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Thread: What a Life...

  1. #1
    Respected Member cheesewiz's Avatar
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    What a Life...

    I am just a bit down at the moment knowing my younger sister is having a hard time at the moment or more often (no job, got a 2 year old son and just give birth last month) well, of course, I shoulder her hospital bill (thankfully £150) less health insurance. She moved to her husband family and gave them small space where they can build small house. Of course I shoulder that as well and it cost me £600 (they've got one room and small lounge) atleast they can start their life and live on their own atleast. Her husband is working temporarily and don't earn much and they have 2 kids to get feed (milk and diapers is very expensive) My other sister is trying her best to help her as well but the thing is she got 3 children on her own too.

    My sister send me me message today to tell me that my sister is not well. She feel a chest pain (according to her she felt that since she gave birth to her first son but she ignore it) then when she got pregnant again she started to feel it again. My sister is so worried she told her to go to the doctor ASAP but she said she has no money, my sister said just ask her husband to borrow money to his relatives but unsuccesful so instead she went to public clinic for check up but instead they refer her to hospital for further check up.

    I feel annoyed with her husband that he can't do something to help my sister even the very start their first baby born that almost died bec of complication. I told her before that one child is enough since she's jobless and her husband don't have permanent job too but since her new baby arrive we can't do anything about it. I help them too much I even send my sis to a caregiver course just incase she might get a job abroad, who knows. I am going to send her money for her check up and hopefully everything's okay, of course I am worried but at the same time feel a bit angry with the husband that he can't even ask his family to help them.

    My family specially my siblings don't know how I work hard to send them money and give them a reasonable life. I got a £7000 loan here (5 years to pay) to pay for the house in the Phils, right now, I am paying my loan here and my mortgage back home and of course my monthly handouts to my parents so I work as much as I can like 12hrs/day or sometimes 72 hrs/week and contented having a one day off in a week or not at all sometimes and I don't spend much for my self just to save every penny as much as I can.

    I love helping them but sometimes I feel that some of them are already parasite.


  2. #2
    Moderator joebloggs's Avatar
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    your the banker, with unlimited cash

    i know how you feel thou, sometimes you have to say no, because you will get in so much debt you cannot pay it, or working too much will make you ill


  3. #3
    Respected Member keithAngel's Avatar
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    Reading your post from a western perspective its hard not to wonder why anyone would put themselves in a position of having kids when they clearly cant support them or themselves, not that it doesn't happen in the UK but the safety net is big here.

    Until the folk here realise that having sex does not mean you have to have children I guess its a Darwinian experiment where the fit or lucky survive in your case it might have been better to have paid for a Family Planning Course a bit earlier
    Absit invidia

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    andypaul's Avatar
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    Good Luck Cheesewiz if someone deserved a Win on the Lottery its your self.


  5. #5
    Respected Member Frances's Avatar
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    That's life.
    Because we love our family.
    I have a sibling that's far away from me when he gets broke he always ask me to help him at first i analyze the situation and explain to him that i am not always well and here but after we talk I am already at nearest WU.
    True love waits.


  6. #6
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    Oh dear, cant say to you that don't send money to them cause they are your family ,but at least tell them about you are having loan already just for them,
    Anyhow,wish u can solve the problem,good luck dear


  7. #7
    Respected Member cheesewiz's Avatar
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    thanks everyone for the advices. I know I am soft for my family bec among my siblings I am the most well off (coz Im here abroad earning pounds) even I am trying to ignore their needs at the end of the day I want to be guilt free.

    of course I am more concern to my parents just that I can't say no to my siblings most of the time. I hope they will soon realize that I am not earning a pot of gold here


  8. #8
    Respected Member tiger@tigress's Avatar
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    Ohh Cheezz

    Im sorry to hear that... I guess each and every one of us got a Cross to carry,,,, as we love to help our family we want to give them everything as much as we can. But we have to put limitations cuz we have our own health/family to take care of....
    tiger tigress

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  9. #9
    Respected Member nigel's Avatar
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    Goodness me Cheesewiz!! Have you forgotten that you own life matters aswell? This must be putting a huge strain on you! The worlds burdens are not yours! The worlds joys riches and pleasures are! It's imperative that you take care of your own wellbeing first! I don't like the sound of you working 72 hours a week like that! I work around 50 hours a week, sometimes 60, but 72?? That's really quite outrageous! I think maybe you would benefit from hypnotherapy? Any kind of self development?

    I've helped my Vimvie's family financially and it has put a strain on me, but it sounds like what is happening to you is crippling! Your a very special person, an important person, you deserve to be happy and healthy yourself, of course you do! Don't ignore your own wellbeing you silly!


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  10. #10
    Respected Member cheesewiz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nigel View Post
    Goodness me Cheesewiz!! Have you forgotten that you own life matters aswell? This must be putting a huge strain on you! The worlds burdens are not yours! The worlds joys riches and pleasures are! It's imperative that you take care of your own wellbeing first! I don't like the sound of you working 72 hours a week like that! I work around 50 hours a week, sometimes 60, but 72?? That's really quite outrageous! I think maybe you would benefit from hypnotherapy? Any kind of self development?

    I've helped my Vimvie's family financially and it has put a strain on me, but it sounds like what is happening to you is crippling! Your a very special person, an important person, you deserve to be happy and healthy yourself, of course you do! Don't ignore your own wellbeing you silly!

    thanks for the concern. I am still single and just my self to worry right now what I am keep on telling them if I get married one day I can't help them anymore as I have my own family to prioritize. I know its not good working that much but i'd rather working than staying at home bec I feel more stress and depress..atleast I have this forum to keep me busy reading what's going on here.


  11. #11
    Respected Member cheesewiz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiger@tigress View Post
    Im sorry to hear that... I guess each and every one of us got a Cross to carry,,,, as we love to help our family we want to give them everything as much as we can. But we have to put limitations cuz we have our own health/family to take care of....

    thanks...I know everything has a limitation but when that limitation will start.. for us filipinos helping the family is part of our culture that will stay forever.. hopefully when I have my own family change might happen.


  12. #12
    Respected Member cheesewiz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jedc143 View Post
    Oh dear, cant say to you that don't send money to them cause they are your family ,but at least tell them about you are having loan already just for them,
    Anyhow,wish u can solve the problem,good luck dear

    well they know everything...still not working I hope changes happen soon. thanks


  13. #13
    Respected Member cheesewiz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by andypaul View Post
    Good Luck Cheesewiz if someone deserved a Win on the Lottery its your self.

    they said helping someone is like winning the lottery i don't buy lotto that's the problem i think should start buying now

    thank you for that


  14. #14
    Respected Member PeterB's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, filipinos are like this when it comes to supporting their families.

    Ruby had a feud with her family, which prompted her to go to Singapore as an OFW, working as a DH, just to prove herself.

    She lasted there for three years, at great cost to her personal health and well-being, sending money home to build a house for her parents. When she returned home, her parents and brothers/sisters barely recognised her, because she was so malnourished and sick.

    The only reason she left Singapore was that she was being pressed into an arranged marriage to her employer's brother.


  15. #15
    Respected Member doonat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheesewiz View Post
    thanks for the concern. I am still single and just my self to worry right now what I am keep on telling them if I get married one day I can't help them anymore as I have my own family to prioritize. I know its not good working that much but i'd rather working than staying at home bec I feel more stress and depress..atleast I have this forum to keep me busy reading what's going on here.
    they are right you need to draw the line and start thinking bout yourself. i've met some pinay nurses here and most of them are single old ladies. i hope you wont join their club, coz you deserve to be happy.


  16. #16
    Respected Member misscarie's Avatar
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    i'm so proud of you cheesewiz,i know that we filipinos can't say no to our family when they need something or emergency needed.

    I salute you ate , God Bless You


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  17. #17
    Respected Member Ann07's Avatar
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    You are so good

    Just let them know your situation and i hope they will understand.
    THink of urself


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