The Filipino Custom of the Chaperone - what happens, will I have one in tow, why is the Chaperone there....please explain

Some British men who visit the Philippines with the intention of courting a Philippines lady, will often come across the rather unusual sight of a 2nd person at the airport.

At first this is a worry..and by the way i speak from experience, so don't think you are alone in this.

The Chaperone in British Culture is an outdated custom that probably died a death somwhere around 1920 or even before that however please be mindful, that in the Philippines the custom is still practiced and do not be suprised if the lady you are going to see has a chaperone in tow, this may not appear to be so. and it may just look like a freind who has come to welcome you.

Some families in the Philippines will insist that a Chaperone is with you at all times, there are reasons for this..and when you hear the reasons you will no doubt understand why.

Firstly, her family may be concerned that you are a sexual predator, especially if the lady is of a very young age. i.e. between say 18-22, they are concerned especially as the Philippines Media, has highlighted stories of older Western men coming over to the Philippines for sex tourism, sneaking off with the bloom of young Philippine society and taking them back to their lairs in the outer provinces of no mans land, and making slaves out of them.

This of course does happen on occasion, however, these sories are in the minority, and what you must realize is, that it would not matter whether you are a Filipino suitor or a Western Suitor The process would be the same.

What Form does the Chaperone take ??

It is almost likely, although not always, that the Chaperone will be female, this can in some ways have benefits, certainly it depends on the age of your Philippines lady, if she is in her late 20's or mid 30's it is possibly unlikely she will have one, however every situation will be different, some families insist that a chaperone is there, others are less insistent, and some Philippine ladies can be so independant it wouldn't matter what their families said, they would make their own decisions anyway, having said that, you may have to face the fact that you have a chaperone in tow.

How do you cope with this ??

Well if the chaperone is to stay with you for a few days, I can guarantee that one thing will happen, if you stay the night in Manila or Cebu, you will have to spend it sleeping away from your lady, the chaperone and her will no doubt be sharing a room, and of course you get the bill for that ! don't worry its not going to break the bank, if it costs you a tenner I would be suprised.

You may feel that having a chaperone in tow, is a pain in the backside, you might be thinking hmmmmm how can I get to talk to the lady on my own ?

Having a chaperone can help you though in many ways, for one it can help when you have an embarassing pause in conversations, she might help you keep the conversation going, and also, she might be able to suggest places you might want to visit, and of course, suggest things that you can do to be entertained.

If you accept the fact that the Chaperone is not going to be there always in the future, you may relax more, for one thing, the chaperone is there to check you out, so to speak, if you visit her family, everyone who greets you will be all smiles and very chatty, this is your chance of course to come across as an "OK" guy, be yourself and get into the conversation, often it may be appropriate to comment on how nice the house looks, just show humility where you can.

This is known as the "On Stage" process, that is to say, you the Western Suitor are on stage....its rather like a talent show where you have 5 minutes to get up and do your thing, and at the end you get he verdict of the judges, this is similar although not as gruelling, this process of being on show, is where the family gets a chance to look at the man who is pursuing a daughter of the family.

The Chaperone also can play a big part in this, reporting back to the family on your behaviour, politeness, Whether you are courteous, and your general dress etc.

You may even have to face the propsect that she turns up a the airport with her Aunty in tow, hahahaha if that happens again, play it cool, my advice is simple, if the Aunty turns up at the Airport, you have it made, get the Aunty batting on your team, and youve won the match.

In other words, charm the Aunty, make her like you, be polite, and soon she is telling your Lady's Nanay what a gentleman you are, and that Nanay has nothing to worry about, then all of a sudden the Aunty says Goodbye, and wishes the two of you a nice vacation.

What if the Chaperone is her Brother ???

This can happen, although its more likely to be a male cousin of the family, in Philippine families, there are millions of them, cousins are as pebbles on a beach, sand in the sea, got the picture, if its a male cousin, my advice is simple, make freinds with him, take him to a bar, buy him San Miguels all night, and then bribe him off, hahahahahahahaha well just kidding, you can ask him if its ok, for you to be on your own with his cousin....suggest he sits at another table, pay for his beer and buy him a steak or something, while you chat to your lady, don't worry he can always keep an eye on proceedings, eventually, just go for a bribe...and hen he is on his way, satisfied and a few hundred pesos better off for the priviledge of chaperoning you.

To be honest guys, there are so many different situations that you could face, I can't list them all, however sometimes there is no chaperone at all.

My own situation was one of having a chaperone initially, in the form of the "Aunty" but to be honest Aunty and I hit it off so well in he 1st day, that she wasn't around for long, i think she went off to report to Nanay (Mother) that I was an "OK" guy and really all I can say now is just take this a little tongue in cheek.

I hope if this does happen to you, you are able to deal with it in a spirit of freindliness, just be aware that it is not personal, and that it can be a custom that is still very much part of Filipno culture, and is viewed very seriously by her family, so try not to make fun of it, and treat it with respect, remember, you chose this lady, its your thing, deal with it.


Good Luck