How could you tell if it's a pinoy party

[Pepe n Pilar]

HOW COULD YOU TELL IF IT'S A PINOY PARTY?


>You're an hour late and there is still nobody else there!

>There's enough food to feed the people of the Phil.

>You can't even get through the door because there's a pile of 50 shoes

blocking the way.


>When you see a huge fork and spoon on the wall, a framed picture of the

Last Supper, a huge Santo Nino, and the famous Baguio barrel man.


>When they start singing "Peelings" on karaoke.


>The piano in the living room is just there for decoration and to display

framed pictures on. No one really plays the piano at the house, unless

you count that one piano lesson your parents forced you to go to when

you were 8.



>When you hear an Uncle traumatize one of the female cousins by saying,

"Oh, You're a big girl now!" instead of "You're all grown up."



>When they give you extra adobo for your office ba-on the next day.



>There's a lechon (Roast Pig) as a table centerpiece with all the crispy

skins gone except for the pig's head which is saved for "paksiw" for the

host family's next day meal.



>The living room is tiled, not carpeted because the furniture has been

cleared out for karaoke and dancing.



>When the drunk uncles in the backyard don't even bother going to the

bathroom to take a pee - the rose bush is designated to be the community

urinal.



>You find it hilarious when an old Navy retired Ilocano manong Uncles see

old friends at a party. All you hear is, "UKI NAM , LAKAY! LONG TIME NO

SEE!" Or "PARE KO! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING?" And then they start

telling sea stories of Navy adventures for old time sake.



>When you are greeted by an old lady named Tita Baby and/or an old-timer

uncle named Tito Boy.



>When the older men are in the garage playing posoy-dos, poker or mah- jong,

the women are in the kitchen gossiping or talking about the latest on soap opera drama on TFC.


>You're told only to walk on the plastic floor runners.


>There's special kilawen goat 'pulutan' and pinapaitan bitter-sour soup,

a favorite of the Ilocano guests.


>There's a crazy woman with a camera going around the room snapping away

and yelling, "Uy peeeek-chuuur! "


>Parents expect you to be best friends with their friends' kids just

because they grew up as best friends back in the Philippines .


>When you enter a family party and you "Manong" half the old crowd and

when you leave you have to say goodbye to EVERYONE that's related to you

as a sign of respect. You end up saying hello and goodbye for a total of 30-40 minutes.


>You know you're at a Filipino party when you hear a male's voice on the karaoke

trying to emulate Frank Sinatra's "My Way".


>Women are doing the line dancing - todo-todo, bosa nova, electric

slide, etc. while men are just watching and drinking.


>When there's at least one or more with the name: JP,JT,TJ,DJ, AJ,RJ,LJ, and funny names

such as Nene, Linlin, Bingbing, Tingting, Dingding, Wenwen, Jojo, Bongbong, Toto, Dingdong, Popo, Jayjay, Cocoy, etc.


>The parents show off how talented their kid is by forcing them to sing

or play an instrument in front of their guests.


>All the old aunties are already wrapping up foods to take home

when the party is not over yet and some guests are still coming.


>You have the Pacquiao fight on the illegal cable boxes on the 70" LCD in

the movie room,

the 10 yr old 50" CRT in the living room,

the 15 yr old 30" tube in the breakfast nook,

the 20 yr old 15" tube in the kitchen,

the 30 yr old 13" tube in the garage and the

little portable by the BBQ grill, because TVs are NEVER retired in a

Filipino household, they merely get demoted to whichever room doesn't

have a TV yet

(), then it ends up in the balikbayan box to be sent

to a relative back home, and it ends up being the main TV at their sala

house again.


>The leftover food can be recycled into another dish later on that week.


>When someone is encouraging you to eat the "chocolate meat"(dinuguan)

and "Kare-kare" with tripes and ox tails in peanut butter sauce complete

with "alamang" on the side.


>There's a token white guy there in the corner that's responsible for bringing

one of your aunts over from the Philippines by marrying her.


>The Aunties are showing off their "designer" Louis Vuitton and Coach bags

that they secretly bought at a swap-meet in the Philippines .


>Someone is always in the kitchen constantly cleaning up, and you're not sure if she's the maid or a relative,

so you greet and kiss her on the cheek anyway, just in case .



>When no matter how many times you politely protest, refuse, or say you're full, you're still forced to eat food

and even then, end up bringing at least 2 tupperware containers worth of stuff home.


>They constantly ask if you have a gf/bf, or if you're married yet, and when you say "No" they're like "Oh why not?"

and then they just so happen to know someone to hook you up with that's "perfect" for you.


>An Auntie or Manang asks, "Did you ETTTTTT?" You say, "Yes, Auntie, I'm

full!" and she says, "We hab plinti of good food, you ETTTTT.!"


>Relatives will ask you where you worked and if it's a retail job or if you work at an amusement park,

they'll ask if you can get them a discount.


>Everybody has there own magic mic with "their" songs.


>When you see banana ketchup (Mafran) , patis or bagoong on the table.


>After the party, you're helping clean up and your auntie tells you, "Anak, put the 'kwan' next to the 'ano'."


>The lumpia is gone in 5 minutes and they are frying up another batch.


>They play achy-breaky heart over and over again.


>The religious gatherings at the house turn into an illegal gambling set up by the end of the night.


>The room is full of Uncles and Aunties that you aren't even blood related to.


>And that's why Pinoy parties are always a blast!