Tale of tampo....

[aposhark]

Hahaha! You maight be insensitive, or you might be lucky enough to have found someone that wasn't raised to expect to be swept off their feet each time they were upset.

Personally, I don't care for sulking as it doesn't really help fix things. I prefer to chase my boyfriend down and have a rational discussion about whatever happened to upset one of us (with no namecalling or blamethrowing). So we've never had a single argument. And he says he likes it so I guess something's definitely right about not going to bed upset.

The other night my Filipina wife was upset with me and left the room ignoring me. She went downstairs and slept on the sofa.
The next day when we discussed it, she asked me why I didn't come down to ask her to come back to bed.
When I told her that she is free to do as you wants and that I would never force her to do anything, she said that me coming down would have showed her that I cared, and that is the Philippine way!

It seems to me that "chasing someone down" really doesn’t work with my wife, and I wouldn’t dream of making her frightened or more upset.

If someone is angry, I think it is best to either walk away or wait until a better time to work things out. IMO, anger is diffused by walking away and confrontation more often than not make the situation a lot worse.

Her kindness, gentle demeanour and loving ways have made me change my behaviour, maybe this is what love does.
Oh, and sulking................Amuin, suyuin: coax, placate.... later though.

[dontpushme]

It seems to me that "chasing someone down" really doesn’t work with my wife, and I wouldn’t dream of making her frightened or more upset.

Maybe I shouldn't have used that term. I don't literally chase my boyfriend down. It's a long-distance relationship so the moment I get upset, I just tell him (we're online with each other all day anyway). It's always easy to say, "I'm upset." He knows me well enough to understand that there will be no screaming or crying or drama so his reaction is always "Why are you upset?". That leads to a proper discussion and a solution. When it's my fault (half the time it is anyway), I apologise and we move on. When it's his fault, he apologises and we move on. Voila! No chasing and no tampo! Also, when I've done something to upset him, he tells me instead of bottling it all up and being stoic.

[aposhark]

Maybe I shouldn't have used that term. I don't literally chase my boyfriend down. It's a long-distance relationship so the moment I get upset, I just tell him (we're online with each other all day anyway). It's always easy to say, "I'm upset." He knows me well enough to understand that there will be no screaming or crying or drama so his reaction is always "Why are you upset?". That leads to a proper discussion and a solution. When it's my fault (half the time it is anyway), I apologise and we move on. When it's his fault, he apologises and we move on. Voila! No chasing and no tampo! Also, when I've done something to upset him, he tells me instead of bottling it all up and being stoic.

Well for obvious reasons I have never argued with a Filipino man, so I don't know what that is like.
It seems to me that "Tampo" is a very powerful emotion in a Filipina's life.
As they are mostly non-confrontational, us Western men are dealing with a new dynamic. Perhaps your Filipino man acts differently and this is interesting.
I don't see my wife as submissive in any way, but her sulking makes me aware now that timing is the key, but then men have always struggled with timing.

[dontpushme]

LOL! He's not Filipino. He's English. I'm the first Filipina he's met so he knew nothing about my culture when we met, and we're still slogging through the cultural differences. I had no idea what to expect either. Who knew a discussion about football could lead to a happy relationship?

I don't think tampo is universal in the Philippines. I was raised to not sulk. My parents turned my **** red whenever I sulked ("Are you sulking?! Come here! I'll give you a reason to sulk!") so it's just not a Filipina thing. It's mainly dependent on parents and upbringing. I'm sure there are lots of Filipinas who don't sulk. But it's pretty obvious there are so many more that do.

I tried sulking once when I was upset with my boyfriend and I couldn't do it for more than three minutes (even though he was drunk and being a jerk). I ended up just telling him I was upset (first time I got upset) and he immediately sobered up.

[aposhark]

LOL! He's not Filipino. He's English. I'm the first Filipina he's met so he knew nothing about my culture when we met, and we're still slogging through the cultural differences. I had no idea what to expect either. Who knew a discussion about football could lead to a happy relationship?

Aha, sorry.
US/UK "cultural differences", as George Bernard Shaw said "two countries separated by a common language".
As you would say over there "a whole different ball game" LOL

"discussion about football could lead to a happy relationship"

Not in this country there isn't Unless you have a very good sense of humour.
Being an Everton supporter I have had to develop this over the years

I ended up just telling him I was upset (first time I got upset) and he immediately sobered up.

You're frightening me and I'm thousands of milew away

[dontpushme]

Aha, sorry.
US/UK "cultural differences", as George Bernard Shaw said "two countries separated by a common language".
As you would say over there "a whole different ball game" LOL

I was born and raised in the Philippines and I just came here last year for grad school. I don't really have a hometown because my family moved around, so I don't have any specific province's typical attitude. I was fortunate enough to have a family that has many foreigners as friends so I'm used to treading lightly until I get a good feel for the other person's culture.

Not in this country there isn't Unless you have a very good sense of humour.
Being an Everton supporter I have had to develop this over the years

I support Arsenal and my man is a lifelong United fan. Go figure! We'll obviously need two separate TV rooms for watching matches between our teams. Last November, I got to gloat, but when Arsenal lost to United last May, I came thisclose to making tampo. Good job he didn't gloat (I voluntarily cheered for United during the Champions League finals because he had been nice).

You're frightening me and I'm thousands of milew away

Hahaha! Maybe that's why we've never argued. He might be terrified of me! (I know you'll see this sooner or later, babe. You can tell me in private if you're scared. I promise I won't get upset.)