Understanding teens...

[britishdetained]

Hi charlene, the most effective key really is not just to be her mom, but be her bestfriend as well....
i'm not yet a mom so i cannot give advise on a mother's point of view
but i can talk by experience, having been a teenager myself once....

I was really close to my oldest sister growing up, she's like my surrogate mom,
She pretty much guided me on what i should and should not do and what are the consequences of every action i make...
She taught me how to make the right choices in my life and never stumble on the bad ones and regret the consequences....
but she never forced anything on me, not even once....she gave me the free will to make up my mind and my own choices,
she trusted me and my judgement, knowing fully well that i took her advises at heart....
she established a trust, a bond and an open communication with me and i pretty much can open up and tell her just about anything, like a bestfriend..
and i know that no matter what, she will never judge me and that i can really trust her....
and most of all, she made me feel so loved and i felt so secure that whatever happens, she's the one i can run to and count on
and she will be the first person to pick me up if i fall and be there for me for comfort and understanding, if i fail and mess up.....

And it really worked as i pretty much have been a good girl growing up, in a sense that i never got involved in any rebelious activities....
nor party with friends and hang out with the wrong crowd in my teen years and even in my college days....
I never had a bf until i'm working already and mature enough to handle a relationship...
And i chose to follow everything she told me, because i know it's the right thing...
not because i'm afraid of her as i was never brought up in fear, but because i know how much she loves me
and i love her so much that i cannot afford to hurt her, disappoint her and break her heart....
coz i know, whatever mistakes i make and suffer, she will suffer just as much....
and whatever i do that will hurt me, she will be hurt just as much or even more...
and i just cannot bear that thought....knowing that she only wants nothing but the best for me,
so why should i mess it up when i know better already.....

So i can say, i pretty much lived a sheltered life and always "played it safe"...which others may find boring lol, but i definitely got no regrets...as i turned out ok, lol.....
she inculcated in me all the values i carry with me until now and molded me to be who i am....
My teenage years may be too safe and less fun and exciting, but it was all for the best...
and if i'll have a chance of a do-over, i will never do it any other way......
And this is exactly how i'm gonna raise my kids in the future

Being a teenager is a difficult period, it's a phase where you are trying to form and find your identity
and isn't it great to be with your daughter to witness and guide her well, in her transformation......

Honestly...im trying to be a good mum though same with you i have a different teenage life, never been involved into trouble ans always been a good daugther to my parents until i was 18 when my mum died and had left me being the one incharged of everything coz my dad is a ship captain...only few weeks in a year have to stay home with us. Then got my self to wrong group of friends and got married at the age of 18. I grew up in fear as my dad is very strict and had adopted what he learned from PMA. I then promised myself that what ever he did to us will not be the same with my children. But because I got a child atv 19 he then took her and never been allowed to tell my own daugther that i am her real mum only late last year he let me to have my daugther back. When she arrived at my house its bit uneasy to both of us as she never been with me al her life, same as with me as I never knew what she wants and what she like. Kevin and I tried to be good parents to her and things bit working until he was arrested and always blamed the shame of all this to us. She was traumatized when she had watched Kevin on the national television labelled as am illegal recruiter and never spoken to me since that night.

Maybe part of it was my fault as I never sit with her and explained what is happening. But all the time I am trying to be her friend, giving her freedom only that I really dont agree on going out at night and going to parties which is not being not informed to me. I didnt even believe in hitting as never been in that situation with my parents. But still inspite of all these seems things are still not enough. Like today, I tried to be a friend and even oncluded her in cooking but she is less interested at all and got very angry when i asked her to do some chores

I wish she would forgive me on what happened to her in the past and would understand my feelings towards going out at night. I am as well trying my hardest to understand her... I just hope her rebellious stage will be finished as I am afraid that my dad would take her away from me again