The Changing face of Western Filipino courtships online.
Triple5,
I have been watching these situations now for some 5 years and lest we all forget, that finding someone to spend the rest of your life with (because thats how a Filipino views relationship and marriage) is by and large a very hit and miss affair, in fact its a miracle.
Thousands of guys meet ladies online year after year, and are lucky in one sense, since these young girls take a big chance by consenting to travel over 6000 miles to the far side of the world, hoping and praying that their relationship they entered into is going to be long lasting and happy.
Listen to a popular song by the viva hot babes "Kung ako'y magkakjowa" or similar (forgive spelling), the singers basically say this:
If I have a boyfreind, he does not have to be good looking, he does not have to have money, he just has to love me, exclusively, and all I wanted is for a happy life together.
When a Filipina tells a westerner online, when he promises to come and visit them, "Are you serious" ? is because they hear it so often, i.e. empty promises, there are Filipina's who know that words are sweet, sweet to hear, i.e. the phrase binobola mo lang ako, comes to mind, you are making bola, or going around in circles, yes those are the words, nice to hear, sweet, but if the words are not backed up by swift action, they soon get used to hearing it all the time.
Filiipina's by nature have heard every promise in the book, boyfreinds who let them down, make promises they do not keep, some of these girls have had chat freinds before online, maybe you are not the first man she has had this from, don't be too upset, some of the girls will not tell you about previous online chats, because they think it may offend you.
If it were so, you would never find out, the fact is, some American guy might have promised to come and see her, then for one reason or another, i.e. the credit crunch, state of U.S. economy, has not followed through with a visit.
Many girls are being let down in this way in last few months, its not uncommon, also, if you went back about 3-5 years, it seemed easier then to get a girl to consent to come and be your wife, now it seems the girls are being careful, maybe a pit choosy, and as someone else said, just because your western, does not mean this one is in the bag.
You have to work at it, you have to win her over, the only way you can do that, is to get yourself out to Philippines when circumstances allow, chat relationships over internet maybe the start of something real in the future, but that is only a preliminary start, meeting a girl is so important, because it does not take long to see whether you are going to hit it off.
Some guys find out the hard way, when they did not invest enough time getting to know the lady, then they find out, it would have been better to wait, they get back to UK and find, actually, this is not the one I would want to be with, then it all goes sour, and problems start, because the relationship is not founded on a fine foundation of love, mutual respect and friendship.
My advice is always, before you start thinking of a rip roaring sexual relationship with a Filipina, unless of course your in town for that very purpose, find out if you like each other as close freinds.
Making close freinds with a girl, and wanting to be with her morning noon and night, because you get on so well, and cant bare to be parted, is a sure sign, that the relationship is going to have the best chance of success.
If the relationship akin to a proposal of marriage just because time is short, and you want to get on with the process, and sex is the only thing holding it together, be in for a big shock later on, because when the bedroom activities finish, and you find she is irritating you, or vice versa, then you would wish you had gone through things in a more considered way.
You have to spend time with a girl, get to know her, and the comments about facebook and she has 2 foreigner men on their are not really relevant, so what ?
If she does, she is probably keeping her options open, as any man would, who has 4 to 10 or more girls on his facebook, I have lots of girls on my facebook, they just happen to be freinds of my wife, but its not a big problem, some of the girls would not want to turn down the attentions of a possible suitor just in case one falls through, and remember this, they are not talking to western men on chat or other social networking sites because they are bored, they are doing this because their goal is to secure a nice husband for a happy life overseas.
I can tell you, not all girls in the Philippines are looking for a foreigner husband, I would say, that a small percentage are "! some would rather marry their own kind, so if you do find one who is interested, don't be too anxious to bin her, just because she said she did not have a facebook, she might also be embarassed about the situation, Filipino's would often say no to your question, like if you asked them "Do you have facebook"?
She might be embarassed about it, but say No, this is to avoid you loosing face, they often do this to internalize the feelings of the one asking, in case they don't like the reply, if she had said yes, you might be offended to see she has one, and their is 2 other guys on her page, so what ? as it happens you found out, but it does not make her a liar.
Filipinos by nature often say no to people who ask questions, so that it brings the enquiry to a short stop.
Sometimes they say maybe to someone, as they really mean no, but don't want to offend that one by giving an affirmative answer, so they become vague, this internalizes the others feelings in not wanting to be rejected.
Filipino culture has to be learned to be understood, and guys who are in the first few weeks of meeting these lovely creatures have to take their time and learn, ther will be many nockbacks, many times when you get irritated, many upheavals along the way, sometimes they can be out of contact for some reason, no load, no internet, brownout, no money, visiting someone, it could be many reasons, and they don't think the same way as we do, so one has to forget any notions about time and space...
The fact is, you are going to have to work hard to win this girl over, just as you would do if she lived in UK and was a white anglo saxon english girl, she is looking for your commitment, and you may just find, if you push on ahead and show it, your efforts will be reciprocated, now if she is beautiful and it sounds like she is...stick at it, and forget any petty irritations...the prize at the end is what you need, and best of luck with it.
