do you take this woman(+family) for your...

[PAT]

My fiance and I are engaged to be married this year,but I have just been made aware that we need to,and are responsible for, the support of my fiance parents as well,having assumed that my fiance,s other family would be responsible and we would contribute a small monthly allowance.

Ha Ha Ha,so there,s the catch

As much as would love to be in the position to support all,I told my fiance its not really possible at present,to which she reply she could gain extra employment to accomodate.My fiance will work with me and has suggested she will get cleaning job at night to look after her parents

Personally i dont want to loose my wife a few hours a night

All this has just become apparent,and has caused some discrepancy , I would appreciate other views and how do others deal with this?

[Jay&Zobel]

My fiance and I are engaged to be married this year,but I have just been made aware that we need to,and are responsible for, the support of my fiance parents as well,having assumed that my fiance,s other family would be responsible and we would contribute a small monthly allowance.

Ha Ha Ha,so there,s the catch

As much as would love to be in the position to support all,I told my fiance its not really possible at present,to which she reply she could gain extra employment to accomodate.My fiance will work with me and has suggested she will get cleaning job at night to look after her parents

Personally i dont want to loose my wife a few hours a night

All this has just become apparent,and has caused some discrepancy , I would appreciate other views and how do others deal with this?

Search SUSTENTO also this link might help you inderstand: http://www.british-filipino.com/sustento.html

My suggestion:
only give what you can... do not give so much...

[Ann07]

That is common in the PI supporting our families. My family never expected anything from me when i came here. I send money for special or emergency occasions only which they are so pleased with that. When i was still in the PI I had 3 jobs Part of it i save it for my parents for them to generate an income when i will be away

I work here after i got my flr my husband just let me do whatever i want with my wages In that way i can send money in the PI ocassionally when they need it not regularly hehehehehe. But i share something towards the house espenses my choice Thats what marriage is all about isnt it?

[Piamed]

Hey Pat. My view is that whether its only myself working or both my wife and I, all income generated by us, goes into our immediate family pot. Then together, we will decide how much to send to extended family members and other causes.

Every couple is different and so correspondingly, are the family circumstances back home. I would encourage you both to agree what is reasonable for you to send back to da Phils on a regular basis, if required.

Btw, we send money to my in-laws in da phils and my mother here, each month. Hope that helps.

Good luck.

[Tiggers0608]

can't relate sorry lol, as i don't give or send money to my mum and dad ... their should be the one that sending us

[Ann07]

That is common in the PI supporting our families. My family never expected anything from me when i came here. I send money for special or emergency occasions only which they are so pleased with that.
I work here after i got my flr my husband just let me do whatever i want with my wages In that way i can send money in the PI ocassionally when they need it not regularly hehehehehe. But i share something towards the house espenses my choice Thats what marriage is all about isnt it?

You have to talk about it Give whatever you can share

[Jay&Zobel]

Hey Pat. My view is that whether its only myself working or both my wife and I, all income generated by us, goes into our immediate family pot. Then together, we will decide how much to send to extended family members and other causes.

Every couple is different and so correspondingly, are the family circumstances back home. I would encourage you both to agree what is reasonable for you to send back to da Phils on a regular basis, if required.

Btw, we send money to my in-laws in da phils and my mother here, each month. Hope that helps.

Good luck.

we share the same principles too Piamed...

communication and understanding is a must...

[joebloggs]

Hey Pat. My view is that whether its only myself working or both my wife and I, all income generated by us, goes into our immediate family pot. Then together, we will decide how much to send to extended family members and other causes.

it comes with marrying a pinoy, there is always someone who needs pera

i need a bigger pot thou

we send money to the misses aunt (misses owes her big time ) , her son and cousin..

[Mrs.JMajor]

can't relate sorry lol, as i don't give or send money to my mum and dad ...

same here

[Jay&Zobel]

can't relate sorry lol, as i don't give or send money to my mum and dad ... their should be the one that sending us

same here

lucky you hehhee...

well for most of us here, we just feel that somehow giving small amount to parents back home are like giving them a lil present... it's not a must, nor an obligation but rather way of saying thank you for everything (i dunno lol, part of customs & traditions)... money will never compensate the love & care that they have given us... just way of appreciation...


BUT HERE IN THE UK IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT:
we pay it forward etc... ie save for our future and our kids future (INHERITANCE ETC)
but in PI we have kids to pay for us lol (SUSTENTO)

[joebloggs]

lucky you hehhee...

well for most of us here, we just feel that somehow giving small amount to parents back home are like giving them a lil present... it's not a must, nor an obligation but rather way of saying thank you for everything (i dunno lol, part of customs & traditions)... money will never compensate the love & care that they have given us... just way of appreciation...

when your parents have given all they could to get all their kids thru uni (especially the misses who went to med school and her brothers and sister went to uni) its time to pay them back

[KeithD]

Have the family sectioned in a mental hospital

[Mrs Daddy]

same as ann i only send money if they needed it and I have given them some income so that they not keep tormenting me for money.

[Jay&Zobel]

same as ann i only send money if they needed it.

this is what we wanted to avoid... IMO: better send a regular amount so that they will be able to stretch the budget for the whole month...

I knew someone who just gave money to the family when they request for it: turned out that the family started making excuses & reasons that they needed money (like: needed a new sofa, then next month: new fridge, next month pay hospital bills etc - end up more costly...) quite sad though, as he/she is really working hard here just to send them money...

[irobot]

Irobot..." Sunny...Different From The Rest..."

I can relate to this one as English by nature we are individualists and when starting a home and family they are single struggling units of a man and woman ...where I fell down was my sent money went to help every one like money to help with school and college ect..for sisters, mother and father, brother,brother abroad everyone except her ..... but I had, I am in emergency situation every week and she had given all her money away and constantly getting out loans which cost me more than I was earning to pay off which I did time and time again until alarm bells and the bitter word scam started to ring in my ears...

Some times I do think a Philippine woman does get it in her head she has a Golden Ticket To A Never Ending Supply Of Money when she has a foreign boy friend and as soon as you meet she wants a direct debit / monthly amount straight away... I know both sides of this coin / story and I have married friends who send money to her parents in the Philippines to help out... but these things are strange for some foreign people to grasp....

In conclusion I hope I have not said any thing here to upset any one and it is just my opinion.....Phil..

[Mrs Daddy]

this is what we wanted to avoid... IMO: better send a regular amount so that they will be able to stretch the budget for the whole month...

I knew someone who just gave money to the family when they request for it: turned out that the family started making excuses & reasons that they needed money (like: needed a new sofa, then next month: new fridge, next month pay hospital bills etc - end up more costly...) quite sad though, as he/she is really working hard here just to send them money...

sad but true

[Jay&Zobel]

Irobot..." Sunny...Different From The Rest..."

I can relate to this one as English by nature we are individualists and when starting a home and family they are single struggling units of a man and woman ...where I fell down was my sent money went to help every one like money to help with school and college ect..for sisters, mother and father, brother,brother abroad everyone except her ..... but I had, I am in emergency situation every week and she had given all her money away and constantly getting out loans which cost me more than I was earning to pay off which I did time and time again until alarm bells and the bitter word scam started to ring in my ears...

Some times I do think a Philippine woman does get it in her head she has a Golden Ticket To A Never Ending Supply Of Money when she has a foreign boy friend and as soon as you meet she wants a direct debit / monthly amount straight away... I know both sides of this coin / story and I have married friends who send money to her parents in the Philippines to help out... but these things are strange for some foreign people to grasp....

In conclusion I hope I have not said any thing here to upset any one and it is just my opinion.....Phil..

did not upset me at all... just sad for some who are experiencing not so nice situations (creating stories/excuses and scamming for some)... we just need to be very careful of sending/giving our hard earned money...

also, think of our life here, our future, our kids, school expenses etc... we just need to be very sensible and very responsible...

just give what you can afford...

[Mrs Daddy]

or dont give at all

[cheesewiz]

some people whose saying that they can't relate.....

anyway, back to the topic. I have 4 siblings and 2 of them a bit of a parasite sad to say. My father is an OFW's for 15 years and my mother is a plain hosewife. My father managed to send me and my bro to Uni and get a degree then its our turn to look after our other siblings which is very normal/typical filipino culture. I did ask my father to have an early retirement at 55 y/o bec i do believe is about time for him to relax and enjoy life a bit, aside from we didn't see much of him for 15 years

I am sending money for my parents regularly bec I have to as simple as that. Although I mention b4 that I cut it a bit as I have some loans to pay here. I gave them quite nice house to live in and monthly allowance for their needs. My other bro is giving them a bit for their other expenses not much though bec he has his own family already.

To Pat, I understand your position regarding financial help to the family I think you know that from the very start of relationship, your fiancee might brought it out to your attention before? But I don't agree with your fiancee that she needs to work as much as she can just to send money back home. I hope she is not going to marry you just to work here to be able to help her family back home. If you have a few penny to share every month, why not? Just talk to your fiancee seriously about this matter if your not happy with it.


Good luck.

[Jay&Zobel]

some people whose saying that they can't relate.....

anyway, back to the topic. I have 4 siblings and 2 of them a bit of a parasite sad to say. My father is an OFW's for 15 years and my mother is a plain hosewife. My father managed to send me and my bro to Uni and get a degree then its our turn to look after our other siblings which is very normal/typical filipino culture. I did ask my father to have an early retirement at 55 y/o bec i do believe is about time for him to relax and enjoy life a bit, aside from we didn't see much of him for 15 years

I am sending money for my parents regularly bec I have to as simple as that. Although I mention b4 that I cut it a bit as I have some loans to pay here. I gave them quite nice house to live in and monthly allowance for their needs. My other bro is giving them a bit for their other expenses not much though bec he has his own family already.

To Pat, I understand your position regarding financial help to the family I think you know that from the very start of relationship, your fiancee might brought it out to your attention before? But I don't agree with your fiancee that she needs to work as much as she can just to send money back home. I hope she is not going to marry you just to work here to be able to help her family back home. If you have a few penny to share every month, why not? Just talk to your fiancee seriously about this matter if your not happy with it.


Good luck.

this is a very good reply!!!

yep, i so agree with Cheesewiz, the reason you get married in the 1st place is because you want to spend more time together... To have a life together, To start a family etc. etc. etc... It is not because, she wanted to marry you just because she could send money back home...

Good luck mate!

[PAT]

thanx for all your opinions,
i have read and taken on board,
My fiance is leaving her job in philippines to be with me.What annoys me is this just sprung on me,I dont know maybe I am supposed to know these things?If Iwas able i would gladly pay all

[Jay&Zobel]

thanx for all your opinions,
i have read and taken on board,
My fiance is leaving her job in philippines to be with me.What annoys me is this just sprung on me,I dont know maybe I am supposed to know these things?If Iwas able i would gladly pay all

I think the only thing you can do is put your concerns to your Fiancee. She needs to understand your point of view. Giving shouldnt be a neccesity but more of a gift. If you cant afford you cant afford. and your life/lives should be priority for your future etc..




___

Jay

[PAT]

Thanks Jay,
We have spoken at lengh and both look here for answers
Having come long way in relationship and thought everything planned well for our matrimonial life together,I was happy to give small token payment every month to fiance s family,but now at this late stage,not only do we need to send money it has become my/our responsibility to do so

[IainBusby]

My fiance and I are engaged to be married this year,but I have just been made aware that we need to,and are responsible for, the support of my fiance parents as well,having assumed that my fiance,s other family would be responsible and we would contribute a small monthly allowance.

Ha Ha Ha,so there,s the catch

As much as would love to be in the position to support all,I told my fiance its not really possible at present,to which she reply she could gain extra employment to accomodate.My fiance will work with me and has suggested she will get cleaning job at night to look after her parents

Personally i dont want to loose my wife a few hours a night

All this has just become apparent,and has caused some discrepancy , I would appreciate other views and how do others deal with this?

This is something that can cause lots of trouble in a marriage so you would be well advised to get some ground rules set before you get married. It's obvious that the other family members that you mention have already made the assumption that once they have a "rich whitey" in the family and a sister living in the UK, where the streets are paved with gold, they will no longer have to worry about it because you and your new wife will shoulder the burden of supporting her parents and will also send money for every other "emergency" that crops up.

Hey Pat. My view is that whether its only myself working or both my wife and I, all income generated by us, goes into our immediate family pot. Then together, we will decide how much to send to extended family members and other causes.

Every couple is different and so correspondingly, are the family circumstances back home. I would encourage you both to agree what is reasonable for you to send back to da Phils on a regular basis, if required.

Btw, we send money to my in-laws in da phils and my mother here, each month. Hope that helps.

Good luck.

Right On, I think that when a Filipina marries a Brit and comes to the UK, she should understand that this is the way it is done in this country and she should certainly forget any notion that what money she earns is her own, to do with as she pleases.

Iain.

[Tiggers0608]

This is something that can cause lots of trouble in a marriage so you would be well advised to get some ground rules set before you get married. It's obvious that the other family members that you mention have already made the assumption that once they have a "rich whitey" in the family and a sister living in the UK, where the streets are paved with gold, they will no longer have to worry about it because you and your new wife will shoulder the burden of supporting her parents and will also send money for every other "emergency" that crops up.



Right On, I think that when a Filipina marries a Brit and comes to the UK, she should understand that this is the way it is done in this country and she should certainly forget any notion that what money she earns is her own, to do with as she pleases.

Iain.

thumbs up and i do agree on this ....

[vbkelly]

some people whose saying that they can't relate.....

anyway, back to the topic. I have 4 siblings and 2 of them a bit of a parasite sad to say. My father is an OFW's for 15 years and my mother is a plain hosewife. My father managed to send me and my bro to Uni and get a degree then its our turn to look after our other siblings which is very normal/typical filipino culture. I did ask my father to have an early retirement at 55 y/o bec i do believe is about time for him to relax and enjoy life a bit, aside from we didn't see much of him for 15 years

I am sending money for my parents regularly bec I have to as simple as that. Although I mention b4 that I cut it a bit as I have some loans to pay here. I gave them quite nice house to live in and monthly allowance for their needs. My other bro is giving them a bit for their other expenses not much though bec he has his own family already.

To Pat, I understand your position regarding financial help to the family I think you know that from the very start of relationship, your fiancee might brought it out to your attention before? But I don't agree with your fiancee that she needs to work as much as she can just to send money back home. I hope she is not going to marry you just to work here to be able to help her family back home. If you have a few penny to share every month, why not? Just talk to your fiancee seriously about this matter if your not happy with it.


Good luck.

agree with you cheezwiz [SIZE="6"][My fiance will work with me and has suggested she will get cleaning job at night to look after her parents
this is not good idea as a newly couple to be she's going out to work at night to support her family, what about you as a couple the time that you need spend together. you need to discuss that to her and to her family before you open the next chapter of your life together. congratulatin to your engagement!

[tiN]

same as ann i only send money if they needed it and I have given them some income so that they not keep tormenting me for money.

3rd the motion.. and gave my mum and dad a sari sari store so they are ear ning their own money also. and keep them busy

[kenny]

thumbs up and i do agree on this ....

I have to say, i agree on this one.
Over in Phil, i think Filipinos think of the high value of the pound. But they dont also put into consideration the value of the pound in the U.K and the highcost of living

[pacificelectric]

In France we have a very controversial provision of the Civil Code whereby parents have the obligation to support their children financially especially with university studies and it can go as far as court procedures but the judge who grants an allowance to the child will also demand that the beneficiary submits him/her all justifications for expenses (college enrollment, rental of a room in a students' home, and of course proof of regular attendance at classes and good results at exams). This may sound harsh but I believe applying this type of rule to the sustento may discourage idleness....

By the way the reason why this law is controversial is because lots of families have been shattered by conflictual and destructive situations deriving from the application of this law so obviously it has to be resorted to carefully and with some diplomacy....

[Florge]

this is a very good reply!!!

yep, i so agree with Cheesewiz, the reason you get married in the 1st place is because you want to spend more time together... To have a life together, To start a family etc. etc. etc... It is not because, she wanted to marry you just because she could send money back home...

Good luck mate!

I totally agree with you!!! hayyyyy....