life....

[maria_and_matt]

i have been reading a lot in this forum and majority of what i see are couples so in love and desperate to be together.
for me life has not been the way i thought it would. i came to the uk 17 yrs ago young and so looking forward to married life. my first marriage did not really went according to plan and we divorced after 5 longggggggg years. we have a son who is the love of my life.
i have since then remarried, we have been married 8 years now. the problem is i think lies with me. i am not happy. for me happiness is having someone who is affectionate and 'malambing'. my husband provides well for me and my son, i know i might sound so ungrateful but our life is so boring. i have not worked since we got married, my husband is not keen for me to work, he often says looking after is our home is a full time job as it is, i think so too but maybe i need to meet new people. do not get me wrong i have friends here i go shopping with, but it is the same people, same things we do, same topic we talk about.
i often tell my husband that life is not all about money, cars or a lovely home. he seem to really love me, but shows his love in material things. all i have to do is ask and he gives. but is this what life is all about? i mean how many pair of shoes can a woman have? how many times in a year can i change cars? i want something more from our life.
i have spoken to hubby about this before, nothing changes though, he is still the way he is. now what more can i do? do i stay and learn to accept that he is not the affectionate type? or do i make a move?
please please anyone

[cruisingkerry]

Thats a difficult question really. Believe me life is not amazing as a single mid 30 year old full time working woman.

You have to ask yourself what YOU really want from life and if your husband is willing to support you to achieve it. has your husband ever been affectionate or is it a new thing?

Are you not suffering from a, dare I say it, mid life crisis?? i know I'm finding life very difficult at the minute, bert being 9000 miles away, feeling guilty about all the money I've squandered over the years so now that I have something I really, really, really want I don't have the money I need to achieve it (thats Berts visa and bringing him over here), desperately wanting to have a child with him, family problems, money worries, lonliness... the list goes on. And I'm 37 too... and now I know whats important to me but I can't have it just yet.

So you really need to sit yourself down, decide what your 'problems' for want of a better word and make a plan to get it.

Its up to you girl!

K xx

[maria_and_matt]

Thats a difficult question really. Believe me life is not amazing as a single mid 30 year old full time working woman.

You have to ask yourself what YOU really want from life and if your husband is willing to support you to achieve it. has your husband ever been affectionate or is it a new thing?

Are you not suffering from a, dare I say it, mid life crisis?? i know I'm finding life very difficult at the minute, bert being 9000 miles away, feeling guilty about all the money I've squandered over the years so now that I have something I really, really, really want I don't have the money I need to achieve it (thats Berts visa and bringing him over here), desperately wanting to have a child with him, family problems, money worries, lonliness... the list goes on. And I'm 37 too... and now I know whats important to me but I can't have it just yet.

So you really need to sit yourself down, decide what your 'problems' for want of a better word and make a plan to get it.

Its up to you girl!

K xx

mid life crisis maybe... i have had a rough time since we got married, i had cancer and had a hysterectomy as a result, i just really want us to be a family. just like what is was with my family when my father was alive. i find that life here in the uk is not as what we had back home. my husband is under a lot of pressure at work i think. but we rarely talk. he spends most of his time down stairs after work watching movies, i have tried to sit down there with him and to make conversation but somehow it always ends up in silence. i asked him if he is maybe a little upset coz we couldn't have a child of our own and he says no it is not about that, he'd rather have me alive than raise a child by himself. and i went on to ask if maybe he is not in love with me anymore, its not that either. all of my friends tell me i am crazy for thinking all this, they all say my husband adores me, but how come i do not feel that?

[Tish]

Reading your post Maria makes me sad. Not because of what you said about your life being boring, but it is because you failed to see what life is all about.

I'm a firm believer that life is how you make it, not what your husband or anyone for that matter to make life less 'boring' for you

Maybe you just need to look at your life from a different angle, and who knows, you might see a different view altogether.

Tish

[maria_and_matt]

Reading your post Maria makes me sad. Not because of what you said about your life being boring, but it is because you failed to see what life is all about.

I'm a firm believer that life is how you make it, not what your husband or anyone for that matter to make life less 'boring' for you

Maybe you just need to look at your life from a different angle, and who knows, you might see a different view altogether.

Tish

i am aware that life is what i make it... that is why i find other ways to entertain myself...
but our home life should be what we, my husband and i, makes it. it just feels like it is all down to me to make conversation here at home, i have noticed lately that if i am moody everyone else is too even the dog!
and i dont think i have failed to see what life is all about, i am very aware of what life should be about.

[Tish]

i am aware that life is what i make it... that is why i find other ways to entertain myself...
but our home life should be what we, my husband and i, makes it. it just feels like it is all down to me to make conversation here at home, i have noticed lately that if i am moody everyone else is too even the dog!
and i dont think i have failed to see what life is all about, i am very aware of what life should be about.

Hahaha Same here Maria. When I'm moody, I feel like the rest of my family are moody too. It's not until I sit down and try to see things from their point of view, that I see a different side of it all!

Tish

[maria_and_matt]

Hahaha Same here Maria. When I'm moody, I feel like the rest of my family are moody too. It's not until I sit down and try to see things from their point of view, that I see a different side of it all!

Tish

i do try to see things from my husbands point of view, but you know what, i just dont see it

[Tish]

i do try to see things from my husbands point of view, but you know what, i just dont see it

It might be that you're not seeing things because you don't want to?

And will it help if you get to speak to a third party about what you're feeling at present?

Tish

[KeithD]

i mean how many pair of shoes can a woman have?

From a mans point of view...."Never enough"

Trina is right, it is only you who can change it, start a business or something, you don't need much money.

I make money from gambling, run over 50 web sites, have just hit Powerseller status on eBay, something I set out to do from a starting pot of only £200 back in March, and now have over £3000 in stock. Now I've accomplished that, I move onto my next goal.

[maria_and_matt]

From a mans point of view...."Never enough"

Trina is right, it is only you who can change it, start a business or something, you don't need much money.

I make money from gambling, run over 50 web sites, have just hit Powerseller status on eBay, something I set out to do from a starting pot of only £200 back in March, and now have over £3000 in stock. Now I've accomplished that, I move onto my next goal.

i might have to look into that... that seem a good return... thanks boss..

[Geraldine]

Hi Maria,

Maybe bec your life is routinely the same every day...why not just plan something different with your husband and son. Go for a day out or do some family activity. I know how boring it is just to stay at home...do the same things every single day...it just goes on and on makes you go mad. As they say 'same sh*t different day'

My life is like that actually...boring but now I have a once a week exercise class and another badminton session with some Filipino friends. At least makes life less boring. Start a business or join a hobby class or cooking class, make your time worthwhile...if I get a chance someday I plan to take up a short course or something.

Talk to your husband again, insist that you want to have a part time job at least to ease boredom. Or maybe he just doesnt like the idea of you meeting other blokes that is why he wants you to just stay at home.

[marylen]

ohhhh.. sorry to hear about how your marriage works out in the past. I fairly believe that HAPPINESS is not all about money itself NOR any material things u may have...still on top of the very most important that need to acquire in LIFE is to be with someone that makes you feel the most valuable things on earth that no one ever can compare you as such. Its proven to be tested on my own self. I may having no much expensive things to live by....yet.... having a very supportive, understanding and loving husband is what i already count the most. Ops....he is not that perfect as you think.....coz no one is...but as part of loving someone you can dare to accept all about his weaknesses. I am very much contended the way how our marriage works although there is some UPS and DOWNS but that teach us to grow as a better person.

yes maybe your husband is not that affectionate type, we can't compare one's self to others, he has his own way of showing his LOVE to you, why not try to look it out in a different way instead of looking for something that you think you haven't which i think you are more blissful than compare to any. oh Maria...LIFE is not a bed of roses, each one of us has its own set of worries and difficulties in dealing our LIFE with ....Sorry I may not say that I am having a perfect LIFE nor i mean a perfect FAMILY in my own....no matter how imperfect LIFE would be....I still count and appreciate the beauty on what life occur in me, it do helps me grow as a mature individual anyway.......... so be proud and enjoy all out. k....

[maria_and_matt]

thank you for all your replies i do take it to heart and started to slowly think of things i can do to make things better. today i went to the age concern and i will be doing voluntary work with them really soon. i do appreciate all your suggestions. i just hope it is not too late to make things right.

[jbt]

thank you for all your replies i do take it to heart and started to slowly think of things i can do to make things better. today i went to the age concern and i will be doing voluntary work with them really soon. i do appreciate all your suggestions. i just hope it is not too late to make things right.

Goodluck sis and all the best

[maria_and_matt]

Goodluck sis and all the best

thank you so much sis

[marylen]

yeah you right...go get it.....thats a wise move anyway.....maybe by doing so...you feel much content and happy then....oh better too late than never..............more things ahead of you and just enjoy every steps of your way............you may for sure find whats your heart says so.......Good Luck...

[maria_and_matt]

yeah you right...go get it.....thats a wise move anyway.....maybe by doing so...you feel much content and happy then....oh better too late than never..............more things ahead of you and just enjoy every steps of your way............you may for sure find whats your heart says so.......Good Luck...

thank you sis, i said a little prayer for you too, hope you get your visa real soon

[amyburple]

Sorry to hear that Sis... I truly believe that everything has s purpose and our life is not perfect... You are lucky in a way that you have everything in terms of material but yes of course it will not satisfy our needs... GOD is the only ONE that GIVE US the REAL JOY, HAPPINESS and SATISFACTION in LIFE.. Though prayers everything will be fine and have FAITH, what ever circumstances that your going through right now I guess the right and perfect time will be yours... Just hang on sis and believe that there's no IMPOSSIBLE to GOD. Just lay down everything to GOD what is your HEARTS DESIRE and by FAITH He will grant it.

GOD BLESS YOU Sis^^,

[maria_and_matt]

Sorry to hear that Sis... I truly believe that everything has s purpose and our life is not perfect... You are lucky in a way that you have everything in terms of material but yes of course it will not satisfy our needs... GOD is the only ONE that GIVE US the REAL JOY, HAPPINESS and SATISFACTION in LIFE.. Though prayers everything will be fine and have FAITH, what ever circumstances that your going through right now I guess the right and perfect time will be yours... Just hang on sis and believe that there's no IMPOSSIBLE to GOD. Just lay down everything to GOD what is your HEARTS DESIRE and by FAITH He will grant it.

GOD BLESS YOU Sis^^,

well said sis, thank you.

[amyburple]

well said sis, thank you.

your VERY MUCH WELCOME sis maria

Invite me shopping one day LOL for a change

[Frances]

hello Maria!

Have a heart to heart talk with your husband,many relationship fail because of lack of communication and intimacy.

It is human nature to want to feel wanted and feel loved.

Let him know how you really feel before it becomes resentment, miscommunication can lead to misunderstanding.

I have spoken to my grandmother a few days ago i ask her what was there secret of a happy marriage she told me just one thing "Listen" when your partner is talking to you and vice versa.

Good luck on your volunteer work and remember you are not alone if you still feel the same seek counseling it helps.

Take care

[maria_and_matt]

hello Maria!

Have a heart to heart talk with your husband,many relationship fail because of lack of communication and intimacy.

It is human nature to want to feel wanted and feel loved.

Let him know how you really feel before it becomes resentment, miscommunication can lead to misunderstanding.

I have spoken to my grandmother a few days ago i ask her what was there secret of a happy marriage she told me just one thing "Listen" when your partner is talking to you and vice versa.

Good luck on your volunteer work and remember you are not alone if you still feel the same seek counseling it helps.

Take care

i do try to talk to him openly but i think my husband has a hard time to express his feelings. unlike me i am vocal of what i feel, my husband just tends to nod along in agreement. i do agree with you about communication and intimacy, we do not have both. i talk he nods thats it. we are no longer intimate, i think that we are just in it for companionship.

[reginacarlson]

i do try to talk to him openly but i think my husband has a hard time to express his feelings. unlike me i am vocal of what i feel, my husband just tends to nod along in agreement. i do agree with you about communication and intimacy, we do not have both. i talk he nods thats it. we are no longer intimate, i think that we are just in it for companionship.

I think you should give each other hugs, they're therapeutical and it greatly boost moods. Also say "I love you" more, don't let it become just a routine. Find new, exciting, or even funny ways to spout your love for your husband. Try slipping a note in his pocket or wallet, tracing it in the bathroom mirror after a hot shower, or even just whispering it to him first thing in the morning!
I also read somewhere that you should initiate some passionate kisses, it might be ackward at first but what better way to rekindle your relationship than being intimate. You should also try dressing sexy specially when you're husband is around

[Frances]

I admire you for acknowledging that you have a problem other people pretend that nothing is wrong until its too late.

I have been in a relationship for 10 years our relationship failed not because we don't love each other anymore it is because our relationship has become a way of life we both took things for granted we no longer gave importance to each other.

We stop talking the way we use to before because we assume that because we love each other things will be OK,but we were wrong love needs constant nurturing it never stops.

Being intimate is not just all about physical relationship.

Intimacy it is giving value to a person showing you care being affectionate like holding hands,back rub after a long day at work,having someone to tell our innermost feelings,having loving personal relationship,it gives us reassurance that we are important and we are loved.

I have been given another chance to love again and I know better now than before.

[Frances]

Maria try to do things together watch a movie,go dancing,play sports that you both like anything that would make you bond together.
Just be patient and Pray always.

[maria_and_matt]

Maria try to do things together watch a movie,go dancing,play sports that you both like anything that would make you bond together.
Just be patient and Pray always.

we do go out as a family a lot, maybe we are just not meant to be :(... i do try hard i really do, but lately i have been tired to try

[cheesewiz]

some people will say what a lucky life you have! how many of us here want to have a life like yours...but I find my self lucky enough to have a job here in UK and able to help family back home and save a bit for my future and get married perhaps when the right time comes..so time will tell!!!

[andypaul]

You may not need Money but why not do Voluntary work you will get out make a difference to peoples Lifes and have something to tell your Hubby when you get back home.

[maria_and_matt]

You may not need Money but why not do Voluntary work you will get out make a difference to peoples Lifes and have something to tell your Hubby when you get back home.

yeah i will do voluntary work with the age concern, i am just waiting for the police check. i cannot wait to start.

[Jay&Zobel]

This is from your signature: obviously you have changed the last part (lol)
__________________

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people i had to kill because they pissed me off.


__________________


But I think this will help your situation:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change and the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference.


May God Bless you my friend...