St Patricks day.................

[Tawi2]

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[Sophie]

LOL

[britishdetained]

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then’. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face,

'Shoite,

Shoite !'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
B'Jaysus.... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No fockin' way'. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Fock it' and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?'

Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?'

'Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.'

[nigel]

Two rough looking English guys are in a bar, and they see an Irishman quietly drinking his beer. They decide to start a fight with him by insulting St Patrick!

1st Englishmen: Do you know St Patrick was a w****r? He was a wimp! A sissy! He wore womens underwear! The guy was a freak!

Irishman: (Very casually) Oh really? That's very interesting...

1st Englishmen: St Patricks mother was a prostitiute! His father was a retard! His sister was a whore!

Irishman: (Very casually) That's fascinating facts...

(The second Englishmen is determined he's going to anger the Irishman, and he knows exactly what to say...)

2nd Englishmen: Do you know St Patrick wasn't even Irish, he was ENGLISH!

Irishman: (Still very casual..) Yes, your friend was just telling me..