do you take this woman(+family) for your...

[IainBusby]

My fiance and I are engaged to be married this year,but I have just been made aware that we need to,and are responsible for, the support of my fiance parents as well,having assumed that my fiance,s other family would be responsible and we would contribute a small monthly allowance.

Ha Ha Ha,so there,s the catch

As much as would love to be in the position to support all,I told my fiance its not really possible at present,to which she reply she could gain extra employment to accomodate.My fiance will work with me and has suggested she will get cleaning job at night to look after her parents

Personally i dont want to loose my wife a few hours a night

All this has just become apparent,and has caused some discrepancy , I would appreciate other views and how do others deal with this?

This is something that can cause lots of trouble in a marriage so you would be well advised to get some ground rules set before you get married. It's obvious that the other family members that you mention have already made the assumption that once they have a "rich whitey" in the family and a sister living in the UK, where the streets are paved with gold, they will no longer have to worry about it because you and your new wife will shoulder the burden of supporting her parents and will also send money for every other "emergency" that crops up.

Hey Pat. My view is that whether its only myself working or both my wife and I, all income generated by us, goes into our immediate family pot. Then together, we will decide how much to send to extended family members and other causes.

Every couple is different and so correspondingly, are the family circumstances back home. I would encourage you both to agree what is reasonable for you to send back to da Phils on a regular basis, if required.

Btw, we send money to my in-laws in da phils and my mother here, each month. Hope that helps.

Good luck.

Right On, I think that when a Filipina marries a Brit and comes to the UK, she should understand that this is the way it is done in this country and she should certainly forget any notion that what money she earns is her own, to do with as she pleases.

Iain.

[Tiggers0608]

This is something that can cause lots of trouble in a marriage so you would be well advised to get some ground rules set before you get married. It's obvious that the other family members that you mention have already made the assumption that once they have a "rich whitey" in the family and a sister living in the UK, where the streets are paved with gold, they will no longer have to worry about it because you and your new wife will shoulder the burden of supporting her parents and will also send money for every other "emergency" that crops up.



Right On, I think that when a Filipina marries a Brit and comes to the UK, she should understand that this is the way it is done in this country and she should certainly forget any notion that what money she earns is her own, to do with as she pleases.

Iain.

thumbs up and i do agree on this ....

[kenny]

thumbs up and i do agree on this ....

I have to say, i agree on this one.
Over in Phil, i think Filipinos think of the high value of the pound. But they dont also put into consideration the value of the pound in the U.K and the highcost of living

[pacificelectric]

In France we have a very controversial provision of the Civil Code whereby parents have the obligation to support their children financially especially with university studies and it can go as far as court procedures but the judge who grants an allowance to the child will also demand that the beneficiary submits him/her all justifications for expenses (college enrollment, rental of a room in a students' home, and of course proof of regular attendance at classes and good results at exams). This may sound harsh but I believe applying this type of rule to the sustento may discourage idleness....

By the way the reason why this law is controversial is because lots of families have been shattered by conflictual and destructive situations deriving from the application of this law so obviously it has to be resorted to carefully and with some diplomacy....

[aposhark]

.....Right On, I think that when a Filipina marries a Brit and comes to the UK, she should understand that this is the way it is done in this country and she should certainly forget any notion that what money she earns is her own, to do with as she pleases.
Iain.

Yes, there is no "I" in team !