The High's and lows of going 6000 miles for a date and crossing cultural boundaries - expectations, and what thought eventually did !
I was sorry to hear a recent post by Socool007 who has told us, he has sent his wife back to the Philippines, because she has showed him lack of attention, love, and probably although he has refrained from mentioning it, I would imagine also, refusal to have sex, or seeking to avoid sexual relations.
I often wonder what expectations some guys have about the process of choosing a wife from the Philippines, the title of this discussion is "Long way to go for a date" there has been a book written about a guy from U.S.A. who travels to Phils to meet a girl from a village in the backwoods of somewhere, probably Mindanao, but not sure where it was, but the story, is about the trials and tribulations of entering into such a adventure.
I think some of our forum members should take note, that really and truly, this quest you are on is in fact an adventure, and it takes you down roads, and treading paths, you are less than well equipped to travel.
Lets be truthful about this, we must be absolutely crazy to get on a modern wide bodied jet and travel across the other side of the world to go blind in many cases, to meet a member of the opposite sex, and expect everything to fall into place and be utopia.
If like me, you are still on this road, you are still on this great British-Filipino adventure trail, I am learning more and more each day, its only 5 years, and I still have to have cross words with my girl about our cultural differences, and its not just the stinky fish cooking, its a number of daily irritations, from everything starting at eating rice with her hands at the table, right through to loud and annoying skype conversations at midnight when I am trying to catch upon the soccer highlights.
The list is endless, and lets be truthful, this is a relationship that actually did make it, and we still have our ups and downs, arguments, cross words, silent periods, I wouldnt be the first guy to say, he has thrown in the towel, and shot off down the road to the pub, just to get some peace and quiet.
Some guys think that going out to Phils for one visit will be enough, and very often they propose marriage, have their new fiancee on their arm, and within 3 months, they are back in UK attempting to live together, by getting married and then hoping and praying that everything will be the same as it was when they were in the holiday mood, that first exciting time, when they shot through NAIA like an olympic pole vaulter as they catapulted outside to this bright eyed, dark haired eye lash flashing young Mistress, half their age, who says, gwapo mo, cute mo, everytime you look in her direction.
Being called Gwapo is ok, if you accept that everyone who is a foreigner just happens to be named Gwapo too, its only when you are married for about 6 months that the name Gwapo changes to Bobo, and after about 2 years of marriage, your name changes to Iho de puta.
Don't be upset when you find out what Iho de Puta means, you won't be the first to have this pet name, and no doubt you won't be the last, but why is it, that some Filipina's come to UK and settle in, and the relationship is generally successful.
Why on the reverse coin, is it that we hear these stories about Filipina's who on holiday in their own country, are very loving, constantly aresonant voice to the sound of "Baby I cannot wait to be with you in UK" and then when the reality sets in, you are heard to be saying on your cellphone "Its not true, I didn't kill my wife"
We all need to wise up, and take a reality check, the simple fact is, Internet chatting, i.e. Yahoo, Filipinaheart.com Asianeuro.com, freindster, facebook, and all these other now modern social mediums for meeting online so called friends, are no substitute for age old tried and tested methods of meeting a future wife.
When will we not realize that what we contemplate on doing is nothing more than:
[B]A Long distance blind date[B]
And to go on a blind date, which by the way in UK I have never done, or a speed date, this new phenomenon, whereas, you show up at a cafe or restaraunt, and get 10 minutes to chat to as many members of the opposite sex as you can and then decide to choose one you would like to spend more time getting to know...is not much different to what many of us did in meeting a lady from Philippines, in fact I would go so far as to say, we are all playing an amazing game of chance.
Western-Filipino Relationships are all about needs and expectations.
I often make the above statement, because its my experience having studied the situation up close, that all relationships whether they be British-British, or English-English, or British-Filipino, or British-Thai, or any other combination, are all about the needs of the participating parties, the age old need of man, is to have woman to co-habit with, forget any notions men have of requiring woman for sexual needs, whilst sex is a factor, companionship of the opposite sex is a far more compelling reason to co-habit, on the reverse, female needs are slightly different, in that they require to be secure in a relationships, hence the term, men value sex, women value relationships, that is why women prefer the security of a marriage commitment, men prefer less the marriage commitment, but prefer the commitment of regular sex.
Some say that men go to the Philippines to meet women for the prime desire of sexual activity, I allude to this at my website http://www.british-filipino.com/survival.html very often they sensationalize their sexual antics, by telling stories about their nights of fun in the P Burgos area of Manila, where they had so many girls at their room in the Makati Palace, those types will always sensationalize, but their quest is a fruitless one, since the evidence shows that men really have one reason for going 6000 miles to seek the attentions of beautiful young girls, it is only because they seek to find compatible companionship rather than regular sex.
Sex is always the gimmick that gets ones interested, companionship is however the overriding reason for their travels, after all, if sex is all they wanted, they could find that back in the UK much cheaper, and with much less hassle, and they wouldnt have to get a visa for the girl to come to their place, and when the short time encounter is over, the girl leaves, and the man works out, that its much cheaper to do this 2 or 3 times a week.
I hope I have established her, that the overriding reason why any of us, would travel 6000 miles to the South Eastern Asian area, is to find a nice girl that we like, and would like to be our best friend in the world, a nice girl...very well spoken, loving and trustworthy, someone who we can lavish with our attentions, give gifts to, and to treat as our princess.
If thats not the reason you went to Philippines to find a woman to love, then your intentions are less sincere, and any relationship you attempt to build will fail within weeks.
Remembering what I said earlier, its all about expectations and personal needs, not just yours, but the ladies needs as well, and often, where western men fall on their face with horror, when they find out, that actually, they know nothing about this lady, they proposed to after 6 months of chatting on internet, is because they failed to find out what her needs and expectations are.
Some Filipina's by nature have simple needs, some Filipina's are home loving girls with ambitions that are fairly modest, however, I have witnessed this myself, that some Filipina's have incredibly high ambitions, of large properties, handsome allowances, generous gifts, top range cars, jewellry, top end cellphones, lots, houses, not having to do manual labour, maids, and drivers, and living a general life of luxury, some of them have so high ambitions, that they can outrightly reach further into the cosmos than you ever dreamed off.
Don't be put off by this, this is one of expectations and needs, in the Philippines, especially in the Manila area, and to a lesser extent Cebu and Davao City, there are some extremely rich Filipino families, some have businesses that make millions of pesos, its unlikely that you will be chatting to a girl who is from a super rich family, if you are...then you are so lucky, stick to her like glue.
If you are not, and I suspect most of us, are not chatting to super rich Filipina's then you have to accept, that some of them have high expectations of what they will get out of being in a relationship with you.
After all, its a 2 way trade off, remember, there are millions of Filipina's who have no desire whatsoever to come to a foreign country, on the reverse side of the coin, there are millions who seek to leave the Philippines either to work as OFW's or as we are discussing here, by marriage to a foreigner, and that is where we are at present.
The hidden agenda built inside every Filipina beauty who wants to get to foreigner land.
The above statement may sound a little harsh, but its not meant to be, because their are positive agenda's and negative agenda's, but agenda's do exist, and if you are unlucky enough to be the one on the receiving end of a Filipina with a negative agenda that by and large does not hold your best interests at heart, your relationship is doomed to failure more or less weeks after she arrives in the United Kingdom, unless your status in life, and what you can provide for her, meets the framework of her agenda.
If it does, then you will probably keep her loyalty, but perhaps not her love, she may stay with you, but only as long as you can keep providing what she has on her agenda tick box section.
Then there are those Filipina's who have what I call positive agenda's and these agenda's do include your best interests, I have known situations where some Filipina's will defend your interests to the end of the earth and beyond, they will stay faithful to and past your death, and take care of you as a King, most of you seem to fall into this category so in many ways, you are lucky and fortunate to have found a real gem, and congratulations if you have such a wife, you have it made.
Some Filipina's come because they know they can have a better chance of a good life with you in the western world, but they also understand, money does not grow on tree's they would if they could also get a job, just enough maybe to help their family, and this will please them, they also would want to have children with you, and have a happy love story, if they can have that, they will be happy.
Some come to the UK with the negative agenda, and this agenda was already decided on in many cases, long before this lady ever noticed your profile or saw you on a chat site, you just happened I am afraid to say, be the latest sucker to come along and get caught out in a trap of what I called unexpected consequences.
Breaking the Laws of unexpected consequences.
There is a well known statement that Lawyers often make they say this "Never ask a question unless you know the answer"
Relating that statement to relationships with women from other cultures can be seen this way.
Don't build your house upon the sand, build the house upon the rock which has a firm foundation, then when the house is bashed by the tornado, the house will be still standing.
If your relationship is built on shaky foundations, i.e. you did not take the required time and effort to discover your intended love of life's personal agenda, then its bound to go pear shaped, when it has to stand the rigors of what I call the real world.
A British man who travels 6000 miles to the Philippines for 3 weeks, or less is not in the real world, he is in the 3rd world, that is the Filipino world, and much more important, their world, that is the Filipina's world, as in any relationship, unless you have taken time to explore, the needs of your intended Fiancee, or wife, and taken time to build your relationship on a firm foundation, based on love, mutual respect, trust and honesty, even with these fine goals, the relationship will still have to be worked at daily to make it a long standing success.
But if you do not adhere to the above principles of fact finding, and getting to know your intended you will break the law of unexpected consequences of your actions, what's the old phrase my Grandma used to say to me "Make your bed in it, lie in it" or she also said to me "Marry in haste - repent at leisure"
As in Socool007's case, there have been many documented and similar stories across various forums dating back at least the 5 years I have been blogging about relationships in the Philippines, and I have met at least 2 British guys on my trips to Manila, who have told me they came to see the wife off, who did not settle in UK, and it went pear shaped.
As I am trying to put over here, breaking the laws of unexpected consequences, are often the cause of many relationship failures which happen in a very short time, going 6000 miles to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, from a completely different cultural outlook, with a different set of agenda's to yours, speaks 2 or 3 different languages, and then you expect it to be a marriage made in heaven, there are bound to be a percentage of failures, by virtue of the colossal mountains that have to be overcome.
I will finish this section of the thread by simply saying this:
Meeting a Filipina who you hope is going to be your lifelong partner, does not end the day you get a visa for the UK - no I am afraid to say, thats just the end of the beginning, but the real life starts later, and its a lifelong adventure..!!
Originally Posted by ginapeterb
Bravo!
Theres a weird English guy who must live locally in manila who turns up in LA cafe some mornings for his breakfast always wearing a union jack T-shirt 
Where he found his chatmate was living with her boyfriend so he ended up marrying her younger sister 
He told me his wife looks after him like a king but isnt so active in the bedroom,his girlfriend is like a whore in bed but lazy in the house,and he was actually looking for a third woman who combined the desirable attributes of both to add to his harem 
Only in pinas 
