I need some advice please - serious situation

[worriedanna]

hello everybody

I am new - I came on here because I need some advice - my brothers friend met a filipino woman (age 35) through his work - it started off as just talking but he soon fell in love with her.

Since then, this woman has told me stories about how she has a very big family but they don't care for her parents - she needed money to purchase medication for a very ill mother - the man provided her with 1000 pounds - however she did not send this directly to her parents - she sent it via a sister because she said her parents would spend the money on other things. So far he has given about 2500 pounds for medication. he feels flattered because she has told this man he has saved her mother.

also, she says that she is living with family members here in the UK and they take all her money from her and just send her to work for money that she has to give up when she gets home. She will not let this man be introduced to her family. The man is completely smitten and has gotten engaged to this woman and begged her if he can meet her family and have an open relationship - she refuses although she accepted the ring. He is now on the verge of putting her name on his business. He has asked can he meet her family in the Philippines but she has refused also. She takes days off to meet him but he must reimburse her with money so she can pretend she was at work.

For me and my friends that know this man, it seems that this relatioinship is based on money - this man has provided thousands of pounds already and has yet to meet any one of her family, or even has yet to be brought to her house.

Is this the normal way that these relationships go or should we be worried for our friend.

apologies if this causes offences to anybody, but we are seriously worried about this man. We do not want to see him hurt or fooled. The woman is 35 years old.

[bornatbirth]

what relation are you to the guy and why are you so worried about him?

until we know the full story how can anyone comment!

but based on what you posted i would never give money to anyone until im in a serious relationship,does he have the cash spare?

it would be easy to say they have a ill mother just to get money but there are many poor there and maybe for real?

when my wifes family knew of me i they wanted to meet me to see that im not messing with her! i got to meet all of them and everything about them infact i was welcomed into the family so easily

[aromulus]

Scam........!

[Florge]

my two cents worth...

Filipinos value most what their family thinks/opinion about the man/woman they would want to marry... when I met my bf, the first thing I wanted to do was introduce him to my family and friends... as for this woman, I feel that she's hiding something that's why she wouldn't want to introduce the guy to the family... the guy ought to insist to be introduced... I smell something fishy here...

[Ji&Ma]

my two cents worth...

Filipinos value most what their family thinks/opinion about the man/woman they would want to marry... when I met my bf, the first thing I wanted to do was introduce him to my family and friends... as for this woman, I feel that she's hiding something that's why she wouldn't want to introduce the guy to the family... the guy ought to insist to be introduced... I smell something fishy here...

Fully agree with this That was the first thing my fiancée wanted to do when I arrived to Manila - to see her bro and sis as her parents are living in province. We have been visiting them later anyway...

[Sophie]

I find this arrangement a bit strange I suggest that the guy should stand his ground and get to the bottom of the truth and not just go along with her "in the dark". Obviously he spends a great deal of money for her, so he has to call the shots. It's about time she come clean with why she's trying so hard to keep him at a distance and not introduce him to her family and not even letting him know where she lives here in uk. Something's not right and until he get to the bottom of it, he will always end up not knowing and probably loosing all his money for her. I know he is so inlove with this girl, but sometimes you also have to use your head

[worriedanna]

thank you for your replies. You have confirmed what we have thought.

for the first poster - this man is a childhood friend of my brothers - we have known him all his life - he is extremely nice but has come out of a long term relationship and has been on his own for five years.

I thought it strange that he was not allowed to meet members of the family in the UK - or in the Philippines - but yet any and all monies are taken as in an engagement ring. I do know that filipinos are very family orientated so this is why I thought it strange that this man cannot have any contact with the family of this woman - supposedly she is living with siblings and inlaws with some nieces and nephews - could it be that they are her own children I wonder?

again no offence intended but please, if it was your friend, Im sure you would not like to see him scammed.

[aromulus]

thank you for your replies. You have confirmed what we have thought.

for the first poster - this man is a childhood friend of my brothers - we have known him all his life - he is extremely nice but has come out of a long term relationship and has been on his own for five years.

I thought it strange that he was not allowed to meet members of the family in the UK - or in the Philippines - but yet any and all monies are taken as in an engagement ring. I do know that filipinos are very family orientated so this is why I thought it strange that this man cannot have any contact with the family of this woman - supposedly she is living with siblings and inlaws with some nieces and nephews - could it be that they are her own children I wonder?

again no offence intended but please, if it was your friend, Im sure you would not like to see him scammed.

He is being, turned over, fleeced, scammed. etc....

Tell him to desist from believing any of the claptrap that comes out of her mouth, and keep his wallet shut tight as in superglued....

You have stated the reasons yourself why it stinks....

[worriedanna]

thank you again.
we are going to let him know, at the risk of losing a friendship, which we know will happen. One more question - is it normal for her to have a completely normal conversation with women, but turn into a shy timid afraid person when he is around, and also to change her voice to a very childish one - this is something else that bothers us. But yet he seems to want to protect her more when this happens - the woman is 35. Is this normal.

[Sophie]

I do know that filipinos are very family orientated so this is why I thought it strange that this man cannot have any contact with the family of this woman - supposedly she is living with siblings and inlaws with some nieces and nephews - could it be that they are her own children I wonder?

again no offence intended but please, if it was your friend, Im sure you would not like to see him scammed.

EXACTLY No good friend can afford to see their friend get hurt and get ripped off. But you can only do so much, in the end, its all up to him to decide into turning his situation around and demand a more honest and upfront relationship with his girl. And yes, filipinos are very family oriented, close-knit and has very strong family values. So the fact that she doesn't get him close enough nor even introduce him to her family poses a big question mark

[aromulus]

thank you again.
we are going to let him know, at the risk of losing a friendship, which we know will happen. One more question - is it normal for her to have a completely normal conversation with women, but turn into a shy timid afraid person when he is around, and also to change her voice to a very childish one - this is something else that bothers us. But yet he seems to want to protect her more when this happens - the woman is 35. Is this normal.

Before he gets all his money syphoned off, tell him to join this site and we will all put him right.

He can ask any questions he likes, and he will get the proper answers.
Better safe than sorry.....

It won't cost him anything to try us.

[leahneilcheeka]

SCAM!!!!!!!!

[Jay&Zobel]

Scam to the nth level!!!!

[worriedanna]

thank you so much guys. I feel so much better after your replies - you have confirmed what I have been thinking - I just needed the re-assurance - sometimes I second guessed myself and thought I may have been just looking at it with a cynical mind, so thank you for your opinions and your replies to my query. I will keep you posted as to what happens.

again, if I have caused any offence to anyone on these postings I apologise - it was an honest query and not meant to offend anyone.

[Jay&Zobel]

thank you so much guys. I feel so much better after your replies - you have confirmed what I have been thinking - I just needed the re-assurance - sometimes I second guessed myself and thought I may have been just looking at it with a cynical mind, so thank you for your opinions and your replies to my query. I will keep you posted as to what happens.

again, if I have caused any offence to anyone on these postings I apologise - it was an honest query and not meant to offend anyone.

Good luck Danna! You are a good friend indeed! Worry not I think no one got offended here (unless they are scammers themselves)...

[kimmi]

thank you so much guys. I feel so much better after your replies - you have confirmed what I have been thinking - I just needed the re-assurance - sometimes I second guessed myself and thought I may have been just looking at it with a cynical mind, so thank you for your opinions and your replies to my query. I will keep you posted as to what happens.

again, if I have caused any offence to anyone on these postings I apologise - it was an honest query and not meant to offend anyone.

Goodluck Anna..like Zobel has said ur a good friend, and thats why we are here in the forum as well to help each other..

[Ji&Ma]

Good luck Danna! You are a good friend indeed! Worry not I think no one got offended here (unless they are scammers themselves)...

No need to be sorry or to apologise. I don't think anybody in here is offended and you are just worried about your friends wellbeing which is totally understandable

[pennybarry]

thank you so much guys. I feel so much better after your replies - you have confirmed what I have been thinking - I just needed the re-assurance - sometimes I second guessed myself and thought I may have been just looking at it with a cynical mind, so thank you for your opinions and your replies to my query. I will keep you posted as to what happens.

again, if I have caused any offence to anyone on these postings I apologise - it was an honest query and not meant to offend anyone.

Try to talk to him and give him advises but don't expect he will take your advise. It happened to me and British friend. I gave hime all the advises that I think good for him but to no avail.

Until one day, He realised he have spent already 20,000£ and almost nothing left to him. He's asking a help now after realising he wants to separate with his GF but he wants some expensive stuffs to return him back. I don't think I can still help. Just leave them alone

[trader dave]

as others have said he is being scammed

[worriedanna]

thanks guys

just another question - I spoke to my friend last night regarding the replies on this forum. We figure that if we tell this man our suspicions he will turn against us and not listen to us - he is very deeply involved and is quite blinded at the moment.

Do you think if we spoke to this woman directly and told her that we knew what she was trying to do and to back off - -that we will not see this man hurt - do you think she would back off? I really have no idea on how to proceed with this - is it usual that if the woman knows that somebody has caught on to what she is doing that she would back off, return any monies and leave?

any, and I mean any advice would be more than welcome - thank you

[Ji&Ma]

thanks guys

just another question - I spoke to my friend last night regarding the replies on this forum. We figure that if we tell this man our suspicions he will turn against us and not listen to us - he is very deeply involved and is quite blinded at the moment.

Do you think if we spoke to this woman directly and told her that we knew what she was trying to do and to back off - -that we will not see this man hurt - do you think she would back off? I really have no idea on how to proceed with this - is it usual that if the woman knows that somebody has caught on to what she is doing that she would back off, return any monies and leave?

any, and I mean any advice would be more than welcome - thank you

I think you've found yourselves in pretty complicated situation, I would say it is nearly lose-lose situation. If that man in question is blindfolded with love to her - he just wouldn't listen to your advice and might turn away from you - as you mentioned above, and you will lose your long time friend.
If you make his GF aware that you know she's scamming him, or not telling him the whole truth, she might just tell him what you said to her and you will find yourself in the same situation and on top of everything he might take it as that you've been dishonest with him for some reason, thinking that you are jealous somehow, envious or hold a grudge against him or something like that, just because you didn't tell him personally and spoke to his GF instead...
I would suggest to wait and try to "dose" the truth to him gently or try to point him to this forum?

[worriedanna]

thank you again Ji & Ma
we talked about that and we decided that we would risk the friendship in favour of him not losing any more to her - once he could see things in clearer colours we think he might come back as a friend although it could take a couple of years - we are willing to forego the friendship to save him at this point.

[KeithD]

Call her bluff.

Tell her you have a number of friends all over the Philippines now, and they will call in on the parents house to see how the ill one is doing! Insist on it. Don't give up.

[Ji&Ma]

thank you again Ji & Ma
we talked about that and we decided that we would risk the friendship in favour of him not losing any more to her - once he could see things in clearer colours we think he might come back as a friend although it could take a couple of years - we are willing to forego the friendship to save him at this point.

I guess that would be the best - to speak directly to him and tell him what's on your mind and your opinion about his GF behaviour even though it will result in breaking your friendship. But as you said - I think it won't be for long and one day he will come back Good luck in your quest and - keep us posted please, very interesting...

[Sophie]

thanks guys

Do you think if we spoke to this woman directly and told her that we knew what she was trying to do and to back off - -that we will not see this man hurt - do you think she would back off? I really have no idea on how to proceed with this - is it usual that if the woman knows that somebody has caught on to what she is doing that she would back off, return any monies and leave?

I don't think that is such a good idea anna. That would be disrespectful to your friend and somewhat going beyond the boundaries of your friendship and i feel doing that will be way off based. I'm sure your friend will be so offended once he find out that you went directly to his girl behind his back and said those things to her. If you do that, the girl will just get the guy's sympathy even more and you will just push your friend farther away and straight into this girl's arms. You don't deal with the girl, she's not your friend. You deal with the guy coz he is your friend. And talk to him in a very polite way and do not make him feel he is being attacked. Do not be pushy, just make him understand that as his friend, you are just concerned about him and his welfare and that you need to speak up and open his eyes. If he gets mad, that's up to him, as long as you know you did your best to wake him up. Tell him you would rather risk the friendship now if it meant sparing him from further pain and damage in the end. If he take your advice, well and good, if he does not, then its out of your hands. Some people just have to learn the hard way.

[Jay&Zobel]

Call her bluff.

Tell her you have a number of friends all over the Philippines now, and they will call in on the parents house to see how the ill one is doing! Insist on it. Don't give up.

We are your friends, hehe (but no longer in the PI) lol..

Yes, do not give up. I so understand where you're coming from my friend, it is indeed tough.

But when a man is besotted he is deaf...

[KeithD]

But when a man is besotted he is deaf...

Eh? What?

[Jay&Zobel]

But when a man is besotted he is deaf...

Eh? What?

That you are a MAN!!! LOL HAHAHA

[bornatbirth]

But when a man is besotted he is deaf...

you need it louder?

[Jay&Zobel]

But when a man is besotted he is deaf...

Eh? What?

you need it louder?

See WorreidDana! Told you so... hahaha These 2 men here are the perfect examples!!!