do you take this woman(+family) for your...

[cheesewiz]

some people whose saying that they can't relate.....

anyway, back to the topic. I have 4 siblings and 2 of them a bit of a parasite sad to say. My father is an OFW's for 15 years and my mother is a plain hosewife. My father managed to send me and my bro to Uni and get a degree then its our turn to look after our other siblings which is very normal/typical filipino culture. I did ask my father to have an early retirement at 55 y/o bec i do believe is about time for him to relax and enjoy life a bit, aside from we didn't see much of him for 15 years

I am sending money for my parents regularly bec I have to as simple as that. Although I mention b4 that I cut it a bit as I have some loans to pay here. I gave them quite nice house to live in and monthly allowance for their needs. My other bro is giving them a bit for their other expenses not much though bec he has his own family already.

To Pat, I understand your position regarding financial help to the family I think you know that from the very start of relationship, your fiancee might brought it out to your attention before? But I don't agree with your fiancee that she needs to work as much as she can just to send money back home. I hope she is not going to marry you just to work here to be able to help her family back home. If you have a few penny to share every month, why not? Just talk to your fiancee seriously about this matter if your not happy with it.


Good luck.

[Jay&Zobel]

some people whose saying that they can't relate.....

anyway, back to the topic. I have 4 siblings and 2 of them a bit of a parasite sad to say. My father is an OFW's for 15 years and my mother is a plain hosewife. My father managed to send me and my bro to Uni and get a degree then its our turn to look after our other siblings which is very normal/typical filipino culture. I did ask my father to have an early retirement at 55 y/o bec i do believe is about time for him to relax and enjoy life a bit, aside from we didn't see much of him for 15 years

I am sending money for my parents regularly bec I have to as simple as that. Although I mention b4 that I cut it a bit as I have some loans to pay here. I gave them quite nice house to live in and monthly allowance for their needs. My other bro is giving them a bit for their other expenses not much though bec he has his own family already.

To Pat, I understand your position regarding financial help to the family I think you know that from the very start of relationship, your fiancee might brought it out to your attention before? But I don't agree with your fiancee that she needs to work as much as she can just to send money back home. I hope she is not going to marry you just to work here to be able to help her family back home. If you have a few penny to share every month, why not? Just talk to your fiancee seriously about this matter if your not happy with it.


Good luck.

this is a very good reply!!!

yep, i so agree with Cheesewiz, the reason you get married in the 1st place is because you want to spend more time together... To have a life together, To start a family etc. etc. etc... It is not because, she wanted to marry you just because she could send money back home...

Good luck mate!

[Florge]

this is a very good reply!!!

yep, i so agree with Cheesewiz, the reason you get married in the 1st place is because you want to spend more time together... To have a life together, To start a family etc. etc. etc... It is not because, she wanted to marry you just because she could send money back home...

Good luck mate!

I totally agree with you!!! hayyyyy....

[cheesewiz]

on my part my main purpose of being here in UK mainly to work and help my parents as much as I could.

I understand what PAT concerned is, suddenly he got an extra responsibility which is shocking for someone who have no idea what he's into. Me and my bf start a chatting about it (sending money for family back home) I know he's a bit confuse but I am not rushing him to understand it as he said everyday he's learning new things about me and me being a filipino.

for some foreigners marrying a filipino is like marrying the whole family....either you Love it or Hate it? All the best and hope everything will be settle nicely

[trader dave]

all i will say is dont start what you cant carry on because if you do oooo dear big problem

[lbechner]

Hey there!

Be VERY careful with this. It can make or break the relationship. Please consider a prenup agreement to protect yourself. You're getting married in the UK I assume? Here in the Philippines it's illegal to get divorced. There it's common place and she can take you for all you're worth. I'm not saying she will as I don't know the lady. Please don't be upset by what I'm saying, but you can't be too careful. I've had many Brit friends here get into bad situations and when they decide to go home they still have to support her family as well. When they don't, they end up losing their Filipino family and paying their wives a great deal of support for them and their children. They win big and you lose big. Honestly, if she really loves you for you and not what you can do for her family then whe will have no problems signing a prenup. If she has a problem then I'd be sending her back home. If it works out, send what you can when you can but don't be suprised if the odd "emergency" crops up from them needing to pay utilities, hospital bills, new refs, etc. It's just the culture. They can't help themselves. Philippinos can be great people but by and large they are also very deceiving and geared towards money whether it's theirs and particularly yours.

Don't get me wrong. I have some wonderful local friends here that I really trust. I have a young couple working for me in my house with their young baby. They've been with me for almost three years. I pay them monthly and provide room and board. They have a real bedroom (actually larger than my own) and not a little maid's quarters like most people do to their employees. I trust them with everything literally. My house, my dogs who are like my children, paying the bills, groceries, etc. They cook, clean and maintain everything. Yet, unlike most homes here, we all eat dinner together like a family. Still, even they sometimes ask for advances to send their parents money and such. Just last night I was asked for money to send to her brother for school supplies and his school uniform. So yes, even though I am not married into the family, I am part of it. Their little boy calls me lola (grandma) and I love him like my own and spoil him terribly. And, yes, I will probably pay for him to go to a good school when his time comes. I even paid the hospital bill from his birth.

I have learned though from my experiences. They are going to her parent's for vacation in a few days so instead of sending money, I will buy his school supplies and send them with them for him. I will shop and look into prices of local uniforms and send only enough for that. This way I know the money will be used for it's intended purpose (at least most of it). School doesn't start again until June so time isn't an issue.

That's my story and my advice. Just be careful. The fact that this was sprung on you at the last minute makes me wonder a bit. I suggest you hit some of the Filipino Culture websites for more information to see what you are really getting into. It seems you obviously haven't been here or, if you did visit, weren't able to stay long enough to get a good grasp of the culture. I've been here over three years and am still struggling with the culture. Good luck! You're geting a lot of good advice from everyone on this forum.

[trader dave]

i will add this that any filipino family that you invest your hard earned money in will DROP you like a stone if you and your dear wife fall out divorce whatever, i tell tell that from personal experiance .

the way i look at it now is once that money has settled in the philippines you will NEVER see it again back in yr uk account

[pennybarry]

this is a very good reply!!!

yep, i so agree with Cheesewiz, the reason you get married in the 1st place is because you want to spend more time together... To have a life together, To start a family etc. etc. etc... It is not because, she wanted to marry you just because she could send money back home...

Good luck mate!

I may agree with both of you (Cheez) but we are also here to help our hubby for our future. Life here is two way lols everything is expensive. If we just sit down and relax waiting for our hubby to come home well that will be great if he is richhhh.

But life here is not a bed of roses as many will prove that. Some who says yes, I will agree with her if her hubby is rich. If not, she might be living in a cuckoo land.


Honestly, hubby said, I can work if I want or stay home. He earns double my earnings which I think is enough but we have plans in the future so we need to work still. I work fulltime, study as well if needed

Why should a wife with 2 kids still works? If her hubby is working only 2-3 times a week, do you think she needs to? It's hard work is'n't it? You need to divide your time. Hubby at night, look after baby and serve your employer. Of course we need to work if our hubby is also in a low income.


To those who said they don't send money to their parents. There must be a bad or good reason. All I know is our parents deserves something from their siblings. For me, the money I sent to my Mom is still not enough. The things and the love she have given to me is immeasurable. I know that someday, she'll give me more than I have given unto her as I have one of her heirs.

[vbkelly]

some people whose saying that they can't relate.....

anyway, back to the topic. I have 4 siblings and 2 of them a bit of a parasite sad to say. My father is an OFW's for 15 years and my mother is a plain hosewife. My father managed to send me and my bro to Uni and get a degree then its our turn to look after our other siblings which is very normal/typical filipino culture. I did ask my father to have an early retirement at 55 y/o bec i do believe is about time for him to relax and enjoy life a bit, aside from we didn't see much of him for 15 years

I am sending money for my parents regularly bec I have to as simple as that. Although I mention b4 that I cut it a bit as I have some loans to pay here. I gave them quite nice house to live in and monthly allowance for their needs. My other bro is giving them a bit for their other expenses not much though bec he has his own family already.

To Pat, I understand your position regarding financial help to the family I think you know that from the very start of relationship, your fiancee might brought it out to your attention before? But I don't agree with your fiancee that she needs to work as much as she can just to send money back home. I hope she is not going to marry you just to work here to be able to help her family back home. If you have a few penny to share every month, why not? Just talk to your fiancee seriously about this matter if your not happy with it.


Good luck.

agree with you cheezwiz [SIZE="6"][My fiance will work with me and has suggested she will get cleaning job at night to look after her parents
this is not good idea as a newly couple to be she's going out to work at night to support her family, what about you as a couple the time that you need spend together. you need to discuss that to her and to her family before you open the next chapter of your life together. congratulatin to your engagement!