How much ££ for the family

[trader dave]

the reason you see so many foreign docs is because of pay, a consultant for the NHS can get, upto £100k a year. imagine earning that, when you've been paid in the phils a 1/10 of that. that's why they came and also because of a shortage of English docs at the time, but the gov 5yrs ago, told the med schools to take more students in, now those students are docs, and are competing against foreign docs here, so the gov has made it harder for foreign docs to train as consultants here, as British ones are struggling to find jobs.

many of our top people give up on this place because of over taxation lets face it £40.000.00 just over then you start paying 40% tax i am sorry its a fecking joke we used to welcome those that come from asia and the carribean to work but not know, EUROPEAN UNION LETS FACE IT IF I NEEDED CARING FOR WHO WOULD I PREFER TO LOOK AFTER ME A PILIPINA NURSE OR A EASTERN EUROPEAN no contest

THERE ARE MANY NURSING HOMES now who want pilipina nursing staff off course THIS FECKING GOVERNMENT WONT ALLOW THEM or our rulers from europe

[trader dave]

Oh sorry I should of say
Asian-British
White British
Black British

Like me, filipino british soon

you are then a british passport holder your a pilipina

[pennybarry]

you are then a british passport holder your a pilipina

Soon I hope Dave.

[bystander09]

In principal... nothing. Occasional gifts are OK.... This does not extend to buying the brothers a jeepney or tricycle and then being rolled over for the maintenance and new tires etc...

Your girl will come under family pressure to deliver the goods on a monthly basis. Remember that most Filipino families will look upon you as sort of winning the jackpot.....

Help only in matters of true emergency sickness etc; and do this by directly paying for hospital/doctor/medication expenses...

Keep in mind that people in the Philippines can die of medical problems that we in Europe would never consider life threatening....

I remember vividly seeing one of our neighbours family financially ruined by the mother contracting kidney disease which required regular dialysis. She died after about 3 years of treatment. The children’s inheritance being consumed by medical expenses..

bystander

[Tonet]

Hi Tonet,

None of my business but i cant help wonder if you plan to get your own place soon, are you saving between you both to get your own place?

But good on you for sending your own hard earned££

Yeah we are planning to get a place of our own but we are still not sure if we want to stay here in Uk or in Philippines. I stopped sending to my family since i bought them jeep and tricycle so we can save better for our own family.

We didnt decide to stay with my parents-in-law just so i can send to my family, as i mentioned i'm from a big family, our house is full of noise, nosy neighbours and loud kids. It was a big help that at least we are 4 in this house. I never liked silence it makes me crazy, and realize more how far i am from home. It helped me cope with missing my nanay because mum-in-law is just like my nanay.

Im getting used to being here now, i now got friends ,a job that i enjoy and i'm planning to go to Uni, so hopefully in 10 years time we can get a place of our own. We'll get there.

[jimeve]

Oh sorry I should of say
Asian-British
White British
Black British

Like me, filipino british soon

like my wife, Filipino- British

[trader dave]

Soon I hope Dave.

keep studing if thats where you are at the moment ? life in uk ? best of luck

[dontpushme]

but what would happen if she needed it for an emergency, or she lost her job, was at uni studying, her family were poor, you still wouldn't help

if your parents didn't have much would you help them out ? or let them struggle ??

LOL, I actually am at uni. I'm a grad student. I currently am in debt and cannot buy health insurance because that money will have to be given to the hospital and doctors for their services renderd when I had tendinitis that was aggravated by a project that my GIS professor assigned to me. My family is not rich, but we work hard. Things aren't as rosy as they may seem. But I still want to figure this out on my own and I don't want a handout.

Dont feel insulted Matt,its asian culture,totally different from ours,though this system of dependancy looks set to continue for a long time in the future as pinas has a 3% population growth and is reliant on foreign remittances Also remember we all live according to our means,we adjust to whatever we have in our accounts or the salary we are earning,the more you send the more they spend

As much as I'd like to agre with you, the culture in Asia is for family members to help each other, not for families to ask for money from foreigners. Unfortunately, I've also seen the growing number of families that raise their daughters to believe that they are the saviors of the family and must find rich foreigners (this is true even for the native tribes in Bicol).

But lol I'm turned off to kuripots although I don't really ask money.

Penny, you've just proven that women do like the gifts and the money and wouldn't think as highly of their partners if they were kuripot (stingy/thrifty/frugal).

Both were girls and got degrees,ones never used hers despite her promises to her mum and dad(her mum is dying at the moment,terminal illness)because she got pregnant and married to a guy in Manila,the other one An is working in a call center,computer wizz-kid but well,I learnt a few weeks ago she is also pregnant but cant marry her boyfriend because of religious issues But its part of being human,its inbuilt,if your close to someone and see they are lacking you feel the urge to give dont you?(any donations PM me for my account details).

While it is admirable for those women to be helping their parents, you make it sound like pregnancy was forced on them and they had no control over their circumstances. Condoms are very cheap and are sold everywhere in the Philippines. They could have had better circumstances and better lives had they made the right choice and had protected sex instead of unprotected sex. Yes, Philippine culture dictates that women be demure and chaste and they would've been given dirty looks by a couple people at the 7-Eleven, but was that really worth the decades of extra costs and two more mouths to feed? I myself have had to face strangers with their dirty looks. I have had to use contraceptive pills for years now because of my ovarian cysts. Those people don't have a right to judge me by the products I buy. Sorry, sweetie, a lot of people in the Phlippines have babies to add to their sob story (Try talking to the DSWD folks in CDO who've been trying to convince the beggar lady with seven kids to stop getting pregnant. She refuses and runs away whenever they take her to the center because she says it's a lot easier to earn money by begging and she says she needs the children because people give more money when she has babies.). If you want more information

I know it sounds like I'm lucky and I'm from a wealthy family, but I'm not. I'm from a broken family. I started earning my own money at 7y/o. My siblings did the same. I had my first official job at 13. My salary paid for my expenses. I didn't earn enough to send home to my family. At the time, I was in Manila on a scholarship while my family was in CDO. I hated being away but my mother had begged me to take the scholarship as that was the only way I could afford to go to school. My sister had to leave uni to work so my younger brother could go to school. No, my family isn't rich. At uni, I worked five jobs all at the same time while I was a full-time student. Anywhere I ended up, i found ways to earn money because I still remembered the time when my family couldn't even afford to buy rice (I know you ladies know about eating rice with just soy sauce or salt. we couldn't even afford that). I also found ways to help. I had many friends in the slums in Manila because my high school was across the street from one. And at uni, I catechised at different slums and made friends with the children. Found out that many of them were part of begging syndicates and most of the money they received were taken by the adults that managed them. Before I left for grad school, I lived in Makati. Even the children begging near the Mandarin Oriental are part of syndicates (have you noticed the adults hiding in the bushes beneath the statues at the crosswalks?).

I'm not as lucky as people think, but I was raised to not be part of the problem. As poor as we were, when we did have food, we shared it. Every month when I was young, my dad made it a point to bring us to the orphanage to donate food. And every Christmas, we went and donated clothes and toys. Not that we had too many, but we had more than they did. I still love going to orphanages to spend my time with the children and give them something money can't buy. But I've learned from talking to them and the orphanage directors (in several different provinces) that toys, expecially expensive ones, are sold at school and the money is usually wasted on petty gambling and vices. It's not the directors that do this but the children (they admitted to doing it). Also, I've seen how children pretend they're hungry and thirsty but as soon as they turn the corner, they buy Rugby (a brand of rubber cement) and sniff that (this was in Bicol). I've had children yell at me for giving them food when they wanted money. I've had beggars brag to me about how they had just run away from the center again because the manager wanted them to study and learn crafts, but they preferred to beg and they earn more doing it anyway too. DSWD is understaffed and getting tired of rounding up homeless people every month only to have them run away again so they can beg.

I know this thread is about something else, but from everyone's comments, it doesn't seem like you all have spent enough time to really get to know the people you're "helping". I've been there and done that (heck, I've even dated a guy whose single mother couldn't afford to let him stay in the slum in Baguio with his half-siblings so she gave him to an orphanage).

I guess my point is that attitude is not based on how much money you have but on what values you were taught. I do come from a broken family living paycheck to paycheck. But I wasn't raised to ask for money. I was raised to earn it myself. It's incredibly touching to find genuinely appreciative people (like the boy that used to money he was given to buy food, drinks and flowers). I've loved so many people in the slums and felt that I wanted to take them away from there. But as the saying goes, give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and he eats for a lifetime. Don't send money for every little thing, but find ways to help people learn skills that would help them earn their own money.

I'm not trying to insult anyone, just trying to help you see better.

Dang, this is long!

--Denise

[joebloggs]

LOL, I actually am at uni. I'm a grad student. I currently am in debt and cannot buy health insurance because that money will have to be given to the hospital and doctors for their services renderd when I had tendinitis that was aggravated by a project that my GIS professor assigned to me. My family is not rich, but we work hard. Things aren't as rosy as they may seem. But I still want to figure this out on my own and I don't want a handout.

respect to you, but if you had no money, and your family couldn't help you, and you told your b/f this, would you expect him to offer you help ?, even thou you might or would refuse it, its the offering i'm talking about, or would you drop out of uni ??

in my misses case, most of her family live on palawan, her mom and father managed to get all their 4 kids thru uni, no they are not rich, but worked long hours to do it, and they gave up alot to do this. my misses wanted to be a doc since she was a kid, but she never gave up her dream, first the biology degree, then the med degree, all in nearly 10yrs at uni, sure they all took turns to work and help pay for the others to go to uni, but still a big burden for her family. also there is no med school on palwan, so her father and my misses had to move to Laguna to do med there, again sacrifices,also my misses had a son she would have to leave behind on palawan.

heres were i came in, after months of chatting to her, she told me in a panic she would have to quit med school because her sister had not sent the money for her fees, looked like she spent it , and she would go and find a job, i offered her to give her the money, she wouldn't take it, but after days of me offering she said she would see it as a loan, and then i get an email off her mom telling me nicely to . . after a week or so her mom finally agreed to it, you might think i was scammed or stupid, i could have walked away many times.. i didn't owe anyone anything. have you ever seen the film 'pay it forward' ? then maybe you'll understand why i did it

[dontpushme]

Hi Joe,

Yes, I did see that film. It was beautiful, and I'm sure my parents taught us to help for the same reasons. Even as a child, I've wanted to build an orphanage, a public library and cheap housing. That was how my dad convinced me to stop dragging my feet and come to the US to study. I had a job that I gave up to go back to school, and I don't regret it. I can't pay back the people that gave me scholarships, but know I'll be able to help others someday. It's something that still inspires me when I'm ready to give up on my thesis.

I commend your missus for working so hard to be a doctor. I don't think she scammed you. Honestly, women don't always tell you problems so you can offer to help. A lot of the time, all we need is someone to listen and commiserate with us. I have no doubt that with as much as her family's done in the past to solve similar problems, they would have found a way without your help. And that kinda brings me to pride, which could be the reason her mother told you to off. In the Philippines, women with foreign bfs or husbands are seen both as a source of much needed money and as cheap tramps (yes, there's that double standard). In the long run, though, I'm sure they'll appreciate your help. But don't make a habit of offering money at the first sign of tears. First offer your moral and emotional support. All that money being offered with every sob story only encourages scammers and golddiggers. They may have had a hard life before you came along, but they became stronger for it. And they did it without any help from outsiders.

To answer your question, If I REALLY had no choice, I'd have accepted Matt's help but dragged my feet doing it. And I'd have paid him back as soon as I could. Haha! My family's not supporting me right now and I'm still trying to get my former insurance company to pay for the medical costs (the scammers!). But I've already found two more sources of income in the last week. I'm no stranger to doing jobs that noone else wants, and I don't mind scrimping for a long time. It just makes my achievements that much sweeter.

[joebloggs]

THERE ARE MANY NURSING HOMES now who want pilipina nursing staff off course THIS FECKING GOVERNMENT WONT ALLOW THEM or our rulers from europe

i think if you go to nursing homes now, you will find just as many brits working in there as non brits, my moms in a residential home, and there are a few filipina's who work in there, but to be honest it seems to me, the brits care just as much as the filipinas, maybe because they have to pay at least the minimum wage their getting a better calibre of person

i agree with you about our masters in Europe, how long will it be before a country pulls out of the union ??

[joebloggs]

Hi Joe,

Yes, I did see that film. It was beautiful, and I'm sure my parents taught us to help for the same reasons.

. And that kinda brings me to pride, which could be the reason her mother told you to off.

To answer your question, If I REALLY had no choice, I'd have accepted Matt's help but dragged my feet doing it. And I'd have paid him back as soon as I could. Haha!

i know my misses mom told me to because of pride, but faced with the reality of her daughter not going to uni for another year, wasting a year, im sure you being at uni can understand that. she didn't have a choice really.


then you would accept his help, so your just the same as many of us on here , i don't send people money to buy plasma tvs or cars, what i send is enough for them to get by, i've got my own kids here and i have to balance the spending of both families.

good luck with your studies

[pennybarry]

In principal... nothing. Occasional gifts are OK.... This does not extend to buying the brothers a jeepney or tricycle and then being rolled over for the maintenance and new tires etc...

Your girl will come under family pressure to deliver the goods on a monthly basis. Remember that most Filipino families will look upon you as sort of winning the jackpot.....

Help only in matters of true emergency sickness etc; and do this by directly paying for hospital/doctor/medication expenses...

Keep in mind that people in the Philippines can die of medical problems that we in Europe would never consider life threatening....

I remember vividly seeing one of our neighbours family financially ruined by the mother contracting kidney disease which required regular dialysis. She died after about 3 years of treatment. The children’s inheritance being consumed by medical expenses..

bystander

If I have a fortune or savings money, I will not hesitate to buy jeepney or tricycle. Rather than sending money as I believe in Don't give fish but give them fishnet to get fish

I was just lucky I'm almost the youngest in the family and brod and sis are more stable than me. We got only one sister that we help sometimes due to her disability.

I'm also thankful that not because I send money to my Nanay, is she spends it all. I was surprised she has bank passbook and save the rest.

I also agree in emergency needs, that's why we filipinas are always saving for emergency reasons. This was taught by us when we attended CFO seminars and also a common sense to us.

Some lucky children gets inheritance from parents, and it is our culture that we can give up some properties to sell if parents is ill and no helps comes from their children. But usually, we children are working together and help each other to save our parents from illness.

[dontpushme]

i know my misses mom told me to because of pride, but faced with the reality of her daughter not going to uni for another year, wasting a year, im sure you being at uni can understand that. she didn't have a choice really.

There's nothing wrong with not going to uni to work for tuition. That's what my sister had to do to help support my brother and save up for her own fees. She says she doesn't regret it at all.

then you would accept his help, so your just the same as many of us on here , i don't send people money to buy plasma tvs or cars, what i send is enough for them to get by, i've got my own kids here and i have to balance the spending of both families.

The next sentence stated I would pay him back. I really don't want a handout. If I can't earn the money myself at the time, then I'd borrow it. If I can't borrow it, I'd stop studying for however long it takes to earn the money I need. I already have skills in different fields and have no problem finding work. The trick really is doing what others won't or can't do.

good luck with your studies

Thanks!

I'm also thankful that not because I send money to my Nanay, is she spends it all. I was surprised she has bank passbook and save the rest.

You are lucky. She's got a good head on her shoulders.

[Arturo]

Can anyone advise me on how much money would mr average send home to the phils each month, to support the family??? After the wife arrives and lives in the uk.

Sorry if this is an old question, i searched and couldnt find anything. But seems an important consideration.

Thanks
neil

Is it part a "pre-nuptual"?

Meaning no disrespect to your mrs, but sending money to the family seems a bit much. I can understand helping in an emergency, sending money at Christmas etc., is a family thing. Expectation that the rich guy in the UK is now the family bank account, is a big responsibility to continue. There may be a time when you cannot send any... then they and you are in deep du du.
I suppose if you feel obligated to help. do it as a gift and vary the amount and frequency of "issue".

I may have the wrong perspective on this. My Ella has a good job and her brothers both have jobs and Nanay is 73 and still working!

I was with the family about 8 weeks ago... they were spening money on me!

[IainBusby]

Is it part a "pre-nuptual"?

Meaning no disrespect to your mrs, but sending money to the family seems a bit much. I can understand helping in an emergency, sending money at Christmas etc., is a family thing. Expectation that the rich guy in the UK is now the family bank account, is a big responsibility to continue. There may be a time when you cannot send any... then they and you are in deep du du.
I suppose if you feel obligated to help. do it as a gift and vary the amount and frequency of "issue".

I may have the wrong perspective on this. My Ella has a good job and her brothers both have jobs and Nanay is 73 and still working!

I was with the family about 8 weeks ago... they were spening money on me!

Well said that man!

[dontpushme]

Meaning no disrespect to your mrs, but sending money to the family seems a bit much. I can understand helping in an emergency, sending money at Christmas etc., is a family thing. Expectation that the rich guy in the UK is now the family bank account, is a big responsibility to continue. There may be a time when you cannot send any... then they and you are in deep du du.
I suppose if you feel obligated to help. do it as a gift and vary the amount and frequency of "issue".

I may have the wrong perspective on this. My Ella has a good job and her brothers both have jobs and Nanay is 73 and still working!

I was with the family about 8 weeks ago... they were spening money on me!

Sorry, but a lot of guys here seem to feel the need to spend on their ladies and the extended families. You're seem very practical and rational, and it sounds like you're one of the lucky ones that isn't being milked. Congratulations! She's a keeper!

[pennybarry]

[QUOTE=You are lucky. She's got a good head on her shoulders.[/QUOTE]

Thanks don'tpush

Actually she's still working at 82. She loves to plant veggies and villagers buy veggies from us. The one bothers her is her hundreds of chickens, ducks and few pigs that needs to feed. Feeds cost a fortune and income is not that big. Sometimes it's only break even But my Nanay loves to hatch more and more cheeks/eggs Farming in Pinas is not earning too much, I must say. But we are lucky we don't buy rice and veggies which is a big help.

[Northerner]

Thanks don'tpush

Actually she's still working at 82. She loves to plant veggies and villagers buy veggies from us. The one bothers her is her hundreds of chickens, ducks and few pigs that needs to feed. Feeds cost a fortune and income is not that big. Sometimes it's only break even But my Nanay loves to hatch more and more cheeks/eggs Farming in Pinas is not earning too much, I must say. But we are lucky we don't buy rice and veggies which is a big help.

The Philippines sounds more and more like a place that will strike me one way or another

[Tawi2]

Dontpushme,I dont make it seem as if both girls were forced into pregnancy,I know condoms are cheap,but the religion and the family culture there are such that birth control is frowned upon and big early families are the norm Its part of pinoy culture,like it or not,that a pinay marrying a westerner is cause for celebration in a family,put it this way,I have attended a few mixed marriage weddings in Pinas and never once saw the brides mother frowning,quite the reverse,and it is expected that money wings its way from west to east,that has been docimented so often its not just a myth,its part and parcel of the relationship,its the trade off,I met an american in his 70's Yup he was an septuagenarian with a "Fiancee" in her early 20's,thats the most extreme but I have seen lots of age chasms like that,is it for love or £££,of course its for the money going back to pinas,they even coined a phrase for it,the 4 M's I understand a bit of asian culture,I lived there for years,I know asian families help each other,but I also know why young women sacrifice themselves for the good of the family

[joebloggs]

There's nothing wrong with not going to uni to work for tuition. That's what my sister had to do to help support my brother and save up for her own fees. She says she doesn't regret it at all.

that's what my misses brothers and sister did to get thru uni, but that's the reason why she did not pass the board exam until she was 34 !!, 10 years at uni , the rest was working to try and help pay her way and still not working as a doc in the UK after being here 4 1/2yrs

hopefully be end of oct

[Northerner]

they even coined a phrase for it,the 4 M's

Is that like the three C's?

[Tawi2]

Matandang mayaman madaling mamatay

[jimeve]

Matandang mayaman madaling mamatay

I thought it was me me me me.

[Tawi2]

That as well

[Northerner]

Matandang mayaman madaling mamatay

Google didn't help... Could you translate for me Don't fancy asking Rizza what it means

[Tawi2]

Google didn't help... Could you translate for me Don't fancy asking Rizza what it means

I thought you didnt trust my translations Basically means marry an old rich guy who (hopefully) will die quickly,usually reserved for very young pinays who marry verl old puti

[Northerner]

I thought you didnt trust my translations Basically means marry an old rich guy who (hopefully) will die quickly,usually reserved for very young pinays who marry verl old puti

Aaaaahh.. Well at 32, should have a good few years in me yet

As for your translations, I trust them.. I just don't trust what yu want me to ask the taxi drivers

[dontpushme]

Dontpushme,I dont make it seem as if both girls were forced into pregnancy,I know condoms are cheap,but the religion and the family culture there are such that birth control is frowned upon and big early families are the norm Its part of pinoy culture,like it or not,that a pinay marrying a westerner is cause for celebration in a family,put it this way,I have attended a few mixed marriage weddings in Pinas and never once saw the brides mother frowning,quite the reverse,and it is expected that money wings its way from west to east,that has been docimented so often its not just a myth,its part and parcel of the relationship,its the trade off,I met an american in his 70's Yup he was an septuagenarian with a "Fiancee" in her early 20's,thats the most extreme but I have seen lots of age chasms like that,is it for love or £££,of course its for the money going back to pinas,they even coined a phrase for it,the 4 M's I understand a bit of asian culture,I lived there for years,I know asian families help each other,but I also know why young women sacrifice themselves for the good of the family

You have a point about mothers not frowning when "rich" white men marry their daughter. But that doesn't mean it's the same in all parts of the country or in all social classes. It's not cultural but more of a trend (seeing as the Philippnies isn't getting any richer). The thing is, the people you come in contact with are the ones that like the influx of £££, while the ones that don't like the gaping age gap and the cheap reputation of the brides most likely avoid you. Also, Filipinos are very good at beating around the bush, smiling to hide disgust, etc. I really didn't know much about so-called child brides until I went to live in CDO and heard people backstabbing the young women and their older husbands. Filipinos don't like face-to-face confrontations, which made me learn to tread lightly as I didn't want to be the subject of backstabbing myself (didn't work).

The Philippines sounds more and more like a place that will strike me one way or another

Don't worry. Honestly, no matter what anyone says or does, it's all ultimately your choice and your business.

that's what my misses brothers and sister did to get thru uni, but that's the reason why she did not pass the board exam until she was 34 !!, 10 years at uni , the rest was working to try and help pay her way and still not working as a doc in the UK after being here 4 1/2yrs hopefully be end of oct

Ouch! That's a really long time to be there and still not be able to make full use of her skills. Sorry to hear about it.

Thanks don'tpush

Actually she's still working at 82. She loves to plant veggies and villagers buy veggies from us. The one bothers her is her hundreds of chickens, ducks and few pigs that needs to feed. Feeds cost a fortune and income is not that big. Sometimes it's only break even But my Nanay loves to hatch more and more cheeks/eggs Farming in Pinas is not earning too much, I must say. But we are lucky we don't buy rice and veggies which is a big help.

My granddad is the same way. He's 83 and still won't stop working. My uncles tried to make him retire and rest a few years ago, but after a month of being idle, he insisted on going back to what he was used to. Umm, regarding the feed, what do you use the animals for? Do you sell them at the palengke? Maybe you can try other options. My aunt's husband feeds his pigs stale bread and snack cakes. Of course, those are just to add to the expensive feed (you're right about the cost).

I thought you didnt trust my translations Basically means marry an old rich guy who (hopefully) will die quickly,usually reserved for very young pinays who marry verl old puti

I think another way of saying it would be "old, rich and decrepit".

[pennybarry]

I understand a bit of asian culture,I lived there for years,I know asian families help each other,but I also know why young women sacrifice themselves for the good of the family

Thanks for the understanding Tawi If you love somebody, you are willing to sacrife but you need to balance every situation if you are already married.

My granddad is the same way. He's 83 and still won't stop working. My uncles tried to make him retire and rest a few years ago, but after a month of being idle, he insisted on going back to what he was used to. Umm, regarding the feed, what do you use the animals for? Do you sell them at the palengke? Maybe you can try other options. My aunt's husband feeds his pigs stale bread and snack cakes. Of course, those are just to add to the expensive feed (you're right about the cost).

No problem about the pig's feed, as pig eats anything. Rotten fruits, left over food etc

Chicken feeds cost a fortune. A sack of that feed cost more than 1000+ pesos. And chicken don't stop pecking

We don't sell at market, we have lots of suki from the village. We only sell Kangkong in the market as we have loads of it.