My friends problem....(wife who commits adultery)

[Arthur Little]

Awwww. loving unconditionally with condition... am i on the right thread?

You know, the more I read this sad story, the more convinced I became of the inevitability of its ever-so-gradual fusion with two other very recent threads - the first, dealing with the controversial subject of forgiveness, and the second about unconditional love.

[Luckily] I have never been in a situation like this, and therefore cannot begin to imagine what it feels like and/or how I'd react in the same circumstances ... hence I am probably the last person qualified to offer advice here. Obviously everyone has his/her own set of parameters and I'm content to leave it at that. That said, however, I do hope everything works out well in the end for the couple concerned.

[Sophie]

You know, the more I read this sad story, the more convinced I became of the inevitability of its ever-so-gradual fusion with two other very recent threads - the first, dealing with the controversial subject of forgiveness, and the second about unconditional love.

true i guess they are interrelated

[Arthur Little]

I would like to seek an advice on this matter....
... OK I had friend Mr. N from the Phil ... What advice will I give him?

Merlin ... wish I COULD simply wave a magic wand and resolve your friend's dilema. But the truth is, I CANNOT ... for the simple reason that I've never been in his position. Others here have offered well-meaning advice but, ultimately, only the couple themselves - based on their mutual understanding - can decide WHERE their future lies. And, moreover, WHAT is likely to serve the best interests of both in the long-term.

Welcome, mate.

[merlin1565]

Simplistic view but he either has to totally forgive and forget,that means no more mentioning it even in the heat of an argument or he has to ditch/dump her and walk away like a man wronged But as I read what you wrote Merlin Mr N cant do that because methinks he is financially reliant on his wife as she came here first,maybe a nurse?If he walks away he has to fly back to Pinas But I guess he can never really forgive,certainly cant forget,so is he going to walk?

At the moment my best friends had a job here in UK, a pretty good one I guess earning more than his wife at the moment....

Thanks for all the advice you have shared....but people we must also consider the childrens situation as they're too young to handle this if both parents ends up in separation

[Tawi2]

His wife obviously didnt "consider the childrens situation" as she was removing her panties for her co-worker Best just let them sort it out between themselves mate,no amount of words on a forum are going to undo whats already been done But most guys couldnt forgive a woman like that

[Sophie]

but people we must also consider the childrens situation as they're too young to handle this if both parents ends up in separation

True........... I hope though that the children won't grow up witnessing their parent's constant bickering and fighting
and having to hear their dad dig out their mother's infidelity and slap it on her face every now and then......
Whether they separate or stay together (but constantly fighting), there's always a distress and a stigma effect on the kids....
Why did she even cheat to begin with.......it was just such a stupid thing to do.........but that's water under the bridge,
its already done and there's no way anyone can undo what has been done.....
Its just unfortunate that on cases like this, it's always the innocent kids that usually pay and suffer from the mistakes of the adults.......
The kids always end up as the reluctant victims..........
She should have thought about all this before she fooled around
and atleast considered what would be the effect on her kids if she mess up..........
Women should know better.......specially if there are kids involved....IMO that is.......

[adam&chryss]

At the moment my best friends had a job here in UK, a pretty good one I guess earning more than his wife at the moment....

Thanks for all the advice you have shared....but people we must also consider the childrens situation as they're too young to handle this if both parents ends up in separation

if your friend already accept her again, he should forget about it.. since that his wife is doing everything for them to be one happy family again and showing him that he made the right decision of forgiving her.

His wife obviously didnt "consider the childrens situation" as she was removing her panties for her co-worker Best just let them sort it out between themselves mate,no amount of words on a forum are going to undo whats already been done But most guys couldnt forgive a woman like that

meaning, it's alright if u r a man doing it, but if u r a woman it's a crime

for me, both should be faithful to one another.. if one became unfaithful, it means she/he wants to get out of the relationship..

if that will be my case.. like if my husband cheated on me there will be no second chance. we can still be together for the kids but seriously not in bed. it's just seem so wrong for me to be with my husband in bed knowing he slept with another woman.
but i'm so glad that my husband loves me as much as or more than I love him and I'm 100% sure he won't cheat on me. coz he wouldn't find any other woman like me

[Tawi2]

Both yourself and your hubby are very lucky Chryss,unfortunately,some couples,such as the ones in this thread,arent I never said its allright for a guy to do it,that wasnt my implication

[adam&chryss]

Both yourself and your hubby are very lucky Chryss,unfortunately,some couples,such as the ones in this thread,arent I never said its allright for a guy to do it,that wasnt my implication

True we are very lucky we found each other it happend to us both (me and hubby) with our ex's who have cheated on us.

It's just that it's always a case if woman does it, it's a BIG NO NO.. but with guys it's like it's just common. Well, this is in the Philippines anyway.

Cheers!

[Sophie]

[QUOTE=adam&chryss;141615]
for me, both should be faithful to one another..

I agree, both should definitely be faithful to one another.....
And i'm just as lucky as you chryss for having such a faithful husband who adores me and sees me as the most beautiful woman in his eyes......

meaning, it's alright if u r a man doing it, but if u r a woman it's a crime

Let's face it, if it's the man who mess up, it's more acceptable in the society....
The world has still double standards when it comes to men and women and that's the reality....
This is not making an excuse for men....... It's just that men are very much different than women....
Women should know better because we are the more level headed and more intelligent specie...........
We think first before we do......we don't go by impulse and we have more self control than men...........
Women use their head, and as we only have one, we usually make better and sound choices......
While men got 2 and they normally use the one below ......so they are more likely to cheat and screw up......
And women can do better than that.....way better....
LOL, i hope i don't wind up the guys here, peace men......

[Sophie]

It's just that it's always a case if woman does it, it's a BIG NO NO.. but with guys it's like it's just common. Well, this is in the Philippines anyway.

Exactly chryss
I remember reading a mag back home and it says ;
"If a man cheats, he's normal....if a woman cheats, she's a whore"

[adam&chryss]

[QUOTE=Sophie;141620]

for me, both should be faithful to one another..

I agree, both should definitely be faithful to one another.....
And i'm just as lucky as you chryss for having such a faithful husband who adores me and sees me as the most beautiful woman in his eyes......





meaning, it's alright if u r a man doing it, but if u r a woman it's a crime

Let's face it, if it's the man who mess up, it's more acceptable in the society....
The world has still double standards when it comes to men and women and that's the reality....
This is not making an excuse for men....... It's just that men are very much different than women....
Women should know better because we are the more level headed and more intelligent specie...........
We think first before we do......we don't go by impulse and we have more self control than men...........
Women use their head, and as we only have one, we usually make better and sound choices......
While men got 2 and they normally use the one below ......so they are more likely to cheat and screw up......
And women can do better than that.....way better....
LOL, i hope i don't wind up the guys here, peace men......

[Tawi2]

Exactly chryss
I remember reading a mag back home and it says ;
"If a man cheats, he's normal....if a woman cheats, she's a whore"

Remember that was a pinoy mag written by pinoys,I was told by quite a few guys in Pinas its socially acceptable to have a number of Kabits and even an extra family I remember getting a boat once from Cebu-Dumaguete and one of the guys on board telling me he was going to visit his Uni(silliman)student kabit Double entendre again Sophie "and screw up"

[Sophie]

Remember that was a pinoy mag written by pinoys,I was told by quite a few guys in Pinas its socially acceptable to have a number of Kabits and even an extra family I remember getting a boat once from Cebu-Dumaguete and one of the guys on board telling me he was going to visit his Uni(silliman)student kabit Double entendre again Sophie "and screw up"

Maybe not that socially acceptable but it does happen and people just don't talk about it and sort of pretend it doesn't exist.....
However infidelity knows no bounds, people will cheat wherever they come from, whatever nationality they maybe.
At the end of the day, it's all about an individual's personal moral values and the mutual respect a couple share in their marriage......
For me, infidelity is the worst kind of disrespect for your husband/wife...

[Jay&Zobel]

for me, both should be faithful to one another.. if one became unfaithful, it means she/he wants to get out of the relationship..

i'm so glad that my husband loves me as much as or more than I love him and I'm 100% sure he won't cheat on me. coz he wouldn't find any other woman like me

Same here!!!!
SUch a blessing I may say!!

You know, the more I read this sad story, the more convinced I became of the inevitability of its ever-so-gradual fusion with two other very recent threads - the first, dealing with the controversial subject of forgiveness, and the second about unconditional love.

Hehe... great thinking there King Arthur... Oh hehe Are you related to Merlin? lol (lol, me just being random again...i am super boooooooooooreeeeeeeeeeed lol)

[Arthur Little]

Double entendre

From what I've read, "double standards" of this sort would certainly seem to be rife in the Phils. Over THERE, it's more or less an 'unwritten law' that a MAN can be as promiscuous as he pleases ... yet, for the purposes of marriage, a WOMAN'S future is frequently determined by her state of virtue - ie. she is EXPECTED to have [somehow] managed to preserve her virginity up until her wedding night. Mind you, this principle is almost "forcibly" instilled into the psyche of the female population from an early age - by none other than the Roman Catholic Church.

[Tawi2]

Thats true Arthur,that role model of all pinays,the epitome of virtue Maria Clara herself was the product of an illegitimate tryst

[aposhark]

What I am about to type is really from the mentality of the West as far as I can see it, I cannot comment on the Philippines as I am a Brit.

Personally, I don't think there is any difference in the perception of adultery in the UK between the failings of either a man or a woman.
I feel that men feel the same pain as women contrary to popular belief.
The feelings of desolation are as equally severe for both sexes if love is shattered by a "mistake".
Both sexes are just as much to blame and both need to fix it if that is what is decided.

Women do not have a monopoly on emotions, it is just that these emotions come out in different ways.

For me it is very simple: If you love someone you cannot cheat, as love is too precious to break.

I hope this doesn't sound too simplistic.

[Jay&Zobel]

For me it is very simple: If you love someone you cannot cheat, as love is too precious to break.

I hope this doesn't sound too simplistic.

Or "Keep your pants on!!!"




_____
P.S.
I received a reputation point just now... Thanks who ever you are!!!

[Arthur Little]

:xxgrinning--00xx3 P.S.
I received a reputation point just now... Thanks who ever you are!!!

My pleasure, Zobel.

[Sophie]

For me it is very simple: If you love someone you cannot cheat, as love is too precious to break.

I TOTALLY AGREE

[Pepe n Pilar]

I received a good rep on this one.

How to Gain Trust Back After an Affair - Rebuild Your Relationship

Thank you very much indeed!

Cheers!

[Jay&Zobel]

I received a reputation point just now... Thanks who ever you are!!!

My pleasure, Zobel.

TA!

[Sophie]

I received a good rep on this one.

How to Gain Trust Back After an Affair - Rebuild Your Relationship

Thank you very much indeed!

Cheers!

My pleasure, pilar

[Arthur Little]

Thats true Arthur,that role model of all pinays,the epitome of virtue Maria Clara herself was the product of an illegitimate tryst

WAS she indeed? Hmmm ... that's interesting! :lol2: Thanks, Del-boy!

[Jay&Zobel]

Again someone gave me a reputation point for being hehehe.. CHEEEEEEEEERRRRSSSSSSS!!! I'm having a great day today lol!!! not bored anymore hahaha...

[Tawi2]

Everyone calls me del-boy arthur I wonder why Yeah,Maria Clara concept,ask your good wife about it

[Arthur Little]

Again someone gave me a reputation point for being hehehe.. :

Well done ... you deserve it, Zobel! Wish someone would give ME some more ... even if only for the time and amount of effort I put in, trying to make my posts interesting/humorous, whatever...

[mickcant]

Hi all,
I am a 64 year old brit now married to a lovely Filipina, I was married twice before the first marriage lasted 26 years, and I divorced her when she was on affair no 5 that I knew of.

I firmly belive being faithfull is very important in a marriage, and do not agree it is more acceptable for men to cheat on their partners, and of course with everone who cheats there is also anouther poor half of a realationship being decived also.
Mick.

[Tawi2]

I remember reading somewhere that scientists were investigating the existance of an "Infidelity-gene" to explain why some people male/female are more predisposed to straying off the track