What Should I Do with my Hubby?

[Piamed]

From what you have described you appear to be in a terrible situation but can I point out a couple of things from an alternative perspective?

I was the one who paid off his plane ticket, expenses to come here in the Philippines. By the way I am a pure Filipina. I did loved him that time, this is the reason why I did send him money to come here and then my mom gave us 20,000php to go to manila and have the CNI from the British embassy.

Then, even my mom spent money on the aircon, and our new bed. We lived in my parents' house and currently staying in my room

Although unusual, there is nothing wrong with this in my opinion as that is what one loves when one loves another as you clearly stated that you did. You are clearly in a better financial position than him so fair enough.

Many on the forum have spent vast sums pursuing the one they love! That shows they love their partner and the money they spend is an investment in their future as a family and is thus, for them both!

For the first few days or weeks, we are okay but I can't understand him going out and then going home like 1am-2am. He has money from his employer who sent his salary thru his atm card.

The fact that you connect these two sentences together in a paragraph suggests that you believe they are somehow connected but have not really explained your thinking.

You go on to explain that you are a workaholic; that causes many problems in relationships. Although not my pastime, perhaps your husband goes out as he feels neglected. You said that he received some money from his employer; presumably that was a one-off payment as he is clearly not undertaking work for that employer whilst in da Phils.

Guess what? He spent his money drinking and just treat me out for food and some clothing. This is in first month... however, when the months passed by everything has getting a little bit clearer on who the man I am marrying with...

I admit I am very much a workaholic I do have a hombased job and biz that's about it, we see each other everyday. But the thing is, he is always out anytime he wants and go home anytime he wants as if he is still single and not married.

It seems that you are saying he spent some of the only funds he got from his employer whilst there taking you out but now that he does not have anymore he cannot do that. You want him at home but what is he to do whilst you are being a 'workaholic'?

We always argue... now I decided to buy a house worth 3.4 million pesos which I pay on installment I don't ask him to help in paying it. Then, he decided to have a vehicle a multicab (a pick-up smaller size) worth 170,000php. Downpayment was 28,500php. He want me to pay for the downpayment. So I paid up around 22,500php and the remaining was his.

Amiga, why did 'you' decideto buy a house. Marriage is a joint commitment; it seems as though you are both operating as single people.

Surely, if your husband wants a multi-cab he is trying to work to generate income. Also, is it legat for a Brit to drive a multi-cab? I've no idea although I can foresee a few problems.

I run short in my first payment for the house it was 33,700php. He always stress out that it's my fault that I know I can't afford the house. If he did not even asked me and bugged me to pay the downpayment I would have not been late in payment. He even got mad on the night before we got the vehicle told him I aint going to pay for the downpayment since I need to pay the house, he even lay hands on me and even tried to box my father when we had arguments.

It seems that you are both at fault here and do not communicate enough as you are not a team. Noone should put their hands on anyone be it a man hitting a woman or vice versa.

I always gave in to him, like he wants to sleep alone in my room i will let him do it, he tells me to sleep out in the couch. Then, he said not to disturb him when he is watching a movie in the computer.

So you should let him sleep in 'your' room and I imagine that you tell him not to disturb you when you are being a 'workaholic'.

He does not want to minimize his drinking and smoking he always spend money until no more centavo left on him. He spent money on me for food like Mcdonalds for 50php, and pizza, and Thirsty shakes and that's it.

This does sound bad of him but in a marriage you cannot keep tallies of what who does what and how much it cost.

He does not want to compromise, he said he hates laziness that is sleeping during the day. I do sleep during the day because I slept 2am, 3am, 5am ofcourse I have to recover my sleep.

You cannot have it all your way. It seems that you believe everything you do is correct and everytjing he does in incorrect.

Remember, almost all men will feel awkward when not having money and living in their inlaws house, in another country and with their wife indicating that she is doing everything and he is not doing anything meaningful.

Laziness? My reason for sleeping is with reason him? He just go out drink beer and spend all his money or watch movies inside room.

Now, I come to a point where I think and feel I don't love him anymore. I want out from this relationship. Told him to leave me and find another woman he said its not gonna happen. You know why? because he does not have the money for the plane ticket going back to his country.

I said to him I am going to stop sleeping during the day or even give up on my work what you will do? Do you give up on your drinking, he said? Drinking and my sleeping is not of same level. Hmm, it's just the same he hates me sleeping and I hate him drinking.

He does not want to leave the house of my parents. I just want him out of my life, of my family...

I just want to have a peaceful life and be happy...

You both do things the other does not like and need to learn to compromise.

My view is that you saw something in him to make you want him there with you. He presumably felt the same.

Now that you have hit obstacles where you cannot both be as selfish as you want, you want out. Well, that's up to you but I would encourage you both to grow up and think of how you can both be better spouses for each other and work at your marriage.

All the best!