Father I Have Sinned...

[nigel]

Man: Father I have sinned....during the war I kept a German man safe in my loft..

Priest: I really don't think that's a sin you know... You probably saved the mans life!

Man: But father, I made him pay £100 a day to stay there..

Priest: Goodness me! That's really rather mean of you! Still, you probably saved the mans life, and God will forgive you..

Man: Thankyou father, but I have one more problem, when do you think I should tell him that the war is over?

[jimeve]

[nigel]

Harry Enfields Gay Hitler..(not too camp!)http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=i3ed5fBHHVU

[nigel]

Three soldiers return from the falklands war, their General greets them and says "To celebrate our victory, we're going to play a little game! I'll measure one part of your body to another, and whatever that measure's in inches, you'll get in pounds!!"
The first soldier says "Measure from the top of my head to the tip of my toes!" It's 70 inches so he gets 70 pounds!!
The second soldier says "Measure from my left hand to my right hand!" That's 72 inches so he gets 72 pounds!!
The third soldier says "Measure from the top of my dick to my balls!!" The General says "Alright smart ass! Drop your trousers then!...What? Goodness me you've got no balls??!" The soldier says "Yes they're in the Falklands!!"