through especially regarding about TRUST and LOVE....maybe there is a LOVE ye but not that deeply enough to conquer everything in all. In a relationship its actually a two way process.....either it depends on how you able to explain it to him with regards which that makes me wonder why it seems so hard for him to understand for that fact that you have done no wrong and so as it depends as well on how you able to manage handling your relationship for him to gain much TRUST.....(we girls do sometimes think of our side first if how far you go through by proven our man that its only HIM no any other on earth that we love to spend our lifetime with) or else just try to evaluate yourself if what you did is enough already to satisfy him that he has no reason to doubt you in any single way.

Well just try to think and evaluate first if you lack any....if the answer is YES that you did everything in your relationship to work it out and give all your time to him as needed no matter how busy your sched is....and that if yes you did no wrong and committed no stains into your relationship...well i guess you have no reason to feel any guilt nor to worry if things goes wrong....for as long as you made the right thing and that what you only need is his wide understanding which seems so hard for him to give it heartily to you instead leaving you out with no reason. What you goin to do as of now maybe is just send him a couple of emails or offline messages and voice out all your worries and thoughts, do make any moves to win him back over....but then if how many times you tried to contact him with no luck yet....well girl...its about time to give up and wait until he is the one who contacted you back again..................leave him out in peace as if thats what he wants for a moment...if he truly loves you he will eventually find all ways to work things out between you and him.................those kind of arguments is not a big deal actually, its just a simple thing that only needs both trust and understanding before things goes much complicated....oh my what a shame on him to tell you that he lost trust on you....gosh what you did is not a big mistake that enough for him to say so....

Wait and see how things goes between you and him...let him do his part......maybe what he did to you was just a way of letting you go and he just find those as sort of excuses to end up all...well i may be wrong but see how it goes.........if he comes back then be thankful that you two both able to manage the test of time and so by next that makes you both feel stronger and better and just enjoy every UPS and DOWNS in relationship as its truly a must...good luck..................

[amyburple]

Hi MAGANDA

I guess not all BRITS are like that.. Yes we are different with them ayt..in terms of beliefs and culture. Try to explain to everything to you hubby or TXT him in advance if you have unplanned activities. How long you have relationship with your hubby?

[maganda]

Hi Maganda,

Few questions first, how long have you known each other? have you met in person? How old is he? u?

My husband hates it when I make him wait but it doesnt affect our relationship. Men generally are impatient. If he doubts you he just doesnt know you that well...maybe you need more time to get to know each other and build that trust.

Good luck.

We known each other for almost 1 and half years now,, he visited me here in philippines four times and hes coming soon 5th time october next month. But i doubt now if this will push thru becuase hes angry at me. he is 38 yrs old and im 33 yrs old.

he didnt rang me yesterday and today and didnt come online til now,,,arrrrrr i cannot sleep it pisses me off hes gone to silence,,hes never been like this,,he said to me i really pissed him off time,, he said he not coming online for a few days. he said its been happening often and he hates it....,,,god wat shuold i do i didnt meant it to happen,,the last thing i want is to get him angry,,,i been trying my best to adjust to his very strict time importance,,,i explain to him that filipinos are fun of last minute notices but he cannot understand this,,,one time he went angry again because my friend invited me to her birthday party last minute,,,and my fiance was angry because it shuld be notified one week advance,,,

[amyburple]

We known each other for almost 1 and half years now,, he visited me here in philippines four times and hes coming soon 5th time october next month. But i doubt now if this will push thru becuase hes angry at me. he is 38 yrs old and im 33 yrs old.

he didnt rang me yesterday and today and didnt come online til now,,,arrrrrr i cannot sleep it pisses me off hes gone to silence,,hes never been like this,,he said to me i really pissed him off time,, he said he not coming online for a few days. he said its been happening often and he hates it....,,,god wat shuold i do i didnt meant it to happen,,the last thing i want is to get him angry,,,i been trying my best to adjust to his very strict time importance,,,i explain to him that filipinos are fun of last minute notices but he cannot understand this,,,one time he went angry again because my friend invited me to her birthday party last minute,,,and my fiance was angry because it shuld be notified one week advance,,,

wow he's really strict with you in terms of time... your not young anymore. He should trust you, in fact you met many times... Both of you are in MATURE age... He is over acting sis.. I smell something fishy here

[Ann07]

Just give him space to reflect. I know for sure he will get in touch soon.

My husband is also like that when it comes to time. Not strict though but so impatient \i just laugh at him and he knows what it means

Its hard for both of you coz u are far from each other. Try to explain to him everything by sending him an email and give ur self a time to reflect as well after. Just need time i think. You will be both ok soon

[maganda]

wow he's really strict with you in terms of time... your not young anymore. He should trust you, in fact you met many times... Both of you are in MATURE age... He is over acting sis.. I smell something fishy here

yes he is very strict with time since from the start ..i been trying my best to adjust but it was not enough for him,,,everytime im late or has to go out unexpected, he will get angry saying that i shuold tell him days advance that im going out so he will know. hes never goes late to our chat schedule and he notifies me in advance if he had to go out,, so i feel guilty now,,,i find it very hard to adjust to this very strict western time,,,Weve been both very excited for his next trip next month, hes been buying gifts already for me and my family,,he keeps saying hes very excited soon coz he eally miss me and i miss him too,,,then all of a sudden the other day i had an unexpected seminar to attend to and wasnt able to notify him,,i was not able to make it to our chat sched,,i texted him that i will see him later after his sleep,,,he was very angry,,,i explain to him but he was angry till now never heard of him its been two days,,,

[menchkin]

yes he is very strict with time since from the start ..i been trying my best to adjust but it was not enough for him,,,everytime im late or has to go out unexpected, he will get angry saying that i shuold tell him days advance that im going out so he will know. hes never goes late to our chat schedule and he notifies me in advance if he had to go out,, so i feel guilty now,,,i find it very hard to adjust to this very strict western time,,,Weve been both very excited for his next trip next month, hes been buying gifts already for me and my family,,he keeps saying hes very excited soon coz he eally miss me and i miss him too,,,then all of a sudden the other day i had an unexpected seminar to attend to and wasnt able to notify him,,i was not able to make it to our chat sched,,i texted him that i will see him later after his sleep,,,he was very angry,,,i explain to him but he was angry till now never heard of him its been two days,,,

Give him time to cool down. I'm sure he'll speak to you again soon, once he starts to feel that he is already missing you.

[half.k]

hi!

dear, i can understand him in a way, as Im so obsessed with time-keeping, luckily my boyfriend is also very strict about that...
In a way, I think that when people are constantly late, that they dont anything seriously and therefore think that they are not taking me seriously... and believe me i have ended relationships because of being late! Its not being too strict, its just that it makes us feel very insecure...

hope you understand my point of view and that all works out!

all the best! x

[Mrs Daddy]

I am so down at the moment i feel so terrible when my fiancee said to me he lost faith in me now...we always have argument about time,, sometimes im late,,sometimes i have to go out last minute and i havent told him days before. i explain to him that it was unexpected,, he is very strict with time,,,he gets mad very easy if im late,,,he gets very mad when i go out and not told him days before. i go to college so sometimes my time schedule are unpredictable if we have projects to make.

Are all brits like this?? i think im being paranoid now,,because the more we argue about it the more i make mistakes,,,and he is very mad now, he told me last night everytime this happens he lost faith in me!! until now he didnt rang me or Text me on yahoo,, we chat everyday,, but i waited for him to come online but he didnt. WAS IT A VERY SERIOUS CRIME WAT I DONE??? WHEN HE SAID HE LOST FAITH IN ME DOES THAT MEAN HE WONT MARRY ME AND HES BREAKING UP WITH ME??? HELP!!

sorry to hear your trouble maganda but yes time is precious for them here I found that out myself.that is why probably western country are quite progressive compared to asian country

[maria_and_matt]

in fairness we pinays are kinda bad with time keeping, i have learnt tho that here when they say 3 it's 3 and have managed to adjust to that. maybe the reason why he is so strict at the mo is coz you are still apart and he cherishes the time you spend online together and when you suddenly cancels to go out he must really feel pretty bummed out bout it.i am sure that over time when you are married this problem will settle down.
my hubby only wants me to tell him where i am if i am not back by the time i said i would so he does not worry, give him time and i am sure things will turn out ok.

[amyburple]

yes he is very strict with time since from the start ..i been trying my best to adjust but it was not enough for him,,,everytime im late or has to go out unexpected, he will get angry saying that i shuold tell him days advance that im going out so he will know. hes never goes late to our chat schedule and he notifies me in advance if he had to go out,, so i feel guilty now,,,i find it very hard to adjust to this very strict western time,,,Weve been both very excited for his next trip next month, hes been buying gifts already for me and my family,,he keeps saying hes very excited soon coz he eally miss me and i miss him too,,,then all of a sudden the other day i had an unexpected seminar to attend to and wasnt able to notify him,,i was not able to make it to our chat sched,,i texted him that i will see him later after his sleep,,,he was very angry,,,i explain to him but he was angry till now never heard of him its been two days,,,

I hope everything will be SOON ok to you sis and your hubby.... I'm fortunate that I never experience this one to my hubby... If i have unexpected activity with my friends or any office activit.....i will inform here on that day or txt him right away.. If sometimes I'm not that keen he is the one who will push me or encourage me to do ro go there with friends.... If I'm late or something we do txt or he will call and monitor me where Am I sort of like that but he never been so strict with time...

I hope everything will be ok and you will talk soon sis....

[amyburple]

in fairness we pinays are kinda bad with time keeping, i have learnt tho that here when they say 3 it's 3 and have managed to adjust to that. maybe the reason why he is so strict at the mo is coz you are still apart and he cherishes the time you spend online together and when you suddenly cancels to go out he must really feel pretty bummed out bout it.i am sure that over time when you are married this problem will settle down.
my hubby only wants me to tell him where i am if i am not back by the time i said i would so he does not worry, give him time and i am sure things will turn out ok.

Yea same here maria... I should txt him if where I am, What time i'll be back who's with me so that he will not worry... If I miss to txt or if I forgot to reply He will call even he will spends loads in calling me and monitoring me

[Piamed]

I am particular about timekeeping. My wife is someone that is often late for things but in her dealings with me she has always made an effort not to be late enough to anger me. I guess its about understanding each other. She knows when i want to be on time versus when i need to be also. I try to help her plan by giving tactful reminders along the way.

I dont think all Brits are punctual. Alot will also depend upon their work and how they perceive time.

[missmiles]

I hope every thing will be OK to you and your hubby soon Pray for it that it will be OK that he will be more understandable with you

[Mrs.JMajor]

Ok,here is my situation...oh btw let me answer your question first

Are all brits like this??

Nooooooooo,

But try to understand the time differences,,for example if u let him waiting for you online and unfortunately u didn't get online,that was annoying,u think so

But does not mean that he wont contact you anymore...

oppps need to go...im gonna edit my post later as i have lots of tings to add

[KeithD]

One of the problems is most folk in the West are soooooo busy, so in order to chat with you online, they have to arrange to fit this in, and then rearrange the rest of the working day/life around it, so if you are not there ......you've buggered up a whole day.

If you are going to be late, you need to SMS straight away, as that is also good manners, and respect, and if you are making a habit of it no wonder he's getting

Think of it this way, you finish your day, and go and wait outside by a tree waiting for a friend to pick you up in a car, it is cold, windy, and pouring with rain.......you wait 2 HOURS!!! No message......no phone call....no lift.....are you happy? .....and this happens to you a few times a month

[cruisingkerry]

After a few weeks in the Phils I can tell you that over her in the UK we have a very different perspective on time. Not that I think your partner is being very fair though, I agree with previous posts about trust being very important.

However, if you keep missing times when you have said you'll be in touch or be online, he maybe thinks he's not that important to you if other things always take priority over him. Its probably not the case from your point of view but that might be how he's taking it.

He might also worry that something has happened if you're not where you say you;ll be at a certain time, its difficult being on the other side of the world and relying on regular contact.

I remember before Bert got his cell phone (he's only in Phils for a few months as he works on ships so doesn't always have a cell when he first gets back) and I'd call him at his mums house, he's not there - most of the times I call - then arranging times with his mother to call back and he's not there then either, its very frustrating, then thigns start going through your head - is he avoiding me? doesn't he love me anymore? whats going on? why is he never there? - all crazy thoughts I admit but they do go through your head.


So really, spare a thought for him, have a little think about what you would think if he wasn't there when he said he would be, or doesn't turn up on line when he says he would be.

Sounds like you've both come along way together and he has committed a lot of time, effort and money to you and your relationship, it must be really getting him down to react the way he is.

Good luck and hipe it all works out for you

K xx

[Piamed]

One of the problems is most folk in the West are soooooo busy, so in order to chat with you online, they have to arrange to fit this in, and then rearrange the rest of the working day/life around it, so if you are not there ......you've buggered up a whole day.

If you are going to be late, you need to SMS straight away, as that is also good manners, and respect, and if you are making a habit of it no wonder he's getting

[IainBusby]

I don't think that when going somewhere as a couple, or more recently, as a family, we have ever managed to be on time for anything, every since the missus got here. Hey, but that's Filipinas for you.
Iain.

[aug06_2006]

Ohhh God! how strict he is...sorry to hear ur situation am just hoping that u both can solve that probs asap.

[PeterB]

... my friend invited me to her birthday party last minute,,,and my fiance was angry because it shuld be notified one week advance,,,

Hahaha ... sorry to laugh, but despite his four visits, he really hasn't got to grips with Filipino culture, has he?

A westerner coming here has to change mindset with regard to planning and appointments!

In my experience, things like wedding invitations rarely go out much more than one week in advance.

We booked a video for Ruby's cousin's wedding less than 48 hours before the event .. in the first video studio we visited. Could that happen in the UK?

Last September, when Ruby and I were departing for the UK, we threw a party for friends and relations. We started delivering invitations the day before the event - 95% of those invited turned up, many bringing their friends and relatives who hadn't been invited.

I think that you need to impress upon him that this is the way things happen in Phils. I still believe that a roaming SIM, allowing you to send him SMS for 1 peso, may help.

[vbkelly]

he was visited you 4times but untill now he didn't trust you oh no, give him a space to trust himself and to trust you. i never had this problem since i meet i hubby even now if i ask him to go out with filipinas friends his happy to say YES and he drop and collect me where ever i go.

[alicat]

give him time to cool down.

[KeithD]

.....if i ask him to go out with filipinas friends his happy to say YES and he drop and collect me where ever i go.

That's so he can relax on his own, and take the ear plugs out

[GaryFifer]

Communication is the key.You both love each other,its just time differences, and life gets in the way sometimes.Just make sure you tell him you cannot arrive, or family committment. OR it will get both of you irritated. Don't break up and get grumpy about that. I always appreciate that my mahal go to cafe for me.It is nice that she will do that.If she cannot, she tells me.

Since you are ahead of him in time, you have to contact him to tell him you be late, leave messages in Chikka,mobile phone.

Here is an idea for you.My mahal rings my phone a couple times.It does not cost her to call me. I know just 2-3 rings is her.Then I call her back if she needs to tell me something.

But understand, maybe his temper is not at you, it could be frustration at distance and not being able to spend time. Time is precious. But send him a message about your plans.