Just some of 'my food' for thought.
Some people think love should be unconditional, in an ideal world..... maybe so
but we don't live in an ideal world. Personally, I don't think love should be 'Unconditional'. For
without conditions, love then becomes MARTYRDOM.
In my opinion. it isn't noble, to NOT expect ANYTHING, from a relationship.
Doesn't each part of a couple, have the right to have their needs met? I don't think that means EVERY need has to be met EVERY time, there should be flexibility. But, shouldn't there also be, deal breakers.
If you do not expect anything from your partner, then you are disrespecting yourself and don't acknowledge that you have a right to have needs met. That isn't healthy. Then..... there is the other extreme, of too many conditions. That isn't healthy either.
I think healthy relationships, need boundaries, they need to have responsibilities and expectations.
A person takes care of their car, their bank account, a boat, etc. You see where I am going here? Isn't then, a relationship, far more important then a possession or something material? It's human, a living, breathing feeling person, with emotions, needs and...yes, requirements. Why then, do people seem to take this for granted so much of the time?
Would they stop putting gas or oil in their car and expect it to still perform, drive them to work, and take care of their day to day needs?
One of the saddest lessons, is.... to feel bamboozled. If we, as humans, fail to take care of the ones we love, just like a car, without oil or gas, it will cease to perform.
If we don't provide ' fuel' for our relationships, they will cease to provide us with love, care and the necessary nutrients that feed our souls, our hearts. The love will die, like a car will die. It stops running without fuel, like the heart stops running without fuel.
We tend to reject evidence of the 'otherwise'. The bamboozle has captured us, making it hard to see anything different. Once you give someone power to "deceive" you, you almost never get it back.
I think disrespect and neglect are two very important things that poison love. It distorts it, perverts it and will turn it into hatred, or even worse.... 'INDIFFERENCE'.
You might be able to love someone you disrespect....'at first'... or who disrespects you....but eventually... you will not.
So, if you want someone to hate you, treat them with INDIFFERENCE, neglect and disrespect long enough, and you'll succeed, in making them dislike you, or... treating you with that awful word INDIFFERENCE.
I myself, have never believed that love is the key, main foundation for marriage or a substantial relationship. You have to figure out how, to "stay in love'.
With respect, nurturing, and the necessary ingredients that feed a person's heart and soul, love will flourish, it will grow, beyond our expectations.
So many people, especially men, complain of unsatisfactory sex lives, but without the proper tending to love, sex becomes unfulfilled and will eventually disappear. Without respect love will most likely die a very, long drawn-out painful death. Love without respect will not be a happy joyful love... but an excruciatingly painful one.
The highest, purest form of love is supposed to be unconditional love, that says:
'I love you no matter what, even if you hate me'.
BUT, that is so very CONTRARY to a healthy relationship. That is a 'Jesus' type of love. We are human and do not possess that type of love, nor should we.
But notice, that Jesus never accepted anyone as his disciple, except on his terms (hence the 'relationship'). He still loved those that rejected him, but he did not 'accept' them or their behavior. A healthy love is a give and take thing.
I believe there should be a healthy balance.... especially in a Marriage. However, at times, we can aspire to the highest form of love and occasionally experience it's purity and wonder, even when we get hurt...it's called forgiveness. However, in human relationships, when an imbalance occurs, and continues to take precedent, it leads to pain, disappointment and most of all, deep resentment.and that awful WORD.......INDIFFERENCE.
What do You Think????
and my love for my son of course
Originally Posted by maria_and_matt
Tricky one this! And it's interesting to read the many different interpretations put forward - some humorous ... others deadly serious - in tackling the question. I'M inclined to agree though, with the sentiment expressed by the insigator of this post, i.e., that "unrequieted"
love is tantamount to martyrdom.
Each and every one of us is only HUMAN, after all.
I notice you've given your location as "Heaven". Does this imply you have ALREADY BEEN martyred and gone there?
