Good morning

[Grievous Angel]

Hello. This is my first posting, although I’ve followed this site for a fair while, have used the information available, read all the relevant posting…. and so for that, I’d like to say a big THANK YOU.

So…. my dilemma, my concern, plight, problem, predicament …

I met and wooed a Filipina woman, and I certainly thought “this is the one for me, this is who I want to be with, this is someone I can happily live the rest of my life with”.
So, we went ahead and applied for a fiancee visa.
(Why fiancee instead of getting married in the Philippines ? … because for at least a few years we’d need to live in the UK, so I wanted her to see the UK, understand the culture changes, appreciate the changes this would cause, and allow her to decide IF the UK was acceptable to her, as her happiness and well-being is paramount to me).

So… the visa was granted, and she arrived 4 months ago. Great, marvellous……
Well, yes, at first it was (and still is, as the good times are truly GREAT)….. but the tampo & jealousy & mood swings are destroying us, especially me.

I’d read about tampo, (also followed the threat on this site) had experienced it previously … but never like this ! And why …. the causes of this, and the jealousy ?.... I find it difficult to fathom or understand.

In the 4 mnths since she’s been here, I’ve changed my life to accommodate her, to be there for her, to support her, to encourage, to comfort her, to reassure.
I’ve also changed my working habits, so at least 1 day a week I work from home, and she usually comes into the office with me for ½ a day. I’m home by at least 5.30pm every day, and if we are apart I call her at least twice a day. Almost every day I give her a little present when I arrive home… a book, flowers, a bar of chocolate… just something to show I care & am thinking of her.

I never work on Sat/Sundays… these are OUR days, just for us, and I try to make them special… be it going to the coast, a country park, a stately home, the theatre…. But there is always something.

We go shopping together (although it would be easier to do it myself), as I want to get her “involved”, to be a part of everything, to let her make decisions.

In these 4mnths, I have been out twice on my own…..once about a month ago, for an 1hr to see some friends and have a chat over a couple of beers. On that occasion she refused to talk to me for 2 days… totally ignored me.
The second was a few days ago… a business (dinner) meeting with male colleagues that I could not avoid, and had told her about at least 2weeks in advance. She called 5 times during the dinner to ask “Are you enjoying yourself”, and “I hope she appreciates it” … and to demand to speak to her ! I even offered (before I went out) that she join me later when the dinner had concluded, and we could have a drink together. “I’m not that stupid” was her reply.

“We” also now avoid the “local” ….. if a friend’s wife/girlfriend smiles at me, or talks to us, later that night she’ll say/ask “Are you sleeping with her ?” or “You two obviously had a thing in the past …why bother denying it”.

I could go on and on…..

But I love her ….. but this Jekyll & Hide character is destroying me. I’d like to think of myself as witty, humorous…. but I’m having to count to 10 now before replying/answering as every word & sentence is scrutinized.

We are due to be married at the end of this month …… and ……I honestly don’t know what to do.

Try & work it out ? ….. or accept that even though we love each other, we cannot actually be together.

Any thoughts, comments will be gratefully received.

[Ana_may365]

hiya!welcome here to the forum
i understand ur situations now[coz im the same like her b4 to my hubby]i admit im a very jealous person/wife.u only can solve ur problem by talking with her,spclly when ur both in bed together.try to explain to her ur job/work,try to explain to her ur feelings now[like my hubby did b4.and i realize i cant live without him coz he is a part of my life]i think after u talk to her at the end of the day she can realize it all.
goodluck!and wish all the best to both of u

[vbkelly]

Hello. This is my first posting, although I’ve followed this site for a fair while, have used the information available, read all the relevant posting…. and so for that, I’d like to say a big THANK YOU.

So…. my dilemma, my concern, plight, problem, predicament …

I met and wooed a Filipina woman, and I certainly thought “this is the one for me, this is who I want to be with, this is someone I can happily live the rest of my life with”.
So, we went ahead and applied for a fiancee visa.
(Why fiancee instead of getting married in the Philippines ? … because for at least a few years we’d need to live in the UK, so I wanted her to see the UK, understand the culture changes, appreciate the changes this would cause, and allow her to decide IF the UK was acceptable to her, as her happiness and well-being is paramount to me).

So… the visa was granted, and she arrived 4 months ago. Great, marvellous……
Well, yes, at first it was (and still is, as the good times are truly GREAT)….. but the tampo & jealousy & mood swings are destroying us, especially me.

I’d read about tampo, (also followed the threat on this site) had experienced it previously … but never like this ! And why …. the causes of this, and the jealousy ?.... I find it difficult to fathom or understand.

In the 4 mnths since she’s been here, I’ve changed my life to accommodate her, to be there for her, to support her, to encourage, to comfort her, to reassure.
I’ve also changed my working habits, so at least 1 day a week I work from home, and she usually comes into the office with me for ½ a day. I’m home by at least 5.30pm every day, and if we are apart I call her at least twice a day. Almost every day I give her a little present when I arrive home… a book, flowers, a bar of chocolate… just something to show I care & am thinking of her.

I never work on Sat/Sundays… these are OUR days, just for us, and I try to make them special… be it going to the coast, a country park, a stately home, the theatre…. But there is always something.

We go shopping together (although it would be easier to do it myself), as I want to get her “involved”, to be a part of everything, to let her make decisions.

In these 4mnths, I have been out twice on my own…..once about a month ago, for an 1hr to see some friends and have a chat over a couple of beers. On that occasion she refused to talk to me for 2 days… totally ignored me.
The second was a few days ago… a business (dinner) meeting with male colleagues that I could not avoid, and had told her about at least 2weeks in advance. She called 5 times during the dinner to ask “Are you enjoying yourself”, and “I hope she appreciates it” … and to demand to speak to her ! I even offered (before I went out) that she join me later when the dinner had concluded, and we could have a drink together. “I’m not that stupid” was her reply.

“We” also now avoid the “local” ….. if a friend’s wife/girlfriend smiles at me, or talks to us, later that night she’ll say/ask “Are you sleeping with her ?” or “You two obviously had a thing in the past …why bother denying it”.

I could go on and on…..

But I love her ….. but this Jekyll & Hide character is destroying me. I’d like to think of myself as witty, humorous…. but I’m having to count to 10 now before replying/answering as every word & sentence is scrutinized.

We are due to be married at the end of this month …… and ……I honestly don’t know what to do.

Try & work it out ? ….. or accept that even though we love each other, we cannot actually be together.

Any thoughts, comments will be gratefully received.

welcome to the forum grievious angel and goodluck to your forth coming wedding!

[aromulus]

Feelings of insecurity, and a very large dose of homesickness will cause these symptoms....

I would sit down and have a heart to heart and see if this is what she really wants.

It is no good finding out after the fact, all the loving reassurances in the world will not be enough to stop that behaviour.

I personally think that, secretly, she wants to go back home.

I dearly hope I am wrong with this assumption.

I wish you all the best of luck.

[New Shoes]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I read your post and I have to say that in your situation, I would not be looking to get married at this moment in time. It sounds as though you are, or very nearly on your knees with the jealousy and her general insecurity. Four months is not an insignificant amount of time for her to get used to the UK and also to be re-assured, constantly by the sounds of it, by you and your actions.

I'd like to say that things would get better by being married, but my gut feeling is that her jealousy / tampo would continue. Don't forget, ALL couples need to have some time away from their partner ie hobbies, social groups etc. It's a healthy part of being in a committed relationship. Can you honestly say that the way things are at the moment you would feel happy for them to continue as they are for, maybe for years to come?

I realise that as far as the fiance visa is concerned, time may not be on your side with regard to the wedding, but you have the rest of your life to consider. Think long and hard....................

[scott&ligaya]

Hi there, New shoes saved me the post, very good advice

[Jay&Zobel]

I personally think that, secretly, she wants to go back home.

I think so too

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I read your post and I have to say that in your situation, I would not be looking to get married at this moment in time. It sounds as though you are, or very nearly on your knees with the jealousy and her general insecurity. Four months is not an insignificant amount of time for her to get used to the UK and also to be re-assured, constantly by the sounds of it, by you and your actions.

I'd like to say that things would get better by being married, but my gut feeling is that her jealousy / tampo would continue. Don't forget, ALL couples need to have some time away from their partner ie hobbies, social groups etc. It's a healthy part of being in a committed relationship. Can you honestly say that the way things are at the moment you would feel happy for them to continue as they are for, maybe for years to come?

I realise that as far as the fiance visa is concerned, time may not be on your side with regard to the wedding, but you have the rest of your life to consider. Think long and hard....................

Hi there, New shoes saved me the post, very good advice

I am so sorry if you feel that way, lots have said that it's the insecurity thing, the homesickness and et al but I agree with New Shoes' advice: MARRIAGE IS FOR LIFE, will you want to be spending your whole life with someone who will always scrutinize you? judge you? and would not trust you?...

Let me share this quote:
Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savour, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening. ~Maya Angelou

HMMM... so therefore, jealousy/insecurity is a mental cancer ?

If you really think "she's the one" and she thinks "you're the one" then let us all hope for the best, that's all we can do really...

But if not... you still have few weeks to think before the wedding to take place...

[Mrs.JMajor]

Wowowow, I love to comment here hehehe, although a long post, I manage to read it all, Ok even I am in your fiancee situation I will feel the same, been here also for 4 months or so, never never he went out all by his self who ever call him either the Boss, a friend, his mother, who everrrr alright? He always bring me where ever he go, but not in working job/time and that I make sense why your fiancee is grumpy, tampo, sulking. My husband prove to me everything not to get insecure and he keep telling me that I am his priority in his life, he never have fun/good time w/ collegue all by his self, that I can say straight forward to you.


We are apart from our family deciding to live to fiancee here in the UK is a big decision for us. So dont let us leave alone in the house while your having good time w/ your friends.
That dinner also, why you didnt bring her, you suppose to bring her you know, hubby had dinner metting also, but he make sure that if his friends didn't allow me to be there, he wont attend the dinner, you see?
Anyhow, that was my opinion and feeling at the same time, I dont blame her to be honest. Good luck
As what Mod say, sit down and speak to her heart to heart for sure she will bring it out to you, its just so happen I am talkative the reason my husband know what I am sulking about if I am not in the mood, I told him why.

[aromulus]

Wowowow, I love to comment here hehehe,

To be expected...........

[bornatbirth]

Feelings of insecurity, and a very large dose of homesickness will cause these symptoms....

I would sit down and have a heart to heart and see if this is what she really wants.

It is no good finding out after the fact, all the loving reassurances in the world will not be enough to stop that behaviour.

I personally think that, secretly, she wants to go back home.

I dearly hope I am wrong with this assumption.

I wish you all the best of luck.

you can never tell what goes on in a womans mind?

Wowowow, I love to comment here hehehe, although a long post, I manage to read it all, Ok even I am in your fiancee situation I will feel the same, been here also for 4 months or so, never never he went out all by his self who ever call him either the Boss, a friend, his mother, who everrrr alright? He always bring me where ever he go, but not in working job/time and that I make sense why your fiancee is grumpy, tampo, sulking. My husband prove to me everything not to get insecure and he keep telling me that I am his priority in his life, he never have fun/good time w/ collegue all by his self, that I can say straight forward to you.


We are apart from our family deciding to live to fiancee here in the UK is a big decision for us. So dont let us leave alone in the house while your having good time w/ your friends.
That dinner also, why you didnt bring her, you suppose to bring her you know, hubby had dinner metting also, but he make sure that if his friends didn't allow me to be there, he wont attend the dinner, you see?
Anyhow, that was my opinion and feeling at the same time, I dont blame her to be honest. Good luck
As what Mod say, sit down and speak to her heart to heart for sure she will bring it out to you, its just so happen I am talkative the reason my husband know what I am sulking about if I am not in the mood, I told him why.

i have to agree,you need to include her with everything you do? but you have already said you that already!

To be expected...........

is mrsM a chatterbox?


hi and welcome btw!

due to my wifes past she was very jealous and a lot like your lady but how do you solve it?

my wife would question me and suspect me of anthing connected with other women like do i chat to others,do i have a female boss,do i think of others and pressure me until im going completely nuts also constantly ask me if i love her as if the first second im not with her in going to jump into bed with another woman?(if only ).

i told her that everytime she says stuff to me like that she hurts me! why?

because why will i spend so much time and do all i am with her and wanting to marry her,if all i want is to meet lots of women and have sex with them! and look how easy it is to go to the philipines to meet women so why will i bother with her?

there was a time my wife will get very jealous,pikon and tampo at me,at first she would have me on my knees begging her for her forgiveness,this would happen far to often until one day i told her straight put up or shut up in which the arguments got worse.i never gave in to her again then one day she said thats your opinion i will have to live with it!

i can even tease my wife whenever i see a goodlooking woman,even a ugly woman saying look at the butt on her shes so sexy? and my wife doesnt even react

but you have to reassure her all the time,get her involved in the wedding and all the plans so she knows everything whats going on!,does she chat to her family back home?

[Mrs.JMajor]

To be expected...........

is mrsM a chatterbox?

Your right, That is why I ask him, then if he fed up of me and I will just dis appear in the forum like Tawi then,

[bornatbirth]

Your right, That is why I ask him, then if he fed up of me and I will just dis appear in the forum like Tawi then,

hey i think hes kidding with you mrsM!!

your not getting pikon are you?

[aromulus]

Your right, That is why I ask him, then if he fed up of me and I will just dis appear in the forum like Tawi then,

The Smilie at the end of that post "", means "joking"....

[Mrs.JMajor]

hey i think hes kidding with you mrsM!!

your not getting pikon are you?

Heh Mrs M, please don't get offended, sometimes it is easy for miscommunication between forum members, all is love and peace here, just you keep right on chatting

The Smilie at the end of that post "", means "joking"....

No worries Mod (Good Morning to you) I just love the way they (borna and scott) react

[Arthur Little]

Hello. This is my first posting, although I’ve followed this site for a fair while, have used the information available, read all the relevant posting…. and so for that, I’d like to say a big THANK YOU.

So…. my dilemma, my concern, plight, problem, predicament …

I met and wooed a Filipina woman, and I certainly thought “this is the one for me, this is who I want to be with, this is someone I can happily live the rest of my life with”.
So, we went ahead and applied for a fiancee visa.
(Why fiancee instead of getting married in the Philippines ? … because for at least a few years we’d need to live in the UK, so I wanted her to see the UK, understand the culture changes, appreciate the changes this would cause, and allow her to decide IF the UK was acceptable to her, as her happiness and well-being is paramount to me).

So… the visa was granted, and she arrived 4 months ago. Great, marvellous……
Well, yes, at first it was (and still is, as the good times are truly GREAT)….. but the tampo & jealousy & mood swings are destroying us, especially me.

I’d read about tampo, (also followed the threat on this site) had experienced it previously … but never like this ! And why …. the causes of this, and the jealousy ?.... I find it difficult to fathom or understand.

In the 4 mnths since she’s been here, I’ve changed my life to accommodate her, to be there for her, to support her, to encourage, to comfort her, to reassure.
I’ve also changed my working habits, so at least 1 day a week I work from home, and she usually comes into the office with me for ½ a day. I’m home by at least 5.30pm every day, and if we are apart I call her at least twice a day. Almost every day I give her a little present when I arrive home… a book, flowers, a bar of chocolate… just something to show I care & am thinking of her.

I never work on Sat/Sundays… these are OUR days, just for us, and I try to make them special… be it going to the coast, a country park, a stately home, the theatre…. But there is always something.

We go shopping together (although it would be easier to do it myself), as I want to get her “involved”, to be a part of everything, to let her make decisions.

In these 4mnths, I have been out twice on my own…..once about a month ago, for an 1hr to see some friends and have a chat over a couple of beers. On that occasion she refused to talk to me for 2 days… totally ignored me.
The second was a few days ago… a business (dinner) meeting with male colleagues that I could not avoid, and had told her about at least 2weeks in advance. She called 5 times during the dinner to ask “Are you enjoying yourself”, and “I hope she appreciates it” … and to demand to speak to her ! I even offered (before I went out) that she join me later when the dinner had concluded, and we could have a drink together. “I’m not that stupid” was her reply.

“We” also now avoid the “local” ….. if a friend’s wife/girlfriend smiles at me, or talks to us, later that night she’ll say/ask “Are you sleeping with her ?” or “You two obviously had a thing in the past …why bother denying it”.

I could go on and on…..

But I love her ….. but this Jekyll & Hide character is destroying me. I’d like to think of myself as witty, humorous…. but I’m having to count to 10 now before replying/answering as every word & sentence is scrutinized.

We are due to be married at the end of this month …… and ……I honestly don’t know what to do.

Try & work it out ? ….. or accept that even though we love each other, we cannot actually be together.

Any thoughts, comments will be gratefully received.

Good Morning to YOU, and Welcome.

My immediate reaction on greeting you had been to satisfy my curiosity as to your choice of 'nom de plume' and ask what is so "grievous" about being an "angel"?

However, reading through your post, it soon becomes apparent that you are "hurting" emotionally. And, being a sensitive bloke, I genuinely "feel" for you ... having undergone a somewhat similar experience myself [albeit with a British woman] 11-1/2 years ago. Following a "whirlwind courtship", we (foolishly, in retrospect) found ourselves engaged after knowing each other for little more than 3 months. I say foolishly because, practically from the outset of our brief relationship, it became evident that the lady in question was the jealous type; e.g., I only needed to smile at ... and say "hello" ... to ANY other female I knew, to be asked afterwards: "D'you FANCY her?". I treated this lightly at first, and simply laughed it off. But, as time progressed, so too, did this same scenario ... until it reached the stage where her behaviour began to get beyond a and was wearing me down.

[Grievous Angel]

... and many things to ponder on.

Mrs JMajor .... we do EVERYTHING together, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Re; the dinner ... it was a BUSINESS (work) dinner, with colleagues I see only 3-4 times a year. I'd already postponed it twice .... and no others brought their wives or girlfriends. It was over by 9.30ish, and that was why I'd suggested she meet me afterwards at the restaurant.

Lets try another example ....
I was invited to a Wedding Anniversity party. The invite arrived in the post with my name on it many, many months ago.
"Why isn't my name on it ?"
"Because they are not aware of you... it's someone i see very rarely, so are unaware that you and I are a couple. They,ve always known me as single. But I've called them up and told them I'm bringing you"
"I'm not going unless my name is on the invitation"
.... so I got them to send a new invitation.
The night of the party....
I explained that knowing the people & where it was held, and the "style" of the invite, the women would be wearing long / cocktail dresses and the men, suits.
"I'm wearing jeans"
"If that's what you want, feel comfortable in.... but all the other women will be wearing a dress, and you'll be the odd-one-out"
"I'm wearing jeans... not interested in what they are wearing"
So, I also dress down , hang the suit back up in the wardrobe.

We arrive.....
"All the women are wearing dresses..... I totally stand out"
"Darling, I told you, I explained this"
"Well, you should have INSISTED on me wearing a dress, you should have DEMANDED it..... well. I'm not staying. You can if you want... I'll sit and wait in the car"
So I gave my apologies to the host/hostess and left.


I'll put up with lots of things .... I appreciate the "transition" is difficult, and I'm always there with a smile, a kiss, support, a hug .....
.... but it's so so difficult

[Mrs.JMajor]

... and many things to ponder on.

Mrs JMajor .... we do EVERYTHING together, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Re; the dinner ... it was a BUSINESS (work) dinner, with colleagues I see only 3-4 times a year. I'd already postponed it twice .... and no others brought their wives or girlfriends. It was over by 9.30ish, and that was why I'd suggested she meet me afterwards at the restaurant.

Lets try another example ....
I was invited to a Wedding Anniversity party. The invite arrived in the post with my name on it many, many months ago.
"Why isn't my name on it ?"
"Because they are not aware of you... it's someone i see very rarely, so are unaware that you and I are a couple. They,ve always known me as single. But I've called them up and told them I'm bringing you"
"I'm not going unless my name is on the invitation"
.... so I got them to send a new invitation.
The night of the party....
I explained that knowing the people & where it was held, and the "style" of the invite, the women would be wearing long / cocktail dresses and the men, suits.
"I'm wearing jeans"
"If that's what you want, feel comfortable in.... but all the other women will be wearing a dress, and you'll be the odd-one-out"
"I'm wearing jeans... not interested in what they are wearing"
So, I also dress down , hang the suit back up in the wardrobe.

We arrive.....
"All the women are wearing dresses..... I totally stand out"
"Darling, I told you, I explained this"
"Well, you should have INSISTED on me wearing a dress, you should have DEMANDED it..... well. I'm not staying. You can if you want... I'll sit and wait in the car"
So I gave my apologies to the host/hostess and left.


I'll put up with lots of things .... I appreciate the "transition" is difficult, and I'm always there with a smile, a kiss, support, a hug .....
.... but it's so so difficult

Awww, well she is not flexible and open minded , your right bit there, hard to dance with the music, ok I gave up my card, ask her as soon as you get home if she want to stay with you for the rest of her life, or you'll book her flight going to her beloved family
Sorry, as I read that party you attend, and at the end she blame you whattaa

[Arthur Little]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I read your post and I have to say that in your situation, I would not be looking to get married at this moment in time. It sounds as though you are, or very nearly on your knees with the jealousy and her general insecurity. Four months is not an insignificant amount of time for her to get used to the UK and also to be re-assured, constantly by the sounds of it, by you and your actions.

I'd like to say that things would get better by being married, but my gut feeling is that her jealousy / tampo would continue. Don't forget, ALL couples need to have some time away from their partner ie hobbies, social groups etc. It's a healthy part of being in a committed relationship. Can you honestly say that the way things are at the moment you would feel happy for them to continue as they are for, maybe for years to come?

I realise that as far as the fiance visa is concerned, time may not be on your side with regard to the wedding, but you have the rest of your life to consider. Think long and hard....................

Good Morning to YOU, and Welcome.

My immediate reaction on greeting you had been to satisfy my curiosity as to your choice of 'nom de plume' and ask what is so "grievous" about being an "angel"?

However, reading through your post, it soon becomes apparent that you are "hurting" emotionally. And, being a sensitive bloke, I genuinely "feel" for you ... having undergone a somewhat similar experience myself [albeit with a British woman] 11-1/2 years ago. Following a "whirlwind courtship", we (foolishly, in retrospect) found ourselves engaged after knowing each other for little more than 3 months. I say foolishly because, practically from the outset of our brief relationship, it became evident that the lady in question was the jealous type; e.g., I only needed to smile at ... and say "hello" ... to ANY other female I knew, to be asked afterwards: "D'you FANCY her?". I treated this lightly at first, and simply laughed it off. But, as time progressed, so too, did this same scenario ... until it reached the stage where her behaviour began to get beyond a and was wearing me down.

Sorry, I must've pressed the wrong key(s) while still in the middle of my response to your introduction. If I might now continue: [Please DON'T ALL groan at once ... or grit your teeth ]

This ill-fated "romance" I'd been referring to in my previous post finally ended when Heather [her name ... obviously!] raised objection to my going off on a pre-arranged Saga holiday to the Spanish Costa del Sol - with my widowed MOTHER [of all people] and another relative.

It seems to me that YOU'RE in a very difficult situation here. The thing about Heather was, her jealousy went to extreme levels on several occasions and had even led to her threatening me physically more than once. Which is WHY, given YOUR fiancee's pattern of behaviour, my gut instinct almost prompted me to advise you to "send her packing" before it's too late.

However, I'm particularly impressed with the sensible advice of my fellow-member, 'New Shoes' (whose post I've made a special point of quoting above) and would suggest you again, taking on board ALL that she's saying, not forgetting what the others have contributed. It COULD well be that your girl IS feeling homesick and, consequently, rather "fragile" and insecure at the moment ... in which case, talk with her about these things ... try to sympathise with her emotions ... whatever they are ... and reassure her of your . But remember, it's supposed to be an EQUAL partnership. And, as such, YOUR feelings are every bit as important. So take care not to neglect them in the process.

My Best Wishes to BOTH of you.

[lavander]

If you dont mind my asking G.Angel, how old is your lady?.. Hope you consider Age sometime in a way contributes to someone attitudes and behavior... I would agree with Mod Aromulos that this might be an early sign of 'homesick' and with the combination of insecurity etc ... Points noted best is make her feel 'secure' and top of your priority.. as per Mrs M!



my 2cents... Good luck..

[Grievous Angel]

If you dont mind my asking G.Angel, how old is your lady?.. Hope you consider Age sometime in a way contributes to someone attitudes and behavior... I would agree with Mod Aromulos that this might be an early sign of 'homesick' and with the combination of insecurity etc ... Points noted best is make her feel 'secure' and top of your priority.. as per Mrs M!



my 2cents... Good luck..

Neither of us are "teenagers", just setting out in the world...... there are 5yrs between our ages.

[Jay&Zobel]

... and many things to ponder on.

Mrs JMajor .... we do EVERYTHING together, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Re; the dinner ... it was a BUSINESS (work) dinner, with colleagues I see only 3-4 times a year. I'd already postponed it twice .... and no others brought their wives or girlfriends. It was over by 9.30ish, and that was why I'd suggested she meet me afterwards at the restaurant.

Lets try another example ....
I was invited to a Wedding Anniversity party. The invite arrived in the post with my name on it many, many months ago.
"Why isn't my name on it ?"
"Because they are not aware of you... it's someone i see very rarely, so are unaware that you and I are a couple. They,ve always known me as single. But I've called them up and told them I'm bringing you"
"I'm not going unless my name is on the invitation"
.... so I got them to send a new invitation.
The night of the party....
I explained that knowing the people & where it was held, and the "style" of the invite, the women would be wearing long / cocktail dresses and the men, suits.
"I'm wearing jeans"
"If that's what you want, feel comfortable in.... but all the other women will be wearing a dress, and you'll be the odd-one-out"
"I'm wearing jeans... not interested in what they are wearing"
So, I also dress down , hang the suit back up in the wardrobe.

We arrive.....
"All the women are wearing dresses..... I totally stand out"
"Darling, I told you, I explained this"
"Well, you should have INSISTED on me wearing a dress, you should have DEMANDED it..... well. I'm not staying. You can if you want... I'll sit and wait in the car"
So I gave my apologies to the host/hostess and left.


I'll put up with lots of things .... I appreciate the "transition" is difficult, and I'm always there with a smile, a kiss, support, a hug .....
.... but it's so so difficult

Neither of us are "teenagers", just setting out in the world...... there are 5yrs between our ages.

Aaawww...that's really awful! She has to think that it's not you that only needs adjusting (about her behaviour), but her too! She is in Britain now and she has to make an effort to fit-in as well.

I'm really sorry... I hate to think this, but was/is she just after the visa? citizenship?

[NtoN]

Aaawww...that's really awful! She has to think that it's not you that only needs adjusting (about her behaviour), but her too! She is in Britain now and she has to make an effort to fit-in as well.

I agree! Marriage is supposedly a lifetime commitment. Being through thick & thin is the greatest covenant you can give to each other. Attaining this entails a lot of sacrifice & understanding of each others differences. We all have unique personalities and coping from this requires a higher level of maturity. There are lots of possible factors affecting her behaviour (e.g. silent battle against homesickness, exposure to society, family upbringing, geographic & lifestyle change etc) and it would be unfair to her if you are not open about your sentiments towards it. It is always best to be honest no matter how difficult the circumstance is. It’s true that she’s already in Britain and she has to make an effort to fit in. Your fiancée needs a lot of growing. Make a reality check and if everything else fails, buy her a homebound ticket. Good luck! Keep the faith!

[aromulus]

Neither of us are "teenagers", just setting out in the world...... there are 5yrs between our ages.

I am going to burst your bubble.....

I am not an agony uncle, but my advice is to send her back home and let her languish there until grown up.

I cannot see an armonious future for you and her together, she is spoiled and she's got you in a "butty"....
I can "feel" some red flags and the more I re-read your posts, the more wary I become of the futility of the relationship set out on "her" terms.

It doesn't matter wether you are in love or not, it is high time for an old fashioned ultimatum.
It is your future at stake.... With or without her.

Sorry pal.
That's the way I see it.

[bornatbirth]

I am going to burst your bubble.....

I am not an agony uncle, but my advice is to send her back home and let her languish there until grown up.

I cannot see an armonious future for you and her together, she is spoiled and she's got you in a "butty"....
I can "feel" some red flags and the more I re-read your posts, the more wary I become of the futility of the relationship set out on "her" terms.

It doesn't matter wether you are in love or not, it is high time for an old fashioned ultimatum.
It is your future at stake.... With or without her.

Sorry pal.
That's the way I see it.

you could get tough with her but give what i posted a try first?

also how is the rest of life with her?

you really need to get into her head and see how her world is before you react to her!

[scott&ligaya]

Heh Mrs M, please don't get offended, sometimes it is easy for miscommunication between forum members, all is love and peace here, just you keep right on chatting

[estherboaz]

I am going to burst your bubble.....

I am not an agony uncle, but my advice is to send her back home and let her languish there until grown up.

I cannot see an armonious future for you and her together, she is spoiled and she's got you in a "butty"....
I can "feel" some red flags and the more I re-read your posts, the more wary I become of the futility of the relationship set out on "her" terms.

It doesn't matter wether you are in love or not, it is high time for an old fashioned ultimatum.
It is your future at stake.... With or without her.

Sorry pal.
That's the way I see it.

[tomm]

That's Filipina for you, all over the place

Don't forget, a certain times of the month all women can lose the plot.

But apart from the tampo... how's the rest of the relationship?

[trader dave]

i have sat here and read some ot this and i can relate with some of it ,my now wife is a normal young pilipina and jelious thats in there nature



to tell you straight i would not get married i would pack her back home tell her to grow up and enjoy your life

because believe me there are many many more who would love the chance to come to uk and have a loving ,caring husband get rid of her and go to the philippines and find another it is that easy

even if you ask on here i am sure members know of pilipinas who are looking for a lovely man to look after them and care for them

[aphrodite78]

there maybe an underlying issues i.e. is she preggy? or monthly period? do you make her feel secure / wanted? if not then i think you need to re-evaluate your relationship and whatever you choose stick with it and make it work. good luck

[Tawi2]

Theres enough stable and decent ladies in the world to not waste time on one who sounds as if she has underlying issues,I have indeed known one or two and dropped them like a ton weight once their true character had revealed itself,life is short,you obviously have doubts as your airing them on a public forum,move on my friend while theres still time,I would never try and swim through lifes pool with a heavy stone tied around my neck