Selfless or Selfish? Whats acceptable?

[nigel]

Lets have this scenario:

You get a call from The Philippines, they tell you that a member of their family has become sick, you must send money to pay for their hospital treatment.

How will you respond to this?

A I will give all the money I have and spend all of my time helping.

B I will give what I can, maybe work extra hours to help.

C This isn't my problem, but I will give any spare money I have.

D They're problems are irrelevant to me, I care for myself mostly.

E How dare they impose on me, I will not help no way!


I think this is a scenario that each and everyone of us need to put some thought into, I'd say I'm a B or a C. I'm certainly not an A 'cause that would be comprimising my own wellbeing too much! And I'm not prepared to do that! There is no rule book saying that we HAVE to be selfless! When we are told "Your too selfish!" it can make us feel bad, but being completely selfless probably means you are completely comprimising your own wellbeing.

So what are your thoughts on this? Just how selfish are we allowed to be? Are you an A,B,C,D or E?

[Mrs.JMajor]

C

[marylen]

maybe I will go for letter C...it can be letter B as well but it depends on circumstances if maybe if i do already have work on my own and that i can earn a few extra hours for them to help out a bit...but as for now i go for letter C most importantly..

[allyn]

as for me...well it depend in the situation
if its my husband is in your position nigel,,,it will be C
(dont get me wrong,,,my husband is a very nice man and generous if some one need his help but whenever there some one in need in my family, i just let him give a spare money he have,,,if he dont have any,fine if there is ,,its okey...but as much as possible i dont let my husband worry about my family in the philippines, coz he have lots of things to worry about here and be side he marry me,,not my family...so they are my responsibility not his

if its me, my answer will be B..
i usually help and get extra hours of work to help up..
I work extra hours so that i can support my self and help my husband in our expences and on desame time help my family in need...

[keithAngel]

I think its a bit more complex than that, for example who the family members are, do I know them well , are they responsible people are all factors.

I told my Honey her mum is one WE can take some care of as she only has a small pension but I also noticed the pressure she comes under from others and I told her and she has passed it on that before I give any thing to them I would give it to my grown up kids.

She is of course free to do what she likes with her money that she earns, I think this all can change as we grow together as a process of trust and understanding but setting the ground rules in the beginning is a good idea and can be helpful for your lady .

[maria_and_matt]

after having have done an A for about 10 years i would say now i am on the E! i just learned when to stop and say no

[Sconnie]

I would be a B or a C, B would be dependent on the company and if there was additional work there to be done so more likely a C. B and C seem reasonable and most responsible.

[PeterB]

Three days before my second visit, I was faced with this dilemma. Ruby's brother was about to become a father for the second time but, because of complications, he was being asked whether the life of his wife, or that of the baby, should be saved.

What was needed was a caesarean to save them both. I had met Ruby's brother on my first visit, but not his wife. I received the sms at about 3.30 am, which left me a little disoriented.

After making a few checks and enquiries I sent the cash by Western Union, the operation was performed, and both mother and baby are well - we celebrated the first birthday about four months ago.

[tiger@tigress]

C

[aromulus]

I am all in favour of lending a helping hand, as long as any claims are genuine.

Sofar, nobody has taken advantage, and due to Jet's dad pride and self esteem I am not expecting it to happen otherwise.

We do send voluntarily some money over, monthly, basically for internet, lecky and whatever they deem necessary to spend it on.
And they don't waste it on frivolities, I can happily report.

[eljean]

i go for C

[alicat]

B or C

[Ann07]

C here

[DianaKevy]

i go for C as well

[andypaul]

B or c

It is worth thinking of setting some money aside either here in an account or phill or sorting out some sort of medical insurance if possible.

Best to keep it to yourself that the fund exists, but at least it softens the blow.

[nigel]

Thanks for your replies guys! I've read all of them and it's very interesting...I think Filipina's can be selfless, and I think that British men are maybe feeling a strain on their wallets! The point I was trying to make is, we can easily comprimise our own wellbeing when helping others, but our lives matter too!

I do care about you guys you know.. I'm not always a horrible git![/I]

[PeterB]

I think Filipina's can be selfless

... especially with our money!

[Frances]

B : )

[benb]

How will you respond to this?

A I will give all the money I have and spend all of my time helping.

B I will give what I can, maybe work extra hours to help.

C This isn't my problem, but I will give any spare money I have.

D They're problems are irrelevant to me, I care for myself mostly.

E How dare they impose on me, I will not help no way!

F I will ensure that a signed IOU is in place for sums over £1000 and give what I can. The amount also depends on how close I am to that person.

This is to ensure that if they cannot pay later, there is a record for the future incase disputes occur and avoid repeat requests.

My family have used this method among them and it works!

Cheers

[IainBusby]

Definately C. No one should feel guilty or be made to feel guilty if they are prepared to help and are prepared to give only what they can comfortably afford. I feel that this should apply especially to wives of Brits who did not come here as OFW's and their families should not treat them as such. I think the wives should make their families understand and be aware of the difference between a wife and an OFW so that they don't expect too much.
Iain.

[Jay&Zobel]

HMmm.... this thread might be old but interesting!

My answer is... B... or E also (Maria&Matt) by learning how to say NO on other occasions...