How could I have been so stupid

[Northerner]

Hello everyone,

Since mid June of last year I was in a relationship with a young lady from the phils, we had never met except online and I had also gotten to know her family as well.

Everything seemed fine at first. I was planning on going over in october last year, then that didn't pan out I was going over this June, then I had to move home so I was planning on going over to see her in October of this year.

She already had a son but I was happy to accept him as he did not have a father (long story) and I was happy to ensure he had a good birthday late last year. I also got into the habit of providing for her and her family since last July. Buying her a mobile phone and a PC so we could stay connected and I even had broadband installed for her (well, internet).

One of her siblings died last year and I provided the funds to bury him and after that we seemed distant. I thought it was how she coped with this tragedy and so carried on.

But cracks were appearing as I had befriended people she knows and stories came my way as to how she would use the money I sent her and go out ll night. This was denied, but I just thought she was being young.

Anyway, I stopped the money a few months ago as I was getting suspicious and there was an emergency every two weeks that needed money. Plus, due to this demand I needed to move somewhere cheaper.

I never did get to the phils as my spare cash was sent via western union every month.

And then this week, I discover she had given birth to a baby girl last month!

And so... Lesson number one. Never send any money!

The shame of it is this. Her family are very poor, and the babies father was a one night stand, never to be seen agan. And no more money from me means this family will strougle more now than ever.




*** UPDATE 28/09/2009 *** In the months since this post, I have met and fell for a lovely young lady called Rizza (pictured)

[Tawi2]

Familiar story repeated ad nauseum with one or two variations or twists on the theme,heard the same story a hundred times from a hundred guys,dont let it get you down,but you have to open a lot of oysters to find a pearl.

[Tawi2]

Dont dwell on it nor take it to heart Sean,chalk it down to experience,her loss not yours.

[Sophie]

I'm sorry for what happened to you..... All i can say is good for her, let her suffer in shame (if she still have one) and poverty, she got what she deserved.
What she did to you is an outright betrayal and a deliberate deception. She did not only ripped you off, she also cheated on you big time, for god knows how long and with how many guys
She's definitely not worth it and you're lucky you find out soon enough before you got totally ripped off and left with nothing.
Next time, make sure to really get to know the girl first and it's best to meet the girl in person before you open your heart as well as your wallet....

[aromulus]

You have no moral obligation towards this "lady".

You have been persistently and efficiently scammed, by, what it seems, a well experienced confidence trickster.

The damage is done, your emotions will be in turmoil and you will have to be extremely strong and let go of her within your mind.
It doesn't matter how many kids she will produce, or how many roofs will be blown by tiphoons, or deaths in the family, or trikes needing repairs, teeth pulling, dengue feverish relatives, or whatever....

Pull the plug, mate.....
There are lots of genuine Pinays out there.

[Mrs.JMajor]

Just dont scared to get inlove with pinays again there are loads of real one downthere, but take this as experience, never never send money if possible,

[joebloggs]

as morrisey said "see, the luck I've had, can make a good man turn bad"

problem is you said you was going in oct last year to see her, then june this year, now it was going to be oct this year, maybe she thought you was never going to see her , and if you had, then you would have probably found the 'truth' out a lot sooner ..

given birth last month, means she was probably pregnant a month or so after chatting to you , did she definitely give birth ? has she told you herself or someone else told you?


if you're going to send money, you have to go and see the person asap. not a year or 1 1/2 yrs later

[Northerner]

Thanks everyone. I have completely ended it, just glad I did not get to the phils when I had originally planned to. Otherwise, I might today have been thinking I was a father...

Lessons learned, a little wiser now I guess..

Sean

[Northerner]

did she definitely give birth ? has she told you herself or someone else told you?

Called her yesterday, she admitted everything and the baby was with her crying...

[joebloggs]

Called her yesterday, she admitted everything and the baby was with her crying...

what can you say

but next time go asap, you made the same mistake i made, kept her waiting for a long time.. but in your case, looks like she didn't wait long for you (a month or so )

[Northerner]

what can you say

but next time go asap, you made the same mistake i made, kept her waiting for a long time.. but in your case, looks like she didn't wait long for you (a month or so )

Well, in the same week a good sign was that I passed an ex on the street, not seen her for 4 years and back then she meant more to me than anything.. But this week I barely gave her a second thought - till now:-)

But to be honest I can understand her motives and I don't have any bad feelings towards her now. I'm already moving on!

[Sophie]

Thanks everyone. I have completely ended it, just glad I did not get to the phils when I had originally planned to. Otherwise, I might today have been thinking I was a father...

Lessons learned, a little wiser now I guess..

Sean

Good for you Atleast next time you get into another relationship, you know better and be more careful and wiser....

[bornatbirth]

sorry to hear this and im glad your not mad at her?

it is true there are many girls doing this but there are many trust worthy ladies out there,if you ever meet one you will know the difference!

can i ask how you found out the truth? how did you get in contact with them?

my advice whenever you meet a girl online go and meet her asap and never give money!

[Sim11UK]

Sorry this has happened, it's not nice. Really you should never send money, unless you have met each other.
The money you sent, would have been better used by you, making that trip out there, the first time you said you were going to go... It dosen't pay to dither, in more ways than one.

If you do meet another one, go out there sooner rather than later, if things don't work out, at least you will have experienced a great Country.

Anyway all the best!

[MarBell379]

Everyone whiniing about sending money? :(
The guts just lost his girlfriend and already identified it was a bit daft. (Hindsight being a wonderful thing.)
Stop preaching and show him the lurve.

Northerner - I feel for you. I'd be devastated if that happened to me. You'll get through it, but I know its feeling bad. Look forward to feling good again - it'll happen.

[simonline]

Hi Northerner... I feel sorry when i read your post.

I just hope you find the right girl for you.

There are lots of guine Filipinas looking for genuine relationship.

[eagles]

hi northerner, Hope you wont have an ill feeling towards pinay.. Be positive that soon you'll find a good woman for you...

[KeithD]

You think that's stupid....my wife married a scouser!

[pennybarry]

We really learned from our mistakes

[aposhark]

You think that's stupid....my wife married a scouser!

Same as my wife.....how stupid can these Filipinas be!!!!!

[Tawi2]

We really learned from our mistakes

We do indeed,its a shallow life lived without scars as the chinese say

[aposhark]

Hi Northerner,

Put this episode down to experience. We have many bad eggs in the UK too.

Don't be put off by the prospect of getting to know a Filipina.
Go over there one day and see for yourself, there are so many genuine Filipinas there.
When you meet a nice Filipina, they cannot do enough for you and the feeling becomes mutual.

Keep on trying to make friends and if you do, make sure you visit her before sending money.
It is so easy to make a mistake when we have a caring attitude.
That is a plus for you.

At least you didn't go to visit her and find out she was a man, as one of our unfortunate members did once.

[ginapeterb]

Where have I heard a story like this before oh yes, i think its da Philippines di ba ?

No shame, no embarassment, get on with the game mate, think of it as Tony Adams the Arsenal Captain came up to you after you fouled a striker just inside the box, and he comes up and says, forget that one, get on with the game and find the next one,

Thats how it should be.....

Were with you mate...I am sure you will find Miss right because I can tell you, there are hundreds of thousands of them if you look.

[Florge]

true true... i can introduce you to some friends... hehehe

[Tawi2]

I wonder if you have any single friends over the age of 35 who like sabong Florge Oh yeah,and they have to be female

[IainBusby]

Hello everyone,

Since mid June of last year I was in a relationship with a young lady from the phils, we had never met except online and I had also gotten to know her family as well.

Everything seemed fine at first. I was planning on going over in october last year, then that didn't pan out I was going over this June, then I had to move home so I was planning on going over to see her in October of this year.

She already had a son but I was happy to accept him as he did not have a father (long story) and I was happy to ensure he had a good birthday late last year. I also got into the habit of providing for her and her family since last July. Buying her a mobile phone and a PC so we could stay connected and I even had broadband installed for her (well, internet).

One of her siblings died last year and I provided the funds to bury him and after that we seemed distant. I thought it was how she coped with this tragedy and so carried on.

But cracks were appearing as I had befriended people she knows and stories came my way as to how she would use the money I sent her and go out ll night. This was denied, but I just thought she was being young.

Anyway, I stopped the money a few months ago as I was getting suspicious and there was an emergency every two weeks that needed money. Plus, due to this demand I needed to move somewhere cheaper.

I never did get to the phils as my spare cash was sent via western union every month.

And then this week, I discover she had given birth to a baby girl last month!

The shame of it is this. Her family are very poor, and the babies father was a one night stand, never to be seen agan. And no more money from me means this family will strougle more now than ever.

As you've already stopped the money a few months ago, maybe the baby story is just to get rid of you, because if your not sending money anymore, then you've served your purpose and your of no use to her anymore.

Your not the first and you won't be the last, in fact I wouldn't be surprised if she's already found another benefactor and the baby story is just to pss you off because your now becoming a nuisance to her.

What you should also realise is that some of these scammers have several guys like you on the go at any one time and once the money stops they might persist with the "relationship" for a little while in the hope that they can persuade you to turn the tap back on, but they won't carry on for long if it doesn't work.

Iain.

[Tawi2]

Its a business for a lot of them,some of them make good money scamming foreigners,I have checked my mail in cyber-cafes in pinas and watched ladies chatting to several guys at once telling each he is the one,the monitors in some of those places are very close together,its easy to see what someone else is writing,lots of those ladies dont see you as a flesh and blood guy,your an ATM several thousand miles away

[KeithD]

Tell her you've put in the adoption papers for all the kids

[pacificelectric]

Ah ah, me too I have sent money for a funeral (hey, I even received photos of people crying around a coffin!), to buy clothes after the house had burnt down but in the end I found a very decent lady who has a job and raised three kids as a widow and she never asks for anything and I trust her 100%. And I am sure there are many more decent Pinays around!

[Florge]

I wonder if you have any single friends over the age of 35 who like sabong Florge Oh yeah,and they have to be female

yes.. have a female friend over the age of 35... not sure if she likes sabong but, any girl will learn to like what their man likes... wanna take a chance?