The 1st Affair
> A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
> One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
> Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
> The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
> He put on his shoes and drove home.
> 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
> We had sex all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying *******! You've been playing golf!'
The 2nd Affair
> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
>They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
>The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
>The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
> He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
> He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
> Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
> The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'
The 3rd Affair
> A mortician was working late one night.
> He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
> Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
> 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
> It must be saved for posterity.'
> So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
> 'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
> 'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'
The 4th Affair
> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door..
> 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
> 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
> 'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.
> 'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'
> No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
> Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
The 5th Affair
> A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
> 'One Cent?' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked:
> 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'
> 'A nickel,' the barman replied.> > 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.> 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
> The bartender replied:> 'Upstairs, with my wife.'
> The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?' The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'
The 6th & Best Affair
> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
> He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'
>'There's no need to, 'his wife replied. 'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!' 'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
