Hi Arthur and welcome your basic choices here are chance your arm with the tourist visa and if your lady gets it make a spontaneous decision to get married in an Anglican Church (still an permissible side stepping of the rules unless i am corrected ) you will still have to satisfy spouse visa rules your other possibilities are to get married in the
Phills
and then apply for the spouse visa valid for two years and then the final "indefinite leave to remain" During the fiance and initial spouse they will be looking to see that you can support your wife (positive bank account and or steady income)as she has no recourse to public funds although in the spouse period she can work.

Looking at your post you are approaching retirement age , not necessarily an obstacle but if you are not comfortably off you will have to be prepared to work at it all a bit harder without further info its hard to say more another option might be retiring to the Phil's

P.S. At least your quote was from a comedy and not a
tragedy
so keep smiling after all she is worth it right!!