I love both of these versions but perhaps it could be improved further:
A bloke and a blond Essex girl meet in a bar for the first time and shortly afterwards decide to go hunting out on Hackney Marshes, when they begin to feel amorous. Just before they get carried away, the blond Essex girl remembers they should use protection, so they head to the bus shelter.Shortly after they arrive there the bloke collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The blond Essex girl whips out her phone and calls the emergency services. She shrieks, "my friend is dead. What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence as the blond Essex girl put's her chips down, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the blond Essex girl says: "OK, now what?