Some members of this forum complain they are being given lies, my own plight is that I have been given too much truth..
I hesitated before putting this issue public but I understand there are a number of Pinays and people familiar with Pinas here who probably have certainly a better understanding of such situations.
When my GF and I started discussing and getting interested in each other she just told me she had been a widow for 13 years and after that, she had dedicated her life to her children. I never asked for more details but at some stage she felt that I was being idealistic about her and she decided, out of honesty, to disclose to me her secret: two years after the death of her husband she had a relation with a man.
She explained to me that two years after her husband’s death she was approached by a casual friend of her late husband who told her he had seen her at the funeral wake and he wanted to know her better.
That man was married but separated and she saw him not alone, but as part of a group of people and he showed “great kindness and concern” to her. After some time he told her he was interested in her and wanted to live with her but she was not ready for a commitment and she never let him in her house. On one occasion, while giving her a ride back home he proposed to stop at a hotel but she refused. She still saw him again, under the same circumstances, and he reiterated his proposal and that time she gave in.
She again saw him and accepted his proposal again to stop at a hotel because, she said, she wanted to "assess her feelings". But she realized she still missed her husband and feared for her reputation and that of her children so after being intimate with him twice she refused to see him again and stayed away from men until now. She also told me she confessed to a priest and repented.
Still the revelation of that story plunged me in doubt and confusion. She explained me that she was in great confusion at the time and strongly suffered the death of her husband and more less gave in to that man out of gratitude for the interest he had showed her and because he used to give her groceries to help her. I still felt insecure and upset at the idea she had been so loose that I asked her to have a medical check-up for venereal diseases before my visit. She did and of course the results were negative.
I must admit I overreacted and should perhaps forget about that story but I felt upset about the story itself and also because she seemed not to measure the consequences for me. Now she starts realizing she should have kept that secret buried for ever but now it is too late and coping with it is not easy.
i am curious to find out what the Pinays on this forum think of this? My personal idea is that she has fallen prey to a man who took advantage of her vulnerability as a young widow to abuse her and engage in sex. He said he saw her at the wake and still waited two years to approach her, which I find weird. She also said she maintained that relation “discreet” but at the same time saw that man among other people which implies they discussed private matters while others could overhear. I also find it difficult to swallow that she was so easy to convince to stop at the hotel just for the sake of quick sex as she had young children at the time and on both occasions did not stay overnight with that man.
I may sound too conservative but I also felt shocked she accepted that knowing that even that man claimed he was separated he still had a wife. This was ten years ago, and I wish she had never told me. She never told anyone, especially her children. She said she needs her children to respect her, but what about me?
Honestly that story has deeply disturbed me to the point I have ideas that she could in the future fool around with other men and of course she assures me that she is different now, and willing to a life commitment with me and to be fair and honest I accept that she has been very disturbed by her early widowhood.
The funny thing in a way is that she told me that secret thinking that western men are more liberated and broad-minded and she realized a bit late that I am conservative and mentally rigid. I am interested in comments about how to manage this, and does the whole story make sense???
I could tell you things that would make your toes curl but they were all way back in the mists of time,classic example......"Yes I am a virgin" doesnt always mean "I have never had sexual intercourse with a man" 
In pinoy speak,especially in the provinces it can also mean "Yes I am a virgin(because I have never slept with a westerner,only a pinoy)" complex huh?Your girlfriends a woman,women have needs whatever we think,10 years is a long time,he was a guy who showed concern,she felt flattered and warmed to him a little,it happens all the time,just because some guys have this conceptual myth that all pinays are chaste maidens doesnt mean its true,thats a fact.Your woman had sex with a guy after the demise of her husband and before you came onto the scene,we all have history,and thats all it is,History,yesterdays history,tommorrows a mystery,live for today 
I dont think saying she is "Loose" and asking her to undergo a VD check is entirely fair,have you ever had sex outside marriage 
Originally Posted by pacificelectric
not a good idea 
g or whatever, it doesn't matter, it's something that happened years ago. I think the only reason she told you is that she seems to feel some personal shame about that period of her life. Don't you give her a hard time about it as well. Get over it. 
.
days to tell me, i thought she had killed someone the way she was going on, finally I got her to tell me..... she had a 10yr old son,, i said is that it.. and just 
