Costs of courtship/Marriage to a filipina ?

[andypaul]

Just my luck if I marry a Cheap Charlie. I thought men are suppose to provide for the family. How can I earn moe than my fiancee, he is earning pounds? No i dont think he will ask me money, although when he was here(3 times) we take turns is paying like meals, fare or the bar. What do you think guys of my fiancee help please?

Hi Nora

With out knowing fiancee and your situation i would just like to raise a few points, before we write your Fiancee off as a cheap charile. (Im not saying the others were wrong and im right just offering another viewpoint which you might like to consider.)

1. Does your Fiancee realise you feel this way, sometimes with a long distance relationship with differences in language and culture, sometimes some messages and either sides feelings on matters are not fully understood by the other. Some couples find it hard enough with a local partner let alone one who lives 8000 miles away and speaks a different mother tongue.

Dropping hints you need help with bills so you can chat together might help. At least he then might let you know if he wants to help you or for some reason would rather not.
A lot of the information on the Web both about uk/phill dating and internet dating in general and i guess the british Media would infulence a lot of British guys to avoid sending any money to someone they are chatting to.

2. He maybe embrass to offer your from what i read a decent Lady who can look after herself and he might feel that he could insult you if he "paid you to chat to him". We all know thats not the reason, but in the UK many people don't like to cause a scene and would rather not risk insulting someone.

3. He may not be certain how to send money at a decent rate if you had asked me about three years ago how to send money to phill, i would not have had a clue.


I sent My Wife money a little at first to help us chat together, but it was only after i had read on the web how it would be costing my Wife a lot of her daily income to chat to me compared to western standards, that i offered. My Wife never asked as she like you, did not want to look like she was a gold digger.

At first i would just send via western union a small amount now and then and sent her Globe load to help with texts, but once we were serious we set up a special bank account to save money on transfer. Then after a few vists i left her a Credit card, for just in case and for major purchases like when we/she needed to book hotels in manila when dealing with the Visa Application/ilets exam and for my stays.
Thats us and every couple are different my Wife didn't have a Job while arranging the Wedding, studying for her Illets and then applying for the Visa. So i sent her an allowance for her to live on and contribute to her familys houshold.

My Wife now she has a Job here in the UK loves to take us both out for dinner or pay her way contributing to household bills and most importantly send money back to both look after and treat her family

I hope all works out just great for you both

[nora]

Thank you for your sensible views on my concern. To answer your question, no my fiancee does not realize that I feel this way. If I tell him, he might think I'm a gold digger (which I'm not) although he is not a rich guy.

I do have a job which supports me which might also be the reason why he does see the need to send me any money or it could be that he is financially tied which worries me when we get married eventually as to how he will support a family.

Ours is more than just chatting, we have been engaged for 1 year now. I think on how to send money abroad is not a problem as one can always ask any bank how to go about it.

He visited me 3 times already and it has always been the same. Sometimes I pay sometimes him. Sometimes I feel like I'm the man in the relationship in this sense. I really need some advise and insights on these matters. There are other matters too that I still want to ask but would not want to write here. If possible can I have your email ad so that I can write it to you there?I need your help. Thank you.

[robeth]

I need your help. Thank you.

men,guys,boys or whatever u call them are never mind readers...some are sensitive,some are not.its always nice to make urself clear and that they wont have the trouble guessing what's its all about, always in a nice way.

monies, like religion and politics are always sensitive matters to discuss but then still need discussing and be upfront about it.

if u two find it very difficult to agree on a certain matter,its time to change the way u think or change fiancee...

u dont have to agree with me tho...

[andypaul]

Thank you for your sensible views on my concern. To answer your question, no my fiancee does not realize that I feel this way. If I tell him, he might think I'm a gold digger (which I'm not) although he is not a rich guy.

I do have a job which supports me which might also be the reason why he does see the need to send me any money or it could be that he is financially tied which worries me when we get married eventually as to how he will support a family.

Ours is more than just chatting, we have been engaged for 1 year now. I think on how to send money abroad is not a problem as one can always ask any bank how to go about it.

He visited me 3 times already and it has always been the same. Sometimes I pay sometimes him. Sometimes I feel like I'm the man in the relationship in this sense. I really need some advise and insights on these matters. There are other matters too that I still want to ask but would not want to write here. If possible can I have your email ad so that I can write it to you there?I need your help. Thank you.

I think you need to bring this topic up with him asap. If hes your Fiancee then you should share all with him. Im sure you will be tactifull. Im sure others can help suggest ways to bring up the matter.

If he has been to Phill three times then it must realise how your doing and the difference in UK and PHill income?

For most guys sending a few pounds/peso or if he would rather not send cash say globe or smart load so you can both text more would not be to hard. But of course i can't speak about an indivual.

He may have reasons he does not want to splash the cash, was he married or in a serious relationship previously? If he was he may have got burned and now very careful with the money he has. That or he is having to pay his ex wife/support kids etc. That or have money problems.

You need to know about the above both for any visa application and as his Wife how he will support you in the UK (if you so choose to move here)

What do you know about his background (im not saying write it here on the board of course) but list all you know about him for yourself. Where does he live, what sort of house, does he own, pay a mortage on it or rent? what previous relationships has he had, children/siblings or parents to support? Where does he work and in what sort of role?
What does he do in his spare time, hobbies and socially?

What are his future plans for himself and also for the two of you as a couple?

Most brits have so much more complex finacial dealings than the avegrage Phill normally have. My Wife couldn't belive the amount of outgoings we have here and the Tax!!!
So be prepared to be amazed with some of the figures mentioned he might have as outgoings.

Alot of brits don't like to talk about money its a subject many think of as rude to talk about sound crazy but true.

You are right sending money is not that hard once you know how, although i would not use a british bank to transfer the money as the comission rates would normally be much higher than more specialst companies.

You seem to have some nagging thoughts in your head and you need to clear these up first before you move on.

I have read and seen in real life plenty of couples where one partner has different ideas to the other on how the relationship is doing. Make sure you let your fiancee what you think is happening.

I hope all goes well

[nora]

Thank you all for all your advise

[ettennom]

was happy to see this site as i have many qstns in my mind and want to seek suggestions from people who have the same experince

have been in a relationship for 10 months in a guy from ireland...we used to chat and talk on the phone almost everyday may2006..it was ok, i learned his story as he is a lonely man now with businesses and now thinking what is his business for if he doesnt have someone in his life... to make the story short, we became bf/gfs.

it has been 10 months..what are differences now:
1. less communication----his reasons.... he doesnt much time now as he is busy with his businesses....and have new businesses to look up to

2. calls every 2 weeks---as before, he used to call 2 times a week..that was may and june 2006..his reason again is that he is busy with his work..but for me...if u r busy, u have time when u get home to at least make a 30 minute call to ur gf.

3. rarely communicates because for him, he knows that i love him dearly [admitted to me that he rarely calls bcoz he know i love him so much that i will understand him always]...is that right????? i really love him thats why i cannot stop myself texting him even if he is not replying... and when im mad, he'll make a call and tell that he loves me so much and that he's just busy....

am i on the right track??? i love him dearly but i want a constant communication with him..chatting is what we used to do before...but he is busy and he doesnt have time for it anymore.

hope to hear from you guys soon....

[scotsfiancee]

am i on the right track??? i love him dearly but i want a constant communication with him..chatting is what we used to do before...but he is busy and he doesnt have time for it anymore.

No matter how busy he is, he still going to contact you everyday!
I wish u all the best to him, hope things works out better for both of you.....

[empott]

It is better to be optimistic but then ...