Hello. This is my first posting, although I’ve followed this site for a fair while, have used the information available, read all the relevant posting…. and so for that, I’d like to say a big THANK YOU.
So…. my dilemma, my concern, plight, problem, predicament …
I met and wooed a Filipina woman, and I certainly thought “this is the one for me, this is who I want to be with, this is someone I can happily live the rest of my life with”.
So, we went ahead and applied for a fiancee visa.
(Why fiancee instead of getting married in the Philippines ? … because for at least a few years we’d need to live in the UK, so I wanted her to see the UK, understand the culture changes, appreciate the changes this would cause, and allow her to decide IF the UK was acceptable to her, as her happiness and well-being is paramount to me).
So… the visa was granted, and she arrived 4 months ago. Great, marvellous……
Well, yes, at first it was (and still is, as the good times are truly GREAT)….. but the tampo & jealousy & mood swings are destroying us, especially me.
I’d read about tampo, (also followed the threat on this site) had experienced it previously … but never like this ! And why …. the causes of this, and the jealousy ?.... I find it difficult to fathom or understand.
In the 4 mnths since she’s been here, I’ve changed my life to accommodate her, to be there for her, to support her, to encourage, to comfort her, to reassure.
I’ve also changed my working habits, so at least 1 day a week I work from home, and she usually comes into the office with me for ˝ a day. I’m home by at least 5.30pm every day, and if we are apart I call her at least twice a day. Almost every day I give her a little present when I arrive home… a book, flowers, a bar of chocolate… just something to show I care & am thinking of her.
I never work on Sat/Sundays… these are OUR days, just for us, and I try to make them special… be it going to the coast, a country park, a stately home, the theatre…. But there is always something.
We go shopping together (although it would be easier to do it myself), as I want to get her “involved”, to be a part of everything, to let her make decisions.
In these 4mnths, I have been out twice on my own…..once about a month ago, for an 1hr to see some friends and have a chat over a couple of beers. On that occasion she refused to talk to me for 2 days… totally ignored me.
The second was a few days ago… a business (dinner) meeting with male colleagues that I could not avoid, and had told her about at least 2weeks in advance. She called 5 times during the dinner to ask “Are you enjoying yourself”, and “I hope she appreciates it” … and to demand to speak to her ! I even offered (before I went out) that she join me later when the dinner had concluded, and we could have a drink together. “I’m not that stupid” was her reply.
“We” also now avoid the “local” ….. if a friend’s wife/girlfriend smiles at me, or talks to us, later that night she’ll say/ask “Are you sleeping with her ?” or “You two obviously had a thing in the past …why bother denying it”.
I could go on and on…..
But I love her ….. but this Jekyll & Hide character is destroying me. I’d like to think of myself as witty, humorous…. but I’m having to count to 10 now before replying/answering as every word & sentence is scrutinized.
We are due to be married at the end of this month …… and ……I honestly don’t know what to do.
Try & work it out ? ….. or accept that even though we love each other, we cannot actually be together.
Any thoughts, comments will be gratefully received.
