life....

[maria_and_matt]

i have been reading a lot in this forum and majority of what i see are couples so in love and desperate to be together.
for me life has not been the way i thought it would. i came to the uk 17 yrs ago young and so looking forward to married life. my first marriage did not really went according to plan and we divorced after 5 longggggggg years. we have a son who is the love of my life.
i have since then remarried, we have been married 8 years now. the problem is i think lies with me. i am not happy. for me happiness is having someone who is affectionate and 'malambing'. my husband provides well for me and my son, i know i might sound so ungrateful but our life is so boring. i have not worked since we got married, my husband is not keen for me to work, he often says looking after is our home is a full time job as it is, i think so too but maybe i need to meet new people. do not get me wrong i have friends here i go shopping with, but it is the same people, same things we do, same topic we talk about.
i often tell my husband that life is not all about money, cars or a lovely home. he seem to really love me, but shows his love in material things. all i have to do is ask and he gives. but is this what life is all about? i mean how many pair of shoes can a woman have? how many times in a year can i change cars? i want something more from our life.
i have spoken to hubby about this before, nothing changes though, he is still the way he is. now what more can i do? do i stay and learn to accept that he is not the affectionate type? or do i make a move?
please please anyone

[cruisingkerry]

Thats a difficult question really. Believe me life is not amazing as a single mid 30 year old full time working woman.

You have to ask yourself what YOU really want from life and if your husband is willing to support you to achieve it. has your husband ever been affectionate or is it a new thing?

Are you not suffering from a, dare I say it, mid life crisis?? i know I'm finding life very difficult at the minute, bert being 9000 miles away, feeling guilty about all the money I've squandered over the years so now that I have something I really, really, really want I don't have the money I need to achieve it (thats Berts visa and bringing him over here), desperately wanting to have a child with him, family problems, money worries, lonliness... the list goes on. And I'm 37 too... and now I know whats important to me but I can't have it just yet.

So you really need to sit yourself down, decide what your 'problems' for want of a better word and make a plan to get it.

Its up to you girl!

K xx

[Tish]

Reading your post Maria makes me sad. Not because of what you said about your life being boring, but it is because you failed to see what life is all about.

I'm a firm believer that life is how you make it, not what your husband or anyone for that matter to make life less 'boring' for you

Maybe you just need to look at your life from a different angle, and who knows, you might see a different view altogether.

Tish

[maria_and_matt]

Thats a difficult question really. Believe me life is not amazing as a single mid 30 year old full time working woman.

You have to ask yourself what YOU really want from life and if your husband is willing to support you to achieve it. has your husband ever been affectionate or is it a new thing?

Are you not suffering from a, dare I say it, mid life crisis?? i know I'm finding life very difficult at the minute, bert being 9000 miles away, feeling guilty about all the money I've squandered over the years so now that I have something I really, really, really want I don't have the money I need to achieve it (thats Berts visa and bringing him over here), desperately wanting to have a child with him, family problems, money worries, lonliness... the list goes on. And I'm 37 too... and now I know whats important to me but I can't have it just yet.

So you really need to sit yourself down, decide what your 'problems' for want of a better word and make a plan to get it.

Its up to you girl!

K xx

mid life crisis maybe... i have had a rough time since we got married, i had cancer and had a hysterectomy as a result, i just really want us to be a family. just like what is was with my family when my father was alive. i find that life here in the uk is not as what we had back home. my husband is under a lot of pressure at work i think. but we rarely talk. he spends most of his time down stairs after work watching movies, i have tried to sit down there with him and to make conversation but somehow it always ends up in silence. i asked him if he is maybe a little upset coz we couldn't have a child of our own and he says no it is not about that, he'd rather have me alive than raise a child by himself. and i went on to ask if maybe he is not in love with me anymore, its not that either. all of my friends tell me i am crazy for thinking all this, they all say my husband adores me, but how come i do not feel that?

[maria_and_matt]

Reading your post Maria makes me sad. Not because of what you said about your life being boring, but it is because you failed to see what life is all about.

I'm a firm believer that life is how you make it, not what your husband or anyone for that matter to make life less 'boring' for you

Maybe you just need to look at your life from a different angle, and who knows, you might see a different view altogether.

Tish

i am aware that life is what i make it... that is why i find other ways to entertain myself...
but our home life should be what we, my husband and i, makes it. it just feels like it is all down to me to make conversation here at home, i have noticed lately that if i am moody everyone else is too even the dog!
and i dont think i have failed to see what life is all about, i am very aware of what life should be about.

[Tish]

i am aware that life is what i make it... that is why i find other ways to entertain myself...
but our home life should be what we, my husband and i, makes it. it just feels like it is all down to me to make conversation here at home, i have noticed lately that if i am moody everyone else is too even the dog!
and i dont think i have failed to see what life is all about, i am very aware of what life should be about.

Hahaha Same here Maria. When I'm moody, I feel like the rest of my family are moody too. It's not until I sit down and try to see things from their point of view, that I see a different side of it all!

Tish

[maria_and_matt]

Hahaha Same here Maria. When I'm moody, I feel like the rest of my family are moody too. It's not until I sit down and try to see things from their point of view, that I see a different side of it all!

Tish

i do try to see things from my husbands point of view, but you know what, i just dont see it

[Tish]

i do try to see things from my husbands point of view, but you know what, i just dont see it

It might be that you're not seeing things because you don't want to?

And will it help if you get to speak to a third party about what you're feeling at present?

Tish

[jbt]

hi sis maria,

maybe its about time for you and your husband to go on a holiday, somewhere romantic, where both of you can really talk (heart to heart)and rekindle the romance...

[PAT]

hi sis maria,

maybe its about time for you and your husband to go on a holiday, somewhere romantic, where both of you can really talk (heart to heart)and rekindle the romance...

[maria_and_matt]

hi sis maria,

maybe its about time for you and your husband to go on a holiday, somewhere romantic, where both of you can really talk (heart to heart)and rekindle the romance...

his work sched don't permit us to go away at present, we only go away xmas, easter and back home for 4 to 5 weeks in august.

[IainBusby]

his work sched don't permit us to go away at present, we only go away xmas, easter and back home for 4 to 5 weeks in august.

ONLY, My god, I wish I could afford to go away for a holiday at xmas, easter and 4 or 5 weeks in phils every year. I also wish I could afford to change my car, now nearly 4 yrs old, at least once a year. I could afford it if I took the money from my savings, but my wife would see it as pure extravagance. You just can't see how really lucky you are.
Iain.

[KeithD]

i mean how many pair of shoes can a woman have?

From a mans point of view...."Never enough"

Trina is right, it is only you who can change it, start a business or something, you don't need much money.

I make money from gambling, run over 50 web sites, have just hit Powerseller status on eBay, something I set out to do from a starting pot of only £200 back in March, and now have over £3000 in stock. Now I've accomplished that, I move onto my next goal.

[maria_and_matt]

ONLY, My god, I wish I could afford to go away for a holiday at xmas, easter and 4 or 5 weeks in phils every year. I also wish I could afford to change my car, now nearly 4 yrs old, at least once a year. I could afford it if I took the money from my savings, but my wife would see it as pure extravagance. You just can't see how really lucky you are.
Iain.

i can honestly say that material things don't matter match, i just want our relationship to get back on track. i can live without holidays, money or cars. i just want my husband to be more involved in our relationship not just be a provider. and i do know i am lucky to have him, but as i said before life is not all about money.

[maria_and_matt]

From a mans point of view...."Never enough"

Trina is right, it is only you who can change it, start a business or something, you don't need much money.

I make money from gambling, run over 50 web sites, have just hit Powerseller status on eBay, something I set out to do from a starting pot of only £200 back in March, and now have over £3000 in stock. Now I've accomplished that, I move onto my next goal.

i might have to look into that... that seem a good return... thanks boss..

[IainBusby]

i can honestly say that material things don't matter match, i just want our relationship to get back on track. i can live without holidays, money or cars. i just want my husband to be more involved in our relationship not just be a provider. and i do know i am lucky to have him, but as i said before life is not all about money.

I very glad to hear that. As the old saying goes, count your blessings and when things are not going so well, count them all up very carefully. Life is never perfect, not for anyone.
Iain.

[Geraldine]

Hi Maria,

Maybe bec your life is routinely the same every day...why not just plan something different with your husband and son. Go for a day out or do some family activity. I know how boring it is just to stay at home...do the same things every single day...it just goes on and on makes you go mad. As they say 'same sh*t different day'

My life is like that actually...boring but now I have a once a week exercise class and another badminton session with some Filipino friends. At least makes life less boring. Start a business or join a hobby class or cooking class, make your time worthwhile...if I get a chance someday I plan to take up a short course or something.

Talk to your husband again, insist that you want to have a part time job at least to ease boredom. Or maybe he just doesnt like the idea of you meeting other blokes that is why he wants you to just stay at home.

[jbt]

his work sched don't permit us to go away at present, we only go away xmas, easter and back home for 4 to 5 weeks in august.

wow, sis, i think it's more than enough (in terms of going away), i wish we can afford to go on holiday more than once.

anyway, another couple of months and xmas is here and whatever holiday destination you both choose, i hope you'll be able to talk to your husband about what you really feel.

you mentioned earlier, the problem (you think) lies w/you, you're not happy, but what will make you happy? maybe a job or as boss keith mentioned start a business, something that you can do at home maybe....or maybe a part time job...you really need to sit down with your husband sis, discuss what you truly feel, ask what he truly feels and maybe you both can do something about it....you have to do it asap before it becomes a major issue.

[marylen]

ohhhh.. sorry to hear about how your marriage works out in the past. I fairly believe that HAPPINESS is not all about money itself NOR any material things u may have...still on top of the very most important that need to acquire in LIFE is to be with someone that makes you feel the most valuable things on earth that no one ever can compare you as such. Its proven to be tested on my own self. I may having no much expensive things to live by....yet.... having a very supportive, understanding and loving husband is what i already count the most. Ops....he is not that perfect as you think.....coz no one is...but as part of loving someone you can dare to accept all about his weaknesses. I am very much contended the way how our marriage works although there is some UPS and DOWNS but that teach us to grow as a better person.

yes maybe your husband is not that affectionate type, we can't compare one's self to others, he has his own way of showing his LOVE to you, why not try to look it out in a different way instead of looking for something that you think you haven't which i think you are more blissful than compare to any. oh Maria...LIFE is not a bed of roses, each one of us has its own set of worries and difficulties in dealing our LIFE with ....Sorry I may not say that I am having a perfect LIFE nor i mean a perfect FAMILY in my own....no matter how imperfect LIFE would be....I still count and appreciate the beauty on what life occur in me, it do helps me grow as a mature individual anyway.......... so be proud and enjoy all out. k....

[maria_and_matt]

thank you for all your replies i do take it to heart and started to slowly think of things i can do to make things better. today i went to the age concern and i will be doing voluntary work with them really soon. i do appreciate all your suggestions. i just hope it is not too late to make things right.

[jbt]

thank you for all your replies i do take it to heart and started to slowly think of things i can do to make things better. today i went to the age concern and i will be doing voluntary work with them really soon. i do appreciate all your suggestions. i just hope it is not too late to make things right.

Goodluck sis and all the best

[maria_and_matt]

Goodluck sis and all the best

thank you so much sis

[marylen]

yeah you right...go get it.....thats a wise move anyway.....maybe by doing so...you feel much content and happy then....oh better too late than never..............more things ahead of you and just enjoy every steps of your way............you may for sure find whats your heart says so.......Good Luck...

[maria_and_matt]

yeah you right...go get it.....thats a wise move anyway.....maybe by doing so...you feel much content and happy then....oh better too late than never..............more things ahead of you and just enjoy every steps of your way............you may for sure find whats your heart says so.......Good Luck...

thank you sis, i said a little prayer for you too, hope you get your visa real soon

[amyburple]

Sorry to hear that Sis... I truly believe that everything has s purpose and our life is not perfect... You are lucky in a way that you have everything in terms of material but yes of course it will not satisfy our needs... GOD is the only ONE that GIVE US the REAL JOY, HAPPINESS and SATISFACTION in LIFE.. Though prayers everything will be fine and have FAITH, what ever circumstances that your going through right now I guess the right and perfect time will be yours... Just hang on sis and believe that there's no IMPOSSIBLE to GOD. Just lay down everything to GOD what is your HEARTS DESIRE and by FAITH He will grant it.

GOD BLESS YOU Sis^^,

[maria_and_matt]

Sorry to hear that Sis... I truly believe that everything has s purpose and our life is not perfect... You are lucky in a way that you have everything in terms of material but yes of course it will not satisfy our needs... GOD is the only ONE that GIVE US the REAL JOY, HAPPINESS and SATISFACTION in LIFE.. Though prayers everything will be fine and have FAITH, what ever circumstances that your going through right now I guess the right and perfect time will be yours... Just hang on sis and believe that there's no IMPOSSIBLE to GOD. Just lay down everything to GOD what is your HEARTS DESIRE and by FAITH He will grant it.

GOD BLESS YOU Sis^^,

well said sis, thank you.

[Frances]

hello Maria!

Have a heart to heart talk with your husband,many relationship fail because of lack of communication and intimacy.

It is human nature to want to feel wanted and feel loved.

Let him know how you really feel before it becomes resentment, miscommunication can lead to misunderstanding.

I have spoken to my grandmother a few days ago i ask her what was there secret of a happy marriage she told me just one thing "Listen" when your partner is talking to you and vice versa.

Good luck on your volunteer work and remember you are not alone if you still feel the same seek counseling it helps.

Take care

[amyburple]

well said sis, thank you.

your VERY MUCH WELCOME sis maria

Invite me shopping one day LOL for a change

[maria_and_matt]

hello Maria!

Have a heart to heart talk with your husband,many relationship fail because of lack of communication and intimacy.

It is human nature to want to feel wanted and feel loved.

Let him know how you really feel before it becomes resentment, miscommunication can lead to misunderstanding.

I have spoken to my grandmother a few days ago i ask her what was there secret of a happy marriage she told me just one thing "Listen" when your partner is talking to you and vice versa.

Good luck on your volunteer work and remember you are not alone if you still feel the same seek counseling it helps.

Take care

i do try to talk to him openly but i think my husband has a hard time to express his feelings. unlike me i am vocal of what i feel, my husband just tends to nod along in agreement. i do agree with you about communication and intimacy, we do not have both. i talk he nods thats it. we are no longer intimate, i think that we are just in it for companionship.

[Frances]

I admire you for acknowledging that you have a problem other people pretend that nothing is wrong until its too late.

I have been in a relationship for 10 years our relationship failed not because we don't love each other anymore it is because our relationship has become a way of life we both took things for granted we no longer gave importance to each other.

We stop talking the way we use to before because we assume that because we love each other things will be OK,but we were wrong love needs constant nurturing it never stops.

Being intimate is not just all about physical relationship.

Intimacy it is giving value to a person showing you care being affectionate like holding hands,back rub after a long day at work,having someone to tell our innermost feelings,having loving personal relationship,it gives us reassurance that we are important and we are loved.

I have been given another chance to love again and I know better now than before.