How could I have been so stupid

[Northerner]

Hello everyone,

Since mid June of last year I was in a relationship with a young lady from the phils, we had never met except online and I had also gotten to know her family as well.

Everything seemed fine at first. I was planning on going over in october last year, then that didn't pan out I was going over this June, then I had to move home so I was planning on going over to see her in October of this year.

She already had a son but I was happy to accept him as he did not have a father (long story) and I was happy to ensure he had a good birthday late last year. I also got into the habit of providing for her and her family since last July. Buying her a mobile phone and a PC so we could stay connected and I even had broadband installed for her (well, internet).

One of her siblings died last year and I provided the funds to bury him and after that we seemed distant. I thought it was how she coped with this tragedy and so carried on.

But cracks were appearing as I had befriended people she knows and stories came my way as to how she would use the money I sent her and go out ll night. This was denied, but I just thought she was being young.

Anyway, I stopped the money a few months ago as I was getting suspicious and there was an emergency every two weeks that needed money. Plus, due to this demand I needed to move somewhere cheaper.

I never did get to the phils as my spare cash was sent via western union every month.

And then this week, I discover she had given birth to a baby girl last month!

And so... Lesson number one. Never send any money!

The shame of it is this. Her family are very poor, and the babies father was a one night stand, never to be seen agan. And no more money from me means this family will strougle more now than ever.




*** UPDATE 28/09/2009 *** In the months since this post, I have met and fell for a lovely young lady called Rizza (pictured)

[Tawi2]

Familiar story repeated ad nauseum with one or two variations or twists on the theme,heard the same story a hundred times from a hundred guys,dont let it get you down,but you have to open a lot of oysters to find a pearl.

[Tawi2]

Dont dwell on it nor take it to heart Sean,chalk it down to experience,her loss not yours.

[aromulus]

You have no moral obligation towards this "lady".

You have been persistently and efficiently scammed, by, what it seems, a well experienced confidence trickster.

The damage is done, your emotions will be in turmoil and you will have to be extremely strong and let go of her within your mind.
It doesn't matter how many kids she will produce, or how many roofs will be blown by tiphoons, or deaths in the family, or trikes needing repairs, teeth pulling, dengue feverish relatives, or whatever....

Pull the plug, mate.....
There are lots of genuine Pinays out there.

[Sophie]

I'm sorry for what happened to you..... All i can say is good for her, let her suffer in shame (if she still have one) and poverty, she got what she deserved.
What she did to you is an outright betrayal and a deliberate deception. She did not only ripped you off, she also cheated on you big time, for god knows how long and with how many guys
She's definitely not worth it and you're lucky you find out soon enough before you got totally ripped off and left with nothing.
Next time, make sure to really get to know the girl first and it's best to meet the girl in person before you open your heart as well as your wallet....

[Mrs.JMajor]

Just dont scared to get inlove with pinays again there are loads of real one downthere, but take this as experience, never never send money if possible,

[joebloggs]

as morrisey said "see, the luck I've had, can make a good man turn bad"

problem is you said you was going in oct last year to see her, then june this year, now it was going to be oct this year, maybe she thought you was never going to see her , and if you had, then you would have probably found the 'truth' out a lot sooner ..

given birth last month, means she was probably pregnant a month or so after chatting to you , did she definitely give birth ? has she told you herself or someone else told you?


if you're going to send money, you have to go and see the person asap. not a year or 1 1/2 yrs later

[Northerner]

did she definitely give birth ? has she told you herself or someone else told you?

Called her yesterday, she admitted everything and the baby was with her crying...

[joebloggs]

Called her yesterday, she admitted everything and the baby was with her crying...

what can you say

but next time go asap, you made the same mistake i made, kept her waiting for a long time.. but in your case, looks like she didn't wait long for you (a month or so )

[Northerner]

what can you say

but next time go asap, you made the same mistake i made, kept her waiting for a long time.. but in your case, looks like she didn't wait long for you (a month or so )

Well, in the same week a good sign was that I passed an ex on the street, not seen her for 4 years and back then she meant more to me than anything.. But this week I barely gave her a second thought - till now:-)

But to be honest I can understand her motives and I don't have any bad feelings towards her now. I'm already moving on!

[Northerner]

Thanks everyone. I have completely ended it, just glad I did not get to the phils when I had originally planned to. Otherwise, I might today have been thinking I was a father...

Lessons learned, a little wiser now I guess..

Sean

[Sophie]

Thanks everyone. I have completely ended it, just glad I did not get to the phils when I had originally planned to. Otherwise, I might today have been thinking I was a father...

Lessons learned, a little wiser now I guess..

Sean

Good for you Atleast next time you get into another relationship, you know better and be more careful and wiser....

[bornatbirth]

sorry to hear this and im glad your not mad at her?

it is true there are many girls doing this but there are many trust worthy ladies out there,if you ever meet one you will know the difference!

can i ask how you found out the truth? how did you get in contact with them?

my advice whenever you meet a girl online go and meet her asap and never give money!

[Sim11UK]

Sorry this has happened, it's not nice. Really you should never send money, unless you have met each other.
The money you sent, would have been better used by you, making that trip out there, the first time you said you were going to go... It dosen't pay to dither, in more ways than one.

If you do meet another one, go out there sooner rather than later, if things don't work out, at least you will have experienced a great Country.

Anyway all the best!

[MarBell379]

Everyone whiniing about sending money? :(
The guts just lost his girlfriend and already identified it was a bit daft. (Hindsight being a wonderful thing.)
Stop preaching and show him the lurve.

Northerner - I feel for you. I'd be devastated if that happened to me. You'll get through it, but I know its feeling bad. Look forward to feling good again - it'll happen.

[simonline]

Hi Northerner... I feel sorry when i read your post.

I just hope you find the right girl for you.

There are lots of guine Filipinas looking for genuine relationship.

[eagles]

hi northerner, Hope you wont have an ill feeling towards pinay.. Be positive that soon you'll find a good woman for you...

[KeithD]

You think that's stupid....my wife married a scouser!

[aposhark]

You think that's stupid....my wife married a scouser!

Same as my wife.....how stupid can these Filipinas be!!!!!

[aposhark]

Hi Northerner,

Put this episode down to experience. We have many bad eggs in the UK too.

Don't be put off by the prospect of getting to know a Filipina.
Go over there one day and see for yourself, there are so many genuine Filipinas there.
When you meet a nice Filipina, they cannot do enough for you and the feeling becomes mutual.

Keep on trying to make friends and if you do, make sure you visit her before sending money.
It is so easy to make a mistake when we have a caring attitude.
That is a plus for you.

At least you didn't go to visit her and find out she was a man, as one of our unfortunate members did once.

[Queenbee]

Hi Northerner,

Put this episode down to experience. We have many bad eggs in the UK too.

Don't be put off by the prospect of getting to know a Filipina.
Go over there one day and see for yourself, there are so many genuine Filipinas there.
When you meet a nice Filipina, they cannot do enough for you and the feeling becomes mutual.

Keep on trying to make friends and if you do, make sure you visit her before sending money.
It is so easy to make a mistake when we have a caring attitude.
That is a plus for you.

At least you didn't go to visit her and find out she was a man, as one of our unfortunate members did once.

I AGREE..Dude like i always say to myself,i have to go through heartbreaks and it lead me to Ma man now...He as well had to go through divorce from his exwife and all,and he doesnt have anything left just me,,But i was always there for him...and always will.Ive met him five and a half years ago here in a party and we were the guestband of that party,,It was like love at first sight,We went out for a week and then when he went back home i thought it also ends but instead we kept on chatting and calling each other everyday...But i have to work in hongkong and Shanghai for 2 years,we lost communication and all.I was real busy then i just knew he got married...After that we live our separate lives..I got another bf and he a wife,,,to make the story short,i broke up just last year with ma german fiance who i met in Shanghai,been with him for 3 years... and just this year May he *ASA*went online on MSN like from out of the blue...He just went online for the first time after for so many years cz he had an accident,broke his ankle from his bike race...So that was the start,its like we got back from where we left off before,he visited the philippines the 2nd time and met ma family jst this august...Maybe FATE or just ma fave word serendipity...

I guess in every storm there's always sunshine after it...WISH U ALL THE LUCK WITH UR NEW LOVE!

[pennybarry]

We really learned from our mistakes

[Tawi2]

We really learned from our mistakes

We do indeed,its a shallow life lived without scars as the chinese say

[ginapeterb]

Where have I heard a story like this before oh yes, i think its da Philippines di ba ?

No shame, no embarassment, get on with the game mate, think of it as Tony Adams the Arsenal Captain came up to you after you fouled a striker just inside the box, and he comes up and says, forget that one, get on with the game and find the next one,

Thats how it should be.....

Were with you mate...I am sure you will find Miss right because I can tell you, there are hundreds of thousands of them if you look.

[Florge]

true true... i can introduce you to some friends... hehehe

[Tawi2]

I wonder if you have any single friends over the age of 35 who like sabong Florge Oh yeah,and they have to be female

[Florge]

I wonder if you have any single friends over the age of 35 who like sabong Florge Oh yeah,and they have to be female

yes.. have a female friend over the age of 35... not sure if she likes sabong but, any girl will learn to like what their man likes... wanna take a chance?

[Tawi2]

You starting up a dating agency florge I have seen a few women sabongans,but they always looked as if they would be handy in a pub brawl or a WWF event I always envisaged myself with someone a little more feminine But my choices are limited nowadays,I am no longer the adonis of my youth,I look a bit tatty and last week was the end of the line,the ultimate sign of old age,I found a white bolbol

[filipina_owl]

who is the woman in the avatar sean?

[KeithD]

....Its very sad....

Yeah.....we all agree with you. You are a very sad person who obviously has the humor of diarrhea and the understanding of the world less than that of a dung beetle.

You can get medical help for your condition, but I think you are probably beyond that now and are due to spend you life living in your own self pity.....Ah well....sod all to do with us, we all have full and happy lives