Thanks Everyone, I think the general view of members of this forum is to be carefull but to follow the heart
AgreedAnd Mickcant, I hope you get that settlement visa soon. Thanks for the example of the banker and I am sure in years to come I will have a few tales like that too.
I had the same concerns once my and my now fiancee started getting serious. We had a few arguments about facebook messages and things as well, but I was going through a divorce at the time and didnt want to get anyone any more emotional than they needed to be.
Ive had plenty of lectures from friends and doubters, almost all well meaning, and I understand and actually appreciate that, because all anyone hears about LDRs is the scamming and the problems.
Unless you start looking around, you don't hear the good stories, and even when you DO look around, you still hear these stories and I have to admit Ive had a few bad moments when my insecurities have got me worrying about stupid stuff.
Ive now accepted the fact that everyone thinks I'm nuts. Ive come to the conclusion that actually, they're right. I AM crazy, but I dont care. I'm just crazy about my future wife.
Originally Posted by Northerner
I suppose I am just fishing for thoughts here. I personally plan to not reveal our relationship until I have been with her in the phils and can show some photographs of the two of us together. But even the thought of when and how is not a good thought! I think that no matter when I do this I will be facing some sort of derision from my family and some friends. So how did you guy's manage this?
I also thought about leaving it until they meet her in person? But that would be if we went the distance and I got her into the UK on a fiancé visa, and is it too late by then?
I asked my bf now my husband how he told his parents about me. He said, well they knew that we were penpals for quite some time, so after few years of correspondence, we then decided to meet each other in flesh and he told them: "Mum & Dad, I've booked my flights to the Philippines."BY THEN, they knew we were serious about our relationship.
My husband is a very private person, he isn't that type who will "Kiss and tell" nor actively participates in chit-chats. So yeah, I think it helps when you keep it in private first, not telling anyone until you know it's for real. Also, the more people involved, the more they will "cricize". Less talk, less mistake as they said.
Just enjoy things with your girl first, enjoy every minute of it. Visit her, have fun and experience the life in the PI, from there you know what to do NEXT.
Good luck anyway! She seemed nice and yep, I admire her giving you sim cards.
I am also a pretty private person, especially around my family as I grew up and noticed how they always started fights over petty and trivial things. I learned long ago that my business was just that, my business! They never knew much about the women in my life as I lived on the other side of town from them, they learnt some gossip only when I was once spotted in the street with some girl. And that was how I liked it... I used to always joke that they will know about my love life when they meet my wifeI asked my bf now my husband how he told his parents about me. He said, well they knew that we were penpals for quite some time, so after few years of correspondence, we then decided to meet each other in flesh and he told them: "Mum & Dad, I've booked my flights to the Philippines."
My husband is a very private person, he isn't that type who will "Kiss and tell" nor actively participates in chit-chats. So yeah, I think it helps when you keep it in private first, not telling anyone until you know it's for real. Also, the more people involved, the more they will "cricize". Less talk, less mistake as they said.
Just enjoy things with your girl first, enjoy every minute of it. Visit her, have fun and experience the life in the PI, from there you know what to do NEXT.
Good luck anyway! She seemed nice and yep, I admire her giving you sim cards.Thanks
I am also a pretty private person, especially around my family as I grew up and noticed how they always started fights over petty and trivial things. I learned long ago that my business was just that, my business! They never knew much about the women in my life as I lived on the other side of town from them, they learnt some gossip only when I was once spotted in the street with some girl. And that was how I liked it... I used to always joke that they will know about my love life when they meet my wife
But just make sure that you are NOT embarrassed of her. Make her feel that she is important and you don't think of her the same as the PREVIOUS girl. Anyway, you have learnt your lessons from the past and I'm sure you won't get fooled again, right?
Good luck to you Northerner, all of us can appreciate the difficulties involved. Im sure we're all rooting for you.
Doesn't matter what anybody else thinks as long as you are happy.
I met my wife in my local pub, but still get people asking if we met on line. They are the ones who get embarrassed and apologise.
I have friends who met their current (English) partner on line, why should it bother me how they met. At the end of the day it is just another way of meeting someboy. It is no different to speed dating and lonely hearts columns, it just uses different technology.
Hi Scouse,
I totally agree with you on it makes no difference how couples meet, its how they bond afterwards, I have said this before but the worse comment I have had was when around 2 months ago I went to my High St bank to send my filipina wife some money while we wait for her visa, and my saying it was to my wifes bank account, the chap doing the money transfere said "have you met her yet" I replied several times and we married last year!
Mick.
Good on you Mickcant. You could have complained about him though. Cheeky
When I told my sons about my Filipino friend, they were dead set against it. I found this very hurtful but then I got to thinking. They were only trying to protect me (which is a good thing). I let them have their say and did not try to persuade them they were wrong, as that is just a waste of energy and gives them an opportunity to repeat their accusations (mostly that he was after my money). I just quietly got on with leading my life my own way. Nearly 2 years later, I think they are beginning to see that there must be something special about this man.
Pretending you're not in this relationship is a bad idea. When you finally "come out" your friends are going to be angry that you lied to them, and that will confirm in their minds that there is something dodgy going on.
If you value your friendship with this lady, tell the world and show them how proud you are of her.
Mick when he asked had you met her yet you should have said very dead-pan "No,thats why I am sending money,I am paying for her in installments"
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
Mick when he asked had you met her yet you should have said very dead-pan "No,thats why I am sending money,I am paying for her in installments"Nice one!
Hi Tawi2,Mick when he asked had you met her yet you should have said very dead-pan "No,thats why I am sending money,I am paying for her in installments"
Yes that would have been good, problem is I did not think of anything good in time!
The next time I went in the bank, he served me again, and asked if there was any progress on her arriving here, so he might have thought on about it aftrer!
Mick.
Thats cool Mick,maybe he had a rethink and realised
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
Crazy idea, but why not go about introducing her the way you would any other girlfriend? If you start to draw distinctions between a girlfriend from the Philippines and one from the UK then you are no better than the people who assume all Filipinas are mail order
To me, the very fact you're so reluctant to announce your status suggests you are embarrassed by the situation. If I were you I'd think LONG and HARD about whether you really want this, or whether its just convenient for you right now. Because to me it doesn't sound like you're really committed to this girl, and that's unfair on her
Just my 2p
Yeah, you have a point but sometimes it's better not to talk too much about it. There's a thin line between being private and being embarrassed.
Just my 2p2 pesos?See,your fluent in Tagalog already
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
LOL! I think he meant two pence.Just my 2p
Also, I think what Matt meant by treating this as you would any other relationship is just that. Long distance relationships per se aren't bad (Matt and I didn't meet in person until last June, when we'd been together for over a year). It's when the couple act like the relationship is a dirty secret that other people will start to perceive it as such. Another thing that leads other people to assume that your relationship is less than acceptable is when money changes hands (sending cash for surgery, family, emergencies, electronics, expensive gifts, etc), even if it's the guy who always offers to send cash after hearing a sob story. Relationships should never be based on money.
If you've done nothing wrong and you feel proud of this relationship, show it. And be strong. After a while, if people see that you truly are in love with each other and you're not just becoming her sugar daddy, they will accept the relationship. Love is a beautiful thing. If this is the same kind of relationship you'd expect with an Englishwoman, then treat your lady the same way you'd treat someone from your country. You'll find her appreciation is worth more than your pride or any embarrassment the long-distance relationship may cause you.
Matt, perhaps you have a point. But I have always kept my private life private, let's just say I have a disfunctional familyAs for being embarrassed! No, not at all.. And I think you will find a lot of members on this board had kept their relationships privae for a short while.
Once I get back from the phils then I will think over this some more.
Sugar DaddyDoes being 8 years older make me a Sugar Daddy?
If it was me i wouldnt rush to spill the beans to anyone, not until you'v met in person and decided to be a couple, lets face it you could me and not like eachother, hope thats not the case but its possible, I know while i am looking for a woman i keep it low key , becuase i honestly get sick of the comments from people, but when i find somebody and i think it will last then for me thats the time to spill the beans,
N
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