Advice please!

[somebody]

You're having a rant Peterb - try reading my question. It was a fairly simple one. Is it fair to tell one woman you are writing to that you are writing to others. Some of the assumptions are incredible. It does'nt exactly encourage you to look for more advice. I know, I'm a really bad guy, I'd like to find a wife. I thought this forum was for help and advice, not personal attacks. What's wrong, had a bad day?!!

Thanks to those who gave thoughtful replies and tried to help.

I think i see where pete is coming from you need to be careful your not leading astray ladies. If they think the two of you are an item and they are making scarfices you could badly hurt someone if you say after a lengthy time that your over to interview several candidates.

You may not think so but do make sure the ladies understand your still playing the field as such and keeping your options open.

Pete may have been harsh but hes saying make sure you treat the ladies as you would expect a bloke to treat your sister/ daughter.

The ladies meeting you may have invested a lot of time, effort and money and kept her self single. If they find out they are one of a list they could be truely devastated even feel shamed if they have told family and friends. Airmail, texts, internat cafe time, traveling to post a letter or go to internet cafe. costs a bigger percentage of many phills income than in the Uk.

Even twenty something ladies treat speaking and courting men very differently to westen women on the whole in my experience.

[joebloggs]

But do you chat up four or five women at a time? Some ladies and situations thats ok. But both need to understand the situation, if one of the party belive that its an exclusive relationship the other should respect that or pipe up and expect for the relationship to change.

My Wife is a modern young women but she would never dreamt of chating to more than one bloke at a time even if its fairly innocent. When we were chatting even after a short time she told me she hoped im not seeing ladies and that she was not. I guess it just depends on the people involved.

But you need to be upfront and treat all concerned with respect

i use to chat to 100s of people thru icq over many years, only a few i considered friends, nothing more than friends, like the poster, i never actually meet any of them, so the only relationship was friendship, has the poster mentioned marriage or getting engaged to any of them??

over time, i made 2 really good friends my misses and a Chinese gal i had known b4 the misses, they both knew about each other, but that's because we were just friends.. even after me and the misses were married, i still chatted to her, as a good friend. i would be still now if i had not lost contact with her

but your right he needs to treat them with respect

[PeterB]

You're having a rant Peterb - try reading my question.

Whoa! I posted one short and light-hearted comment to try to lift the mood. I'm not sure why I get singled out for this comment!

Anyway, I think that you do not understand the typical Filipina's attitude towards a 'relationship'.

Of course I had chatted online to more than one filipina, but never made any commitments to anyone but Ruby. I still discovered, later, that there were at least two others who had assumed that a relationship existed.

[darren-b]

Whoa! I posted one short and light-hearted comment to try to lift the mood. I'm not sure why I get singled out for this comment!

I think it might be aimed at ginapeterb rather than you....

[Paulboy]

Apologies Peterb - I was referring to GinaPeterb

[somebody]

i use to chat to 100s of people thru icq over many years, only a few i considered friends, nothing more than friends, like the poster, i never actually meet any of them, so the only relationship was friendship, has the poster mentioned marriage or getting engaged to any of them??

over time, i made 2 really good friends my misses and a Chinese gal i had known b4 the misses, they both knew about each other, but that's because we were just friends.. even after me and the misses were married, i still chatted to her, as a good friend. i would be still now if i had not lost contact with her

but your right he needs to treat them with respect

Of course we all chat to people either in passing or as friends but was just trying to get across how we have to always bear in mind we treat people in the e world or postal world as would those in the real world.

As it has shown some found peters words harsh just as some people you contact may find it harsh if suddenly they read or hear certain things from you. Which to you may not seem important.

Phill ladies do tend from those I have met and read about to be romantic, very loyal and what we might call old world. Even young girls in our family in phil will talk about the boys they go out as if they are eventual going to marry them not as a casual fling. This is not a ultra religous or prim and proper family by any means.

I know many of the Wifes friends would at least not publicly mention they were chating to multiple men and planing to meet them. Maybe women in other parts of phill are different?

[the_ONE]

Some more sensible responses here now.

Of course when looking for a partner in cyberspace I think everyone plays the field before focussing on one relationship which hopefully becomes a real realtionship. I think the longer you correspond with someone, the greater the assumption that it is an exclusive realtionship from both parties, even if neither of you explicitly mention it as such.

It is true, many ladies from overseas will have different perceptions of such a relationship than you may expect here, so you need to be careful that you are not unintentionally leading people on, but I don' think there are any 'rules' on how to create a successful relationship, I think you have to decide what will work best for you.

ps. Where's fatboy slim, has he gone into hiding?

[mighty mouse]

I am going to the Philippines in about 4 weeks - 25th feb. I booked the flight on an impulse [sod all work, manky weather,why not!] I am only writing to ladies recently, but I am hoping to meet several, and see how we get on once we meet in person, because I'm not sure how well you can get to know someone by letters, untill you meet up. However, I did mention to one lady that I was writing to others, and she has since stopped writing to me. I thought I was being honest, and not letting her build her hopes too soon.

My question is, should I not say anything to any of the other ones I'm writing to? [which feels a bit sneaky to me] I can understand that a woman would prefer someone was coming to see them only, but I'm not at that stage yet! I'm a novice at this internet dating!

Any thoughts or advice gratefully received!

Paul

Hi Paul,

in my personal perspective, I think being honest with her at where you are at and all is a good thing. It's just maybe this girl who stopped writing to you felt something special and was kinda expecting you are serious with her and she's the only one. And you divulging to her that she is not the only one who you are meeting here in Philippines is something she doesn't expect.

Maybe let's accept the fact that's the price to pay of being honest. Sometimes life just works that way, no matter how you try to do things you deem best and right, you just can't have everything you want, and can't have the best of both worlds, and you have to choose.

Good luck and enjoy your vacation!

[aposhark]

.....Any thoughts or advice gratefully received!
Paul

Hi Paul,
For me these things are simple.....

Do to others as you wish them to do to you

[bornatbirth]

Hi Paul,

in my personal perspective, I think being honest with her at where you are at and all is a good thing. It's just maybe this girl who stopped writing to you felt something special and was kinda expecting you are serious with her and she's the only one. And you divulging to her that she is not the only one who you are meeting here in Philippines is something she doesn't expect.

Maybe let's accept the fact that's the price to pay of being honest. Sometimes life just works that way, no matter how you try to do things you deem best and right, you just can't have everything you want, and can't have the best of both worlds, and you have to choose.

Good luck and enjoy your vacation!

[Mrs.JMajor]

Hi Paul,

in my personal perspective, I think being honest with her at where you are at and all is a good thing. It's just maybe this girl who stopped writing to you felt something special and was kinda expecting you are serious with her and she's the only one. And you divulging to her that she is not the only one who you are meeting here in Philippines is something she doesn't expect.

Maybe let's accept the fact that's the price to pay of being honest. Sometimes life just works that way, no matter how you try to do things you deem best and right, you just can't have everything you want, and can't have the best of both worlds, and you have to choose.

Hey,can you introduce yourself to us,post 1 and so good and damn pretty on your avatar eh

[ladymar]

I am going to the Philippines in about 4 weeks - 25th feb. I booked the flight on an impulse [sod all work, manky weather,why not!] I am only writing to ladies recently, but I am hoping to meet several, and see how we get on once we meet in person, because I'm not sure how well you can get to know someone by letters, untill you meet up. However, I did mention to one lady that I was writing to others, and she has since stopped writing to me. I thought I was being honest, and not letting her build her hopes too soon.

My question is, should I not say anything to any of the other ones I'm writing to? [which feels a bit sneaky to me] I can understand that a woman would prefer someone was coming to see them only, but I'm not at that stage yet! I'm a novice at this internet dating!

Any thoughts or advice gratefully received!

Paul

Hi! Paul, it is good being honest and for that things you can see how she really wanted to see you or want to be with you. It is good to write other people you want too as long as you not say you are gf and bf as it mean for the woman you keep writing.... you know if you are writing to somebody you can say that you need to have time to sit in so that you can say what inside in your mind and heart... it is nice to hear words or to keep read of what she respond or you respond her... everything you can say on it too. Well, just happen when you don't know how to used chat or some site in here that you can easily communicate to each other or you have different time zone ...

Good for the woman coz you have patient to send them a letter and for me i will appreciate on it from you ...just do of what you think it is good for you and for the woman you want... know her better when you meet in person and then it is the time you decide who she is to be part in your life .... be happy and keep smile