Devastated - Need advice
Hi folks!
We have a problem.
My fiancee & I first met online in october 2007.
I went to the Philippines in june 2008, to meet her in person. Had a great time, subsequently I went back in october, where we got engaged at the end of my stay.
She lives in Cagayan de Oro City on her own, in a boarding house, whilst her parents have a farm in the province.
It's about 5 1/2 hours away by bus, as I've been there twice for fleeting visits.
She went home for christmas, then came back again after a few days.
Then she went back home again in january, the same as she did last year as her family have an annual Fiesta.
Her stay was a bit longer than she was planning, as she had a fever. She really didn't sound well, when I spoke to her on the phone.
However, I started to get the impression, she might be trying to avoid me, as she was reluctant to get online. A couple of phone calls went unanswered & she was quite late, replying to text messages.
Finally I got her to get online last sunday.
...My hunch was right, she had been avoiding me...She broke the devastating news.
...Her parents want her to marry a man who works on their farm.
Apparently, he asked them whether he could marry their daughter. (my fiancee). He's declined some of his wages & has been helping her mother.
He's been working there for years. He's like an adopted son.
The upsetting bit is, this man attacked her when she was younger, whilst washing down at the stream.
Consequently, she left home as soon as she could, when she was 18. She lived with her aunt for a while & has lived in Cagayan de Oro City for many years on her own since.
Her parents never believed her, when she told them he attacked her. They seem to see him as some sort of golden boy.
Anyway, they want her to marry him & she is understandably distraught. She can't stand the man, can't even bare to be in the family home when he is around.
So how on earth can she go through with it. Not to mention, she's supposed to be marrying me. She just dosen't know what to do? She feels obligated to it, as she dosen't want to go against her family.
I can't let her do it. She'll have a terrible life with him. Real hardship on the farm, probably with loads of kids hanging off her. A real backward step & I dread to think what he will do to her.
She's not a young girl, she's a grown woman of 33. Independent, I know not by western standards, but she's trained as a teacher, worked in Hotel management & recently trained as a caregiver...Takes care of herself, pays all her bills etc. etc.
We are talking everyday on the phone, but we're going round & around in circles. She says she wants to be with me & she loves me & she wants to be my husband, but dosen't want to let her family down.
I just want to be with her, get married as planned & all that comes with it.
As far as I know, there hasn't been a problem with me & her parents. I've met her dad a couple of times, the first time, he even told me I could marry his daughter. Her mother, I've met several times, taken her out for a meal with us, so this has all come out of the blue.
She has 2 older sisters who both live in America, with their husbands. I met them briefly, when they made a surprise visit home. There's a younger brother too, who lives in the family home, with his wife & 2 kids...Surely, he's the candidate to take over the farm?
Though I guess her parents, don't want to lose another daughter?
Before all this happened, the plan was to fly out on march 8th, to start the ball rolling for our wedding, later in the year.
I still hope to fly out there, I just don't know at the moment?
We were going to marry in the Philippines & then bring her to the UK, for at least a few years, then maybe move to the Philippines in time.
I never from the beginning, just expected her to up sticks & move to the UK, she said she was happy wherever, as long as we were together.
I've just been offered voluntary redundancy, so since this has happened, I've told her we could move to the Philippines, start afresh on another island. Rent a house & probably have enough money, to keep us going for a couple of years. whilst in the meantime looking for a way to earn a living...She didn't know anything about this money, & still dosen't really know now, so she hasn't been trying to scam me out of the money.
Unless her parents, are trying to scam me?
This is a terrible situation to be in, things were going so well...Particularly for her, as she is torn between her family & me.
I rather think her family will win?
All I know is I want to be with her, the thought of her being with him, just kills me.
It's breaking my heart.
Sorry! for the long rambling, any advice greatly received. Thank you!
Originally Posted by Eljohno
and tell you to come and get me asap, not even think about marrying someone else, never mind a guy who attacked her.
but I think you have options.....
