Your not in a mess,its one of those things that make us unique,its called life,we all have differing expectations,experiences,trauma,joy,ups,downs swings and roundabouts,you learn from each day,deprivation of liberty is pretty traumatic I must admit but hopefully its short-term only,you will learn from it and empathise with the people you meet,its part of the game.I was locked up in Pakistan once,I was single so wasnt too phased by the experience though the fact I expected a beating perturbed me a little
But your strong,your characters ebullient,your writings echo that,this wont crush you,if anything it will make you stronger.