do you take this woman(+family) for your...

[PAT]

My fiance and I are engaged to be married this year,but I have just been made aware that we need to,and are responsible for, the support of my fiance parents as well,having assumed that my fiance,s other family would be responsible and we would contribute a small monthly allowance.

Ha Ha Ha,so there,s the catch

As much as would love to be in the position to support all,I told my fiance its not really possible at present,to which she reply she could gain extra employment to accomodate.My fiance will work with me and has suggested she will get cleaning job at night to look after her parents

Personally i dont want to loose my wife a few hours a night

All this has just become apparent,and has caused some discrepancy , I would appreciate other views and how do others deal with this?

[Jay&Zobel]

My fiance and I are engaged to be married this year,but I have just been made aware that we need to,and are responsible for, the support of my fiance parents as well,having assumed that my fiance,s other family would be responsible and we would contribute a small monthly allowance.

Ha Ha Ha,so there,s the catch

As much as would love to be in the position to support all,I told my fiance its not really possible at present,to which she reply she could gain extra employment to accomodate.My fiance will work with me and has suggested she will get cleaning job at night to look after her parents

Personally i dont want to loose my wife a few hours a night

All this has just become apparent,and has caused some discrepancy , I would appreciate other views and how do others deal with this?

Search SUSTENTO also this link might help you inderstand: http://www.british-filipino.com/sustento.html

My suggestion:
only give what you can... do not give so much...

[Tiggers0608]

can't relate sorry lol, as i don't give or send money to my mum and dad ... their should be the one that sending us

[Mrs.JMajor]

can't relate sorry lol, as i don't give or send money to my mum and dad ...

same here

[Jay&Zobel]

can't relate sorry lol, as i don't give or send money to my mum and dad ... their should be the one that sending us

same here

lucky you hehhee...

well for most of us here, we just feel that somehow giving small amount to parents back home are like giving them a lil present... it's not a must, nor an obligation but rather way of saying thank you for everything (i dunno lol, part of customs & traditions)... money will never compensate the love & care that they have given us... just way of appreciation...


BUT HERE IN THE UK IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT:
we pay it forward etc... ie save for our future and our kids future (INHERITANCE ETC)
but in PI we have kids to pay for us lol (SUSTENTO)

[joebloggs]

lucky you hehhee...

well for most of us here, we just feel that somehow giving small amount to parents back home are like giving them a lil present... it's not a must, nor an obligation but rather way of saying thank you for everything (i dunno lol, part of customs & traditions)... money will never compensate the love & care that they have given us... just way of appreciation...

when your parents have given all they could to get all their kids thru uni (especially the misses who went to med school and her brothers and sister went to uni) its time to pay them back

[pennybarry]

Search SUSTENTO also this link might help you inderstand: http://www.british-filipino.com/sustento.html

My suggestion:
only give what you can... do not give so much...

When my hubby first visited me in Pinas, he have noticed about my life. I have my own house and lot, live alone and sometimes, my Mom live with me. Hubby said: I think we need to support Mom. I said, Mom still earns at 80, she is not a pensioner like your MOm. Although I still have 2 brothers and 1 sister who works abroad and send money to her, she is still my responsibility. Hubby understands and if I have no job, he sends some to my Mom. BUT ONLY TO MY MOM.

Hubby gives 80£/wk to my in-laws. I give 30£/week and the rest of my wages is mine.

In your case, I think you need to be a good observer before you decide about finance.

[Ann07]

That is common in the PI supporting our families. My family never expected anything from me when i came here. I send money for special or emergency occasions only which they are so pleased with that. When i was still in the PI I had 3 jobs Part of it i save it for my parents for them to generate an income when i will be away

I work here after i got my flr my husband just let me do whatever i want with my wages In that way i can send money in the PI ocassionally when they need it not regularly hehehehehe. But i share something towards the house espenses my choice Thats what marriage is all about isnt it?

[Ann07]

That is common in the PI supporting our families. My family never expected anything from me when i came here. I send money for special or emergency occasions only which they are so pleased with that.
I work here after i got my flr my husband just let me do whatever i want with my wages In that way i can send money in the PI ocassionally when they need it not regularly hehehehehe. But i share something towards the house espenses my choice Thats what marriage is all about isnt it?

You have to talk about it Give whatever you can share

[Piamed]

Hey Pat. My view is that whether its only myself working or both my wife and I, all income generated by us, goes into our immediate family pot. Then together, we will decide how much to send to extended family members and other causes.

Every couple is different and so correspondingly, are the family circumstances back home. I would encourage you both to agree what is reasonable for you to send back to da Phils on a regular basis, if required.

Btw, we send money to my in-laws in da phils and my mother here, each month. Hope that helps.

Good luck.

[Jay&Zobel]

Hey Pat. My view is that whether its only myself working or both my wife and I, all income generated by us, goes into our immediate family pot. Then together, we will decide how much to send to extended family members and other causes.

Every couple is different and so correspondingly, are the family circumstances back home. I would encourage you both to agree what is reasonable for you to send back to da Phils on a regular basis, if required.

Btw, we send money to my in-laws in da phils and my mother here, each month. Hope that helps.

Good luck.

we share the same principles too Piamed...

communication and understanding is a must...

[joebloggs]

Hey Pat. My view is that whether its only myself working or both my wife and I, all income generated by us, goes into our immediate family pot. Then together, we will decide how much to send to extended family members and other causes.

it comes with marrying a pinoy, there is always someone who needs pera

i need a bigger pot thou

we send money to the misses aunt (misses owes her big time ) , her son and cousin..

[KeithD]

Have the family sectioned in a mental hospital

[Mrs Daddy]

same as ann i only send money if they needed it and I have given them some income so that they not keep tormenting me for money.

[Jay&Zobel]

same as ann i only send money if they needed it.

this is what we wanted to avoid... IMO: better send a regular amount so that they will be able to stretch the budget for the whole month...

I knew someone who just gave money to the family when they request for it: turned out that the family started making excuses & reasons that they needed money (like: needed a new sofa, then next month: new fridge, next month pay hospital bills etc - end up more costly...) quite sad though, as he/she is really working hard here just to send them money...

[Mrs Daddy]

this is what we wanted to avoid... IMO: better send a regular amount so that they will be able to stretch the budget for the whole month...

I knew someone who just gave money to the family when they request for it: turned out that the family started making excuses & reasons that they needed money (like: needed a new sofa, then next month: new fridge, next month pay hospital bills etc - end up more costly...) quite sad though, as he/she is really working hard here just to send them money...

sad but true

[tiN]

same as ann i only send money if they needed it and I have given them some income so that they not keep tormenting me for money.

3rd the motion.. and gave my mum and dad a sari sari store so they are ear ning their own money also. and keep them busy

[irobot]

Irobot..." Sunny...Different From The Rest..."

I can relate to this one as English by nature we are individualists and when starting a home and family they are single struggling units of a man and woman ...where I fell down was my sent money went to help every one like money to help with school and college ect..for sisters, mother and father, brother,brother abroad everyone except her ..... but I had, I am in emergency situation every week and she had given all her money away and constantly getting out loans which cost me more than I was earning to pay off which I did time and time again until alarm bells and the bitter word scam started to ring in my ears...

Some times I do think a Philippine woman does get it in her head she has a Golden Ticket To A Never Ending Supply Of Money when she has a foreign boy friend and as soon as you meet she wants a direct debit / monthly amount straight away... I know both sides of this coin / story and I have married friends who send money to her parents in the Philippines to help out... but these things are strange for some foreign people to grasp....

In conclusion I hope I have not said any thing here to upset any one and it is just my opinion.....Phil..

[Jay&Zobel]

Irobot..." Sunny...Different From The Rest..."

I can relate to this one as English by nature we are individualists and when starting a home and family they are single struggling units of a man and woman ...where I fell down was my sent money went to help every one like money to help with school and college ect..for sisters, mother and father, brother,brother abroad everyone except her ..... but I had, I am in emergency situation every week and she had given all her money away and constantly getting out loans which cost me more than I was earning to pay off which I did time and time again until alarm bells and the bitter word scam started to ring in my ears...

Some times I do think a Philippine woman does get it in her head she has a Golden Ticket To A Never Ending Supply Of Money when she has a foreign boy friend and as soon as you meet she wants a direct debit / monthly amount straight away... I know both sides of this coin / story and I have married friends who send money to her parents in the Philippines to help out... but these things are strange for some foreign people to grasp....

In conclusion I hope I have not said any thing here to upset any one and it is just my opinion.....Phil..

did not upset me at all... just sad for some who are experiencing not so nice situations (creating stories/excuses and scamming for some)... we just need to be very careful of sending/giving our hard earned money...

also, think of our life here, our future, our kids, school expenses etc... we just need to be very sensible and very responsible...

just give what you can afford...

[cheesewiz]

some people whose saying that they can't relate.....

anyway, back to the topic. I have 4 siblings and 2 of them a bit of a parasite sad to say. My father is an OFW's for 15 years and my mother is a plain hosewife. My father managed to send me and my bro to Uni and get a degree then its our turn to look after our other siblings which is very normal/typical filipino culture. I did ask my father to have an early retirement at 55 y/o bec i do believe is about time for him to relax and enjoy life a bit, aside from we didn't see much of him for 15 years

I am sending money for my parents regularly bec I have to as simple as that. Although I mention b4 that I cut it a bit as I have some loans to pay here. I gave them quite nice house to live in and monthly allowance for their needs. My other bro is giving them a bit for their other expenses not much though bec he has his own family already.

To Pat, I understand your position regarding financial help to the family I think you know that from the very start of relationship, your fiancee might brought it out to your attention before? But I don't agree with your fiancee that she needs to work as much as she can just to send money back home. I hope she is not going to marry you just to work here to be able to help her family back home. If you have a few penny to share every month, why not? Just talk to your fiancee seriously about this matter if your not happy with it.


Good luck.

[Jay&Zobel]

some people whose saying that they can't relate.....

anyway, back to the topic. I have 4 siblings and 2 of them a bit of a parasite sad to say. My father is an OFW's for 15 years and my mother is a plain hosewife. My father managed to send me and my bro to Uni and get a degree then its our turn to look after our other siblings which is very normal/typical filipino culture. I did ask my father to have an early retirement at 55 y/o bec i do believe is about time for him to relax and enjoy life a bit, aside from we didn't see much of him for 15 years

I am sending money for my parents regularly bec I have to as simple as that. Although I mention b4 that I cut it a bit as I have some loans to pay here. I gave them quite nice house to live in and monthly allowance for their needs. My other bro is giving them a bit for their other expenses not much though bec he has his own family already.

To Pat, I understand your position regarding financial help to the family I think you know that from the very start of relationship, your fiancee might brought it out to your attention before? But I don't agree with your fiancee that she needs to work as much as she can just to send money back home. I hope she is not going to marry you just to work here to be able to help her family back home. If you have a few penny to share every month, why not? Just talk to your fiancee seriously about this matter if your not happy with it.


Good luck.

this is a very good reply!!!

yep, i so agree with Cheesewiz, the reason you get married in the 1st place is because you want to spend more time together... To have a life together, To start a family etc. etc. etc... It is not because, she wanted to marry you just because she could send money back home...

Good luck mate!

[Florge]

this is a very good reply!!!

yep, i so agree with Cheesewiz, the reason you get married in the 1st place is because you want to spend more time together... To have a life together, To start a family etc. etc. etc... It is not because, she wanted to marry you just because she could send money back home...

Good luck mate!

I totally agree with you!!! hayyyyy....

[cheesewiz]

on my part my main purpose of being here in UK mainly to work and help my parents as much as I could.

I understand what PAT concerned is, suddenly he got an extra responsibility which is shocking for someone who have no idea what he's into. Me and my bf start a chatting about it (sending money for family back home) I know he's a bit confuse but I am not rushing him to understand it as he said everyday he's learning new things about me and me being a filipino.

for some foreigners marrying a filipino is like marrying the whole family....either you Love it or Hate it? All the best and hope everything will be settle nicely

[trader dave]

all i will say is dont start what you cant carry on because if you do oooo dear big problem

[lbechner]

Hey there!

Be VERY careful with this. It can make or break the relationship. Please consider a prenup agreement to protect yourself. You're getting married in the UK I assume? Here in the Philippines it's illegal to get divorced. There it's common place and she can take you for all you're worth. I'm not saying she will as I don't know the lady. Please don't be upset by what I'm saying, but you can't be too careful. I've had many Brit friends here get into bad situations and when they decide to go home they still have to support her family as well. When they don't, they end up losing their Filipino family and paying their wives a great deal of support for them and their children. They win big and you lose big. Honestly, if she really loves you for you and not what you can do for her family then whe will have no problems signing a prenup. If she has a problem then I'd be sending her back home. If it works out, send what you can when you can but don't be suprised if the odd "emergency" crops up from them needing to pay utilities, hospital bills, new refs, etc. It's just the culture. They can't help themselves. Philippinos can be great people but by and large they are also very deceiving and geared towards money whether it's theirs and particularly yours.

Don't get me wrong. I have some wonderful local friends here that I really trust. I have a young couple working for me in my house with their young baby. They've been with me for almost three years. I pay them monthly and provide room and board. They have a real bedroom (actually larger than my own) and not a little maid's quarters like most people do to their employees. I trust them with everything literally. My house, my dogs who are like my children, paying the bills, groceries, etc. They cook, clean and maintain everything. Yet, unlike most homes here, we all eat dinner together like a family. Still, even they sometimes ask for advances to send their parents money and such. Just last night I was asked for money to send to her brother for school supplies and his school uniform. So yes, even though I am not married into the family, I am part of it. Their little boy calls me lola (grandma) and I love him like my own and spoil him terribly. And, yes, I will probably pay for him to go to a good school when his time comes. I even paid the hospital bill from his birth.

I have learned though from my experiences. They are going to her parent's for vacation in a few days so instead of sending money, I will buy his school supplies and send them with them for him. I will shop and look into prices of local uniforms and send only enough for that. This way I know the money will be used for it's intended purpose (at least most of it). School doesn't start again until June so time isn't an issue.

That's my story and my advice. Just be careful. The fact that this was sprung on you at the last minute makes me wonder a bit. I suggest you hit some of the Filipino Culture websites for more information to see what you are really getting into. It seems you obviously haven't been here or, if you did visit, weren't able to stay long enough to get a good grasp of the culture. I've been here over three years and am still struggling with the culture. Good luck! You're geting a lot of good advice from everyone on this forum.

[trader dave]

i will add this that any filipino family that you invest your hard earned money in will DROP you like a stone if you and your dear wife fall out divorce whatever, i tell tell that from personal experiance .

the way i look at it now is once that money has settled in the philippines you will NEVER see it again back in yr uk account

[pennybarry]

this is a very good reply!!!

yep, i so agree with Cheesewiz, the reason you get married in the 1st place is because you want to spend more time together... To have a life together, To start a family etc. etc. etc... It is not because, she wanted to marry you just because she could send money back home...

Good luck mate!

I may agree with both of you (Cheez) but we are also here to help our hubby for our future. Life here is two way lols everything is expensive. If we just sit down and relax waiting for our hubby to come home well that will be great if he is richhhh.

But life here is not a bed of roses as many will prove that. Some who says yes, I will agree with her if her hubby is rich. If not, she might be living in a cuckoo land.


Honestly, hubby said, I can work if I want or stay home. He earns double my earnings which I think is enough but we have plans in the future so we need to work still. I work fulltime, study as well if needed

Why should a wife with 2 kids still works? If her hubby is working only 2-3 times a week, do you think she needs to? It's hard work is'n't it? You need to divide your time. Hubby at night, look after baby and serve your employer. Of course we need to work if our hubby is also in a low income.


To those who said they don't send money to their parents. There must be a bad or good reason. All I know is our parents deserves something from their siblings. For me, the money I sent to my Mom is still not enough. The things and the love she have given to me is immeasurable. I know that someday, she'll give me more than I have given unto her as I have one of her heirs.

[vbkelly]

some people whose saying that they can't relate.....

anyway, back to the topic. I have 4 siblings and 2 of them a bit of a parasite sad to say. My father is an OFW's for 15 years and my mother is a plain hosewife. My father managed to send me and my bro to Uni and get a degree then its our turn to look after our other siblings which is very normal/typical filipino culture. I did ask my father to have an early retirement at 55 y/o bec i do believe is about time for him to relax and enjoy life a bit, aside from we didn't see much of him for 15 years

I am sending money for my parents regularly bec I have to as simple as that. Although I mention b4 that I cut it a bit as I have some loans to pay here. I gave them quite nice house to live in and monthly allowance for their needs. My other bro is giving them a bit for their other expenses not much though bec he has his own family already.

To Pat, I understand your position regarding financial help to the family I think you know that from the very start of relationship, your fiancee might brought it out to your attention before? But I don't agree with your fiancee that she needs to work as much as she can just to send money back home. I hope she is not going to marry you just to work here to be able to help her family back home. If you have a few penny to share every month, why not? Just talk to your fiancee seriously about this matter if your not happy with it.


Good luck.

agree with you cheezwiz [SIZE="6"][My fiance will work with me and has suggested she will get cleaning job at night to look after her parents
this is not good idea as a newly couple to be she's going out to work at night to support her family, what about you as a couple the time that you need spend together. you need to discuss that to her and to her family before you open the next chapter of your life together. congratulatin to your engagement!

[Mrs Daddy]

or dont give at all

[PAT]

thanx for all your opinions,
i have read and taken on board,
My fiance is leaving her job in philippines to be with me.What annoys me is this just sprung on me,I dont know maybe I am supposed to know these things?If Iwas able i would gladly pay all