OK please tell me that this is from a Monty Python script..!!!Originally Posted by pacificelectric
bystander
OK please tell me that this is from a Monty Python script..!!!
bystander
You are lucky as she is being honest with you. There are things that hurts us but we have yo accept it as it is the truth
There once was a girl that believed in mankind, that there was still honor and chivalry that existed in everyone of us. She also believed that everyone deserves a chance to prove oneself individually and hoped that the courtesy would be returned. That girl is dead now, and all that is left is her shadow. To give one a chance to prove thyself is a chance for you to become dwindled in the dissappointment.
with what others have said in this instance. The woman is poised on the brink of a new relationship with YOU ... whom she evidently believes she cares about - as deeply as it's possible for two people who've never actually met, to feel about one another. Moreover, to my mind, she has been totally upfront with you about something that happened in the dim and distant past ... something which, given her fragile emotional state at the time, is completely understandable.
As a widower for almost 17 years, I found myself especially prone to making MANY "mistakes" (some far more worrying - to ME and my immediate family at least - than what your lady has divulged) due, in no small part, to my sheer vulnerability [some might even call it naivity!] before I began engaging in an online correspondence with my present [also widowed] Filipina wife, in September 2007.
Those "misdemeanours" of mine (trivial, no doubt, in the eyes of the uninvolved observer) preyed on MY mind sufficiently enough to prompt ME into "confessing all" shortly after Myrna and I first met 12 months later. Did they affect OUR relationship? No! On the contrary, if anything, they bonded US even closer together; indeed, as far as Myrna was concerned, these things belonged to the past, and we have since been able to settle down to a happy and contented life together.
We're ALL human, mate ... we've all DONE things we later regretted. So PLEASE, for both your sakes, put this matter behind you NOW. Don't let it invade the present, and cloud what otherwise promises to be a rosy future for the pair of you.
In love, its very easy to get hurt. I'm sure most of us would have liked to be the only person our partners ever fell for, and likewise I'm sure most of them would have like to be the one and only for us.
1 relationship in 13 years? I'd think myself lucky, and wouldnt have been at all surprised at this story. I'm sure it hurts, but not for any logical reason, merely emotions and pride coming to the fore, and they are running high at the moment as they always do when we fall in love.
I'm not sure if I understand you statute of limitations reference. Surely that applies to ability to prosecute (or, in this case, feel bad about it), rather than brushing it under the carpet.
In her shoes, I might well have told the story as well. It shows the value she puts on her reputation and how she behaves as much as shows she is mortal and has needs as we all do.
In my current relationship I have felt happy, sad, hurt, honored, proud and dismayed, and sometimes most of them at the same time. I know Ive made her feel pretty bad at times as well as pretty good, but we've always felt in love, and we've known for a long time we want to be together.
I'm rambling now, but in a nutshell -
Sometimes love hurts - get over it.
come on man get over it !!!
its history and no big deal.
you are making too much out of it.
it happened before she met you.
cant change the past.
personally i dont think its gonna work out between you two
unless you banish these thoughts of negativity.
i know im being harsh on you but she has done
nothing wrong in my eyes.
I had a reply written out, but I'm pretty annoyed about this and it probably wouldn't have helped much so I decided against posting it. I will however say I think you've overreacted and were massively out of line for asking her to take an STD test. I think you need to give your mentality a complete overhaul
We discussed that extensively and decided that for our mutual peace of mind we should both do it and this is what we did. This type of precaution is meant to avoid painful aftermaths.
So what precaution could you take for not making mountains from molehills? Only fair really
I just don't understand, were you posting for sympathy? You're over twice my age and you find it so hard to accept a widow having sex with a separated man, over 8 years ago? Primary school stuff
Pacificelectric, you're a complex character.
I don't get this thread at all?...You've actually made me feel quite angry...As for sending her your blood tests & sending her to the clinic, that's just downright weird.
She's a grown mature woman, regardless of her nationality or culture, we're all humans with the same emotions.
I wouldn't have batted an eyelid, if I was you & had been told this story. It's just a small part of her distant life.
I really feel, if you carry on like this, you will drive her away from you...& you haven't even met yet.
Stop these thoughts, & this controlling behaviour...she sounds like a nice woman.
i dont really understand where ur coming from
I think you should be proud of her as she is being honest with you, she thinks that she can trust you as she feels secured in the relationship?
Oh well ur off to see her in three weeks time, hope u enjoy ur holiday, and just chill eh? U worry too much for what is happened 10 years ago
And lastly appreciate her for who she is
Goodluck
It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good to check up once in a while to make sure you haven't lost the things that money can't buy.
i think pacificelectric has got the message now
no need tohim
go and see her, and have a great time, and don't think tooo much about it or you'll go
goodluck
Life is too short to fret over this! Forget about this whole thing and perhaps think of saying sorry to your girlfriend who did nothing wrong! If she came out and told you something like this it is a good sign she cares about you and truly wants you to trust and love her. Don't throw that away..
Yes.....i think pacificelectric has got the message now
too late!!!
no need to
I am sure we'll be doing great....
go and see her, and have a great time, and don't think tooo much about it or you'll go
goodluck
Hi Pacificelectric,
In my opinion your gf has done nothing wrong. She had a relationship with a man 2 years after her husband's demise. That was not done during the marriage, hence she didn't cheat at all. Some women in the same situation as your gf's had a relationship right after they lost their husband say after 6 mos or a year but, your gf after 2 years. You had asked from her a test just so to make sure she has no VD is really offensive.
It is worth bearing in mind that there are not many Western women that have only had 2 relationships in their entire lives.(no offence pls)
Goodluck on your trip to the Phils. Wish you and your gf will have a wonderful meeting this coming month. All the best.
Cheers!
" The people who mean something to your life are not rated "the best" don't have the most money, haven't won the greatest prizes....
They are the ones who care about you, take care of you, those who, no matter what, stay close by... "
You need to move into the 21st century sir!
This lassie shared something special with you, it is quite mean of you to see that as an instant high for her, she is being open honest and putting herself on the line..... waiting for an understanding and loving response from you!
You are old school you are very much in the minority these days, good lord you were pretty much in the minority thirty years ago.
Give her a break, you cannot judge her future behaviour on what happened over the space of a few months 11 years ago.
She was single, she was free to do as she liked and if that meant seeking comfort well fine, people need that sometimes!
All you have is evidence of a faithful wife who lost her husband and who feels obliged to be open and honest right up front with a possible future partner, that's a pretty strong lady in my mind.
Jim
i have to agree with everything everyone else as said.
you are aware she only told you this because she feels she can trust you and you both have a relationship.
did you expect her to be a virgin?
if she never told me about her relationship with him,i would be more angry and hurt because she feels she cant trust me enough.
count yourself lucky and dont let silly nonsense get in the way of your life together!
i have learnt to do what my wife says!
are you sober bornabirth
you've started giving good advice out
i nearly gave you a green blob
you've started giving good advice out
i nearly gave you a green blob
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
you've started giving good advice out
i nearly gave you a green blob
hey,this is all my own work!
this moment wont happen too often
i have learnt to do what my wife says!
You tell 'em matehey,this is all my own work!
this moment wont happen too often
Hey I just got one, how did that happeni nearly gave you a green blob
i already went through all this with my wife.
after chatting online,meeting several times,getting to know my wife enough so that she will trust me more and more until she will tell me everything about herself,even stuff about her family and why does she do this?
because she loves me!
i have learnt to do what my wife says!
being human is not being perfect.. we got flaws, failures.
Personally, I admire the character of your gf pacific.. She managed to tell you the truth. However, if you felt that you cant accept the as truth being said, don't force yourself into accepting, otherwise it will an emotional baggage to you
Awww...i already went through all this with my wife.
after chatting online,meeting several times,getting to know my wife enough so that she will trust me more and more until she will tell me everything about herself,even stuff about her family and why does she do this?
because she loves me!
"The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page."
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
Pacificelectric; Reading some of your posts I feel that you are very insecure, possesive and mistrusting. This a grown woman you're talking about not a young girl. Personally, I think that this relationship will not last and the woman in question would be better with someone more trusting and respectful.
I may be all that and even worse but at least I am open to criticism as I was not dumb to the point of expecting roses when i posted that message on this forum and I express my sincere gratitude to all those who opened my eyes on the various aspects of the issue discussed and helped me understand my flaws. I will do my best to work on that relationship and make it successful..
thats for her to decide and she'll have the opportunity to decide in three weeks when we meet in Davao. So far she is not discouraged....
Thats true actually pacific,you will often find its the lady behind a relationship,its the female half of the duo who is the dynamic and the impetus that keeps the couple going,not because the guys not capable of keeping the relationship together but the lady is moreso,good luck,your going to enjoy your trip,thats the main thing,not long now
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
Oh well that's good news. Have a good trip and enjoy your time together. Let us know how things turn out. Good luck.
I just talked to her on the phone and when I told her "mahal na mahal kita" she answered "I kaw rin" so the situation is not hopeless yet... and I also apologized for my rudeness and dumbness....
Hi all,
When I first met my now wife online I was upfront that I had been married twice before, as I thought it best her to know from the start.
When after two visits to the Philippines to see her and I asked her to marry me, I did offer to have myself tested, "I" knew that I had not had sex outside of my marriages, but thought that as she was younger it would reasure her.
But she never spoke of it again, and we went on to marry.
At no point did I ask her to take any test.
Mick.
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